Am I overreacting about V-day?

[Hairsnob]

Did he say he didn't want to go out on V day or did he say he didn't plan to see you that day?

If he said he didn't want to go out on V day but still wants to hang out with you then it's probably not another woman. Either way, he's not interested in impressing you and you are NOT his girlfriend. Or maybe he's cheap also.

Sounds like you haven't defined your relationship with him and you're going on assumptions. Big mistake!! As far as he's concerned, you don't want a relationship because you said it. Yet, you're still giving him what he needs without it. He knows you're not dating anyone else and his needs are met so why should he buy the cow?

 

[CurlyMoo]

He sounds salty and knows exactly what he's doing.
And this type of behavior could get him dumped on V-Day.

V-Day is the worst holiday for couples IMO.
So many exceptions and breakups over this day.
A relationship soon ended after a V-Day confrontation with an ex.
A lot of guys feel manipulated on this day and have VERY bad memories of breakups on this day where they spent a lot of money and time to impress a chick. And she dumped him or did him wrong some kind of way and now they have sworn off celebrating this day. And the kicker is that they don't tell you ahead of time they don't celebrate this day until the time comes and you are left looking like this erplexed

After not really having a sweetheart or romance on this day for so many years, I just see it as a festive holiday to wear red and create arts and crafts at work. I will treating myself to brunch later.

My fondest memories are when my father would buy my sister and I cards, flowers, teddy bears and heart shaped boxes of chocolate when we were little girls. I am forever grateful of those memories.

 

[ms-gg]

My perspective:

You don't want a relationship with him, he does. BUT at the same time you want to celebrate V-day with him, and he is probably a little upset because you don't want to be his girlfriend BUT you want to celebrate V-day together.

Who knows honestly, but maybe this scenario would have panned out differently if you were officially a couple, or maybe not? I believe it would have. If it were you going hard for a relationship and him pulling back I would be like naw, he isn't into you but because of it being the other way around, I wouldn't be so quick to say that.

What you do from here just depends on HOW IMPORTANT v-day is to you. His response that "V-day is for lovers" just sounds like he is salty because you won't be his girlfriend lol. But that is just me.

 

[MD_Lady]

I was in a VERY similar situation shortly after I graduated from college... He and I dated for a couple months, occasionally went out to eat and/or see a movie, but mostly had "house dates" at his apartment. We hung out every weekend, talked on the phone pretty much every night, and I thought we were heading towards a relationship. Well, imagine my surprise when I asked him "what we were" and he responded with "we're hanging out" (or something like that). erplexed I got dressed (yeah, exactly ), got in my car, and drove home (at an ungodly hour). My point is this: All of the questions you have about him and what you have together can be answered with one, simple question- ask it, accept his answer, and do whatever is in YOUR best interest.

 

[GoldenRule]

My perspective:

There is a timeline involved. He wanted a relationship and he wanted one fast (too fast for your liking). You said whoaaaaa! Hold up! Let's take this a little slower. That was over a month ago. Things DID go slower but you slept with him anyway and have proceeded to "hang out" doing so for some time now (this is an assumption on my part).

When he wanted to rush - sometimes they really just want to RUSH to get to the sheets part. We assume it's because they're all "into" us but that's not always the case. He was able to accomplish that anyway and now has no need to do the "in love" thang. AND you've basically given him permission to NOT PRETEND he's in love with you.

Now you're developing some feelings for him (even though you aren't quite "in love") or at very least want "girlfriend privileges" - aka Valentine's Day recognition.

If you are sleeping with this cat and he can't at VERY least give you V Day privileges, cut him loose. He's only in it for the giggles and kicks.

Do NOT be hurt over this, you do not love him either (by your own admission). Just be a little more selective about sharing your giggles and kicks in the future.

Move along. There won't be any wedding bells at the end of this story.

 

[westNDNbeauty]

I've learned to always take cues from the guy. If you've expressed that something is important to you and he doesn't value you enough to make the effort, that is your cue to pullback.

Men love the chase. Never make it easy for them. Always make them think other penises are sniffing around UNTIL he demonstrates he wants you and only you and will inconvenience himself for your happiness. Then and only then do you have reason to believe he wants more than a lay.

