"men Dont Love Women Like You"

007PMP said:
My goal was not to generate an aggressive/defensive response from you. Just so you know my intentions. My point was proven exactly by your response: Men don’t enjoy watching movies like Love Actually but you said you make him. In that case I guess he’s watching it to appease/comply and although you forced someone to watch something important to you it doesn’t mean he’s enjoying it or getting what you get out of the movie. Again, compliance doesn’t beget effectiveness.

Acting is not genuine and merely obligatory so again....what’s the point? I thought the goal was to be with someone who genuinely wants to pay your bills, by you flowers, etc.

Now we’re off topic but I appreciate your response and would appreciate even more if you didn’t take my post as an attack. :smile:
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Sorry I didn't mean to come off as an attack. I was trying to give an honest answer. I don't understand. What does any movie achieve? I don't know If they like the movie and I don't care. The man likes the experience. The hand holding and sipping wine. They like me saying "Thank so much for watching this with me. I get so sentimental at Xmas." How do I know they like the experience ? Because they then make extra efforts to make my xmas special and will repeat my words. "Xmas is a sentimental time of the year."

I really don't go around trying to figure out what men like anyway, because I don't understand them. I can only say that the movie has brought joyful times.

My goal is not to be with someone who genuinely wants to do anything for me . Mary J Blidge though her husband was genuine and we see how that worked out. A man motivated can fake genuine.

I don't really care if he wants to buy me flowers, or pay bills. Its what I require and I'm getting it. Thats really all that matters to me-results. I assume they like me and my desires or I they would leave.

I don't try to read mens minds. I just go with the flow. If I like it-im there. If I don't like it -I leave.

My friends go out of their way trying to please their men and they habitually get Dogged out.

So yeah, Compliance begets effectiveness. with me. It is effective in giving me what I want. What other effectiveness could you possibly be speaking of?
 
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Gin&Tonic said:
Sorry I didn't mean to come off as an attack. I was trying to give an honest answer. I don't understand. What does any movie achieve? I don't know If they like the movie and I don't care. The man likes the experience. The hand holding and sipping wine. They like me saying "Thank so much for watching this with me. I get so sentimental at Xmas." How do I know they like the experience ? Because they then make extra efforts to make my xmas special and will repeat my words. "Xmas is a sentimental time of the year."

I really don't go around trying to figure out what men like anyway, because I don't understand them. I can only say that the movie has brought joyful times.

My goal is not to be with someone who genuinely wants to do anything for me . Mary J Blidge though her husband was genuine and we see how that worked out. A man motivated can fake genuine.

I don't really care if he wants to buy me flowers, or pay bills. Its what I require and I'm getting it. Thats really all that matters to me-results. I assume they like me and my desires or I they would leave.

I don't try to read mens minds. I just go with the flow. If I like it-im there. If I don't like it -I leave.

My friends go out of their way trying to please their men and they habitually get Dogged out.

So yeah, Compliance begets effectiveness. with me. It is effective in giving me what I want. What other effectiveness could you possibly be speaking of?
Click to expand...

I love love love your post.
 
Gin&Tonic said:
Sorry I didn't mean to come off as an attack. I was trying to give an honest answer. I don't understand. What does any movie achieve? I don't know If they like the movie and I don't care. The man likes the experience. The hand holding and sipping wine. They like me saying "Thank so much for watching this with me. I get so sentimental at Xmas." How do I know they like the experience ? Because they then make extra efforts to make my xmas special and will repeat my words. "Xmas is a sentimental time of the year."

I really don't go around trying to figure out what men like anyway, because I don't understand them. I can only say that the movie has brought joyful times.

My goal is not to be with someone who genuinely wants to do anything for me . Mary J Blidge though her husband was genuine and we see how that worked out. A man motivated can fake genuine.

I don't really care if he wants to buy me flowers, or pay bills. Its what I require and I'm getting it. Thats really all that matters to me-results. I assume they like me and my desires or I they would leave.

I don't try to read mens minds. I just go with the flow. If I like it-im there. If I don't like it -I leave.

My friends go out of their way trying to please their men and they habitually get Dogged out.

So yeah, Compliance begets effectiveness. with me. It is effective in giving me what I want. What other effectiveness could you possibly be speaking of?
Click to expand...

So how has this mindset worked for you? Have you found a man who complies? I’ve never found compliance in a relationship to be mutually rewarding or sustainable. Want/desire is different and the dynamic is not the same as “if I say he will do”. Desire is he’s providing without me opening my mouth or hand because it’s about HIM and you benefit.

You can have standards, which I subscribe to but you cannot make someone comply. You can change your container but not his.

Maybe we’re saying the same thing but yours (to me) seems opposite of catching bees with honey. :lol:
 
007PMP said:
...
Maybe we’re saying the same thing but yours (to me) seems opposite of catching bees with honey. :lol:
Click to expand...

