My BF is Nigerian, and....

wavesofmotion said:
He is of the igbo tribe and was born in Atlanta so hes pretty much as he calls it "Americanized"
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Igbos, more than any other tribe in Nigeria are more known to stick with people in their own tribe. Even from their own village. In addition to what everyone else have said here, yes, it is true that introducing a girl to your parents generally mean that you plan to marry her someday. Also, African guys tend to not want to get married at a young age (you said he's 21). They tend to want to wait till they are much older and financially stable. It's not because you're American.
 
ETA: All the stereotypes about African/Caribbean men are very disheartening. If the tables were turned I don't many of you would find it amusing.

Also, marriage in Nigeria is not just 'i propose to you and bam we starting planning the wedding.' It is a LONG process of the families slowing meeting each other. Marriage in Nigeria is not really about the couple as it is more about the family coming together as one.

So, OP, I would suggest really discussin with your BF where he sees your relationship going. That's the only way you'd ever be able to make a decision about what to do. Let him know that you understand his customs, but is there any CONCRETE hope that you two could be hitched sometime in the future (5yrs), when you're both stable.
 
This happens a lot in a lot of African countries. The Stereotypes are kind of crazy cause it can work both ways:nono:



LongiLox said:
ETA: All the stereotypes about African/Caribbean men are very disheartening. If the tables were turned I don't many of you would find it amusing.

Also, marriage in Nigeria is not just 'i propose to you and bam we starting planning the wedding.' It is a LONG process of the families slowing meeting each other. Marriage in Nigeria is not really about the couple as it is more about the family coming together as one.

So, OP, I would suggest really discussin with your BF where he sees your relationship going. That's the only way you'd ever be able to make a decision about what to do. Let him know that you understand his customs, but is there any CONCRETE hope that you two could be hitched sometime in the future (5yrs), when you're both stable.
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I'm not Nigerian, but I am from an African culture, and all I can say that while culture plays a big role, it really depends on the guy.

It seems like your intuition is telling you something, and honestly, you would know best. Still, I would listen to what some women who come from that tribe are telling you. From what I've seen, Igbo guys like to stick with Igbo girls... not just African girls, but Igbo girls specifically. I have friends who have really got their feelings hurt while dealing with Igbo men.
 
This happens all over Africa. It depends on the person. I understand as an African mother wanting your children to be married within the tribe and especially for me the religion. I understand where these mothers are coming from. No I don't want anything distracting my Children from their studies. I don't want them bringing anyone home willy nilly.Marriage is serious and we are not the divorcing kind.

I don't want my children getting married until after they have finished their studies and are completely able to support themselves and their families. 23 is not young in my eyes. But in America kids tend to stay kids a lot longer than in other cultures.

I just married a daughter off recently and his family is just as happy with them getting married me and DH are. Yes he is from the same background and religion.I was very lucky it was not a forced issue. DH and I are stauch about that.

So be it.


freelove said:
I'm not Nigerian, but I am from an African culture, and all I can say that while culture plays a big role, it really depends on the guy.

It seems like your intuition is telling you something, and honestly, you would know best. Still, I would listen to what some women who come from that tribe are telling you. From what I've seen, Igbo guys like to stick with Igbo girls... not just African girls, but Igbo girls specifically. I have friends who have really got their feelings hurt while dealing with Igbo men.
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My best male friend of 7 years is from the Igbo tribe, I met his mother after knowing him six months and SHE fell in love with me! :lachen:

She really wanted us to get married etc..And used to drop so many hints. She told me although I am from A carribean background she dreamt of a daughter-in-law like me, She respected my husband but she felt her son deserved me! :look:
lol. i love that woman..

If I wasn't married already, She surely would've been my mother-in-law :yep: Her and my best friend are priceless to me and I am treated like family.

I really hate all the sterotypes with a passion, There are good and bad in every culture/race etc........
 
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Ive had a black american woman tell me that her "husband" was a prince and that's why he doesnt go down on her cos it's against the royal line to do such things and that he was from "Akure-Anambra".

It's like the lies are getting more obnoxious everytime.
 
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wasnt anything against you, waves.

Just hope this dude hasnt been spewing the lies I know my fellow brothers tend to do with women that dont know our country/history.
 
Almaz said:
This happens all over Africa. It depends on the person. I understand as an African mother wanting your children to be married within the tribe and especially for me the religion. I understand where these mothers are coming from. No I don't want anything distracting my Children from their studies. I don't want them bringing anyone home willy nilly.Marriage is serious and we are not the divorcing kind.

I don't want my children getting married until after they have finished their studies and are completely able to support themselves and their families. 23 is not young in my eyes. But in America kids tend to stay kids a lot longer than in other cultures.

I just married a daughter off recently and his family is just as happy with them getting married me and DH are. Yes he is from the same background and religion.I was very lucky it was not a forced issue. DH and I are stauch about that.

