My BF is Nigerian, and....

[NaturalPath]

I'm not convinced that he doesn't really like you. He may love you very much. I am also not convinced that his actions are secretly mean-spirited. However, he is only 21 (and still a boy in many ways esp. if he was raised in the US) and at this stage of his life family opinion means a lot to him. I think he probably cares a great deal for you, but I think he probably will not marry you. Also, I don't agree that his mom will come around and like you if she is currently anti-American. He is young, hie has options and, if she is still raising children, she is not yet yearning for grandchildren. If he were older, say 31, I would say she would come around. But at 21, no. So if you were to marry him, expect relations with your in-laws to be sticky. Do you know what part of Igbo he is from?

Thank you for the bolded

Not really as he was born in the US, but his parents are from the southern part of nigeria near lagos.

 

[Bunny77]

I can't really say much about the cross-cultural relationship part, as I don't have any personal experience with that, but I don't think that 23 is too young to be thinking about marriage at all.

Now, it doesn't mean you actually have to get married at 23 (I might think that was a bit young), but I wish that more women in their early 20s who want marriage start thinking about it... by that I mean that if they are currently in a relationship, they need to start evaluating whether it's worth holding on to or letting go. If they hold on, then they need to start having honest talks (not ultimatums though) with those men about marriage, what they're looking for in their lives and where he stands as well.

If both people are on the same page about having a future together, then they can plan accordingly.

Women who aren't in relationships can think about dating strategically so that if they want to marry in 2-3 years, they can at 23 start picking the right types of men. In the meantime, during this entire process, you still can enjoy life, travel, earn income and all that good stuff. I really believe that more women need to start thinking about this process early (especially if they are in long-term relationships and are wondering if that guy is the one) so that they don't get screwed up later on with a lack of options, etc., because people told them years ago that "they were too young to be thinking about marriage."


Anyway, Wavesofmotion, this doesn't really look good for the future of your relationship, and it also seems like you're in a different position than this guy because you are 23 and he is 21. It's only two years, but if you're done with college, you're rightfully thinking about your future -- which would potentially include marriage -- and he might not be anywhere near that point. I think you might have to mentally start preparing for the end of this relationship for a variety of reasons, but keep your eyes and ears open, and you should get your answer.

 

[newbiemom]

iEnjoy thie relationship but don't count on marraige. You are young take it for what it is. I know a girl that was with an Indian guy for 6 years and his mothe still called her a phase because she was peuerto rican and he ended up leaving her and marryin an indian girl. But I also know a pr grl hat is married to a Nigerian man . We were pregers together and his family came to visit and was very supportive of their relationship. Your bf has to stand up for himself and you. But maybe he is being smart and waiting it out until he doesn't need them financially. I wouldn't risk loosing my tuition on my college sweetheart who might not be around come graduation. Mayne he will talk to them when he has less at stake. You are both young I wouldn't be angry with him for thinking this way.

 

[Honey Bee]

I think you may be right with us being young and all. Its funny how alot of people consider 23 as young. What is the appropriate age for someone to begin settling down?

Not only have we been together for 3 years but I have known him sense highschool and decided to date while we were in college.

Alot of you all have said some really interesting things. Am I being naive? I hope not. I really think it has something to do with our age and customs.

Only time will tell, and I will have to make a decision soon...

My brother was 23 when he married his wife, so it's not the age to which I object. It's more about where you both are in your life. My brother was in the military, they sent his wife to school once they got married, but they had been together, presumably planning their life together, since they were 16. They had a history, a good chunk of it, in their adult years.

You and old boy don't sound like you have that kind of history (3 years isn't that long), and if you're not able to pin him down on meeting his parents, it seems clear that the communication isn't where it should be (to be considering marriage).

I guess I'm just saying chill a little bit. No ultimatums for now. Get to know him (and his family) for a while before making, or forcing him into, any big decisions.

 

[newbiemom]

Actually I got married at 23 but that is hardly the norm. So I treat my experience as the excedption. My dh was 29. Men mature much slower than women. He could be the one but just keep eyes open san rose tinted glasses. I know it is hard when you are in love . my dh family didnt approve of me but he stood his ground and let them know I wasn't going anywhere and it worked out.

