Men Have No Incentive To Get Married.

[FemmeFatale]

This is what my male friend concluded after our marriage/divorce/child support discussion ..but he's an attorney plus with some of the stuff I see on LHCF I can honestly understand his opposition to marriage, lol.

Is there anyone that agrees or disagrees with this sentiment?

 

[neonbright]

And today women have no incentive to getting married. I turned down a commission in the US Army 12 years ago to follow my husband in the Marine Corps. I already had 10 years in a degree, he is non commissioned and I have to keep him going to finish his degree, I will have my masters next year.

If I stayed in I would have retired with 22 years and a masters, job wise 3 times more than what I am making including retirement. But I went for love.

I look at my cousin she is a partner at a law firm for many years, her current SO, is a high school teacher. Who benefits from this relationship?

 

[FemmeFatale]

And today women have no incentive to getting married. I turned down a commission in the US Army 12 years ago to follow my husband in the Marine Corps. I already had 10 years in a degree, he is non commissioned and I have to keep him going to finish his degree, I will have my masters next year.

If I stayed in I would have retired with 22 years and a masters, job wise 3 times more than what I am making including retirement. But I went for love.

I look at my cousin she is a partner at a law firm for many years, her current SO, is a high school teacher. Who benefits from this relationship?

In your scenario that is true..

 

[knt1229]

Many men can get all the benefits of marriage without the commitment of marriage. They can get regular sex, home coooked meals, house cleaned, kids, housemate, and pretty much anything else they could want from a woman with not even the promise of marriage. So yea I agree with your friend.

But the argument can also be made that the incentive for women has also been diminished because women can work and earn their own money and there is no stigma attached to being a single mom anymore.

 

[Windsy]

Thank you neonbright...it's not just men....women doesn't have any incentive either...

 

[Crystal]

Arguement can be made both ways. Especially for women with a skillset and the ability to make their own money.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Ladies don't fall for this narrative, I've been proposed to first by a black law student and I dodged a second from a nice entrepreneurial brotha with a masters. I'm a sista with classically black features and body shape. It can happen for other sista's too, its all about exuding your standards. I never mentioned marriage once to these men btw, they just knew.

As for the statement in the OP title I agree and disagree at the same time. It depends on the woman, we are the standard bearers ladies, men will rise or fall to our expectations.

 

[CarLiTa]

I don't agree nor disagree. I just wouldn't associate with any man who has that thinking... because that says way too much about his views on life and on women.

But if I had to add anything else:
"Sunday nights" are why formerly reckless men want to get committed relationships and wives. After all the shenanigans from the week, the Sunday morning football games, Sunday nights are family time. That's what Patti Stanger (of Millionaire Matchmaker) said, and I can believe it. The loneliness of Sunday nights... or whenever you realize you would want to have an "other" around for more than just one type of activity... that could incentive for some.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Arguement can be made both ways. Especially for women with a skillset and the ability to make their own money.

True but the issue is that women still want to get married, it's mainly the men that are .

 

[Crystal]

True but the issue is that women still want to get married, it's mainly the men that are .

So all women still want to get married? And men don't. Interesting.

 

[FemmeFatale]

So all women still want to get married? And men don't. Interesting.

I forgot to put up my disclaimer for the sake of LHCF ..

I am generalizing.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

And today women have no incentive to getting married. I turned down a commission in the US Army 12 years ago to follow my husband in the Marine Corps. I already had 10 years in a degree, he is non commissioned and I have to keep him going to finish his degree, I will have my masters next year.

If I stayed in I would have retired with 22 years and a masters, job wise 3 times more than what I am making including retirement. But I went for love.

I look at my cousin she is a partner at a law firm for many years, her current SO, is a high school teacher. Who benefits from this relationship?

Hey neonbright, I don't know much about the army, but why did you have to turn down the position? Why couldn't you have continued in your career while being with him?

Great point about your cousin, I definitely want an equally yoked or more successful SO and I know from my experiences it'll happen for me.

