Married Ladies Random Thoughts
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Beautiful!
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I know it hurts but good for you. It’s takes two for a marriage to work. No amount of hanging in there will work if he has other priorities. Take good care of yourself. Everything’s going to be ok (((Hugs))).
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Hey I miss yall in here. I hope all is well.
melahnee
Well-Known Member
Girl.. 20 weeks and my belly has officially popped. And i feel like i literally look bigger everyday. Lol. I like it. But being naturally small, i cant help but think and hope i will easily bounce back. Trying not to think about it and enjoy this experience though. Im up about 15 pounds which is sort of a lot. When i say ive popped...Ive really popped.
So... we looked at a home today. It was originally awobedroom home with. A living room and family room in basement. They added a room for a dining area and a bedroom next to it. I don't know if I like the idea of a bedroom in the back near back door. The bedroom addition I noticed had a heater plugged up inside. Hubby likes the space but I'm really not big on additions. It seemed cold back where the addition was added. He likes the price more than anything. I don't want to be a Debbie downer but the price and 4700 year tax bill got me feeling some type of way. Especially for a home that was originally a two bedroom.
The home was built in 1955. These people "rehab" these old homes and do the cosmetics part but forget about plumbing, electric and issues of an old home. I'm tired of going in these homes and seeing new cabinets, bathroom sets and floor tiles etc. with astronomical home prices. Those are the things that cost the less to purchase. You got to any home improvement store and see the prices. I think he is so ready to move that he is willing to settle and I'm not.
The home was built in 1955. These people "rehab" these old homes and do the cosmetics part but forget about plumbing, electric and issues of an old home. I'm tired of going in these homes and seeing new cabinets, bathroom sets and floor tiles etc. with astronomical home prices. Those are the things that cost the less to purchase. You got to any home improvement store and see the prices. I think he is so ready to move that he is willing to settle and I'm not.
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Miss617
Always left of center
**Please don't quote.**
I think I need to just go ahead and file for divorce, because I don't know how to come back from this feeling. My husband asked me what I was getting him for Valentine's day (which is tacky AF, but whatever) and I said nothing because I honestly wasn't planning to. I said I didn't know we were doing it this year and he said he didn't know we had to talk about it. OK, fine, whatever.
So I go and buy him this game he keeps talking about. Then I go to get a card and I just rolled my eyes at all of them. I literally felt annoyed cuz every single one of them is a damn lie. So I just get the one that isn't as sappy and BS. Damn card was almost $9, smh. So I'm out $70 which I know isn't a lot but feels like too much considering how I feel.
I don't know how much longer I can do this. How many more holidays and birthdays am I gonna have to fake the funk knowing I don't feel anything anymore? I honestly have to stop myself from fantasizing about pulling a Gone Girl but I just don't want to be married to him anymore.
I think I need to just go ahead and file for divorce, because I don't know how to come back from this feeling. My husband asked me what I was getting him for Valentine's day (which is tacky AF, but whatever) and I said nothing because I honestly wasn't planning to. I said I didn't know we were doing it this year and he said he didn't know we had to talk about it. OK, fine, whatever.
So I go and buy him this game he keeps talking about. Then I go to get a card and I just rolled my eyes at all of them. I literally felt annoyed cuz every single one of them is a damn lie. So I just get the one that isn't as sappy and BS. Damn card was almost $9, smh. So I'm out $70 which I know isn't a lot but feels like too much considering how I feel.
I don't know how much longer I can do this. How many more holidays and birthdays am I gonna have to fake the funk knowing I don't feel anything anymore? I honestly have to stop myself from fantasizing about pulling a Gone Girl but I just don't want to be married to him anymore.
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Miss617
Always left of center
Thank you @mrselle.
Now I feel bad because without me even saying anything, my husband asked me if I loved him. I said I did and he asked why. So then this led to a whole long discussion about how he's been feeling and how I've been feeling. I did admit that I've been depressed and sometimes I just feel empty. I said sometimes I just don't want to be a wife and mother. He asked what would make me feel happy and whole and I told him I don't know.