The difference I think is that she isn’t trying to “catch” anything. She is simply honey. Those who like it like it. Those who don’t don’t. The focus is on self, on being, on living, on being pleased versus pleasing, enticing, cooperating, or compromising.

It’s like how some women submit to their man. Some don’t. Both women get men. Both get taken out and sent flowers.

Different strokes for different folks.
 
hopeful said:
The difference I think is that she isn’t trying to “catch” anything. She is simply honey. Those who like it like it. Those who don’t don’t. The focus is on self, on being, on living, on being pleased versus pleasing, enticing, cooperating, or compromising.

It’s like how some women submit to their man. Some don’t. Both women get men. Both get taken out and sent flowers.

Different strokes for different folks.
Click to expand...

Then we’re speaking the same thing only her delivery isn’t how you described above (to me)—which is okay but it also prompted more questions from me to her. I don’t believe my post states catching was to be the focus—we’re not discussing semantics.

I’m merely curious as to how effective it has been because I have yet to come across this type of dynamic as being successful — meaning it’s not obligatory or filled with if/then ultimatums; which is how I interpreted her response.
 
We have derailed the thread topic which I’m not wanting to continue to contribute to. However feel free to PM me if more conversation is wanted. :smile:
 
007PMP said:
Then we’re speaking the same thing only her delivery isn’t how you described above (to me)—which is okay but it also prompted more questions from me to her. I don’t believe my post states catching was to be the focus—we’re not discussing semantics.

I’m merely curious as to how effective it has been because I have yet to come across this type of dynamic as being successful — meaning it’s not obligatory or filled with if/then ultimatums; which is how I interpreted her response.
Click to expand...

007PMP said:
We have derailed the thread topic which I’m not wanting to continue to contribute to. However feel free to PM me if more conversation is wanted. :smile:
Click to expand...

I understand if you don’t reply further but I don’t think this discussion is derailing the thread. I can’t speak for @Gin&Tonic, just putting in my two cents and interpretation. I don’t think she’s giving anyone ultimatums. With children you may have to say if you don’t clean your room, then you can’t go out or something like that.

With a man it’s simply I like this, I like that, I want to do this, I want to do that. If he doesn’t comply, isn’t interested, it’s fine, she just moves on. No ultimatums, no arguing, no nothing. Just an acceptance that he’s not the guy for her.
 
007PMP said:
Then we’re speaking the same thing only her delivery isn’t how you described above (to me)—which is okay but it also prompted more questions from me to her. I don’t believe my post states catching was to be the focus—we’re not discussing semantics.

I’m merely curious as to how effective it has been because I have yet to come across this type of dynamic as being successful — meaning it’s not obligatory or filled with if/then ultimatums; which is how I interpreted her response.
Click to expand...

It's very successful. But then- folks find others to help them rob banks and sell meth. I don't care what you want and how you want to do it, you can find someone who will do it with you and the way you want to.

The key is to not waste time on people who are not with the program.
 
hopeful said:
I understand if you don’t reply further but I don’t think this discussion is derailing the thread. I can’t speak for @Gin&Tonic, just putting in my two cents and interpretation. I don’t think she’s giving anyone ultimatums. With children you may have to say if you don’t clean your room, then you can’t go out or something like that.

With a man it’s simply I like this, I like that, I want to do this, I want to do that. If he doesn’t comply, isn’t interested, it’s fine, she just moves on. No ultimatums, no arguing, no nothing. Just an acceptance that he’s not the guy for her.
Click to expand...

Exactly.

If a man isn't trying to please,what purpose do they serve? How do they ever win Sex?
 
hopeful said:
With a man it’s simply I like this, I like that, I want to do this, I want to do that. If he doesn’t comply, isn’t interested, it’s fine, she just moves on. No ultimatums, no arguing, no nothing. Just an acceptance that he’s not the guy for her.
Click to expand...

Southernbella. said:
@Gin&Tonic I love the part where you thank them for watching because you get sentimental at Christmas. So feminine and vulnerable :yep:
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Many women, including myself forget men love to please women they are interested in. They are pursuers and hunters by nature. So if they can figure out what will make a woman happy, they'll do it depending on how high their interest in her is. A man truly interested in a woman will do activities or whatever that may not interest him but that interest HER. That actually makes things simple for us. We can just nicely state what we want and the man who meets our demands wins. :look:
 
*scratches head* let me preface by saying I’m an INTJ. So I have learned that what makes sense to me and the way I see the world is not the same as 98% of the population. As a woman, I’m in the o.8% of the INTJ community. :look:

So......What is it about th movie that ya’ll love? Even to the degree of having the men in your life watch it? :lol:

Also are you having them watch it so they could understand you? The way you see love? Or something else you want to convey?

