Married Ladies Random Thoughts

[hopeful]

Dh broke my heart.
Yes, it was cornbread from thanksgiving. That doesn't mean you get to throw it away when you should've known I was gonna eat it with my chili tonight. Talking about cleaning out the fridge.

So silly ! Must have been some good cornbread—Thanksgiving was a week ago sis! I too have thrown everything out.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

So silly ! Must have been some good cornbread—Thanksgiving was a week ago sis! I too have thrown everything out.

I needed that cornbread in my life!!! I was going to take that risk and eat it today for the last time when I came home and saw my skillet soaking, I was grief stricken - glad he’s washing dishes and cleaning the fridge.

 

[hopeful]

I needed that cornbread in my life!!! I was going to take that risk and eat it today for the last time when I came home and saw my skillet soaking, I was grief stricken - glad he’s washing dishes and cleaning the fridge.

At least there’s a silver lining .

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Since ya'll talking about cornbread, on another forum the question came up whether people ate cornbread in milk. My mother used to put cornbread in a bowl and pour buttermilk on it and eat it like cereal. I hadn't thought about that in years and definitely haven't had it since I was little little. I'm go try that the next time I make some sweet-ish corn bread.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Since ya'll talking about cornbread, on another forum the question came up whether people ate cornbread in milk. My mother used to put cornbread in a bowl and pour buttermilk on it and eat it like cereal. I hadn't thought about that in years and definitely haven't had it since I was little little. I'm go try that the next time I make some sweet-ish corn bread.

I don’t drink milk.
I do like fried cornbread with molasses

 

[hopeful]

Since ya'll talking about cornbread, on another forum the question came up whether people ate cornbread in milk. My mother used to put cornbread in a bowl and pour buttermilk on it and eat it like cereal. I hadn't thought about that in years and definitely haven't had it since I was little little. I'm go try that the next time I make some sweet-ish corn bread.

So now I gotta go home and make another batch of cornbread. Not gonna have it with buttermilk though. I make it with buttermilk so that’s enough for me. I love warm cornbread topped with butter. Especially good with a glass of sweet tea.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I had a Christmas drinks with a few peeps last week.

While we were there a friend of my friend contacted and asked her if she was available to meet up that evening. My friend informed this woman that she was already out with us and her husband was at home looking after the baby.

Don't you know this friend took herself uninvited to visit the husband/baby and sent a photo to boot. Who does that lol.

 

[Lylddlebit]

I had a Christmas drinks with a few peeps last week.

While we were there a friend of my friend contacted and asked her if she was available to meet up that evening. My friend informed this woman that she was already out with us and her husband was at home looking after the baby.

Don't you know this friend took herself uninvited to visit the husband/baby and sent a photo to boot. Who does that lol.

I am glad my husband turns mean when women try games like that(or are simply that obtuse). He is unapologetic when it comes to being harsh to women who attempt to test the boundaries of our relationship. Has zero patience when he perceives someone trying to use him to disrespect me.

 

[Foxglove]

I had a Christmas drinks with a few peeps last week.

While we were there a friend of my friend contacted and asked her if she was available to meet up that evening. My friend informed this woman that she was already out with us and her husband was at home looking after the baby.

Don't you know this friend took herself uninvited to visit the husband/baby and sent a photo to boot. Who does that lol.

He let her in? lol

 

[PeaceFlow]

Yep, he's too nice and not quick to assertiveness - neither is my friend for that matter. He doesn't like this woman, yet he let her to see the baby and to ruin his evening.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Ooooh he getting on my nerves. Talking about guess what I almost bought you for Christmas... I asked him not to tell me but then he has to tell me and it’s a really nice gift. Then he has to talk about how he doesn’t understand the price of the very nice almost gift.
and I had to ask him to stop telling me about the almost purchases. Last year it was “oh I almost got us tickets to London for the holidays.”
I asked him what I’m supposed to do with this information- the almost gifts/purchases. He’s like oh I just want to share my thoughts. I told him I’d prefer he not do that, especially in the case of almost gifts that are better than the gifts he ends up giving- I didn’t include the better than comment. Here he goes being obtuse “oh I guess I won’t share”
Yeah whatever.

 

[hopeful]

@Brwnbeauti
He sounds passive aggressive. What he’s doing is kind of cruel. I almost got us tickets to London? Almost? Really? Anyway it all sounds frustrating.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

@Brwnbeauti
He sounds passive aggressive. What he’s doing is kind of cruel. I almost got us tickets to London? Almost? Really? Anyway it all sounds frustrating.

I can’t tell if he wants my opinion or if he’s dangling things for a reaction, or both. He gets neither.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Anyone else have in-laws who live far away, or in another country?

How do you manage this through the holidays?

Alternate, bring the families together, or split up?

Last year and this year we have split up. His Mum is alone this year and just lost her brother, so he had to go and I didn't want to disappoint my Gran, so I stayed here. Its our first Christmas as a married couple so not ideal.

 

[Foxglove]

Anyone else have in-laws who live far away, or in another country?

How do you manage this through the holidays?

Alternate, bring the families together, or split up?

Last year and this year we have split up. His Mum is alone this year and just lost her brother, so he had to go and I didn't want to disappoint my Gran, so I stayed here. Its our first Christmas as a married couple so not ideal.

Alternate years or holidays (like do thanksgiving at one and christmas at the other, etc). It's better to set the precedence early so it's not expected of you to be at every holiday. Understandably with a death this year is unique for you guys but going forward probably will need to draw a line in the sand sometime

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Anyone else have in-laws who live far away, or in another country?

How do you manage this through the holidays?

Alternate, bring the families together, or split up?