 

[faithVA]

I don't know if men have an incentive to get married but I meet many men that still do want to get married. There are men that like being married (those that have been previously) and there are those that believe in marriage.

Now I as a single woman that does not want children, have very little incentive to get married.


There are men that drag their feet but there are quite a lot of women that drag their feet as well.

 

[yardyspice]

Ladies don't fall for this narrative, I've been proposed to first by a black law student and I dodged a second from a nice entrepreneurial brotha with a masters. I'm a sista with classically black features and body shape. It can happen for other sista's too, its all about exuding your standards. I never mentioned marriage once to these men btw, they just knew.

As for the statement in the OP title I agree and disagree at the same time. It depends on the woman, we are the standard bearers ladies, men will rise or fall to our expectations.

We teach people how to treat us -- men and women. If a man said anything like that to me, then I would be out for good.

 

[LiftedUp]

Only certain type of men think this way.

Being surrounded by men who value committed relationships and marriage before having children, it's not something that I can say have ever came up. I don't personally of men who can say that they want to live a bachelor lifestyle for the rest of their lives so I think that maybe your friend thinks that way but given that that's not the sentiment of all men the rest definitely see value in getting married.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

As far as marriage goes a lot of men think of divorce as a reward for women while men get the short end of the stick and the reason for the divorce is always being thought of as the fault of the man. So if a woman marries or divorces its always a win win for her generally speaking. I'm only speaking about what I've heard men say not how I feel.

As far as not committing to someone who has given him everything for free or discounted, I mean who wouldn't want that ?lol. If you give someone the ability to take advantage don't be surprised if they do.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using LHCF app

 

[FemmeFatale]

As far as marriage goes a lot of men think of divorce as a reward for women while men get the short end of the stick and the reason for the divorce is always being thought of as the fault of the man. So if a woman marries or divorces its always a win win for her generally speaking. I'm only speaking about what I've heard men say not how I feel.

As far as not committing to someone who has given him everything for free or discounted, I mean who wouldn't want that ?lol. If you give someone the ability to take advantage don't be surprised if they do.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using LHCF app

And this is exactly what he referring to.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Only certain type of men think this way.

Being surrounded by men who value committed relationships and marriage before having children, it's not something that I can say have ever came up. I don't personally of men who can say that they want to live a bachelor lifestyle for the rest of their lives so I think that maybe your friend thinks that way but given that that's not the sentiment of all men the rest definitely see value in getting married.

Most I know would like to but are scared or not in a big hurry.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I know a lot of men that say they want to get married, but their actions speak otherwise.

 

[carcajada]

I think men who think like that are short sided. Married men do much better salary and health wise. Men pull their energy from the benefits of security and stability in their homes a marriage can provide. A chick who is not committed yet playing house is a temporary false sense of the security of a wife. Men know this. That's why they are quick to wife up a new chick after dumping the one they shacked with.

 

[Lucie]

It all depends on the man and their upbringing. The culture my man is from, he believes in marriage, in family and in love. We have not been together for a long time but he constantly tells me how much better his life is with me in it. He tells me that just by being around me he desires more for his life, his child, and for us as a family.

Now, if you speak to another man he might tell you how he can cook, clean, do laundry (or pay someone if he cannot do it himself) so why does he need a woman? Yeah, he loves to have sex but there are many women who love to have sex with no strings attached. So a man like this can be a bachelor forever with little regret.

 

[greight]

Marriage isn't for everyone. I hope the man in the OP is upfront about it with the women he dates. I wonder if he wants children? If not, he makes more sense.

 

[RegaLady]

Well Dh's incentive to get married was me.... No seriously, I wonder if these men would view otherwise if they met the woman that really did it for them that they would do anything for her to spend the rest of their life with her.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Ditto. DH was in a long term relationship before we met and they never married. His incentive to get married was me. Not that he even attempted, but he knew that I was not willing to shack up or have some multi-year relationship without a wedding date.

Well Dh's incentive to get married was me.... No seriously, I wonder if these men would view otherwise if they met the woman that really did it for them that they would do anything for her to spend the rest of their life with her.

