Married Ladies Random Thoughts

onyxdreams said:
Ladies, I normally dont post my business but I need help. My husband and I have been married for over 30yrs. He is an extrovert and friendly towards everyone. I am the exact opposite as an introvert. We have a history of arguing over female co-workers. They are in my opinion to comfortable with him. One example, last night we went to a MMA fight to cheer his military friend, he was fighting. A woman from his unit walks up behind him and gently turns his head. This woman is accompanied with her husband, her husband doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She turns the top of my husband's head, I dont know this woman and find it disrespectful. During the matches, I asked him 3 questions regarding this woman, finally after the 3rd question he tells me she is in his unit. We silently go through the matches. Get home and now I'm pissed, I want to talk but he doesn't want to discuss it. In his mind she bumped the back of his head.
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I have a rule, I don't touch married men. Any kind of touch innocent or not feels like I am crossing a boundary, that it's something that should be reserved for his wife. And turning his head...... just no (especially if they are co workers). It doesn't matter that her husband wasn't upset about it- you were and he should consider your feelings on the matter as the last word. I realize that extroverts and introverts have different communication styles but there is such a thing as being too friendly. By the way, how would he feel if a man reached over to turn your head?
 
Thank you ,you expressed my exact thoughts on this matter. Some women do not have boundaries, but I do. I think she realized I didn't care for her actions because she kept trying to have small talk with me. I ignored her for the evening and focused on the matches.


Ms. Tarabotti said:
I have a rule, I don't touch married men. Any kind of touch innocent or not feels like I am crossing a boundary, that it's something that should be reserved for his wife. And turning his head...... just no (especially if they are co workers). It doesn't matter that her husband wasn't upset about it- you were and he should consider your feelings on the matter as the last word. I realize that extroverts and introverts have different communication styles but there is such a thing as being too friendly. By the way, how would he feel if a man reached over to turn your head?
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onyxdreams said:
Ladies, I normally dont post my business but I need help. My husband and I have been married for over 30yrs. He is an extrovert and friendly towards everyone. I am the exact opposite as an introvert. We have a history of arguing over female co-workers. They are in my opinion to comfortable with him. One example, last night we went to a MMA fight to cheer his military friend, he was fighting. A woman from his unit walks up behind him and gently turns his head. This woman is accompanied with her husband, her husband doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She turns the top of my husband's head, I dont know this woman and find it disrespectful. During the matches, I asked him 3 questions regarding this woman, finally after the 3rd question he tells me she is in his unit. We silently go through the matches. Get home and now I'm pissed, I want to talk but he doesn't want to discuss it. In his mind she bumped the back of his head.
Click to expand...
Does he work in the medical field? I didnt know if unit meant miliatary unit or hospital unit.

I have worked in hospital units where there were only a few men and a ton of women. It always seemed that the men were touched by the women and sometimes, I think, inappropriately. Everyone starts to get used to it and it becomes not as weird to them. There is always drama surrounding it and there have been several relationships that have developed as a result of 1) the long hours spent with together and 2) the overly friendly contact.

I once had a married male nurse put his hand on my knee and swiftly corrected him. I lean more towards extroversion and I like to hug my friends and pat their shoulders, but my husband and I have very strict rules about what we deem appropriate contact with the opposite sex while married.

Seeing your situation in the best possible light, I am assuming that your husband is just used to everyone being friendly like that and it’s become second nature. I also think maybe he’s offended that you think something else might be going on and that’s why he’s clammed up. Now, I am of the mind that if something makes your spouse uncomfortable like that, that you shuoldnt’ do it. And maybe ya’ll have a different relationship dynamic, but I’d be livid if a woman touched DH anywhere in my presence ( with the exception of his family and really old women), and DH would be looking for a way to get away from said woman if it happened because he knows how I feel on the matter.

Your DH’s coworker sounds extremely disrespectful and/oblivious. I’ve noticed that a lot of couples are ok with a lot of physical touch outside of the relationship so I guess she and her husband are one of those.