 

[LiftedUp]

I love you OP. Your ultimatum was everything! Valentines Day aren't just for ppl in love either.

 

[lux10023]

he just not into you...

the every now and then part stood out to me...

 

[TokyoReina]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

 

[Xavier]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

Happy he made your feel special OP. I have been there. I had a SO back in college that had nothing planned for Vday until I made a stink about it that morning. I was happy we went out to dinner but it didn't feel romantic because it felt forced.

I know some women have to be the planners and doers of the relationship. I decided a long time ago that I wasn't one of those women. I need a man who takes the lead on things like that.

My question to you is are YOU going to be happy with always being the one to plan things in the relationship?

 

[MzLady78]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

I don't see where you're getting this idea. "Are you sleeping with him" is a fair question given the situation, but doesn't mean anyone thinks you're easy.

MHO, the whole nothing happening unless you plan thing is problematic, and is gonna get real tired, real fast. But best of luck however you choose to proceed.

 

[Slicebread]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

Well well... So he did think about it? Ummm hmmm well that's a start! My reply is you were not wrong. Occasionally we have to train them. Case in point. I spoke to my friend who is Gay and married. He said for 2 years in a row his husband scoffed at Valentines Day as "No big deal" Then proceeds to give him HE -double -Hockey -sticks for a few days afterwards. He said umm.. nope not today, we are going out. That he had booked reservations at The Sky Room in LA. So you see it's not just women. It's a loved or one who is cherished. I'm very Happy to see that you said something. The important thing is both of you are learning each other and the outcome is what matters most. Happy Valentines and girl enjoy your Boo.

 

[Hairsnob]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

I'm so glad it worked out for you. I don't think we were saying you were an easy lay. We were going from what you told us about him having no plans to do anything with you and we (including you) "assumed" he still wasn't going to even after you asked him.

I still stand behind what I say, you still need to define that relationship. Not today or tomorrow of course. But before you are thinking one thing and he's thinking something else.

He sounds like a pretty good guy. You just need to light a fire behind him and train him on how you like to be treated. Most guys do the bare minimum when they already have you and it's up to you to set the standards of what your bare minimum is.

Good luck!!

 

[GoldenRule]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

Nah. Not a bit. No harsh judgements here AT ALL. Maybe moreso a "modern girl". It isn't uncommon these days to sleep with people you aren't married to. It isn't uncommon AT ALL to do so within a month or two. I watch reality tv. I know these things

Glad your boo is coming around. Sometimes you need to bang them like a pinata until the candy falls out but it looks like this one "gets it".

 

[MD_Lady]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

I'm glad to hear things worked out today. No need to explain why things are the way they are... all that matters is that you're cool with your situation. If you're not, you know what to do.

I agree with the other posters that no one is under (or should be, IMO) the assumption that you are an "easy lay". I didn't ask the question, but I can speak from personal experience that sex (ESPECIALLY good sex) can lead you tolerate a lot more foolishness, confusion, frustration, etc. than you would otherwise.

 

[SincerelyJane]

In the future I don't think I would give an ultimatum, just tell him how you feel (V-day is important to you, even if you're not "in love" you would still like to celebrate your relationship" and then sit back and watch what he does with that information. If he cares about you, he wants to see you happy and will do what he can to make sure it happens. Men respond better when they feel they have a choice in the matter, rather than running round in response to ultimatums.

 

[ambergirl]

Yeah, I didn't assume easy at all. But assumed from the info that you were okay with premarital sex.

I like relations. (Tapping into my inner Granny Clump)

Sounds like ol'boy might have been prepared for the day. Any possibility he was yanking your chain to get you to articulate your interest in something more?

 

[Ogoma]

Glad it worked out. I wanted to know what he intended to do on the day or actually did before coming to any conclusions. It seems he was prepared or found a way to get prepared to make you happy.

All the best. Follow your instincts and they would lead you well.

 

[Farida]

OP I in no way shape or form think you are easy. If you got that from my post that is not correct.

I bring up sex because it changes the dynamic of a relationship. If you are with a man who is not serious about you or doesn't treat you right, it satisfies his needs without addressing yours, and hence the need to stop.