 

[amara11]

A few things (I'm going to be honest and blunt).

1) Naija's aren't like Americans in that they aren't bringing folks to the family all willy nilly unless its serious (i.e marriage). It depends on the person, and their parents, but "generally" the whole I'm introducing this person I'm casually dating to my parents is not going down. I understand that you've been dating for 3 years- but if he's not trying to marry you soon, he's not introducing you to the 'rents. Real talk.

2nd) He's 21. And I am almost certain his parents want him focusing on *his* end goal -> graduation, and graduate school. Any distractions that are not fruitful (i.e not leading directly into marriage) aren't going to be tolerated well. So if they know their son isn't getting married, their really not going to be too interested in meeting you.

3rd) What is their to push? I disagree with the folks in here saying you should push to meet the parents- this is a BAD IDEA. Trust.

Again- this is a different culture. The "last" thing you want to do is force yourself into meeting the parents, if its not what he really wants, and it's not what his parents are expecting. I can't really articulate fully, how bad of an idea that is.
If you want to use that as a measure to gauge his intentions/interests- awesome, but take that as a direct hint: If he's not introducing you, he's not marrying you. You can't make him introduce you, or whine your way into meeting them. It's best just to leave that be and move on.

There are cultural mores, customs, and protocols, and breaking any of these is considered an affront or insult.

The fear in inter-cultural dating with Naija's isn't just their children getting "americanized" by their spouses, but it's a loss of identity and culture and quite likely- the eventual dissolution of that lineage's inherent cultural identity within that family. It's something that is to be expected when a family moves to a different country- but even still it's not something that is easy to accept or let go of.

I'm not trying to make excuses- I'm just letting you know the deal, so that you can make your decisions based on "how it is". Because honestly, what I've described is "just the way it is". You have to decide how much more you want to invest in someone who is quite apparently not at the same stage of "readiness" that you are.

 

[Almaz]

I co-sign I totally understand and we have this in my community also.

A few things (I'm going to be honest and blunt).

1) Naija's aren't like Americans in that they aren't bringing folks to the family all willy nilly unless its serious (i.e marriage). It depends on the person, and their parents, but "generally" the whole I'm introducing this person I'm casually dating to my parents is not going down. I understand that you've been dating for 3 years- but if he's not trying to marry you soon, he's not introducing you to the 'rents. Real talk.

2nd) He's 21. And I am almost certain his parents want him focusing on *his* end goal -> graduation, and graduate school. Any distractions that are not fruitful (i.e not leading directly into marriage) aren't going to be tolerated well. So if they know their son isn't getting married, their really not going to be too interested in meeting you.

3rd) What is their to push? I disagree with the folks in here saying you should push to meet the parents- this is a BAD IDEA. Trust.

Again- this is a different culture. The "last" thing you want to do is force yourself into meeting the parents, if its not what he really wants, and it's not what his parents are expecting. I can't really articulate fully, how bad of an idea that is.
If you want to use that as a measure to gauge his intentions/interests- awesome, but take that as a direct hint: If he's not introducing you, he's not marrying you. You can't make him introduce you, or whine your way into meeting them. It's best just to leave that be and move on.

There are cultural mores, customs, and protocols, and breaking any of these is considered an affront or insult.

The fear in inter-cultural dating with Naija's isn't just their children getting "americanized" by their spouses, but it's a loss of identity and culture and quite likely- the eventual dissolution of that lineage's inherent cultural identity within that family. It's something that is to be expected when a family moves to a different country- but even still it's not something that is easy to accept or let go of.

I'm not trying to make excuses- I'm just letting you know the deal, so that you can make your decisions based on "how it is". Because honestly, what I've described is "just the way it is". You have to decide how much more you want to invest in someone who is quite apparently not at the same stage of "readiness" that you are.

