My bf goes out with his coworker more than me!!!

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I never understand these threads.

You knew you weren't going to leave when you started the thread so why bother asking opinions. It's not about cheating at this point, it's about the lack of respect.

I understand. It's extremely hard to let go of a first long term relationship/first love. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way, I know I did. I just hope for the best, but the signs are pretty obvious he doesn't deserve her. Keep your head up OP.

 

[HanaKuroi]

Ugh!

What about self-respect?

I am glad I have it and know my worth.

I am also glad my teen DD knows her worth as well.

I learned from my mother. Thanks Mom!


I hope I remember to not waste my time in the future with OP.

This was about respect.

The fact that they are still friends and will continue to text is outrageous.

I will not wish you luck. I hope you realize your self-worth one day.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[Anakinsmomma]

Update: we are still together... for now. He stated that if he wanted to cheat he would've done a long time ago and he has no reason to. He apologized for his actions and promised me that he wouldn't text her late or hang out with her unless there is a group involved. He is still in contact with her because that is his friend. I told him if he breaks that promise I'm out for good. He agreed. The coworker apologize as well. Like I said before, I still do not feel right about the situation but I can't just walk away from a 3 year relationship without having solid proof that he's cheating because there still might be a possibility that he is not.

This thread was pointless then. Sorry to be so harsh.

TRUST YOUR GUT!! TRUST YOUR GUT! TRUST YOUR GUT!!!

I mean, rule number 15890 in relationships is: when it comes to the opposite sex, NO NEW FRIENDS! And he flaunting it in your face and you talking about "no proof" and "he promised to adhere to a text curfew" and "that's his friend."

I just sucked my teeth so hard I almost swallowed them. Good luck op...

 

[sweetvi]

Well now that you established with him that it is okay to be disrespected n and only need to apologize. Good luck...


Sorry if we are harsh. Many of us hate to see our young members waste their most vital time in these situations. You are young, why waste another three years...

 

[nlamr2013]

Update: we are still together... for now. He stated that if he wanted to cheat he would've done a long time ago and he has no reason to. He apologized for his actions and promised me that he wouldn't text her late or hang out with her unless there is a group involved. He is still in contact with her because that is his friend. I told him if he breaks that promise I'm out for good. He agreed. The coworker apologize as well. Like I said before, I still do not feel right about the situation but I can't just walk away from a 3 year relationship without having solid proof that he's cheating because there still might be a possibility that he is not.

He said what now? Girrrrl bye.

 

[sweetvi]

Someone needs to send her that link... Why men marry b*****s

 

[sweetvi]

Ugh!

What about self-respect?

I am glad I have it and know my worth.

I am also glad my teen DD knows her worth as well.

I learned from my mother. Thanks Mom!


I hope I remember to not waste my time in the future with OP.

This was about respect.

The fact that they are still friends and will continue to text is outrageous.

I will not wish you luck. I hope you realize your self-worth one day.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

For emphasis

 

[HappywithJC723]

The fact that they are still friends and will continue to text is outrageous.

Well now that you established with him that it is okay to be disrespected n and only need to apologize.

ITA....you have just established that this type of behavior is acceptable. He WILL do something like this again.....or maybe even worse.

Good luck, OP....

 

[PeaceFlow]

I don't think this woman is interested in your SO.

I've seen this situation so many times where attractive women have these "just a friend" attached male friends who like them, but its not reciprocated. Most of the time the men are not hobby cheaters at all. They like one particular woman and would leave their gf in a shot if they could get a chance, rather than just sexually cheat. Just need the green light. Otherwise stick with what they've got.

This is probably why you didn't find anything on the phone. Given his infatuated, inappropriate behavior right in front of your face so far; if she'd shown interest I believe there's a strong chance this would be a different thread.

Live your life anyhoo.

 

[sylver2]

Some of u took this real personal
the op is still young and unfortunately will have to learn on her own.

 

[sylver2]

I don't think this woman is interested in your SO.

