Thanks ladies. I wish I had shut it down instead of listening for nearly 3 hours! I would want to know but I honestly think she does not so I will mind my business and tell them to keep me out of it.
Married Ladies Random Thoughts
- Thread starter naturalgyrl5199
- Start date
ThePromise
Well-Known Member
...deleted
Last edited:
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
@ThePromise I would be livid. She’s on some mess and your husband needs to handle his mother.
ThePromise
Well-Known Member
Thank you. I'm so hurt by this.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Dh went to target to get some sort of cord to set up his home office. I asked him to get some wine while he was out. I watched him unpack the bag- 2 bottles. Then when I opened one he talking about pour me a glass.
so you going back out tomorrow because 2 bottles...
so you going back out tomorrow because 2 bottles...
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
We went back
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Me: we need to order a box of wine
Dh: I’m not sitting and drinking with you all day
Me: I said we need to order, not we need to drink
Dh: I’m not sitting and drinking with you all day
Me: I said we need to order, not we need to drink
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Dh got coasters hidden throughout the house
He looks up and says he needs a coaster. I tell him they're in the island drawer, he raises his hand, comes to the sofa, and lifts the left corner... pulls out the coaster he conveniently "finds" whenever we have company. Shenanigans
He looks up and says he needs a coaster. I tell him they're in the island drawer, he raises his hand, comes to the sofa, and lifts the left corner... pulls out the coaster he conveniently "finds" whenever we have company. Shenanigans
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Whew. This is a lot.
Last edited:
We've been getting on a lot better and feeling more connected since lockdown.
Before this were starting to have one blow up argument every weekend, or fortnight and I was drained. Coming up to a year married and I admit before I was looking at other newly weds and wondering why we we didn't seem as happy and why I didn't feel fully connected. We haven't had any significant arguments since working at home together, I'm less depressed and the loving moments are way up. I enjoy being married. Definitely given pause for thought on this issue.
I usually work at home alone and tend to find it isolating/depressing by the end of the week which makes my mood funky. He works in an office, but is pretty introverted, so he comes back drained from being around people for too long and 2 hour commutes. Both being at home has improved our mental health and fed into the relationship.
About 4 guys DH works with have opted to still go into the office because they cant be with their wives all week. He has a female colleague as well who was not looking forward to being at home with her husband. I'm glad we're the opposite lol.
Before this were starting to have one blow up argument every weekend, or fortnight and I was drained. Coming up to a year married and I admit before I was looking at other newly weds and wondering why we we didn't seem as happy and why I didn't feel fully connected. We haven't had any significant arguments since working at home together, I'm less depressed and the loving moments are way up. I enjoy being married. Definitely given pause for thought on this issue.
I usually work at home alone and tend to find it isolating/depressing by the end of the week which makes my mood funky. He works in an office, but is pretty introverted, so he comes back drained from being around people for too long and 2 hour commutes. Both being at home has improved our mental health and fed into the relationship.
About 4 guys DH works with have opted to still go into the office because they cant be with their wives all week. He has a female colleague as well who was not looking forward to being at home with her husband. I'm glad we're the opposite lol.
Sapphire Angel
Well-Known Member
Hi ladies,
I don’t post very often but I really want some advice. I’ve been with my husband for almost 7 years, but I still feel like an outsider with his family. I try to pretend it’s ok, but it bothers me. I always imagined when I got married I would have a second family. He is super nonchalant about it and makes me feel like I’m just overly sensitive. I’m just going to stay away, because I don’t like feeling this way.
I don’t post very often but I really want some advice. I’ve been with my husband for almost 7 years, but I still feel like an outsider with his family. I try to pretend it’s ok, but it bothers me. I always imagined when I got married I would have a second family. He is super nonchalant about it and makes me feel like I’m just overly sensitive. I’m just going to stay away, because I don’t like feeling this way.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
@Sapphire Angel
Why do you feel like an outsideR? Do they exclude you? Do you have everyone’s numbers? Start initiating contact w/o your dh. Find common interest and bond over them.
Also, are you sure that’s what you want? I was really close with dh’s family because we lived closer to them and it became draining. If he didn’t answer his phone, they’d call me right after. Like his phone would stop and mine would start. If he was likely to say no to something, they’d call me first. I started getting special gift request. And not like hey, this is what I want from y’all, more like cafe get this for me. I had to set boundaries
Why do you feel like an outsideR? Do they exclude you? Do you have everyone’s numbers? Start initiating contact w/o your dh. Find common interest and bond over them.
Also, are you sure that’s what you want? I was really close with dh’s family because we lived closer to them and it became draining. If he didn’t answer his phone, they’d call me right after. Like his phone would stop and mine would start. If he was likely to say no to something, they’d call me first. I started getting special gift request. And not like hey, this is what I want from y’all, more like cafe get this for me. I had to set boundaries
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
I'm so grateful that my husband understands my moods. He's been able to talk me off many ledges in the twenty-one years we've been together. I have anxiety issues and he's always level headed. He doesn't really "get" what having anxiety is like, but he never feeds into my spin cycles of worry. He always has an attitude of "what if everything works out fine?"
hopeful
Well-Known Member
That is wonderful @LivingInPeace. You continue to inspire me and give me hope just through your sharing.
LovinLea
Well-Known Member
That's not the answer. Did you tell him just like you said it here "I am disappointed because I want your family to be like a second family to me." and ask him what "we" can do to make that happen.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
I find this hilarious reminds me of my family.
I think this is the one who started it but not sure
Last edited:
tolly
Well-Known Member
@acapnleo I am very sorry you had to walk away. I remember you have been struggling for a while from your posts on this thread.