 

[Uber]

co signing the above. That's exactly what it's all about. I'm Yuroba and I've always thought as far as Yuroba and Igbo tribes go, they don't really have an issue with interracial (or whatever you want to call it in your case) marriages.

But yeh if he's got studies going on, his mama don't want to know about no girl. The day he graduates (and I mean the day), the first thing his parents gonna ask him is "when you getting married Son?" Then he might introduce you. To be honest, for a Nigerian Guy to be with one lady for 3 years is serious business.


No need to rock the boat!!!

 

[*KP*]

OP, do his parents live in Nigeria or the US? If in the US, I do think its really strange that they haven't met you.

I know a Nigerian guy who hadn't told his parents about his girlfriend even after 5 years of dating...to this day I don't really know why. They are happily married now and as far as I know all parties get on. I think rather than giving an ultimatum, keep both eyes and ears open as one poster suggested so you don't get any surprises.

Another thing though, from what you've said about his mother, she sounds like even if you did marry her son, she'd be all up in your business 24/7 anyway. SOME African mothers are like that! Well, I'm African and mine isn't but I know some that are and I'm sure I've read threads about ladies in that situation here too.

You said you are 23 and this is your first relationship, as much as you want it to work out, you also need to be prepared for that fact that it might not. I don't think 23 is too young to start thinking about marriage for a woman but I think 21 for a man might be....particularly an African man. <--unpopular opinion but I speak from my experiences!

Hope it all works out for you OP, it's not a nice situation to be in

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't think 23 is too young for a woman to get married, but maybe a little too young for a man.

His parents might want him to finish university and get a job before he marries?

For you, that might be too long to wait?

The fact that he hasn't introduced you in 3 years...I don't know what to think about that, as he is so young. That would be a very red flag for me, though.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Unfortunately I know of a similar story. They did get married though, after many years of dating, but that lasted only a few months and she went through her pregnancy alone and he is now MIA. I never did find out where he went but he may have gone back to his country.

I am American but I never took any man home to meet my parents except DH. Taking every man that I was dating home to meet my parents is just not something I ever wanted to do. Only serious suitors get to meet the parents...unless you are young/living with the parents while dating.

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, but I've seen this exact situation play out with 3 different Af-Am women that I know. Two of them were dumped by the African guy as soon as he became serious about settling down and finding a wife. Despite dating for several years, the African man left them and married someone his parents recommended less than a year later. The third girl got knocked up by the guy, who then waited until she was 6 months pregnant and decided to deny he was the father and hightailed it back to Nigeria to become a dentist. She's been a single parent and she can't even find him now. All three women dated these men for over 2 years but they were never introduced to the family because of the supposed cultural differences and family expectations. Not saying this will happen to you, but just keep your eyes and options open.

 

[gabulldawg]

I agree, I will probably give him the ultimatum when I hopefully move to Illinois to begin school for 4-5 years. I am just scared of heartbreak as this is my first relationship and I have never experienced the whole "breaking up process"


His dad knows were dating and often will ask him how I am doing, what plans I have and such.

Thanks for clarifying regarding the dad. I think since you are talking about making plans that would be a great time to put your foot down. I don't want to suggest what type of ultimatum you should give, because that would be up to you.

Hey OP, I don't think the bolded is a good idea. Those ultimatum's usually backfire.

How so? A lot of times I think that women are often our own worst enemies (for various reasons). We put up with treatment that we don't deserve and then wonder why men treat us the way we do. IMO I would not put up with not meeting a boyfriend's parents after 3 years, regardless of whether we were 10, 15, or 55!! That's not acceptable. Period. Three years is a lot time to be a part of someone's life, paticularly when you are young.

The only way an ultmatum could backfire is if you don't stand your ground and hold up your part of the bargain. If OP knows she wants to get married, why continue to wait around on a man who is not taking even SMALL steps in that direction? I don't think it's a good idea to tell the OP to continue to sit back and wait for what she wants to happen. As I've already said, I've been there. I wasted 4 years with a guy using that same "sit back and wait" method. When I finally realized I wasn't going to get what I want (and it did take me a while ) I had to set the ultimatum and bounce when he didn't meet my demands.

