My Boyfriend Thinks I Don’t Trust Him. I Think He’s Overreacting.

Evolving78 said:
Another thing, in his eyes you made him look foolish and that he doesn’t make good decisions. You basically caused an injury to his ego. So all he did was just project on to you how he felt about what you said. Leave and go be with your family. Leave him alone.
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Well if he is not extremely selfish then he is definitely extremely foolish. What is she supposed to trust him about? His ability to not get infected by the virus despite being exposed? His ability to get infected by the virus but not transmit it to other people he meets? His ability to magically detect if the people he meets with are silent carriers of the disease or are in an incubation period? His being a superman with magical powers? If he is none of the above then why should she trust him not to infect her? How exactly does he think the disease has spread so wildly in the whole world if not through silent carriers and people in incubation?

There is nothing more selfish than disregard for other people's lives. Do life and death mean nothing to him? All the thousands of people who've died so far and who will die mean nothing to him? Would he not feel absolutely horrible if he were to transmit the virus to somebody who'd then suffer or proceed to die? Btw it's not only elderly people who die from the disease. He could die of it him too.

Anyways OP please do not compromise your safety and that of your family in the name of love. This is not love. He needs to take time to think about this and apologise ASAP and more importantly promise that at no time in your future together would he behave in such a careless way towards your safety or that of your family or your future children or of himself being an integral part of your family. He is not a teenager. He should be way more responsible than this.

Also to the poster who said he did nothing wrong or bad. But of course he did! It's not just about the OP. Going out of your home to meet for fun with people who don't live with you during the pandemic whereby you can exchange the virus with the people you are meeting with and the people you meet on your way to and from and the people waiting for you at home can be a recipe for a disaster. Why can people not see how serious this is? Why can't they take responsibility for their part in spreading the disease and killing innocent vulnerable people? Of course he is wrong and bad and he should feel this and be made very aware of it even if he didn't have a girlfriend. Everybody should stay at home...
 
OneShinyface said:
Makes me wonder if he wasn't trying to take a coward's way out of potentially ending your relationship. I just can't get with him equating your concern for your health and that of loved ones with a lack of trust. COVID-19 doesn't give a poo about trust or not.

Me thinks something else is affront. Tread very carefully, OP.
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We are on the same page!! Thinking the same thing. If he cared about you like he claims he wouldnt have taken an issue with you protecting your health and your family.
Dude wants to roll.
 
As for the seriousness of this.. I had a pt who was healthy.. coming in for an elective induction of labor.. I tested her since we are now testing ALL pts that come to our unit.. sis tested Covid positive. Has not been sick, no symptoms .. nothing. This is not a joke!!
 
I think this is the key @ evolving78 !! @BrownSkinPoppin
He already knows this is not the time to be meeting up with line brothers ---they probably used the loyalty factor to coerce and convince line brothers t o get together. Your boyfriend likely wanted to say no, but went agsinst his gut. Then here you come along, having and making sense, willing to give even him up to stay safe! He lashed out then because you stood your ground when he didn't. He feels foolish and would rather change your mind so he can convince himself that be didn't make a horrible decision to see his line brothers.

This is assuming you both don't regularly have issues and are otherwise in a loving, committed relationship.

Evolving78 said:
Another thing, in his eyes you made him look foolish and that he doesn’t make good decisions. You basically caused an injury to his ego. So all he did was just project on to you how he felt about what you said. Leave and go be with your family. Leave him alone.
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Also! Now that I’ve just been thinking on everything you ladies have said.