I've seen this situation so many times where attractive women have these "just a friend" attached male friends who like them, but its not reciprocated. Most of the time the men are not hobby cheaters at all. They like one particular woman and would leave their gf in a shot if they could get a chance, rather than just sexually cheat. Just need the green light. Otherwise stick with what they've got.

This is probably why you didn't find anything on the phone. Given his infatuated, inappropriate behavior right in front of your face so far; if she'd shown interest I believe there's a strong chance this would be a different thread.

Live your life anyhoo.

i believe this too. If the girl wanted him...she'd have him

 

[Naveah2050]

Some of u took this real personal
the op is still young and unfortunately will have to learn on her own.

This - lol she just asked for advice, y'all gave advice and at least she updated us on what happened and was honest. Like in life if you give a friend advice and they choose to ignore it you just have to be there for them. I was about to comment but I see the issue is resolved. Good luck OP

 

[Naveah2050]

I don't think this woman is interested in your SO.

I've seen this situation so many times where attractive women have these "just a friend" attached male friends who like them, but its not reciprocated. Most of the time the men are not hobby cheaters at all. They like one particular woman and would leave their gf in a shot if they could get a chance, rather than just sexually cheat. Just need the green light. Otherwise stick with what they've got.

This is probably why you didn't find anything on the phone. Given his infatuated, inappropriate behavior right in front of your face so far; if she'd shown interest I believe there's a strong chance this would be a different thread.

Live your life anyhoo.

I agree - this is probably what makes this even worse.

 

[WhereItsAt]

All I will say is that you really need to follow your woman's intuition.. If you are still feeling that something isn't right even after talking to him, chances are that it's not right..

I know it's not easy to walk away from a relationship of 3 years but its easier to walk away now trusting your intuition than to find out the hard way that your intuition was right all along.. I also understand that you want solid proof as well that he's cheating..

But since you plan to stay with him, keep your eyes and ears open because whatever has your senses going off will surface eventually.. I just hope it happens before the point you begin to feel like you wasted valuable years on someone that really doesn't deserve them..

Good luck..

 

[TayMac]

Some of u took this real personal
the op is still young and unfortunately will have to learn on her own.

26 is young but not that young. The guy is 23 and not ready for a grown up relationship IMO.

I took the visual of him eating of a woman's plate in her face quite personal lol...I could SEE it!

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't think this woman is interested in your SO.

I've seen this situation so many times where attractive women have these "just a friend" attached male friends who like them, but its not reciprocated. Most of the time the men are not hobby cheaters at all. They like one particular woman and would leave their gf in a shot if they could get a chance, rather than just sexually cheat. Just need the green light. Otherwise stick with what they've got.

This is probably why you didn't find anything on the phone. Given his infatuated, inappropriate behavior right in front of your face so far; if she'd shown interest I believe there's a strong chance this would be a different thread.

Live your life anyhoo.

That's what my mama calls "fattening frogs for snakes." You've improved him and take care of all his needs, she just gets to reap the benefits of having a "boyfriend" without the hassle of sleeping with him. All the dates, wining and dining.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I took the visual of him eating of a woman's plate in her face quite personal lol...I could SEE it!

Me too. I pictured them in their own little world while OP is off to the side getting rained on like that gif of the white man from the tv show.

OP I don't like this situation at all, but I won't judge you for not leaving him yet because many of us have to have that hard experience where we learn to be cold with men. This may be yours. But just know that while we give them chances and consider and this and that, when they move on they are DONE and you will be looking like "can I just...I mean when did this happen...what.." Don't let him do that to you.

Last thing: if the amount of time you've been together is the main reason you're holding on, that's not a good reason. I remember being 21 and thinking "it's been 3years so I can't just end it like that." 3 years is such a minuscule part of your lifetime when you think about how long you're gonna be on this earth. And what sucks is coming back two years later and the only thing holding you is "but we have five years". It's wasting young years. Sucks.

eta: I found the gif

 

[baha_locks]

3 whole years? Ohhhh okay.

