Renewed1
Well-Known Member
AKA....He doesn't want to be in a relationship with her in the first place. The opportunity for Chicago just gave him a way out.
A man that values YOU won't let distance interfere.
My Boyfriend Is Leaving--- Please Comment
- Thread starter KoriKiyomi
- Start date
AKA....He doesn't want to be in a relationship with her in the first place. The opportunity for Chicago just gave him a way out.
A man that values YOU won't let distance interfere.
Lynnerie
Well-Known Member
I been there before. The guy told me he still loved me but wanted to "take a break". I was so convinced we would get back together but my mom told me right- that a break was a break up. She advised me to drop off the face of the earth regarding him which means don't take his calls and do not call him. Cause if a man really wants you, you dont have to do a thang.
After the break up I was miserable and lonely and started online dating which was the worst mistake. I spent time and energy on dudes I didn't even want just trying to find someone new. Don't do this. About 10 months after the break up I met a wonderful man and now I understand what a real relationship is supposed to feel like.
I tell you all this to say "this too shall pass" In the meantime focus on other things not men not relationships. Hang out with your girls, focus on school/career, your hair reggie, visit some other forums on here, find a hobby. Just focus on you. Some men will try to tear women down, they drop us and we're left to pick up the pieces. But you be strong girlfriend. Keep on pushin and don't be friends with him- he doesn't deserve to be in your life. If its a relationship you want dont settle for less.
After the break up I was miserable and lonely and started online dating which was the worst mistake. I spent time and energy on dudes I didn't even want just trying to find someone new. Don't do this. About 10 months after the break up I met a wonderful man and now I understand what a real relationship is supposed to feel like.
I tell you all this to say "this too shall pass" In the meantime focus on other things not men not relationships. Hang out with your girls, focus on school/career, your hair reggie, visit some other forums on here, find a hobby. Just focus on you. Some men will try to tear women down, they drop us and we're left to pick up the pieces. But you be strong girlfriend. Keep on pushin and don't be friends with him- he doesn't deserve to be in your life. If its a relationship you want dont settle for less.
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Amazhaan
New Member
Let him go. If you meant as much to him as he means to you, he would stay -- OP. The job is only an excuse/easy way out.
You deserve better. Let him go now, to save yourself further hurt and pain.
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing when you met your new guy? Because the bolded is what I'm going through now.
I really need a change, but it's not happening fast enough.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
He doesn't see himself with you forever like you do with him. I'm sorry to say but that's the way it appears.
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
..........................
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ms.tatiana
Well-Known Member
Some of my favorite lyrics from a song....
"They say if you love someone you've got to let it go and if they come back then it means so much more, but if it never does come at least you will know it was something you had to go through to grow"
Heather: In My Mind
"They say if you love someone you've got to let it go and if they come back then it means so much more, but if it never does come at least you will know it was something you had to go through to grow"
Heather: In My Mind
racheljay1985
New Member
It sounds to me like he's just using this an excuse to end the relationship. I despise long distance as well, and have been with my boyfriend since August of last year as well. He's in the Army, but we make it work. We talk daily, IM, skype, etc. and though he has a job far away, he's getting things ready for our future together.
I feel if your boyfriend loved you and wanted your relationship to work then he would find time for you and make a life for you there (if you could go). When a man loves and wants you in his life he makes it happen. He doesn't put you on the back burner and say things like "Well if we should meet again... there's a possibility we could pick up where we left off." If it's meant to be you BOTH make it happen. It just sounds like he's over the relationship. I'd move on if I were you.
I feel if your boyfriend loved you and wanted your relationship to work then he would find time for you and make a life for you there (if you could go). When a man loves and wants you in his life he makes it happen. He doesn't put you on the back burner and say things like "Well if we should meet again... there's a possibility we could pick up where we left off." If it's meant to be you BOTH make it happen. It just sounds like he's over the relationship. I'd move on if I were you.
Lynnerie
Well-Known Member
If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing when you met your new guy? Because the bolded is what I'm going through now.
Well, I actually met my BF on blackplanet. I was just on there for entertainment but if I did meet anyone I had already made up in my mind what I wanted, what I would not tolerate, and I did stuck to it. I had an age requirement of no older than 33 and if you were 34 well that was too bad. I did not entertain the bull like I had done in the past. The guy I met on there I found out actually worked in the same building as me for the same company. Our first meet up I met him at his church and we've been inseperable since then.
Its important to just be around some friends who care about you. Don't go out looking for anything. Everytime I went to a club and met a man I have found out that they only wasted my time. Just be patient though its not going to be easy but just be about you right now. I know it may feel like you aren't going to get over your ex but you will. Hang out with your friends and family. Let them know how you feel so they can support you. How long has it been since your relationship ended?