In your situation, I dont know what to tell you since you said this has been going on for a long time. I completely understand your side of things and I hope he starts to respect your wishes.
 
onyxdreams said:
Ladies, I normally dont post my business but I need help. My husband and I have been married for over 30yrs. He is an extrovert and friendly towards everyone. I am the exact opposite as an introvert. We have a history of arguing over female co-workers. They are in my opinion to comfortable with him. One example, last night we went to a MMA fight to cheer his military friend, he was fighting. A woman from his unit walks up behind him and gently turns his head. This woman is accompanied with her husband, her husband doesn't seem to have a problem with it. She turns the top of my husband's head, I dont know this woman and find it disrespectful. During the matches, I asked him 3 questions regarding this woman, finally after the 3rd question he tells me she is in his unit. We silently go through the matches. Get home and now I'm pissed, I want to talk but he doesn't want to discuss it. In his mind she bumped the back of his head.
Click to expand...
I probably am of the minority with my view, I feel this issue is between you and your husband. You should not have placed any blame or responsibility on the ‘other woman’. Your husband should know you well enough, that you are not comfortable with other women touching him. Then it is your husband’s responsibility to act accordingly. Some PEOPLE are just more touchy than others. I am one of those touchy people. The men who are comfortable with my touch allow or encourage it. Those that are not comfortable do not enter into that space or level of friendship with me. I don’t force myself upon anyone. When I laugh with you (man or woman) I may grab an arm, poke you in the chest, etc (in the presence of their significant other, cause I have nothing to hide). So in short, I believe this is a conversation you should have with your husband for his future knowledge.
 
Thank you ladies, my husband has worked in both the medical field and military, but his co-worker was from his military unit. After saturday night, and my reaction, he now knows ny stance on touching. My husband believes we should be beyond certain topics and problems because we have been together for so long. As of today, we are back on track and he was able to express his feelings last night.

Leeda.the.Paladin said:
Does he work in the medical field? I didnt know if unit meant miliatary unit or hospital unit.

I have worked in hospital units where there were only a few men and a ton of women. It always seemed that the men were touched by the women and sometimes, I think, inappropriately. Everyone starts to get used to it and it becomes not as weird to them. There is always drama surrounding it and there have been several relationships that have developed as a result of 1) the long hours spent with together and 2) the overly friendly contact.

I once had a married male nurse put his hand on my knee and swiftly corrected him. I lean more towards extroversion and I like to hug my friends and pat their shoulders, but my husband and I have very strict rules about what we deem appropriate contact with the opposite sex while married.

Seeing your situation in the best possible light, I am assuming that your husband is just used to everyone being friendly like that and it’s become second nature. I also think maybe he’s offended that you think something else might be going on and that’s why he’s clammed up. Now, I am of the mind that if something makes your spouse uncomfortable like that, that you shuoldnt’ do it. And maybe ya’ll have a different relationship dynamic, but I’d be livid if a woman touched DH anywhere in my presence ( with the exception of his family and really old women), and DH would be looking for a way to get away from said woman if it happened because he knows how I feel on the matter.

Your DH’s coworker sounds extremely disrespectful and/oblivious. I’ve noticed that a lot of couples are ok with a lot of physical touch outside of the relationship so I guess she and her husband are one of those.

In your situation, I dont know what to tell you since you said this has been going on for a long time. I completely understand your side of things and I hope he starts to respect your wishes.
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GetHappy2014 said:
I probably am of the minority with my view, I feel this issue is between you and your husband. You should not have placed any blame or responsibility on the ‘other woman’. Your husband should know you well enough, that you are not comfortable with other women touching him. Then it is your husband’s responsibility to act accordingly. Some PEOPLE are just more touchy than others. I am one of those touchy people. The men who are comfortable with my touch allow or encourage it. Those that are not comfortable do not enter into that space or level of friendship with me. I don’t force myself upon anyone. When I laugh with you (man or woman) I may grab an arm, poke you in the chest, etc (in the presence of their significant other, cause I have nothing to hide). So in short, I believe this is a conversation you should have with your husband for his future knowledge.
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qchelle said:
We signed our contract this week and will be going to underwriting soon. Ryan homes build process is really stupid. They need to do a lessons learned or something so they can improve their process. Anyway. Our est completion date is dec 1. I've been on pinterest lol.

Now we in the process of getting a few things fixed in our current house. We want to rent it out. Our neighbor just moved and is renting his out. Lots of people have been coming to look at it. However, it is summer time...
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I can't wait until my 1 friend gets married next year. So she'll wanna hang out more :lol: Right now, you know, they still only see each other on the weekends, so her weekends are rarely free.

They started building our house a few weeks ago. It's only a 5min drive from our current house, so I drive by to see the progress everyday lol. Our PM is really good. He emails us updates of what's happening and pics every weekend. They have the foundation down and stuff.