I understand that he’s upset that I left. I would miss me too lol. But I told him I would eventually go back home. In addition to everything else I feel like this is one of those “pick your battles” situations.
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
He met up with his line brothers on Sunday afternoon. He just texted me saying that he's been in bed all day because he hasn't been feeling well. He thinks it's some food he ate yesterday. For his sake I hope that's the case.
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I would stay away for at least the 14 days but that's just me. People have reported stomach symptoms as the first sign
 
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BrownSkinPoppin said:
I’m definitely not going back for a while. I left because I didn’t want to risk it. Now that he’s not feeling well it’s a definite no no. I’ve read where coronavirus can have gastrointestinal symptoms.
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Good. And don't feel guilty about not being there to nurse him back to health. If you feel compelled, buy some groceries and leave them outside the door. That's it.
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
Another factor is that he doesn’t have any family here. He has no one that he’s afraid of spreading the virus to.

I’m still around my mom and grandma since we’re moving my grandma into my moms house. I have them to think about. He has no one to consider. Clearly not even me.
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Ok so he’s childish, manipulative, and selfish. And a tad basic. I’m not going to tell you to break up with him but take note. These kinds of things come around more than once.

ETA: of course now he’s sick. Goodness. Well don’t feel like you need to nurse him back to health. I’d stay away for a few more weeks. In the plus side, if you decide to go back he may have learned a lesson by then.
 
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BrownSkinPoppin said:
He met up with his line brothers on Sunday afternoon. He just texted me saying that he's been in bed all day because he hasn't been feeling well. He thinks it's some food he ate yesterday. For his sake I hope that's the case.
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How typical. :rolleyes:

I hope for his sake it was the food and isn't covid19. But I wouldn't go over there and take care of him. You still have your health and your grandmother's health to consider. But he's exposed himself and you deserve a man who understands how grave this situation is.
 
1) This would be a battle I'd have no problem picking.

2) You might be able to get out of that living arrangement and blame it on the Rona.

3) This behavior and attitude is a precursor for whats to come. It only gets worse.

4) Too old to be this unembellished and immature.

5) Where there's smoke there's fire.


ETA: I feel like I need to edit #3 because really... what can be worse than a global pandemic life/death situation? IJS. What did Maya Angelou say about believing people that show you who they are??
 
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Miss_C said:
Ok so he’s childish, manipulative, and selfish. And a tad basic. I’m not going to tell you to break up with him but take note. These kinds of things come around more than once.

ETA: of course now he’s sick. Goodness. Well don’t feel like you need to nurse him back to health. I’d stay away for a few more weeks. In the plus side, if you decide to go back he may have learned a lesson by then.
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And he might be lying about being sick just to see what she would do.. bait.. Run Op!
 
Evolving78 said:
And he might be lying about being sick just to see what she would do.. bait.. Run Op!
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I do agree with the other points but I don’t think was lying to see what I would do. He told me that I shouldn’t go over back there since he’s not feeling well. I told him that I hope he feels better.

If he needs to be nursed back to health he can call his line brothers :abducted:
 
@Alma Petra - You just preached a sermon and I am AMENING everything you wrote. He was way out of line to go out. My sons have been quarantined for about 6 weeks and we don't even get together. We talk via Zoom. Everyone needs to just stay home. I know too many people RIGHT NOW who are battling the virus.

OP, I hope for his sake, he doesn't have it, but as someone posted, for some people, they start with an upset stomach and it progresses quickly from there. Please stay safe.
 
So when I decided to leave he helped me pack my things and I'm just now unpacking certain bags.

I had a bag of candy I had been eating. He packed the bag of candy with my stuff. But what makes it worse...there were like 4 pieces of candy left in the bag. He also included a pack of napkins that I bought for the house.

He knows darn well I didn't care about that candy. I probably didn't even know I still had a few pieces left in the bag. And the napkins...really bruh?
 
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No quotes please.

Dump him asap.

He's too old for this type of immaturity. He's trying to "test" you for whatever reason and that's not cool. He was trying to force you to choose him over yourself, grandma, and mom. :rolleyes:

"Boyfriends" acting like this in their 30s are time wasters. I believe he'll continue to try to test you.

I don't know what you were thinking for the future, but I wouldn't marry him. Husbands are supposed to be protectors, he's not protective if he's going out for anything other than essential grocery items.

I would get out of that lease, or not renew, whichever is sooner.

