Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Marriage is hard sometimes, no lie. DH and I rarely argue. We both hate it. Hate how we feel when we do. We had our first argument of the year this morning and now I feel like crap. I said something which I shouldn't have. He said something he shouldn't have. I apologized. He apologized. But I still feel like crap. Just a vent post to say it's hard at times.
 
Brother in law pulled his 2nd tantrum with me today.

Interesting both of these tantrums have occurred after the marriage like he thinks I'm his sister now and he can talk to me the way his family allows him to. I've known him for years and he's avoided coming at me directly (apart from occasional passive aggressive comments) - now twice in one week?

I had to cancel/rearrange travelling this Saturday. The temp is too high for me and causes me medical issues. He started getting sarcastic, rude and bringing other things into it. I lost my temper a bit with him and then logged off. DH has had some words with him about his behaviour, but I dont know what happened after that. I'll find out soon.

He's getting too comfortable too quickly and its not going to fly. If someone talks to me like that I have no time for them.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
Dh has pissed me off. He accused me of not making plans regarding my profession, of being reactive.
Irl I can't plan because if his job says move, we move. Since we married -almost 7 years- we've moved 4 times. That's once every 1.75 year. How in the hades am I supposed to plan anything?
And how is it that he doesn't see this.
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Throw him off. When he says stuff like this say, "Honey you're right. You're really right. I'll do better." (He can't argue with you anymore or get you out of your femininity when you say this.)

Don't do better (if you don't want to) and keep the focus on you to keep doing you. Forget him.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
Dh has pissed me off. He accused me of not making plans regarding my profession, of being reactive.
Irl I can't plan because if his job says move, we move. Since we married -almost 7 years- we've moved 4 times. That's once every 1.75 year. How in the hades am I supposed to plan anything?
And how is it that he doesn't see this.
Click to expand...

With stuff like this I would call his bluff. Go ahead and tell him you've been looking at this or that school or this or that program and it requires this much time in school/training and you're trying to plan for what to do if his job requires that you move. Go all in, leave flyers around, start working on apps and ask him for help with essays/personal statements, etc. Discuss the program like first year we do this second year we do that, etc. When he realizes that it requires investing time/money he will probably back off
 
Crackers Phinn said:
The first 2 years were hard because I wasn't quite processing the "we" part of marriage the right way but years 3-7 have been a breeze. That's not to say we don't have conflict but I definitely would not use the words hard or long suffering. For 20 years? That's crazy. It could be that because we got married older that maybe there is a maturity threshold that sifted out a lot of problems that younger people had. Maybe those people counting 20 years are now my age and deal with things differently.
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This is what I was going to say. Whenever I hear anyone talk about “long suffering” they are usually people who got married very young and went through all of their growing pains, married. If they manage to stay married, the second part of their marriage is usually much better than the first part was because they have matured and evolved.

I also got married older and my marriage is relatively easy. If I had gotten married at say 22, my answer would be totally different. We also aren’t raising any children so that helps with the “easy” part too.
 
MizAvalon said:
This is what I was going to say. Whenever I hear anyone talk about “long suffering” they are usually people who got married very young and went through all of their growing pains, married. If they manage to stay married, the second part of their marriage is usually much better than the first part was because they have matured and evolved.

I also got married older and my marriage is relatively easy. If I had gotten married at say 22, my answer would be totally different. We also aren’t raising any children so that helps with the “easy” part too.
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I got married at 33 and my husband was 35. Marriage has always felt pretty easy for us and I chalk that up to us being "fully" adult when we made the commitment. We had both lived on our own for years and were independent. We also didn't have strict gender role expectations so I didn't have to deal with a lot of the complaints most women have with their husbands.
 
MizAvalon said:
This is what I was going to say. Whenever I hear anyone talk about “long suffering” they are usually people who got married very young and went through all of their growing pains, married. If they manage to stay married, the second part of their marriage is usually much better than the first part was because they have matured and evolved.

I also got married older and my marriage is relatively easy. If I had gotten married at say 22, my answer would be totally different. We also aren’t raising any children so that helps with the “easy” part too.
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Yes we got married in our 20s.
I think we have settled into a good groove now.

The hardest was right after the children were born and esp so when we had a toddler and a baby.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
I was with a group of women this weekend and it was repeated that marriage is hard, long-suffering. I know that there are definitely tough times but jeez
What y’all think?

It was even mentioned that the first 20 years of someone’s marriage was hard. I was like whaaaaaat
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I agree..living with anyone is difficult if you are not on one accord. And when women are treated as inferior. You lose yourself and it takes toll on you emotionally or worse. I don’t plan to do it again.
 
Foxglove said:
With stuff like this I would call his bluff. Go ahead and tell him you've been looking at this or that school or this or that program and it requires this much time in school/training and you're trying to plan for what to do if his job requires that you move. Go all in, leave flyers around, start working on apps and ask him for help with essays/personal statements, etc. Discuss the program like first year we do this second year we do that, etc. When he realizes that it requires investing time/money he will probably back off
Click to expand...
I have two job interviews two states over tomorrow. I’ve done more than call the bluff. :drunk::lachen:
 
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