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
Who the heck came up with "you need to let go someone if you love them?" That is the dumbest frame of logic I've ever heard. No, if you love someone, you make SURE they know you love them and hold on to them. Songs/sayings like that just ring of game playing and "Lemme see if they REALLY love me and want to follow along and fight back for me."
UGH!
OP, you got really good advice.
I'm really sorry but @MzLady78 said it right. No man who REALLY is sure about the woman he has would risk another man going in his territory and claiming what is HIS, distance or NOT!! Men are VERY territorial! I'm not saying he has someone else, but he may be entertaining the idea of potentially finding someone while he is there or wanting to put in the work. I don't think he's a bad person for it. But he just doesn't want to put in the effort you would want to; your heart is more into it than his is...take him at his word.You were friends before a relationship, you may know how he works when in one and out...what do you think? And no, you're not something that he can just drop and play catch up with. It is hard to go back to just friendship after a relationship; do you really want to hear about the new girl he is with or have him snoop for personal info and "are you with someone new?"
ms.tatiana
Well-Known Member
^^ Well she said they were in love. I'm not giving any advice, because no matter what anyone tells her her heart will still love and want to wait for the man... I personally just love those song lyrics...
B/c thanks wasn't enough
@ the bolded, have seen it w/others and had it happen to me, told me long distance wasn't his thing, but now he has a long distance girlfriend, he just didn't want to be with me, end of story. And call me selfish, but you didn't want me, you don't get my friendship either
It kinda hurts just reading this thread, I feel so bad for the OP bc I've been there
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KoriKiyomi
New Member
Thanks again for responding. It's hard for me to comment. I'm constantly crying. I'm tired of feeling depressed. I can't settle. I'll never be happy.
He wants to turn his phone off Tueday--- We're on a family plan. He wants to start bring independent. He doesn't want to rely on me anymore. I need to let him go, it hurts. I don't want to do it, but I need to.
I'm tired if hurting, I never want toi love again, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life.
He wants to turn his phone off Tueday--- We're on a family plan. He wants to start bring independent. He doesn't want to rely on me anymore. I need to let him go, it hurts. I don't want to do it, but I need to.
I'm tired if hurting, I never want toi love again, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
(((hugs))) OP. You will love again, I promise you. I'm sorry you are hurting so much. But for now focus on yourself and your dreams. You are worth your time and attention. Enjoy being young and beautiful. Simply enjoy being alive and being you, glorious you. Your bf was just the cherry, you are the ice cream and the toppings. You can feel whole and happy without him. Hang in there. For the next month baby yourself and treat yourself, do things that make you feel happy and satisfied. In fact you should do that always .
.
KoriKiyomi
New Member
Thank you so much. That meant a lot.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Oh sweetie, I've so been there, and recently.
Everything is still fresh, so yes, you're going to cry and be angry and upset.
But, you won't feel this way forever, I promise. It's just gonna take some time. Keep yourself busy, find something else to focus that time and energy on because trust me, he's not sitting somewhere crying and depressed over you. He's going on with his life and you need to as well, as difficult as it may seem right now.
KoriKiyomi
New Member
I'm trying. I just don't know how to start over. All I want to do is sleep.
Ladybelle
New Member
I'd share this excerpt from a Maya Angelou poem: "Every woman should know when to try harder and when to walk away." This is one of those walking times.
I also say, if he really wants to be with you,nothing can keep him away and if he doesn't nothing you can do can make him stay.
Lastly, "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you - it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
I really think you should let him go & limit contact with him. Make him really miss you. If he wants you, he'll do what needs to be done to do so, otherwise- let him keep it moving. It sounds like he wants to enjoy the single life for awhile. The good thing is he cared enough about you to be honest with you rather than go and do his thing while pretending like he's committed to you.
eta:read the thread in it's entirety - OP, just take it one day at a time. That's all you can do after a heartbreak and it will get better with time, one day you'll just wake up and realize you're not hurting anymore.
I also say, if he really wants to be with you,nothing can keep him away and if he doesn't nothing you can do can make him stay.
Lastly, "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you - it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
I really think you should let him go & limit contact with him. Make him really miss you. If he wants you, he'll do what needs to be done to do so, otherwise- let him keep it moving. It sounds like he wants to enjoy the single life for awhile. The good thing is he cared enough about you to be honest with you rather than go and do his thing while pretending like he's committed to you.
eta:read the thread in it's entirety - OP, just take it one day at a time. That's all you can do after a heartbreak and it will get better with time, one day you'll just wake up and realize you're not hurting anymore.
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BobbieDoll
New Member
I'm going through something similar so I know how you feel OP. Like one of the other ladies said, if he wants you he will do whatever he has to do to be with you. You deserve to be happy and you will be, if not with him then definately some one else. It's ok to cry but not for too long, you can and will get through this.