I’m serious, the movie is not romantic and doesn’t even actualize love in the real word. No one goes from “stranger” to “I love you” to happily ever after. It’s a dark depiction of love and a fairytale in my opinion. I guess I’m lost in what one gets from this movie in the context of love and relationship building.

Lemme watch it again because I must be missing something.

Now a movie I do enjoy watching with the beau is Love Jones or if I want to go romantic white comedy Pretty Woman (his favorite and mine).
 
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007PMP said:
*scratches head* let me preface by saying I’m an INTJ. So I have learned that what makes sense to me and the way I see the world is not the same as 98% of the population. As a woman, I’m in the o.8% of the INTJ community. :look:

So......What is it about th movie that ya’ll love? Even to the degree of having the men in your life watch it? :lol:

Also are you having them watch it so they could understand you? The way you see love? Or something else you want to convey?

I’m serious, the movie is not romantic and doesn’t even actualize love in the real word. No one goes from “stranger” to “I love you” to happily ever after. It’s a dark depiction of love and a fairytale in my opinion. I guess I’m lost in what one gets from this movie in the context of love and relationship building.

Lemme watch it again because I must be missing something.

Now a movie I do enjoy watching with the beau is Love Jones or if I want to go romantic white comedy Pretty Woman (his favorite and mine).
Click to expand...

.

This is not directed at you ,but Its telling that some women think that something must be up for me to have my man sit still for two hours and focus on something simply because I want to . It’s making me sad.

A movie cannot serve any relationship purpose in my opinion. We could have watched x-men and had the same effect.

Let’s never turn into my moms friend who drags her loser husband to every gospel stage play thinking he will learn something. Men are not women. If you want then to know something- tell them straight up.

The fact that the movie is not in your face romantic is the reason I think some men actually do like it. I do find a way to make it sexy.

I think the movie shows love in its many aspects. Everyone in the movie was in love or found love. It’s about how we are surrounded by love in ways we never even consider or appreciate. Love is everywhere. The most obvious depiction of that is the rock star who discovers that his assistant is really the only family he has. I also enjoy Hugh grant. I really enjoy it when the little girl sings “ all I want for Christmas is you”. I turn that part of the movie into a sing along. That’s the kinda sexy part. And it helps if my man is getting sleepy. Lol!

It’s just a corny movie but I find it heart warming. Different strokes...
 
sunnydaze said:
^^^

I feel like you could insert any movie in the place of her stating Love Actually, the point is still the same, that if a guy is around and genuinely interested he will partake in things that his woman enjoys, b/c he wants to please her.
Click to expand...
Exactly right! I’ve had men watch Legally blonde, Deliver us from Eva and a host of foreign films that interest me. If the men like you, they don’t mind.
 
Gin&Tonic said:
.

This is not directed at you ,but Its telling that some women think that something must be up for me to have my man sit still for two hours and focus on something simply because I want to . It’s making me sad.

A movie cannot serve any relationship purpose in my opinion. We could have watched x-men and had the same effect.

Let’s never turn into my moms friend who drags her loser husband to every gospel stage play thinking he will learn something. Men are not women. If you want then to know something- tell them straight up.

The fact that the movie is not in your face romantic is the reason I think some men actually do like it. I do find a way to make it sexy.

I think the movie shows love in its many aspects. Everyone in the movie was in love or found love. It’s about how we are surrounded by love in ways we never even consider or appreciate. Love is everywhere. The most obvious depiction of that is the rock star who discovers that his assistant is really the only family he has. I also enjoy Hugh grant. I really enjoy it when the little girl sings “ all I want for Christmas is you”. I turn that part of the movie into a sing along. That’s the kinda sexy part. And it helps if my man is getting sleepy. Lol!

It’s just a corny movie but I find it heart warming. Different strokes...
Click to expand...

I’m watching it again now :lol:

So I’m going to watch it and see what y’all see.

I don’t take much personal (in fact I get more worried about how the other person receives my messages) but I do appreciate you adding the just in case preface. :yep:

Definitely different stokes which is why I do enjoy being on here and learning just as much as I offer perspective and inquiry. Who knEw Love Actually was a thing but also that for me—while you enjoy watching it with your partner, I’m setting date boundaries around football season (when I wasnt in a relationship). Why? I love football as much as I love getting Botox, mani/pedi and all the other self care rituals that delight my soul. :lol:

Tbt: sometimes I do feel like I’m at a slight disadvantage because I swear I’m not wired like most women I’ve came in contact and friends with. :ohwell: This is why me with an alpha man is disaterous. I’m better with beta men.
 
007PMP said:
So......What is it about th movie that ya’ll love? Even to the degree of having the men in your life watch it? :lol:

Also are you having them watch it so they could understand you? The way you see love? Or something else you want to convey?

