Married Ladies Random Thoughts
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Farida
Well-Known Member
I totally need it. PM me!
Jmartjrmd
Well-Known Member
ok I will
oh well 
qchelle
Well-Known Member
We're all moved out of our old house and into his dad's. The big stuff went into storage. We close on our old house next Friday. So that's done.
We have a settlement/completion date of jan 15 on our new house. So we'll be at his dad's until then. We have our pre drywall meeting this coming monday. I think this is the last meeting until it's done. The siding, roof, hvac, and plumbing are in so far. I ride past every other day and wave to the workers lol.
We have a settlement/completion date of jan 15 on our new house. So we'll be at his dad's until then. We have our pre drywall meeting this coming monday. I think this is the last meeting until it's done. The siding, roof, hvac, and plumbing are in so far. I ride past every other day and wave to the workers lol.
Dh sent me this video yesterday and I’m not sure how to take it. Sometimes or many times he can be so cryptic and it’s annoying because gray is confusing and taxing for me.
Our conversations don’t go well, so these last few weeks have left much to be desired.
Yesterday we were talking about something relatively simple that ended up with him presenting a perspective that I said I had not considered before and that I found his choice of word selection interesting. It was interesting to me that he elected a negative connotation vs a more positive one and then he asked me “when you ...” Don’t drag me into that, not interested.
He began defending his point and really there was nothing to defend. From his perspective he was trying to get me to listen / understand and maybe even “accept” or adopt what he presented. I understood his point, but did not agree so the more he tried to “get me to understand” the more I felt disconnected with what he was saying and the actual behavior of what he was trying to do! I absolutely did not lack understanding! Ugh...
Later that evening came the video I mentioned above and after watching it, I felt even more disconnected, though I said nothing. Saying something may have triggered hours of dialogue and I’m just so tired of circular talking, disagreements, and or downright arguing.
It’s difficult to talk to him because time over time what I say and what he takes from it is so dramatically off that its just absurd and, that is with me leaving nothing to interpretation.
Please don’t quote.
Our conversations don’t go well, so these last few weeks have left much to be desired.
Yesterday we were talking about something relatively simple that ended up with him presenting a perspective that I said I had not considered before and that I found his choice of word selection interesting. It was interesting to me that he elected a negative connotation vs a more positive one and then he asked me “when you ...” Don’t drag me into that, not interested.
He began defending his point and really there was nothing to defend. From his perspective he was trying to get me to listen / understand and maybe even “accept” or adopt what he presented. I understood his point, but did not agree so the more he tried to “get me to understand” the more I felt disconnected with what he was saying and the actual behavior of what he was trying to do! I absolutely did not lack understanding! Ugh...
Later that evening came the video I mentioned above and after watching it, I felt even more disconnected, though I said nothing. Saying something may have triggered hours of dialogue and I’m just so tired of circular talking, disagreements, and or downright arguing.
It’s difficult to talk to him because time over time what I say and what he takes from it is so dramatically off that its just absurd and, that is with me leaving nothing to interpretation.
Please don’t quote.
Thank you @hopeful it is. It’s awful. I’m struggling big time
Sounds familiar. Just don't engage. Don't try to figure out what the video means. If he brings it up again just cut the conversion short. PM me if you want to talk about it.
tolly
Well-Known Member
having my point of view validated and affirmed makes it easier for me without necessarily agreeing with me, perhaps this will make @acapnleo
It's easier where there is kindness from the him even if he disagrees with me, and at that point in time it may not be relevant to emphasize you disagree, just giving your understanding....
I may be way off base but this may be a viable alternative for you. Hugs
It's easier where there is kindness from the him even if he disagrees with me, and at that point in time it may not be relevant to emphasize you disagree, just giving your understanding....
I may be way off base but this may be a viable alternative for you. Hugs
Foxglove
A drop of golden sun
Farida
Well-Known Member
I am planning my exit from DH. I am afraid he may escalate to violence or other manipulative tactics. My family lives out of town but my mom and brother visited and witnessed his behavior. They offered him help and support and in return he was rude and stubborn.
I will tell his family even though I don’t expect them to believe me. I have some temporary places to stay planned out. I reached out to a coworker whose husband shot her toddler then killed himself. Her regret was not leaving sooner and ignoring subtle/dismissable signs. Better safe than sorry.
Pray for me y’all. I don’t know how I can afford this alone in California but I have to find a way. Thank you for your e-support and Happy Thanksgiving. I am at peace with my decision.
I will tell his family even though I don’t expect them to believe me. I have some temporary places to stay planned out. I reached out to a coworker whose husband shot her toddler then killed himself. Her regret was not leaving sooner and ignoring subtle/dismissable signs. Better safe than sorry.
Pray for me y’all. I don’t know how I can afford this alone in California but I have to find a way. Thank you for your e-support and Happy Thanksgiving. I am at peace with my decision.
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
I will be praying for your safety and sanity. You already know how this can go so stay focused on getting out of there and do not let ANYTHING change your mind. All my love to you.