 

[HanaKuroi]

That's what my mama calls "fattening frogs for snakes." You've improved him and take care of all his needs, she just gets to reap the benefits of having a "boyfriend" without the hassle of sleeping with him. All the dates, wining and dining.

http://frogsforsnakes.blogspot.com/2006/06/fattening-frogs-what.html?m=1

I hadn't heard this phrase. I'll be using this. Thanks!

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[gabulldawg]

Update: we are still together... for now. He stated that if he wanted to cheat he would've done a long time ago and he has no reason to. He apologized for his actions and promised me that he wouldn't text her late or hang out with her unless there is a group involved. He is still in contact with her because that is his friend. I told him if he breaks that promise I'm out for good. He agreed. The coworker apologize as well. Like I said before, I still do not feel right about the situation but I can't just walk away from a 3 year relationship without having solid proof that he's cheating because there still might be a possibility that he is not.

to OP. Been there done that. You know you need to let it go, but it's hard to.

Well now that you established with him that it is okay to be disrespected n and only need to apologize. Good luck...


Sorry if we are harsh. Many of us hate to see our young members waste their most vital time in these situations. You are young, why waste another three years...

This is where I'm coming from. I'm usually harsh with these types of situations because I have been there. I'm not talking second hand crap. My ex made a "new friend" shortly before I was finally able to walk away. I don't know for sure if they cheated, but I didn't need to! I just knew that I was being disrespected and didn't like the way the situation made me feel. He was also dishonest with me about it all.

i believe this too. If the girl wanted him...she'd have him

Which makes this even more sad. If anything OP's "boyfriend" has shown that he has one foot out of this relationship. Again, I speak from experience. Men are not very complicated. OP should not be surprised when he breaks up with her or pulls the "we need time apart" speech.

 

[starfish79]

What is the confusion stemming from? In the beginning of the year you were talking about clashing schedules and not being able to see each other more than once a week. You also said you were ready for the next stage in the relationship but he was not. He found time for another woman and he is still not showing signs of being on the same page about moving the relationship to the next level. Seems pretty obvious to me, let him go do his thing.

 

[God_Favor]

In reality 3 years aint that long of a time, so dont focus on lost time. It wasnt a waste, it was a lesson. You know this bull doesnt feel right. Everything in your spirit is leading u to the truth.

Whatever you decide, I wish u much happiness

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy III using LHCF

 

[GeorginaSparks]

OP have some self respect. Are you one of those people that are scared of being single? this will not end well unfortunately.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I've been on the other side of this. I wanted to me "her" too. I don't know what to tell you, OP. It sounds like something is brewing. I would take my dignity and walk away from it, but its easier said than done. I wouldn't argue with him about it, because he'll have an explanation for anything, and its only going to cloud your judgment further.

 

[*CherryPie*]

OP, earlier this year, you were complaining that you only get to see him once a week although you guys live in the same neighborhood. You thought it was because of his schedule. Do you still think it was because of his schedule now that this chick has surfaced?

He looks like he's pretty good at working around his schedule...just not for you.

 

[crazytrish75]

Op, I'm not going to bash you. Many, many women make mistakes in love. But I will say that what caught my attention, was when you stated that their texts were not innapropriate. How do you know that the "inappropriate" ones haven't been deleted as they are sent and only the "innocent" ones are left in case you snoop, to make it appear that their so-called friendship was innocent?

In any case, he has already boldly stated that he will continue to spend time with her, in other words, he is not giving her up for you. I think most of us know how this will end....good luck to you....

 

[naturalmanenyc]

As an onlooker at Six Flags, I would have presumed he was HER boyfriend. Running to get her drink fixed, eating from her plate and all giggly with her while you sat there and watched in shock at this new/different guy. I get paying for lunch, sort of, although I would guess everyone has a debit card.