I’m serious, the movie is not romantic and doesn’t even actualize love in the real word. No one goes from “stranger” to “I love you” to happily ever after. It’s a dark depiction of love and a fairytale in my opinion. I guess I’m lost in what one gets from this movie in the context of love and relationship building.
Click to expand...
To me, the bolded also describes the movie Pretty Woman. :look:

For me it isn't really about what movie we watch, its about the quality alone time we get to spend together.
 
007PMP said:
I’m watching it again now :lol:

So I’m going to watch it and see what y’all see.

I don’t take much personal (in fact I get more worried about how the other person receives my messages) but I do appreciate you adding the just in case preface. :yep:

Definitely different stokes which is why I do enjoy being on here and learning just as much as I offer perspective and inquiry. Who knEw Love Actually was a thing but also that for me—while you enjoy watching it with your partner, I’m setting date boundaries around football season (when I wasnt in a relationship). Why? I love football as much as I love getting Botox, mani/pedi and all the other self care rituals that delight my soul. :lol:

Tbt: sometimes I do feel like I’m at a slight disadvantage because I swear I’m not wired like most women I’ve came in contact and friends with. :ohwell: This is why me with an alpha man is disaterous. I’m better with beta men.
Click to expand...

Beta men? Nooo. I love Alpha men!
I'm so blessed that I rarely have to watch football. I have never dated a man that was that that into football-at least around me. The guy I'm dating will tune in for the scores but never wants to sit and watch it with me. He's a surgeon and says he has adrenalin inducing situations in life and he just wants to chill. TV time with a man is a treat because have always dated super busy men who are more interested in getting dressed to go out to dinner than I am.

I can feel you on feeling a little different than others. It is common. I feel that I don't think I make people feel comfortable enough.

I think the point of this thread is that we are supposed to embrace the things about us that makes us different. Own it and love ourselves just the way we are. What makes us different , makes us exciting.
 
I love Love Actually. I saw it in the theater when it came out with a friend and as soon as it went off we being two grown :censored: women snuck right back into the next showing to watch it again.

My friends used to hate me for dragging them to British movies but LA was my redemption.

All of the story lines are excellent but the two that I will just randomly watch youtube clips are the woman with the autistic brother and Colin Firth and house keeper having those amazing conversations where they don't know what the other person is saying.
and Rick Grimes with his cue cards.....:cry:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I love Love Actually. I saw it in the theater when it came out with a friend and as soon as it went off we being two grown :censored: women snuck right back into the next showing to watch it again.

My friends used to hate me for dragging them to British movies but LA was my redemption.

All of the story lines are excellent but the two that I will just randomly watch youtube clips are the woman with the autistic brother and Colin Firth and house keeper having those amazing conversations where they don't know what the other person is saying.
and Rick Grimes with his cue cards.....:cry:
Click to expand...

Girl those two parts should not move you . They show common weaknesses that contribute to a women losing at love.

The lesson

1 - Beware of friends who want to take the one you love.
2 . Create boundaries so that needy family don’t keep you from loving your best life.
 
Gin&Tonic said:
Girl those two parts should not move you . They show common weaknesses that contribute to a women losing at love.

The lesson

1 - Beware of friends who want to take the one you love.
2 . Create boundaries so that needy family don’t keep you from loving your best life.
Click to expand...

Yay for @Crackers Phinn for winning!

@Gin&Tonic I was so frustrated when the lady couldn’t set boundaries with her brother long enough for her to have any fun! Her co-worker was so handsome and so interested.
 
Gin&Tonic said:
.

This is not directed at you ,but Its telling that some women think that something must be up for me to have my man sit still for two hours and focus on something simply because I want to . It’s making me sad.

A movie cannot serve any relationship purpose in my opinion. We could have watched x-men and had the same effect.

Let’s never turn into my moms friend who drags her loser husband to every gospel stage play thinking he will learn something. Men are not women. If you want then to know something- tell them straight up.

The fact that the movie is not in your face romantic is the reason I think some men actually do like it. I do find a way to make it sexy.

I think the movie shows love in its many aspects. Everyone in the movie was in love or found love. It’s about how we are surrounded by love in ways we never even consider or appreciate. Love is everywhere. The most obvious depiction of that is the rock star who discovers that his assistant is really the only family he has. I also enjoy Hugh grant. I really enjoy it when the little girl sings “ all I want for Christmas is you”. I turn that part of the movie into a sing along. That’s the kinda sexy part. And it helps if my man is getting sleepy. Lol!

It’s just a corny movie but I find it heart warming. Different strokes...
Click to expand...

I have seen this movie title on my cable guide many of times. I have yet to watch it but because of this thread now I'm interested.
 
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