KoriKiyomi
New Member
I just wish things could work out, I don't want to lose him. But I know this is for the best. I feel incomplete. I feel alone and scared. I stopped talking to my friends. I kinda hate the world. I don't think I'll ever be happy. Everyone that has screwed me over is completely happy and I'm suffering.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
Girl, breaking up sucks. I am sorry you are so hurt. Things will get better for you, I promise. >>hugs<<
Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
......................................
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DDTexlaxed
TRANSITION OVER! 11-22-14
Can I ask how old you are and is this your first love? I am scared for you because you seem like you believe this guy will come back in a year. He seems like he is cutting off all contacts with you from your post. Don't lose hope in love because of him and don't stop living. It may seem hard, but time will heal your wound if you allow it to. It seems to me like you are in love with him totally, but he is not as in love with you. If he was, he would continue your relationship long distant or not.
It seems to me like you are in love with him totally, but he is not as in love with you. If he was, he would continue your relationship long distant or not.
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Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Get out of my head. When I read OP's all I kept saying is " "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you - it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was".
((((BIG HUG))))) This Too shall Pass!
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
Awwwww :'(. I know it seems like your world is going to end right now. Trust me, I've been there.
You've had some good cries which is so good for you , but u soon need to pick io the pieces and move forward.
If its meant it will be, its already written. It's nothing u can do or say to change this guys heart. So do you. Work on u. And while your in your "meantime", prepare to take control of your destiny. Try hard to get rid of the negative thoughts u have in your heart at the momment to prepare yourself for something much greater and more fulfilling than this guy.
You are blessed!
sent from HTC EVO
You've had some good cries which is so good for you , but u soon need to pick io the pieces and move forward.
If its meant it will be, its already written. It's nothing u can do or say to change this guys heart. So do you. Work on u. And while your in your "meantime", prepare to take control of your destiny. Try hard to get rid of the negative thoughts u have in your heart at the momment to prepare yourself for something much greater and more fulfilling than this guy.
You are blessed!
sent from HTC EVO
tropical-punch
Well-Known Member
That guy is an ***.
Anyway OP, I went through something kind of like that. We were only together for 3 months when he said he was looking for jobs out of state. I knew that was the beginning of the end and when he called me over a few days later to "talk" about something, that confirmed it. He said he wanted to remain friends and I stupidly agreed. He then said that he wanted his space. Anyway, I gave it to him and 9 months later, he contacted me wanting to meet up. I (stupidly) agreed and all my feelings resurfaced. This continued on for the next year or so. I finally realized that if he really wanted me, he wouldn't have broken up with me and lied about getting a job out of state. It's embarrassing to type this but I thought I'd share and let you know you are not alone.
Leave him alone. He has shown you that he doesn't want to be with you (even further so after your update). This sounds so cliche but you will find someone else. In the mean time, focus on the things you enjoy doing and the things you weren't able to do while you were with him.
Anyway OP, I went through something kind of like that. We were only together for 3 months when he said he was looking for jobs out of state. I knew that was the beginning of the end and when he called me over a few days later to "talk" about something, that confirmed it. He said he wanted to remain friends and I stupidly agreed. He then said that he wanted his space. Anyway, I gave it to him and 9 months later, he contacted me wanting to meet up. I (stupidly) agreed and all my feelings resurfaced. This continued on for the next year or so. I finally realized that if he really wanted me, he wouldn't have broken up with me and lied about getting a job out of state. It's embarrassing to type this but I thought I'd share and let you know you are not alone.
Leave him alone. He has shown you that he doesn't want to be with you (even further so after your update). This sounds so cliche but you will find someone else. In the mean time, focus on the things you enjoy doing and the things you weren't able to do while you were with him.
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
OP, I don't have much to add because all the good advice had been given. But I strongly advise against being his friend until you are emotionally stronger. It makes it so much more difficult to move on when you're still in contact with him. True friends will always be there, even if you haven't talked to them in months or more. You need time to get yourself together more than he needs your friendship. Remember, he already knew about this, you're just now finding out, so he's had time to process his actions and emotions fully, now it's your turn to catch up. You'll make it through although it doesn't seen like it now
You'll make it through although it doesn't seen like it now
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
You are complete with or without him. You don't need anyone to complete you. You are beautiful and young with your whole life ahead of you. Call your friends and apologize for getting caught up. Make new friends. Get out of the house and smell the fresh air. Take up a new hobby. You are a wonderful person all on your own. You don't need him or any other man to complete you. You my dear are fabulous.
KoriKiyomi
New Member
Thank you once again!!!! I feel so much better and it's because of everyone that responded. Thank you for the emotional support. I love each and everyone of you!!!!
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