I know this is more a me problem than it is a him problem. He said I've always been a little cold and he feels like there's something wrong with me, and I agree. I didn't take it the wrong way because I've said this about myself before and we've had that discussion before. I know something inside of me is broken but I don't know what or why. But it is very easy for me to turn off my emotions - when I came back from Texas and told him how I felt, in my head, I was already divorced. Maybe it's daddy issues, I don't know. Leave before you can be left.
I don't want a divorce as much as I just want to be happy again. I don't know if a divorce would make me happy because when we do have a good day, I can remember why I fell in love with him. I just constantly want something more, different or better. Have a husband who worships you (and I know it doesn't always seem like that when I post about him, but he does)? Well, he needs to make more money, be a better provider. Have the child you didn't think you'd ever have? Well, he has autism, you wanted a "normal" child. But don't they deserve more from me? A mother who isn't so impatient, a wife who isn't constantly unhappy no matter what? Who's to say that a new guy with more money will make me happy? Who's to say a "normal" child will make me laugh the way my son does?
I don't know what the next step is, but I know I have a lot of work I need to do on myself to figure out what's going to make me happy and why I don't think what I already have is enough.
Now I feel bad because without me even saying anything, my husband asked me if I loved him. I said I did and he asked why. So then this led to a whole long discussion about how he's been feeling and how I've been feeling. I did admit that I've been depressed and sometimes I just feel empty. I said sometimes I just don't want to be a wife and mother. He asked what would make me feel happy and whole and I told him I don't know.
I know this is more a me problem than it is a him problem. He said I've always been a little cold and he feels like there's something wrong with me, and I agree. I didn't take it the wrong way because I've said this about myself before and we've had that discussion before. I know something inside of me is broken but I don't know what or why. But it is very easy for me to turn off my emotions - when I came back from Texas and told him how I felt, in my head, I was already divorced. Maybe it's daddy issues, I don't know. Leave before you can be left.
I don't want a divorce as much as I just want to be happy again. I don't know if a divorce would make me happy because when we do have a good day, I can remember why I fell in love with him. I just constantly want something more, different or better. Have a husband who worships you (and I know it doesn't always seem like that when I post about him, but he does)? Well, he needs to make more money, be a better provider. Have the child you didn't think you'd ever have? Well, he has autism, you wanted a "normal" child. But don't they deserve more from me? A mother who isn't so impatient, a wife who isn't constantly unhappy no matter what? Who's to say that a new guy with more money will make me happy? Who's to say a "normal" child will make me laugh the way my son does?
I don't know what the next step is, but I know I have a lot of work I need to do on myself to figure out what's going to make me happy and why I don't think what I already have is enough.
tapioca_pudding
Well-Known Member
@Miss617 Can I ask you if you are happy with YOU? Do you honestly feel happy within yourself and for yourself? Are you engaging in things that bring YOU happiness and peace inside? Are you creating energy to be the best YOU? I ask because you said you would not be happy with the divorce or married. I have found when we are not at peace and enjoying ourselves, our goals, our friendships with ourselves we aren't happy with a partner or anyone. When we stop making someone responsible for our happiness...we take ownership of our happiness. I had to learn that it was MY responsibility to make ME happy.
No matter what my guy did, I had to choose that today, that moment whatever was going to be peaceful and great, because I based it on me. It was no longer He ruined my day, He made me depressed, angry etc. I decided In spite of his energy, I was going to be glad and peaceful. I got out and started crossing off things on my list I wanted to accomplish for myself. It bought so much joy, peace and meaning to me and that allowed me to be really peaceful within my spirit. I didn't allow that person to take away what I genuinely was feeling inside. It was wonderful to cultivate that relationship with myself that I lost and made others responsible for. The love I felt for myself was clouded because I put the burden on him to make me feel loved and love myself. I can truly tell you when you fully make it about you, that energy changes within and around you.