But at the end of the day it is OP's decision to make.

 

[Urban]

I'm not Nigerian, but I am African ... and where I come from, the same rule applies. You don't just introduce everyone you date. Esp if you're still in school. The mother may then dislike you because, in her mind you're "distracting" her son from school.

I totally understand why this is bothering you though and if you feel you need to keep it moving then do so. But if you're going to stay maybe it's a good idea to at least give him the chance to finish school, actually start life and grow a little before having to deal with such a big commitment. He's only 21. You will fare better with the mother if he introduces you when he's actually in a position to marry you. Right now, in their eyes, he's not (age-wise, school, career etc) and he knows that. That doesn't mean that he won't be in the future though.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but in general african men think that we are only good enough to screw and date, its rare that they marry us. i steer clear of african and carribean men but i digress as i could start a whole nother thread on the reasons why. its rare to see a couple together that is af am/ african, let alone africans dating from two different tribes/countries.

Does he have money? why would his mother say american girls would trap him. hell if he is not us citizens i would think the opposite, personally.

there seem to be some cultural differences that are driving a wedge between you two.i think if you have been in a relationship this long and he doesn't want to bring you around his family, then i feel like he's just not that into you. a man who really cares would not be so concerned about what others think and would not allow anyone to disrespect you. he needs to get a darn backbone! you also are too young to be thinking about marriage, enjoy life a little more, finish school, treat yourself to travel and otehr luxuries before you jump the broom.

We are >< .... lol

 

[NaturalPath]

Thank you everyone who replied. Its always good to receive different opinions, especially from those who either witnessed my situation before and especially from those who are African themselvesand can give me an insight.

Ultimately the decision is mine and I will probably talk to him a bit more about the subject and I need to be more understanding of his culture. I should be leaving around the fall to start school in a totally different state (NC--->Illinois or Connecticut) so I feel like a long distance relationship may stress our relationship alot.

As of now, I am thinking about marriage, but no time soon. I want to at least complete my 4-5 years of grad school before we "jump the broom".

I do wonder if it is possible for a guy to be married after dating just one girl especially at the age of 18/19 (when we first started dating) but thats a whole nother thread in itself.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Thank you everyone who replied. Its always good to receive different opinions, especially from those who either witnessed my situation before and especially from those who are African themselvesand can give me an insight.

Ultimately the decision is mine and I will probably talk to him a bit more about the subject and I need to be more understanding of his culture. I should be leaving around the fall to start school in a totally different state (NC--->Illinois or Connecticut) so I feel like a long distance relationship may stress our relationship alot.

As of now, I am thinking about marriage, but no time soon. I want to at least complete my 4-5 years of grad school before we "jump the broom".

I do wonder if it is possible for a guy to be married after dating just one girl especially at the age of 18/19 (when we first started dating) but thats a whole nother thread in itself.

know that whatever your choice maybe we support you, i wish you well. its always good to get different types of feedback.

 

[newbiemom]

I am American with Jamaican parents and I only iontroduce my dh to my parents. My parents told me don't bring home every boy that takes you out. If I have to meet this person he better be important.

 

[LoveisYou]

I'm reading some of the advice and can't help but think that in general they're so Americanized, lol. Honestly, what will work with Americans will probably not work with people from other cultures. We have completely different cultural mores.

 

[NappiShawti]

sorry u r going thru this OP but here is my .02:

when i was a sophomore (19) in college i met my ex DH (then 23) who happens to be Igbo (lagos) nigerian. everything started out GREAT! he was my 1st "real" bf & he really swept me off my feet...restaurants, trips, i love u & all that good stuff

fast forward 2 a few months later when i became preggo w/ our (now 3yr old) DD...EVERYTHING CHANGED! it was the beginning of the end 4 us

i had never had any contact @ all w/ his parents while we were dating & i only knew his sister & cousin b/c we all went 2 the same college.

well obviously he had 2 tell his family he had knocked me up. (sidenote: he had gotten another Nigerian girl preg b4 me but he made her have an abortion b/c they DIDNT WANT TO SHAME THEIR FAMILIES!) yea im lucky huh?