So be it.
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Oh I don't have a problem with it. Like I said, I was raised African as well, so these ideas are not really new to me. I just would prefer that the guys be upfront about it with the girls they are dating. Don't waste people's time. I've had close friends get burned, and it hurts me to see my friends get hurt.

I have a good friend, she's Yoruba, beautiful girl, brilliant, great personality... totally wife material.... and she was being heavily pursued by this Igbo boy who is another friend of mine. In her case, she met the parents and everything, but that didn't matter because he brings girls home to his parents all the time. The way he laid it out to me, it seemed like his parents understand that he's going through his playboy years, so girls coming home isn't a big deal. They still fully expect that he will MARRY an Igbo girl.

Anyways.... they "fell in love"... or at least she did... but fast forward a few months... he decides that it would be unfair to pursue the relationship any further... he knows he's going to marry Igbo... yada yada yada. She was crushed. He's very charming and he's still running around messing with different girls American... African... whatever knowing dam well he has no long term interest with them. I think that's terrible.

I have other stories too... that have happened to people who were very close to me... honestly, it really put me off Nigerian guys for awhile. I'm over it now, and I would never tell someone not to date Nigerian. I have dated Nigerian and other African guys and had good experiences.

Still, I would encourage any woman dating into a different culture (Asian, Indian, African, whatever) definitely ask them what their views are as far as MARRYING outside their culture and more importantly, what their PARENTS' views are. If they say their parents have problems with it, then drop it. Even if they're willing to risk going against their parents, you don't want that drama. :nono:

I have a lot of close male friends who are Indian and I see this attitude with them too. Date a white/Asian/ black girl for fun, but the entire time they're on the lookout for a pretty Indian girl.

It is what it is.
 
Bachelorette said:
Ive had a black american woman tell me that her "husband" was a prince and that's why he doesnt go down on her cos it's against the royal line to do such things and that he was from "Akure-Anambra".

It's like the lies are getting more obnoxious everytime.
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I see the word husband is in quotes. Are they not even married?
 
Yes I totally agree people should be very upfront about their intentions and give the person the option if they want to contiune our not. To do otherwise is dishonest and a diservice. I hate when people do this because feelings do come into play and it is not right when someone's feelings get hurt when they did not mean you any harm. This is a sad and a shame. I went to University with some African guys (all types) that would do this to women and I did not want these people in my life when I found out about it. Because this is low down and just plain dirty. And that playboy excuse it just bullcrap in my eyes. Cause you surely would not want your daughters doing that so why give the son a pass.

Its wrong




freelove said:
Oh I don't have a problem with it. Like I said, I was raised African as well, so these ideas are not really new to me. I just would prefer that the guys be upfront about it with the girls they are dating. Don't waste people's time. I've had close friends get burned, and it hurts me to see my friends get hurt.

I have a good friend, she's Yoruba, beautiful girl, brilliant, great personality... totally wife material.... and she was being heavily pursued by this Igbo boy who is another friend of mine. In her case, she met the parents and everything, but that didn't matter because he brings girls home to his parents all the time. The way he laid it out to me, it seemed like his parents understand that he's going through his playboy years, so girls coming home isn't a big deal. They still fully expect that he will MARRY an Igbo girl.

Anyways.... they "fell in love"... or at least she did... but fast forward a few months... he decides that it would be unfair to pursue the relationship any further... he knows he's going to marry Igbo... yada yada yada. She was crushed. He's very charming and he's still running around messing with different girls American... African... whatever knowing dam well he has no long term interest with them. I think that's terrible.

I have other stories too... that have happened to people who were very close to me... honestly, it really put me off Nigerian guys for awhile. I'm over it now, and I would never tell someone not to date Nigerian. I have dated Nigerian and other African guys and had good experiences.

Still, I would encourage any woman dating into a different culture (Asian, Indian, African, whatever) definitely ask them what their views are as far as MARRYING outside their culture and more importantly, what their PARENTS' views are. If they say their parents have problems with it, then drop it. Even if they're willing to risk going against their parents, you don't want that drama. :nono:

I have a lot of close male friends who are Indian and I see this attitude with them too. Date a white/Asian/ black girl for fun, but the entire time they're on the lookout for a pretty Indian girl.

It is what it is.
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freelove said:
I have a lot of close male friends who are Indian and I see this attitude with them too. Date a white/Asian/ black girl for fun, but the entire time they're on the lookout for a pretty Indian girl.

It is what it is.
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While I never want to seem prejudiced against any group of people, this is one reason why I usually stay FAR away from Indian men.

Oh they pursue me heavily, but I notice that at least with the ones I meet, they want to take me to a party or a club... rarely a nice sit-down date. Or they'd call me last minute to meet up -- again, at a club or a bar.

I'm thinking, "Yeah, you wouldn't be this callous with Praveen or Shivni."

Because I never really get the serious approach from them, I leave them alone for the most part.
 