No matter what my guy did, I had to choose that today, that moment whatever was going to be peaceful and great, because I based it on me. It was no longer He ruined my day, He made me depressed, angry etc. I decided In spite of his energy, I was going to be glad and peaceful. I got out and started crossing off things on my list I wanted to accomplish for myself. It bought so much joy, peace and meaning to me and that allowed me to be really peaceful within my spirit. I didn't allow that person to take away what I genuinely was feeling inside. It was wonderful to cultivate that relationship with myself that I lost and made others responsible for. The love I felt for myself was clouded because I put the burden on him to make me feel loved and love myself. I can truly tell you when you fully make it about you, that energy changes within and around you.
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Miss617
Always left of center
@syze6 Honestly? No. I thought going back to school would make me happy, working on my website... But it kind of just feels like I'm going through the motions. Like oh, OK, I'm paying all this money for school for what? Is the website worth it? A lot of doubts. A lot of unfulfillment. My husband said he thought that's why I was pursuing my spirituality more and even that just kind of fell by the wayside after a couple of weeks.
I definitely thought that doing these things for myself that I kind of put on hold when I got married and had my son would make a difference and they haven't. Putting me first hasn't changed anything. I don't know what else is left. Even stuff I like, I can't commit to. I just get bored and restless so easily.
I definitely thought that doing these things for myself that I kind of put on hold when I got married and had my son would make a difference and they haven't. Putting me first hasn't changed anything. I don't know what else is left. Even stuff I like, I can't commit to. I just get bored and restless so easily.
Have you considered counseling alone? You sound depressed and maybe they can help you figure out why. I think when you find your grounding and purpose you will be happy. Don't stop your spirituality, keep going and growing in it. I finished reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It is a good read because it helps you see how the enemy attacks your thoughts and mind. Once that happens you aren't growing and just stuck in a rut. You blame others for your sadness and unhappiness. If you get a chance pick up a copy. It's an old read but I found it very helpful. Also Living with Intention Creating a Vision for your Life by Micheal Bernard Beckwith is a good read.
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Miss617
Always left of center
I have, but I haven't started looking for someone yet. TBH, I would want to find a Black woman but I feel like that might be a longshot. I will check out the two books you mentioned, thank you. The crazy thing is, that was part of my frustration with my DH - I felt like I was growing and he wasn't. But we talked and I told him I felt like it (specifically going back to school) has all been for nothing. So I'm at this weird place where it's like, OK, I'm in my third of 10 classes for grad school and have already invested a few thousand dollars in this program - do I keep going despite how I feel, or do I take a break until I figure things out? That's just one example.
Miss617
Always left of center
I've heard of the latter, I'll add that to my list as well. Thank you.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
So, DH tried to buy several bath products for me from amazon (sweet gesture) BUT when they arrived the jars seemed half-used, bath salts which were supposedly lavender-scent smelled nothing like lavender and was very powdery, and nothing was sealed or even seemed tightly closed. I tried to explain gently (of course) that while I appreciate his gesture but I do not trust the integrity of these products and would not be using them especially while pregnant. I dump half of the half-empty jar of bath salts into the toilet and it fizzed up like Alka-Seltzer! Was I wrong? 
hopeful
Well-Known Member
So, DH tried to buy several bath products for me from amazon (sweet gesture) BUT when they arrived the jars seemed half-used, bath salts which were supposedly lavender-scent smelled nothing like lavender and was very powdery, and nothing was sealed or even seemed tightly closed. I tried to explain gently (of course) that while I appreciate his gesture but I do not trust the integrity of these products and would not be using them especially while pregnant. I dump half of the half-empty jar of bath salts into the toilet and it fizzed up like Alka-Seltzer! Was I wrong?
Were you wrong? Absolutely not. Your dh shouldn’t want to waste his money on defective or low quality products and more importantly he should want YOU to be happy, right? The gift is about you and you feeling special, not his feelings. It’s not like he hand made the products. They were unintentionally purchased from a substandard vendor and Amazon should be notified as well.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Help period is most important. I have gotten excellent therapy from white women and even a white man once. Just have to find the right fit. If finding a black therapist is a long shot then that is likely your mind using a stall tactic to keep you from getting help immediately. I would put off school and sort out my life if I were you.
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