@Farida
Peace of mind, body and soul is so precious. I'm glad you have plans in place. One day at a time.
As for DH, my inner amateur psychologist says, he wants you take leaving the marriage out of his hands so he can play the victim. Many men are cowards and would rather frustrate their partner into leaving, than sit down and have a rational discussion to end things in a mature manner.
Peace of mind, body and soul is so precious. I'm glad you have plans in place. One day at a time.
As for DH, my inner amateur psychologist says, he wants you take leaving the marriage out of his hands so he can play the victim. Many men are cowards and would rather frustrate their partner into leaving, than sit down and have a rational discussion to end things in a mature manner.
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
This is exactly what my ex-husband did. Any game he played and any card he could pull he played it. However, it's important to love yourself, stop fighting, fixing, and trying to figure people out. You can still love him but love yourself first, hold true to your boundaries, and leave with grace. Much love and hugs to you @Farida
OAN: Miss you ladies!!
onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
hopeful
Well-Known Member
(((@Farida)))
Safety first. Just keep moving forward. Trust your instincts and do whatever you have to do to protect you and your child. The rest will work itself out once you start moving toward a better life. The universe will support you, people will show up to guide you. Also, I would not tell his family anything or at least not until I knew I was safe. The odds are high that they will turn against you. And be prepared for him to do and/or say anything to regain control. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Make sure you have some support from a divorce coach or therapist if possible. And be stealth, try to keep your cool, be strategic.
Safety first. Just keep moving forward. Trust your instincts and do whatever you have to do to protect you and your child. The rest will work itself out once you start moving toward a better life. The universe will support you, people will show up to guide you. Also, I would not tell his family anything or at least not until I knew I was safe. The odds are high that they will turn against you. And be prepared for him to do and/or say anything to regain control. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Make sure you have some support from a divorce coach or therapist if possible. And be stealth, try to keep your cool, be strategic.
We are here for you. If you need ANYTHING just let us know
Brwnbeauti
Well-Known Member
Y’all. You know how you’re ready to go but your friend still partying? That’s been dh for the past few nights. I’m tired sir. Let’s go! I can’t throw back drinks anymore! If I have more than 2 after dinner it’s a wrap! Are we bout to leave, or are we bout to go?
Farida
Well-Known Member
Thank you ladies. True to form, Dh tried to be all perfect for the holidays so I would look crazy when I spoke to his family but I did not entertain it. I talked to his dad and left that ball in that court.
DH of course now is playing victim, saying I have changed and cannot be trusted. He is trying to turn up the charm and when I have resisted he is "punishing me" by being rude and ignoring me and trying to embarrass me in front of our mutual friends.
But he picked the wrong one. I have not relented. I made demands...he is unwilling to meet *duh.* My family is helping me set up my new place.
He is a good man somewhere in there, but until he is willing to fight his demons he will never get out. My life and health are too short for this.
You should've seen his face when I told him I can afford to pay bills without him...I think he hoped to manipulate me with that. But nope. I can hold my own. My momma set me up to.
He also admitted that by asking for divorce, telling me people would think I was nuts he was hoping to "shame me" into staying. Nah. No thank you. I KNEW it was manipulation. I just hoped and prayed it wasn't.
Here is to 2019. A new beginning and I hope my health will improve.
DH of course now is playing victim, saying I have changed and cannot be trusted. He is trying to turn up the charm and when I have resisted he is "punishing me" by being rude and ignoring me and trying to embarrass me in front of our mutual friends.
But he picked the wrong one. I have not relented. I made demands...he is unwilling to meet *duh.* My family is helping me set up my new place.
He is a good man somewhere in there, but until he is willing to fight his demons he will never get out. My life and health are too short for this.
You should've seen his face when I told him I can afford to pay bills without him...I think he hoped to manipulate me with that. But nope. I can hold my own. My momma set me up to.
He also admitted that by asking for divorce, telling me people would think I was nuts he was hoping to "shame me" into staying. Nah. No thank you. I KNEW it was manipulation. I just hoped and prayed it wasn't.
Here is to 2019. A new beginning and I hope my health will improve.
Farida
Well-Known Member
I chose to tell his parents because so many people know his shenanigans at this point that it would be impossible to hide.
He hasn’t become physical but of course is waffling between beijg super sweet and being an a*hole. But I have my ducks lined up.
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
I'm away on business so I know DH & DS are walking around in their underwear with the heat on 80 degrees. Like it never dawned on them that if they put on one of the countless pairs of PJs I bought for them they wouldn't have to turn the heat up. They have no cares because the gas bill is mine. As a wife and a mother, isn't it amazing the things you worry about? LOL.
Bad&Bougee
Well-Known Member
Just stay the course.
LeftRightRepeat
Well-Known Member
Dh has a conniption if the heat is turned up over 70. He wants me to keep it at 68, ha!
for all the shopping i don't do - lets put that money on the heating and electric bill (a/c in the summer)
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