We decided to sell instead of rent. We put it on the market early Sept and got an offer in 10 days, that we ultimately rejected lol. So it was back on the market as of...mid last week? Lots of folks have come by to see it, so hopefully we'll get a sensible offer this or next week. And our new projected completion date for the new house is 2nd wk of January -_- so hopefully they wanna close in December lol.

We're going to see Jess Hilarious (bmore stand up) at national harbor in a couple wks. Anybody seen her live? We're making a night of it and staying over at the Gaylord. Fun times!
 
DH gave me an ultimatum to admit I hate him. I do not. I will not be bullied into it. He is probably the one who hates me at this point. He said if I don’t admit it “divorce” is an option. He won’t even own up and say he will divorce me. NOPE. I am holding to my boundaries. I won’t cave into emotional manipulation. I wrote a sincere letter admitting to my own faults and my commitment to working past them. He won’t admit to his. No sir. I did the math. It would be tight but I can live without him.
Custody would be the biggest fight.
Right now he is letting me do 95% of the parenting. I am going to consult an attorney and get my ducks in a row.

I will first pursue a legal separation to give him time to think and change. If he cannot see what he will lose then I will of course advance to divorce.

I was concerned about our kid but he has adjusted well to our distance right now.
The earlier the better. He can get used to a new normal...

2019 - My conservative, African momma told me there are zero reasons for me to accept ish. I am educated, hot, proud, resourceful and loved. And I swear the universe knows. Recently all kinds of dudes have been hitting on me, giving me freebies on meals, merchandise etc.

#codependentnomore #boundaries #ilovemesomeme
 
@Farida (((Hugs))) Do what’s best for you. I wish you the best. You will be fine. Definitely get your ducks in a row and don’t tell him anything until you are ready. Once a man knows you are really done he changes. Something shifts in him. Until you are ready be coy, act like you are still really trying to make it work.
 
hopeful said:
@Farida (((Hugs))) Do what’s best for you. I wish you the best. You will be fine. Definitely get your ducks in a row and don’t tell him anything until you are ready. Once a man knows you are really done he changes. Something shifts in him. Until you are ready be coy, act like you are still really trying to make it work.
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Yup. I told my mom he is bullying me because he assumes I will stay as always. I won't kill myself over someone who refuses to own to his issues. I am a lawyer so of course I am playing the game. He won't see me coming...
 
@Farida I don't ever advice women to separate or divorce, because its just not my place and my deal breakers are unique as is every woman's. But reading that you are considering the option gladdens me!
I am outraged at the mind games. I know we all have tough times in relationships but the way he is going just seems to playing games.
Take care of yourself, with or without him. Hugs. take time to enjoy your life, relax and lighten your mood. Don't stress too much about this
 
I have been married about a month now and it’s great!!
I knew I picked the right one when my new hooded dryer got delivered and I came home to him having already put it together without me saying a word because he said he knew I would probably want to do my hair :cry: such a sweetie pie!!

I’m kinda tickled posting in this thread because when I joined back as a freshman in college, I would look at it, scoff, and think, “I’m not gonna stick around this board long enough for that” and look at me now :lol:
 
Rocky91 said:
I have been married about a month now and it’s great!!
I knew I picked the right one when my new hooded dryer got delivered and I came home to him having already put it together without me saying a word because he said he knew I would probably want to do my hair :cry: such a sweetie pie!!

I’m kinda tickled posting in this thread because when I joined back as a freshman in college, I would look at it, scoff, and think, “I’m not gonna stick around this board long enough for that” and look at me now :lol:
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Congratulations!!!
 
Rocky91 said:
I have been married about a month now and it’s great!!
I knew I picked the right one when my new hooded dryer got delivered and I came home to him having already put it together without me saying a word because he said he knew I would probably want to do my hair :cry: such a sweetie pie!!

I’m kinda tickled posting in this thread because when I joined back as a freshman in college, I would look at it, scoff, and think, “I’m not gonna stick around this board long enough for that” and look at me now :lol:
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Congrats!
 
gimbap said:
I don't know why I'm in here :look: but are you saying prospective buyers should wait and if so, wait until when?
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Housing is unpredictable so you really can’t ever say. I do know that the majority of homeowners selling off property are doing so because they are getting great offers due to their houses appraising for much more than what they paid for it.