so he tells his poor family who are very shocked & appalled that he would be layin up w/ some awful "akkata?" (american) girl like me & then the trouble begins...he begins to receive an EXTREME amount of pressure from his family regarding what he is going to do about our "situation" & the stress that it put on our relationship @ that time was suffocating & nearly unbearable. i
m so glad those ppl live on the other side of the world!

anyway me & ex-DH decided 2 get married. i was 20, he was still 23. yes we were quite young & neither of us had finished school (yet!) but @ that time we felt it was the best choice 4 us.

along w/ his family's stress & constant calling & asking questions, dissecting all my FB pics...our relationship unfortunately didnt survive.

i have met ex-DH's father about 3-4 times since 2005. he is a very busy businessman in the oil industry & he manages to spend abt a week in the US each yr. the rest of Dh fam lives in london & nigeria. i recently met one of his sisters 4 the 1st time thanksgiving 09. I HAVE YET TO MEET MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. she is not old or unhealthy...she just doesnt have the desire 2 meet me i guess. i have only spoken w/ her on the phone (mostly while i was pregg)

i just wish our daughter could meet her other grandma & the rest of her naija fam. i guess when she gets older we will travel over there

sorry so long but i just wanted to echo what some other ppl said & give my opinion.

my dh parents/family had such an issue w/ our relationship b/c of how young we were & the fact that dh was not finished w/ school yet. in their eyes it was my fault that it took him so long to graduate, my fault that he didnt immediately start his masters after undergrad b/c i bothered him w/ too much responsibility (i.e. needing $$$ to take care of baby, etcerplexed)

i would never again in my life date someone who was not from the good ol U.S of A. it just really wasnt worth the stress it caused.

just enjoy ur youth OP. i wish i had...

 

[C(squared)]

American-born, Nigerian (Igbo) checking in...I'll echo the the other posters in saying that's the culture. You don't introduce your SO to the parents unless marriage is in the future. And marriage (much less dating) is not in cards unless you're done with your schooling. In terms of marrying an American, my dad always said that he wanted me to marry a Nigerian (igbo much less!) because because of the negative portrayal of Black men around us. I will say that Nigerians value education greatly. If you're educated, then that will conquer all. Good luck...I'm 23 too. Everything will work out!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Stereotypes like this are the reason why so many Americans do not even want to talk to yet alone date/marry an African or Carribean person.

Thankfully my African friends & African family members do not feel this way and understand that Americans do have morals/values that are similar the world over.

I'm reading some of the advice and can't help but think that in general they're so Americanized, lol. Honestly, what will work with Americans will probably not work with people from other cultures. We have completely different cultural mores.

 

[Bachelorette]

You are in for a world of trouble. If his folks don't know about you after 3 years of dating, he has no intention of ever letting them know about you. Why? Because he will probably cave to the family pressure and marry within his own culture.

I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

Exactly.

I tell women this and they think Im jealous of their Nigerian "prince"

All I have to say is DONT get pregnant for this dude.

I mean he's still young and all but if he were serious about you, his mother would have known 2 years ago.

 

[Bachelorette]

sorry u r going thru this OP but here is my .02:

when i was a sophomore (19) in college i met my ex DH (then 23) who happens to be Igbo (lagos) nigerian.

......

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Exactly.

I tell women this and they think Im jealous of their Nigerian "prince"

All I have to say is DONT get pregnant for this dude.

I mean he's still young and all but if he were serious about you, his mother would have known 2 years ago.

Thank you! Go head with all of that. Its enough maintaining with these domestic folks. I have Carribbean folks and some African in-laws. They stress that a man is only serious about a woman if he brings her home to meet the parents. I wish people would quite trying to put a question mark where God has put a period.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

......

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I definitely think both of you are too young and I dont think he will be bringing up marriage anytime soon to his parents just because of his age.

Here's my opinion. Im Nigerian and no, my brothers do not discuss conquests or anything of that sort with my parents. I cant imagine my brothers bringing around someone their dating unless it's to let my parents know that, here's the girl Im ready to marry so please start making the marriage arrangements.