Regardless of what's going on, it tells a man that you are OK with whatever arrangement he thinks you have, which may be friends with benefits, or causal sex partners, and if it isn't the case, you need to stop.

 

[Farida]

Definitely have a serious discussion of what either of you expects and then watch how he treats you. If you constantly have to force him to do things to make you feel special I would leave. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life nagging and resenting this man. The early stages should be the absolute most romantic ones if that is your style. He should be sweeping you off your feet.

Even apart from being romantic check to see if he does other things for you without you having to make demands. Are you the one always calling to go out? Are you the one always initiating any displays of affection? Does he hold doors and pull out chairs? Carry your bags? Basically are you doing all the work, emotional and otherwise in the relationship?

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Definitely have a serious discussion of what either of you expects and then watch how he treats you. If you constantly have to force him to do things to make you feel special I would leave. Otherwise you will spend the rest of your life nagging and resenting this man. The early stages should be the absolute most romantic ones if that is your style. He should be sweeping you off your feet.

Even apart from being romantic check to see if he does other things for you without you having to make demands. Are you the one always calling to go out? Are you the one always initiating any displays of affection? Does he hold doors and pull out chairs? Carry your bags? Basically are you doing all the work, emotional and otherwise in the relationship?

Please heed this. The laziest of men find a way to step up when it is required to gain attention of the woman that they really want. Do not accept less than what YOU require because that's "not his style". You'll find yourself sulking and wondering what went wrong when you see him wooing the next woman in ways he never did with you.

How you train him is how you keep him. If stomping your feet and making all the plans is not what you want then stop doing it now.

Yes some relationships grow fast but that is due to both parties showing interest and effort. In your case, given the lack of effort on his part it is far too soon for you to take yourself off of the market for him.

Date. Be busy. Don't explain yourself or everything you are doing. He has not earned "checking in" privileges so make him wonder. Have a full calendar that doesn't revolve around hanging out at the house with his too lazy to make plans with you self. If he believes other men are valuing all that you are he will either step up or step aside. First you have to believe that you are worth more.

A few tokens on Valentine's Day doesn't change how he's been behaving so early on. Know your worth and expect better.

After that comment I would not have replied to him at all. He would have spent the day reading my tweets wondering who did take me out and then try to figure out how he could get back into my good graces.

 

[carcajada]

deleted - read the update. Good luck with that.

 

[shortycocoa]

To update, I did receive some V-day stuff at work today. Flowers, Candy, Balloons, Bear...Classic V-day stuff. I thanked him and he said if I want to go to dinner tonight or do something this weekend name the place and time. The reason we don't often go out is because he's not the kind of man that plans things on his own. I have to do all the planning or it won't happen. I prefer a more take charge guy but that he is not. I'm glad he put forth some effort. I'm not glad I had to catch an attitude with him for it to happen. Maybe I did throw him off saying I didn't want a relationship when he asked (and I didn't). I'm not sure where we stand but I guess we will talk about that later. Not today though.

I think a lot of assumptions are being made about me being an easy lay but I'm on LHCF. I'm not surprised.

at your last statement...at least you were prepared!

 

[TokyoReina]

Even apart from being romantic check to see if he does other things for you without you having to make demands. Are you the one always calling to go out? Are you the one always initiating any displays of affection? Does he hold doors and pull out chairs? Carry your bags? Basically are you doing all the work, emotional and otherwise in the relationship?

I feel like he's just not used to my expectations. When we first met, he was taken aback at my "old school" attitude when it comes to certain things. I really don't think he was used to opening doors, pulling out chairs, taking my coat, etc...but he knows now. Didn't take long and it's not an issue. As far as making plans, I asked him about that. He said I can be hard to please and he doesn't want to risk taking me somewhere I won't enjoy. So he just lets me pick and plan. I told him I'd rather him take the lead...he said that's what I say, that's not what I actually let him do. So we'll see. Maybe I'm bossier than I think.

I'm not too concerned. This is not the man I sit up and dream of marrying. It's not that serious to me. I enjoy his company, being around him, and we get along really well. As said, I wouldn't mind seeing where we could go relationship wise. Until we figure that out though, I'll pull back some of my emotions and keep my eyes open. We need to have a serious talk about how we feel about each other at this point.