 

[MissYocairis]

I disagree with OP's friend. Men DO have an incentive to get married. Many studies have been done on married men and the benefits they get....they rise professionally, economically, socially and healthwise, married men are healthier. They also get to perpetuate their legacy via their children from the marriage.

That aside, when women allow men to have all the trappings of marriage without the marriage, then....there is no incentive. Women need to stop falling for it and giving up everything they have to give to men who are not their husbands.

 

[Mis007]

Men Have No Incentive To Get Married.

It's a fact some don't, but if your interested in pursuing marriage you would not network with such men.

 

[Mis007]

I disagree with OP's friend. Men DO have an incentive to get married. Many studies have been done on married men and the benefits they get....they rise professionally, economically, socially and healthwise, married men are healthier. They also get to perpetuate their legacy via their children from the marriage.

That aside, when women allow men to have all the trappings of marriage without the marriage, then....there is no incentive. Women need to stop falling for it and giving up everything they have to give to men who are not their husbands.

And who have no intention in becoming their husbands.

 

[coolhandlulu]

My fiance is the one that is pushing for marriage, not me. I was just fine with shacking up. I've taken care of myself and will continue to do so. I don't want to have kids yet and I don't feel my clock ticking but it is. I will just adopt if the mood strikes me. I'm really quite laissez faire about it all. So I asked my fiance why he was so gung ho about making it legal. He says that married men are taken more seriously. It's not a good look to try to progress in life and not be partnered up. He also says that if anything should happen to either of us we will be protected. I know he loves me dearly. I don't need marriage and he knows that. It's basically a benefit to us in society.

That started me to thinking about marriage and it's function in the past. Love has got nothing to do it. It's a contract that protects both parties. We are a team that is dedicated to a purpose, but when times get tough we have something to back us up. And I have found this to be painfully true in the south. Divorce is like a scarlet letter of sorts. An unmarried woman with kids is too.

When I look around at people who are in some position of power, they are married. For the couple of people who aren't married, you know the painful sad story of why they got divorced. Just saying that they are divorced isn't enough. They've got to let you know that their kept wife chose her stud over the life of luxury you provided for them or that the husband was a alcoholic that put her in the hospital one too many times. My husband and I are networking with a lot of influential people these days and people in power choose marriage. It doesn't mean they love harder or stronger, but they are protecting their assets and keeping up the status quo.

My point is that I live in an area where you are given the serious side eye still if you are seeking better pastures, new opportunities and are single. For every place that is live and let live, there are the same areas where people judge you very harshly and your ability to enjoy life to its fullest is crippled.

I'm just a cornfed girl from Ohio, and these are not my opinions. Just my observations.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I disagree with OP's friend. Men DO have an incentive to get married. Many studies have been done on married men and the benefits they get....they rise professionally, economically, socially and healthwise, married men are healthier. They also get to perpetuate their legacy via their children from the marriage.

That aside, when women allow men to have all the trappings of marriage without the marriage, then....there is no incentive. Women need to stop falling for it and giving up everything they have to give to men who are not their husbands.

Yes. I've been trying to find that study actuallly. I've read a few saying that mean seem to benefit more from marriages than women.

Furthermore, the OP's friend ( and many responses in this thread) seems to be focusing on financial incentive but what about other forms of incentive such as simply having the person you are in love with forever more. Or companionship, or security both emotional AND financial, etc.

 

[Windsy]

As far as marriage goes a lot of men think of divorce as a reward for women while men get the short end of the stick and the reason for the divorce is always being thought of as the fault of the man. So if a woman marries or divorces its always a win win for her generally speaking. I'm only speaking about what I've heard men say not how I feel.

As far as not committing to someone who has given him everything for free or discounted, I mean who wouldn't want that ?lol. If you give someone the ability to take advantage don't be surprised if they do.

Sent from my Sprint EVO using LHCF app

I've heard it too and I usually tell them, "then get a prenup"....there's really no excuse!!