As a girl, there's no way in hell im introducing any guys im dating to my parents. Only if he's ready to ask for my hand in marriage. Every culture is different and every family is different. Are his older siblings married? He might be hesitating if some of them arent married and he doesnt want to bring his getting married to his parents. I honestly just think it's the age thing. He hasnt even graduated so that's another problem. I dont know many Nigerians that get married while in college. Education comes first, get a good job, become settled and stabled and then you can get married have kids etc. So you have a while to wait

Luckily, my parents dont care who we date or marry(nationality or race) so Im not worried about that

Just my advice, i wouldnt keep pushing marriage to the guy because it might scare him off.

 

[Kneechay]

I really felt compelled to respond in this thread and I'm going to be fully honest with you. I had to post something because reading this thread was so disheartening. I felt a lot of anger, a lot of stereotyping, etc. and I don't want to sit here and let some negative accounts put thoughts into your head about YOUR relationship.

I'm Igbo and I'm not going to deny how a lot of parents are in our culture, a lot of them (not all) prefer us to wed another Nigerian. The thing is, a lot of us who have spent a lot of time in America are dating Americans and may end up marrying Americans because it's what we're used to and there's nothing wrong with that.

I honestly don't think he's trying to play you or discusses you with his father as a 'conquest', I do think this guy wants to be with you. We don't discuss 'conquests' with our parents, don't feel that way. Fully. I think the reason he's not saying anything to his mother much is because she's probably the harder one to deal with and doesn't want to hear her mouth right now, especially since he's not done with school. See, his father knowing about you is way better to me, because as the son, he is informing his FATHER, who plays a huge role in the family. Believe me.

This same thing happened with my cousin, and he hid his relationship to an American woman for a while and then he proposed. It was tough for my aunt and uncle. My aunt was against it at first, but eventually discussed with my uncle about it and now things are going smoothly. In my opinion, this dude wouldn't even waste his time, I do think he really cares about you and is trying to protect you from the hassle you may face while he is still in college. In my experience, most Nigerians date for purpose, not just for dating's sake. I say don't make any rash moves, just continue being the good girlfriend and student you are and in due time, things will progress.

I know this is annoying but it is what it is. When you date a Nigerian, this is what you sign up for, you know? I think in regards to marriage, just keep in mind it may not happen as soon as you'd like. Talk to him about where he stands and ask for the real deal on the entire situation, because only HE can tell you everything, don't base everything off what you read from this message board, every situation is different.

 

[asubeauty]

Wow, this thread is disheartening. I can only share my experience. My boyfriend of about 6 months is Nigerian (he's Igbo) and I have met his mother. However, when I met her, we had only been dating about two months, and I wasn't introduced as his girlfriend. She knew that we had a romantic relationship, but not that we were exclusive. It didn't bother me at all (still doesn't) because I understand that he probably doesn't want to bring anyone to his mother that way until he knows that it can be something substantial. I kind of felt as if he was seeing how she would react to me before he got in too deep, you know?

I don't know if this helps, I thought I would share because my SO is also Nigerian.

 

[NaturalPath]

I definitely think both of you are too young and I dont think he will be bringing up marriage anytime soon to his parents just because of his age.

Here's my opinion. Im Nigerian and no, my brothers do not discuss conquests or anything of that sort with my parents. I cant imagine my brothers bringing around someone their dating unless it's to let my parents know that, here's the girl Im ready to marry so please start making the marriage arrangements.

As a girl, there's no way in hell im introducing any guys im dating to my parents. Only if he's ready to ask for my hand in marriage. Every culture is different and every family is different. Are his older siblings married? He might be hesitating if some of them arent married and he doesnt want to bring his getting married to his parents. I honestly just think it's the age thing. He hasnt even graduated so that's another problem. I dont know many Nigerians that get married while in college. Education comes first, get a good job, become settled and stabled and then you can get married have kids etc. So you have a while to wait

Luckily, my parents dont care who we date or marry(nationality or race) so Im not worried about that

Just my advice, i wouldnt keep pushing marriage to the guy because it might scare him off.