Bunny77 said:
I see the word husband is in quotes. Are they not even married?
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green card arrangement :look:

But the good thing is that she's well aware that it is but she believes that when he finally gets it, he will still stay with her cos he's at the moment nice and romantic

we'll see cos "Akure-Anambra" doesnt exist.
 
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Bachelorette said:
green card arrangement :look:

But the good thing is that she's well aware that it is but she believes that when he finally gets it, he will still stay with her cos he's at the moment nice and romantic

we'll see cos "Akure-Anambra" doesnt exist.
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Yes, Akure-Anambra doesn't exist. Men of all cultures (including black americans) lie to women for whatever reason. These men just have an extra venue to come up with creative lies because the women don't know anything about their cultures.

Women in general should keep their eyes and ears open. Regardless, let's refrain from stereotyping and generalizing.
 
freelove said:
I would encourage any woman dating into a different culture (Asian, Indian, African, whatever) definitely ask them what their views are as far as MARRYING outside their culture and more importantly, what their PARENTS' views are. If they say their parents have problems with it, then drop it. Even if they're willing to risk going against their parents, you don't want that drama. :nono:
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I agree with your entire post... especially the red.

It just never seems worth it to me. Relationships are hard enough without all the extra bull. If your parents are going to cut you off for dating/ marrying me, then it's just not worth it. There are plenty of other parents who would give their right arm to have me as a daughter in law.
 
newbiemom said:
I am American with Jamaican parents and I only iontroduce my dh to my parents. My parents told me don't bring home every boy that takes you out. If I have to meet this person he better be important.
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I wish my parents felt the same.
My parents felt any... and I mean any man I am involved with should "pay them respect," especially my father. He required DH to fly to NY to meet him before he would even think to approve of us.

It's like, let me decide if this person is worth your time. And there were no dates in Staten Island anyway LOL
 
gabulldawg said:
Doesn't sound good IMO. :ohwell: If he hasn't introduced you to all of his family by now
(THREE years?!?!?!?) I find it hard to believe that he will in the future. AND what do you mean when you say his dad "pretty much" knows about you? :perplexed That doesn't sound right. :nono: It's also not a good sign that his parents are in his ear encouraging him to marry an African. Just so many red flags...

If I were in your shoes (and I have been) I would probably give him an ultimatum, but be ready to walk if you don't get your way. Otherwise you won't be taken seriously and will be strung along for however many more years until he's done with you. Three years is a long time to waste with someone who won't give you a ring. Like I said, I've been there, and it hurts, but if he's not the one for you you've GOT to move on to find the right one. Don't let him waste anymore of your time!!

Finally, It took me a while to learn that a man who really loves you and cares for you will do anything in his power to make you happy (that he can afford :lol:). If he knows that you want to meet his family and be married he should have done that by now!!! Ultimately, IMO, that is the #1 sign that things may not work out in your favor. :ohwell:

Good luck to you with whatever you decide.
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I agree with gabulldawg,

I've been in a relationship for the 6 years with a nigerian guy and we're in the same age group as you and your significant other. He introduced me to his family the first couple of months we dated. At first his mother wasnt to welcomed of the idea that he was dating an "american" girl but she got over it and we have a wonderful relationship. Me and his father on the other hand dont get along :arguing: and it didnt effect how he feels about the relationship. Most of his family dates and introduces their S/O to the family. So his excuse seems fishy to me. Yes their strict about school but after 3 years he should be willing and want to introduce you to his family. They be mad if they want him to foucs on his studies but he should atleast want them to acknowledge your existence if you mean something to him. :perplexed

Good Luck
 
i am Nigerian i am not ibo but he is "21" it is rare for a 21 year old Nigerian to bring anyone home it will give his parents and heart attack. Education comes first and they will see the relationship as a distraction. I wont force the whole parents thing because i have liked alot of people and i refuse to bring any of them home. Until i am done with school or about done. If he was born here i wont worry about it that much. I will worry more about a Nigerian that just moved over here they are more than likely to marry another Nigerian. If he truly loves you and he is not a pushover. He will marry YOU.
 
Ok. You already know how his mother feels about American women and it will be an uphlill battle to change her mind. One question I would ask you...Can you handle it.

My husband's parents are from Ghana and I am American. He was born in the US but raised according to their culture. When he first started dating his father pressured him to date only women of their culture but he put his foot down and explained to him that he wanted to choose who he wanted to date and not because of where they are from. His father came around and eventually accepted it. My husband and I started dating in high school and I met his whole family while dating him in high school (very early in our relationship). I don't have any problems with his immediate family but his extended family don't particularly care for me since I'm American. But guess what....I don't care. I just stay away from them.

I would be very cautious at this point since you know that he is hesitant on introducing you to his family. Other than his family not accepting you I don't know why he should be hesitant. And then if his family is against him dating American women he should be man enough to stand up to them and stand up for you.
 
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