Everyone already said what I was thinking; however, I am curious why the coworker apologized? Why is he sharing your argument with her to the level that she apologized. She should not even have such information. Now she knows there is a rift in your relationship which is like giving the security code to the enemy.

I'm not suggesting that you can't trust him around any other women but the woman who openly shared his plate in your face would be the last woman on the planet to know we had an argument about her. The fact that he shared that with her would be yet one more thing to make me dump him and move on. He is not showing loyalty at all after 3 years.

I'm trying to picture a woman eating off of DH's plate. I wouldn't even have to be there to know he'd immediately toss that food in the garbage. I'm the only person in life that DH eats after. He accidentally drank from the wrong bottled water (male friend) and when he realized it DH made himself throw up. His friend wasn't offended though because he knows DH just doesn't play that way. DH would never pay for lunch for coworkers, yet alone a female coworker. I recall him paying for pizza a few times for the staff but that was for the family business (all men).

ETA: I told DH about this and he asked what is appropriate about texting a coworker at 3 am everyday even if they were texting about work?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years and I noticed that one day he randomly told me that he took a female coworker out to eat alone because they were hungry. He told me that the rest of his coworkers were meeting up with them as a group. I felt funny about it right away. Especially when he told me that he paid for her (his excuse is she only had a 100 dollar bill and couldn't break it). A few weeks later he invited me to six flags with his coworkers. He specifically told me that she wanted to meet me. I said OK sure. We went on the trip and when we started to eat lunch he was eating food off her plate and so giggly around her. He is a shy guy so I was surprise to see him act like that around another female. She complained about her drink and he quickly offered to change it. He neverrrr does that with me without me begging. I couldn't believe it. We had a small confrontation as his coworkers walked ahead of us. He finally apologize. After the trip I still had an uneasy feeling about them. When he was sleeping over I went through his phone and they were texting until 3am almost everyday. The conversation wasn't inappropriate but why talk so late? He later told me he took her out to eat again and she bought him lunch the other day after. I was furious. We had one of our biggest fights in our 3 years of dating. He cried (he's super sensitive) and told me nothing happen and nothing is going to happen; he love me and he want to be with me. Am I wrong for feeling this way about them? He tells me nothing is going to happen when its only natural that you get attracted to someone if you talk to them and see them a lot. I'm confused.

 

[Layluh]

I'm just mad you're with a guy who cries at the drop of a hat.

 

[shortycocoa]

Very rarely do things around here upset me. But eating off his plate? Like I'm a nobody? No.no. no. My blood would boil. And he didn't stop her or see that it was inappropriate? This guy is a jerk

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Reminds me of an episode of "Are We There Yet?"...Terry Crews and Pepa were having a meal and she ate off his plate.

Op, I'm not going to bash you. Many, many women make mistakes in love. But I will say that what caught my attention, was when you stated that their texts were not innapropriate. How do you know that the "inappropriate" ones haven't been deleted as they are sent and only the "innocent" ones are left in case you snoop, to make it appear that their so-called friendship was innocent?

In any case, he has already boldly stated that he will continue to spend time with her, in other words, he is not giving her up for you. I think most of us know how this will end....good luck to you....

Yep...he probably erases those texts....which can be time consuming. Some people would erase the whole convo altogether. Or have a lock on their phone. I have known guys to.switch SIM cards and SD cards in their phones when they're home with girlfriends/wives.
I won't continue, but since you are going to stay, I would suggest you keep your third eye open OP. Also, don't be so quick to accept his "explanations."

You are still young and have to develop the skillful art of reading between the lines. Sometimes you even have to read between the lines that haven't been spoken or written yet but you know they're coming soon. Always be several moves ahead.

I think you should also see other people, but I think you're so invested in this guy (even though he hasn't given you a reason to be) that you probably won't.

 

[Fine 4s]

^ lawd, changing SIM cards?!!!! I'm already paranoid now I have stuff to obsess about, great lol