Sometimes, somethings are better with walking away. I hope you find peace, joy and lightness in your life with the decision you have made.
Hugs and blessings to you.
Sometimes, somethings are better with walking away. I hope you find peace, joy and lightness in your life with the decision you have made.
Hugs and blessings to you.
Last edited:
futureapl
Well-Known Member
Have you tried initiating contact with them? Calling his parents/siblings to say hi and see how they are doing or inviting them over for lunch/dinner?
Most of my in laws live abroad so I try to connect with them by calling, texting, and sending pics of our baby. We aren't super close, but we are as close as I want to be if that makes sense.
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
I was 26 when I got married, shifting from a busy grad school single life to that of a partner with live in spouse--we were KIDS when we started dating at 18 and 19.... I am a whole different human at 39 with 2 kids than I was back then. I didnt even REALIZE what my needs WOULD BE. Especially when we had our daughter. We tried our best to establish ground rules but they worked A LITTLE WHILE. I didn't really understand the implications of my decisions when we discussed many day to day things we wanted and expected with the Pastor who married us.
It took 5-6 years for me to even discover and understand triggers, why things bothered me, and how to specifically approach him about things knowing he was a little less mature about it than I was. Things I didnt even know to ask, or discuss in counseling. We had a foundation and the more conventional things we agreed on...we even discussed fighting fairly. The reality was a trip. We had HUGE bumps in the road. We had to establish NEW rules, and go back to our respective corners, (after calling each other out), sit with our feelings and come back and unpack together after unpacking separately. All we knew is that we wanted each other and had to fight for it....we started from there. 13.5 years later and its been a ride. We continue to re-evaluate and establish new rules along the way. We are so different from who we were. It took him a heck of a lot longer to change. And it took me a while to admit---he SHOULD change. Coming from a feeling that you shouldnt try and change ppl.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Hilarious seeing how dh has come over to my side on issues he used to vehemently disagree with.
private school- after my first week teaching we were out and I mentioned how I might be that parent who sends kids to private school. Oh he was like NAW I’m not paying for school twice, I went to public school, I turned out great! years later he was like whatever is best.
Picking friends/spouses
He was very anything goes. I was like naw. He was like as long as they’re loved and happy. I was like naw; I grew up in situational poverty so I know partner & social circles can lift you out or force you further in. He’s come over to my side
Might be ready for a child now
private school- after my first week teaching we were out and I mentioned how I might be that parent who sends kids to private school. Oh he was like NAW I’m not paying for school twice, I went to public school, I turned out great! years later he was like whatever is best.
Picking friends/spouses
He was very anything goes. I was like naw. He was like as long as they’re loved and happy. I was like naw; I grew up in situational poverty so I know partner & social circles can lift you out or force you further in. He’s come over to my side
Might be ready for a child now
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
please do not quote:
what would you do if your spouse decides to go to a 40th bday party with 60-70 people in attendance? they claim they will be wearing masks, checking temperature at the door and get a big enough hall to accomodate tables being 6ft apart. I have a 16 month old and 3.5 month old in the house and im legit worried about this. I was invited by the host but I already know I wont be attending. I'm worried that my husband will choose to go even though i have expressed my concerns.
what would you do if your spouse decides to go to a 40th bday party with 60-70 people in attendance? they claim they will be wearing masks, checking temperature at the door and get a big enough hall to accomodate tables being 6ft apart. I have a 16 month old and 3.5 month old in the house and im legit worried about this. I was invited by the host but I already know I wont be attending. I'm worried that my husband will choose to go even though i have expressed my concerns.
@scarcity21 - have a candid conversation where you share your concerns.
Back in March when things were slowly beginning to shut down my husband had a conference that he was suppose to attend. He asked me my thoughts and I told him my concerns which were we have a child with asthma and should he decide to go he could potentially be putting not just himself but me and our kids at risk. He chose not to go. I understand wanting to go out and live as though things are somewhat normal, but sometimes we have to take a step back and think about how our actions could impact other people.
Back in March when things were slowly beginning to shut down my husband had a conference that he was suppose to attend. He asked me my thoughts and I told him my concerns which were we have a child with asthma and should he decide to go he could potentially be putting not just himself but me and our kids at risk. He chose not to go. I understand wanting to go out and live as though things are somewhat normal, but sometimes we have to take a step back and think about how our actions could impact other people.
classychic1908
Well-Known Member
@scarcity21. I would tell him how I feel in an emotionally vulnerable manner. If he chooses to attend, I would take the babies and go stay in a hotel for two weeks -- even if it means using a credit card that he pays. Or I would visit with a family member for two weeks. I would not hold a grudge or argue about it. I don't think he believes he is putting y'all in harms way, ultimately you can only control yourself.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Unfortunately I don't think you can keep the kind of dude who makes this kind of decision during a pandemic out of "his" house afterwards. She's going to have to take her babies and go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My advice is you know your husband, if you can reason it out for him to go and you're sure he will stay gone until it's safe to come back then do it otherwise make your own plans. If you go the hotel route, make sure that you use a credit card that he can't turn off to force you back home.
I don't know how well you get along with his friends and family but if you can get them to help guilt him into avoiding this party and emphasize doing it for the babies then call in the Calvary.
classychic1908
Well-Known Member
Ideally, she won't have to uproot herself, he may decide not to attend after hearing her feelings. Ultimately, the only person you can control is yourself. Sometimes people have to have actual consequences for poor choices. Being at home alone, would give him time to consider his own behavior and miss y'all. Arguing to try to force the other person to bend to your will doesn't work in the long-term.
Last edited:
Similar threads