Last year and this year we have split up. His Mum is alone this year and just lost her brother, so he had to go and I didn't want to disappoint my Gran, so I stayed here. Its our first Christmas as a married couple so not ideal.

If we can’t find a way to visit family together, we stay home. We don’t spend holidays apart.

 

[Alta Angel]

I eat cornbread and milk like your mom except I use "sweet milk" (2% milk). Yum!!

Since ya'll talking about cornbread, on another forum the question came up whether people ate cornbread in milk. My mother used to put cornbread in a bowl and pour buttermilk on it and eat it like cereal. I hadn't thought about that in years and definitely haven't had it since I was little little. I'm go try that the next time I make some sweet-ish corn bread.

 

[mrselle]

Anyone else have in-laws who live far away, or in another country?

How do you manage this through the holidays?

Alternate, bring the families together, or split up?

Last year and this year we have split up. His Mum is alone this year and just lost her brother, so he had to go and I didn't want to disappoint my Gran, so I stayed here. Its our first Christmas as a married couple so not ideal.

We alternate years. Thanksgiving with his family one year, Thanksgiving with my family the next, etc... We've been doing holidays like this since we were engaged and while it may not be everyone's preference it's fair and everyone knows what to expect.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Thanks - we'll start alternating years

 

[FoxxyLocs]

We alternate as well. Christmas with one, Thanksgiving with the other. Some years we just stay at home.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

Anyone else have in-laws who live far away, or in another country?

How do you manage this through the holidays?

Alternate, bring the families together, or split up?

Last year and this year we have split up. His Mum is alone this year and just lost her brother, so he had to go and I didn't want to disappoint my Gran, so I stayed here. Its our first Christmas as a married couple so not ideal.

Do what feels right for you. There is no law that says that you have to celebrate the holiday on the day of. You can visit family before or after the actual holiday or alternate holidays as people suggested. Somebody is bound to be disappointed that you are not spending the day with them but you and he are each others family now and your desires/ wishes take precedence over everybody else's. You'll have establish ground rules about holidays if you are going to have children so start thinking about this now.

 

[acapnleo]

I’m feeling so overwhelmed... I have so much that is weighing on me, AND, I don’t feel like I have the proper outlets to objectively vent and / or even gain wisdom in how to deal with some of this and it’s making me feel crazy.

 

[hopeful]

So sorry @acapnleo.

 

[Theresamonet]

DH is battling depression and anxiety, and it has gotten really bad lately out of the blue (out of the blue from my perspective). He is currently upset with me. I haven’t done anything to hurt this man. I merely suggested, that he wait to see a therapist before taking a trip to visit his family. Now he isn’t speaking to me. I don’t understand this and it’s all making me (and our dog) depressed and anxious too.

 

[aribell]

I think I miss my maiden name. I never questioned taking his name, and he has a better last name anyway. His surname is how I'm known at work and now by the government, but I still have to finalize my name change with the bank and DMV and I feel a little sad to do so.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

This man talking my head OFF. Jeez

 

[tolly]

We are different, more mellow these days. I miss the excitement and spontaneity of earlier marriage.
We just celebrated 14yrs last week. Our two children are 12yrs and 11yrs and away at boarding school. I am in graduate school in another country, and home for two months twice a year.
It's mostly just the two of us these days and just not the same. I hope we get better soon. I can't wait to be back at home for keeps.

 

[tolly]

@Theresamonet I hope things are better now.
With DH he used resistant to getting unsolicited advise from me, so I learnt to just support and wait till he asks..... I was infuriated but realized it wan't useful if his knee jerk reaction is to resist my counsel.
Forgive me if this doesn't apply to you.
Secondly, this involves visiting his family, that was another sensitive issue in my marriage but over time he got better with listening and appreciating my counsel.
I also know about letting his mood dictate yours without meaning to get that way (this was me too till I stopped that loop). Will it work for you to try to keep your tranquility and joy while supporting him? I hope you (and him) are doing better.
Hugs.

 

[Theresamonet]

@Theresamonet I hope things are better now.
With DH he used resistant to getting unsolicited advise from me, so I learnt to just support and wait till he asks..... I was infuriated but realized it wan't useful if his knee jerk reaction is to resist my counsel.
Forgive me if this doesn't apply to you.
Secondly, this involves visiting his family, that was another sensitive issue in my marriage but over time he got better with listening and appreciating my counsel.
I also know about letting his mood dictate yours without meaning to get that way (this was me too till I stopped that loop). Will it work for you to try to keep your tranquility and joy while supporting him? I hope you (and him) are doing better.
Hugs.

@tolly I'm just seeing your post... We are still at odds. Some days are better than others. I thought depressed people were sad and withdrawn... Are they also rude, irrational, demanding, self centered, temperamental SOB's too? Or is this something else?

 

[NijaG]

@tolly I'm just seeing your post... We are still at odds. Some days are better than others. I thought depressed people were sad and withdrawn... Are they also rude, irrational, demanding, self centered, temperamental SOB's too? Or is this something else?

Is he diagnosed Depressed?

Regardless.... call him on his negative behavior. Are you the only bearer of these negative moods?

Unless he is equally expressing all those traits to everyone plus you, then there is no excuse for his behavior.

If it’s only you and (kids?) then bring his attention to it. If he can comport himself amongst outsiders then you don’t have to tolerate being his emotionally punching bag.

As for something else..... only you can say. I do know men can start acting up in weird ways when they are thinking or in the process of crossing some lines. Picking unnecessary fights, blowing hot and cold are common signs.

Finally.... don’t let yourself become consumed by what’s happening to him and/or try to fix it. Do things that make you happy/fulfilled. Focus on yourself, the rest will resolve itself.