I really felt compelled to respond in this thread and I'm going to be fully honest with you. I had to post something because reading this thread was so disheartening. I felt a lot of anger, a lot of stereotyping, etc. and I don't want to sit here and let some negative accounts put thoughts into your head about YOUR relationship.

I'm Igbo and I'm not going to deny how a lot of parents are in our culture, a lot of them (not all) prefer us to wed another Nigerian. The thing is, a lot of us who have spent a lot of time in America are dating Americans and may end up marrying Americans because it's what we're used to and there's nothing wrong with that.

I honestly don't think he's trying to play you or discusses you with his father as a 'conquest', I do think this guy wants to be with you. We don't discuss 'conquests' with our parents, don't feel that way. Fully. I think the reason he's not saying anything to his mother much is because she's probably the harder one to deal with and doesn't want to hear her mouth right now, especially since he's not done with school. See, his father knowing about you is way better to me, because as the son, he is informing his FATHER, who plays a huge role in the family. Believe me.

This same thing happened with my cousin, and he hid his relationship to an American woman for a while and then he proposed. It was tough for my aunt and uncle. My aunt was against it at first, but eventually discussed with my uncle about it and now things are going smoothly. In my opinion, this dude wouldn't even waste his time, I do think he really cares about you and is trying to protect you from the hassle you may face while he is still in college. In my experience, most Nigerians date for purpose, not just for dating's sake. I say don't make any rash moves, just continue being the good girlfriend and student you are and in due time, things will progress.

I know this is annoying but it is what it is. When you date a Nigerian, this is what you sign up for, you know? I think in regards to marriage, just keep in mind it may not happen as soon as you'd like. Talk to him about where he stands and ask for the real deal on the entire situation, because only HE can tell you everything, don't base everything off what you read from this message board, every situation is different.

American-born, Nigerian (Igbo) checking in...I'll echo the the other posters in saying that's the culture. You don't introduce your SO to the parents unless marriage is in the future. And marriage (much less dating) is not in cards unless you're done with your schooling. In terms of marrying an American, my dad always said that he wanted me to marry a Nigerian (igbo much less!) because because of the negative portrayal of Black men around us. I will say that Nigerians value education greatly. If you're educated, then that will conquer all. Good luck...I'm 23 too. Everything will work out!

I'm not Nigerian, but I am African ... and where I come from, the same rule applies. You don't just introduce everyone you date. Esp if you're still in school. The mother may then dislike you because, in her mind you're "distracting" her son from school.

I totally understand why this is bothering you though and if you feel you need to keep it moving then do so. But if you're going to stay maybe it's a good idea to at least give him the chance to finish school, actually start life and grow a little before having to deal with such a big commitment. He's only 21. You will fare better with the mother if he introduces you when he's actually in a position to marry you. Right now, in their eyes, he's not (age-wise, school, career etc) and he knows that. That doesn't mean that he won't be in the future though.

I respect everyones opinions, but I wanted to especially thank you ladies whom I have quoted (or didnt, there was alot)for being very honest and letting me know the real deal since you are Nigerian and or igbo yourselves.

Being an american, I am not exposed to many different cultures, granted I attended a PWU and I always just thought my BF was either "scared" of his parents or "had no backbone". I literally had no idea the relationship would be like this when we first met, because I was unaware of the traditional customs. I wished he would have told me sooner because it does make things extremely difficult as far as him seeing me over breaks (though his dad knows when he visits me).

BTW yall im not looking to get married anytime soon, I want to begin and finish the remainder of my grad school (5 years) as well as get my practice up and running but I like to start thinking about it now that way I can determine if I have a chance marrying my BF in the future.

 

[NaturalPath]

Exactly.

I tell women this and they think Im jealous of their Nigerian "prince"

All I have to say is DONT get pregnant for this dude.

I mean he's still young and all but if he were serious about you, his mother would have known 2 years ago.

LOL heavens NO!! I could never do that