Obviously, this is all my opinion, but I dislike seeing women put up with this type of behavior.

Signed, a married woman, whose husband isn't meeting his people because they can use the internet. :abducted: (And also because we're on lock-down over in these parts.:lachen:)
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
So when I decided to leave he helped me pack my things and I'm just now unpacking certain bags.

I had a bag of candy I had been eating. He packed the bag of candy with my stuff. But what makes it worse...there were like 4 pieces of candy left in the bag. He also included a pack of napkins that I bought for the house.

He knows darn well I didn't care about that candy. I probably didn't even know I still had a few pieces left in the bag. And the napkins...really bruh?

So let's add petty to the list as well. Smh.
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He helped you pack right down to some candy and napkins? I could have chalked up his behavior to being immature and the fact that no one's livelihood is dependent upon him (no wife, no kids, no aging parents to care for etc....). However, he helped you pack and then decided to test the waters to see what your reaction might be if you knew he wasn't feeling well. He's playing games. He's too old for this foolishness and your time is too valuable to waste on him. A pandemic is one of the worst things that can happen and you have been blessed with a front row seat to view how he handles situations under pressure. Continue to make wise choices.
 
Leave him, don’t look back and count your blessings that you’re not married to or have kids with him. There will be nothing beneficial on your end if you stay with him.

OAN: Start dating multiple men...(post corona of course, whenever that will be)...or start e-dating now I guess. I cannot stress this enough. You will waste less time and energy when situations like this or some other foolishness happen with one of them.
 
The only thing I'm sorry about is that you are probably hurting because of this and confused (him accusing you of not trusting him, etc). That's the effects of gaslighting (and that also gives me pause and raises my eyebrows o_O)

With that said I believe you made the right decision by choosing to leave until the period clears. The question is, if you want to make that permanent while he's sulking.

I do think you need to think further though because this is how your man behaves, thinks and acts during a major crisis. What you're going to have to ask yourself (if you want a future with him) is if you can count on him during a crisis to make good decisions? Can you feel protected with a man who makes decisions like this? You can say you make decisions for yourself all you want, but the people we chose to come into our lives also determine the direction of our lives. As you mentioned, you're in granny's life. Had you listened to him, poor Granny would've been in jeopardy without even knowing it because she trusted you to come and help her during this pandemic. When the going gets tough, is he the one you want in your corner?

That question is in addition to considering if you want someone who guilts you after they make bad decisions too. He's showing you how he rolls. If nothing is going down as suggested (he's looking for a way out), then the other reasons are that he's super selfish and self centered (and just doesn't care about the risk he brings by doing this) or not bright (doesn't comprehend the seriousness of the situation). So you have to ask yourself if you want this kind of guy in your life too. Because dude is not 18, you are in your 30s so you can't just say he's naïve, clueless , or an adult in training (super young).
 
LiftedUp said:
He's not only putting your grandmother at risk, he's putting you at risk too.

ETA I wouldn't even call him. There are many boyfriends to be had. If he cant understand something so basic I'd be reevaluating our relationship.

Dont let this stress you. You aren't being unreasonable. He has put seeing his lone brothers before you.
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This. Alpha what?! This is a pandemic.
 
Evolving78 said:
Leave and don’t come back. Don’t fall for it and stay. You are being manipulated and he is playing Jedi mind tricks. Show him you ain’t about the crazy making life better than you can tell him.
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This is hauling :moon: time and not looking back time but hey that's just me. I realize Op has to make up her own mind. But I am in full agreement with everything you're saying.
 
BrownSkinPoppin said:
Also! Now that I’ve just been thinking on everything you ladies have said.

I understand that he’s upset that I left. I would miss me too lol. But I told him I would eventually go back home. In addition to everything else I feel like this is one of those “pick your battles” situations.
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Girl I love your attitude!

I think everyone else has said what needs to be said. Hopefully your boyfriend feels better soon and makes better decisions going forward, regardless of whether you all stay together.
 
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