Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
Oh yes. Your DH has a good deal. If you are not a shopaholic he has to give you lead way with heat and air.
Married Ladies Random Thoughts
- Thread starter naturalgyrl5199
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Oh yes. Your DH has a good deal. If you are not a shopaholic he has to give you lead way with heat and air.
TT-0
Well-Known Member
I’m sorry you are dealing with all of this. Maybe try to do something that you enjoy for yourself as a start to relieve some sadness, stress and anxiety (e.g, spa day, weekend away with some girlfriends, plan a trip for when you have more vacation time, etc).
I had some stress and anxiety in the last few months that had me feeling chest pains and heart palpitations, so I joined a MeetUp group for black women to just have a way to get things off my chest, joined a book club because reading is a stress reliever for me, thinking of trying meditation, planning to update my vision board for the new year, and starting to think about vacation plans for 2019. Just last week, I took a sick day from work to just veg out and distress. For me, doing and planning these activities has already reduced my stress and anxiety. I hope you are able to find something that lightens your heart and makes you smile today.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Aww sweetie I’m so sorry for your losses, ending of your marriage, and work sucking. Keep remembering that it’s always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there, keep moving forward, and practice extreme self care
.
The last decade or so has had good times and moments but had NOT been the best for us and our relationship! 2018 was nearly the breaking year for us, it had a lot of difficulty, pain, and uncertainties.
Dh and I will make 2019 our best year yet and do things differently. I know I will do some things differently and actually try harder
.
I really appreciate this forum and all of the perspectives shared
Dh and I will make 2019 our best year yet and do things differently. I know I will do some things differently and actually try harder
.I really appreciate this forum and all of the perspectives shared
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Y’all. How do you handle learning of abuse within another couple?
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
This is a lot for anyone to deal with. I hope you find strength to deal with your circumstances.
Alta Angel
Well-Known Member
I ended up signing up for the fixed rate plan based on our average annual heating costs. Now my hubby and DDs can crank it up as much as they want. My perfect temp is 69.
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
That is a really good idea!
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
@Farida, these have been some trying times for you. I'm praying that you turn the corner and can wave bye-bye to woes and sadness.
I hope your Mom and Sister get better soon.
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
How did you learn of the abuse?
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
From the victim. A bone was broken “accidentally”
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
Oh wow! From what little you have said, the fact that she said "accidentally" would make me mind my business for a little while and see how this plays out. Often, the abused takes the side of the abuser and will shut out those that speak ill of the abuser. I would be there for her as much as possible but keep my opinions and comments to myself. However, I would send her some links for Abuse Help Lines or information on abuse and hope that she opens her mind up enough to acknowledge what is really going on.
Good luck to both of you.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
I’ve offically surpassed MIL in the cooking of two traditional dishes, Mac n cheese & sweet potato pie 
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Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Well apparently the relationship is over. Every time someone says maybe they will work it out I bite my tongue nearly in half
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
I'm happy it's over. I hope it stays over.
Sarabellam
Well-Known Member
1. Don’t tell them what to do. Those relationships go through cycles and when it’s “Good” they can decide that you are the bad guy or they can misdirect their negative emotions about their situation on to you in the moment.
2. Encourage them to make a plan for if (when) they feel unsafe. Have them think hypothetically about where they would go, what they would do with the kids, their resources, support system available, important personal documents, etc.. Identifying a course ahead of time will empower her when she’s finally had enough.
3. Give her resources to read, and reach out to.
4. Be non-judgement towards the victim. They likely won’t completely break free from the relationship this time. Keep this in mind when you choose your words concerning the abuser. Let her tell you what her goals, priorities and assessment of the situation are.
5. Insist that she is not to blame for the abuse even if she goes back/ has gone back in the past.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
We've been at his dad/stepmoms house for the past 2mos while our house is being built. It's been pretty good. We're both amazed at how much his 2 grandkids come over! His bro/wife utilize the hell outta them lol. They were here yesterday and spent the night. Dh asked his dad if he knew what his bro/wife were doing that they had to stay last night. He responded "idc. They my grandbabies!" Wow grandparents are the best lol. We will definitely be taking full advantage of this 
and they'll only live 5mins away? This is perfect lol. And they're really good with them, too.
Our house is all done! We have the final walk thru this Friday and go to settlement the following week. We've bought all new furniture over the past few months and have delivery dates scheduled. Im very excited to work on my baby girl's nursery! I really don't care about the rest of the house decor lol. But i have some time scheduled to go buy some decor. Sigh lol
Eta: Oh cool! I made the first post of 2019! Happy new year yall!
Speaking of new year's eve. We were supposed to see Martin's lit af tour. We was tiiied and decided not go to lol. We just stayed in the hotel room and watched all the new year's eve specials and ball drop. It was still fun. We always do this tho. We did it last year in NOLA... stayed in when we had tickets to go somewhere lol. I think we've finally realized we old
and they'll only live 5mins away? This is perfect lol. And they're really good with them, too.Our house is all done! We have the final walk thru this Friday and go to settlement the following week. We've bought all new furniture over the past few months and have delivery dates scheduled. Im very excited to work on my baby girl's nursery! I really don't care about the rest of the house decor lol. But i have some time scheduled to go buy some decor. Sigh lol
Eta: Oh cool! I made the first post of 2019! Happy new year yall!
Speaking of new year's eve. We were supposed to see Martin's lit af tour. We was tiiied and decided not go to lol. We just stayed in the hotel room and watched all the new year's eve specials and ball drop. It was still fun. We always do this tho. We did it last year in NOLA... stayed in when we had tickets to go somewhere lol. I think we've finally realized we old
ItsMeLilLucky
NotLucky no mo' just blessed.
ItsMeLilLucky
NotLucky no mo' just blessed.
weaveadiva
Well-Known Member
PretteePlease
#fakeworkouts
I need some couple friends. I wanna do couple outings and trips.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Ladies, who handles repair and service men in the relationship? I’ve told DH that these types of workers always respond better when a man talks to them (I know that sounds sexists but I’m just being honest and at this point I’m just frustrated with these dudes). Am I only one who notices this? Is it unreasonable for me to always want DH to be the one to deal with these folks?
I was dealing with this with my neighbor. I didn't see any evidence of physical abuse but her husband did horribly abuse her verbally. I tried to give advise to her but my DH told me to stay out of it.
I don't think what you're asking is unreasonable. Why is your husband reluctant to handle these things?
curlykimmy
Well-Known Member
Nope, that's not unreasonable at all. Also, I think he should do it just because it causes frustration for you.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Hmm he’s not really reluctant, he just never thought about it, I think. If he’s at home, he handles it. The biggest problem is that he can’t always take off work to be here when the workmen are here. I’ve just recently expressed to him that I want him to handle these things (he said ok) but I just wonder if I’m being unreasonable.
More so, I’m wondering if it’s just me who notices that workers seem to put in more of an effort when there’s a man around. I was expressing this to a coworker and she says she never notices a problem.
I have noticed this with service/repair men and two of my doctors. For me, I chalk it up to being petite, appearing much younger than I am and sounding young. When dealing with these people I've had to learn to adjust my demeanor (I'm usually cheerful and come across as being very innocent). It usually works. Otherwise, I just don't use their services.
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