The best advice is to not buy something overpriced. Have your realtor research what the house has sold for in the past and its appreciation/depreciation trends along with the market comps. Prices are currently growing at rates that do not match the local salaries and that’s when things get sticky. IMO, for now I’d stay away from new construction homes. The longer the subdivision stays largely unoccupied, the lower the value.


Rocky91 said:
I have been married about a month now and it’s great!!
I knew I picked the right one when my new hooded dryer got delivered and I came home to him having already put it together without me saying a word because he said he knew I would probably want to do my hair :cry: such a sweetie pie!!

I’m kinda tickled posting in this thread because when I joined back as a freshman in college, I would look at it, scoff, and think, “I’m not gonna stick around this board long enough for that” and look at me now :lol:
Click to expand...

I’ve been waiting on a post like this from you. Email me some pics :look:

Putting myself out this thread again. I do not belong.
 
Rocky91 said:
I have been married about a month now and it’s great!!
I knew I picked the right one when my new hooded dryer got delivered and I came home to him having already put it together without me saying a word because he said he knew I would probably want to do my hair :cry: such a sweetie pie!!

I’m kinda tickled posting in this thread because when I joined back as a freshman in college, I would look at it, scoff, and think, “I’m not gonna stick around this board long enough for that” and look at me now :lol:
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your sweet story. So happy for you!
 
My FIL passed away. DH had been ok, but is starting to feel it now that things are settling down. He took off work a bit but is now back at it and things have been busy. He’s been worried about his mom so I’ve been trying to call and check on her too.

She is behaving strangely, but I guess that’s to be expected. In my selfishness, I am concerned that now that her time is not so consumed by caring for my FIL, that she’s going to be concentrating her efforts at our home. We are 2.5 hours away but she’s already talking about coming over to cook Thanksgiving dinner at my house. Then she suggested that I could go to work on THanksgiving day and that she’d “take care of everything”.

I know that she meant well, and that she is grieving, but it rubbed me entirely the wrong way. No. No. You are not coming to my house for thanksgiving and taking over. Absolutely not.

Maybe if I were dead or something, but here I am, alive and well.

And then suggesting I go to work while you have Thanksgiving with my kids.

As a nurse, I have to work some holidays. The way we handle that is that we reschedule the entire holiday. Instead of having Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, we have it on Friday. This is the way it’s always been.

My response to that was : “Well, I want to be with the family for THanksigivng. We can talk about it later” and I moved on.

My usual way of handling things would be to tell DH what problem I have with his mom and tell him to handle it. However, I hate to put the pressure on him right now with him stealing dealing with his grief and then having a rough time at work.
 
Leeda.the.Paladin said:
My FIL passed away. DH had been ok, but is starting to feel it now that things are settling down. He took off work a bit but is now back at it and things have been busy. He’s been worried about his mom so I’ve been trying to call and check on her too.

She is behaving strangely, but I guess that’s to be expected. In my selfishness, I am concerned that now that her time is not so consumed by caring for my FIL, that she’s going to be concentrating her efforts at our home. We are 2.5 hours away but she’s already talking about coming over to cook Thanksgiving dinner at my house. Then she suggested that I could go to work on THanksgiving day and that she’d “take care of everything”.

I know that she meant well, and that she is grieving, but it rubbed me entirely the wrong way. No. No. You are not coming to my house for thanksgiving and taking over. Absolutely not.

Maybe if I were dead or something, but here I am, alive and well.

And then suggesting I go to work while you have Thanksgiving with my kids.

As a nurse, I have to work some holidays. The way we handle that is that we reschedule the entire holiday. Instead of having Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, we have it on Friday. This is the way it’s always been.

My response to that was : “Well, I want to be with the family for THanksigivng. We can talk about it later” and I moved on.

My usual way of handling things would be to tell DH what problem I have with his mom and tell him to handle it. However, I hate to put the pressure on him right now with him stealing dealing with his grief and then having a rough time at work.
Click to expand...

I like this strategy. I’m on call thanksgiving I might start doing this as well
 
So I was right that DH is testing me. He asked for a divorce and I said ok. I don’t think he expected me to. So then he was super depressed for days and didn’t even go to work. Finally he came back and said he doesn’t really want a divorce and talked about working on himself and us blah blah. But I am severely depressed because I had already started getting my ducks in a row. I told him to give me space because I am not prepared to let him use my heart as a punching bag.

I have never been so heartbroken, confused and depressed. I can barely even talk to anyone. Not even my mom. I just cannot talk. I have been in bed for 3 days straight.

The only reason I care is because of our kid.
 
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