Married Ladies Random Thoughts
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Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
Same hereOur chemistry feels off.
No fights per se, just doesn’t feel right and I’m not really sure what to do anymore. Our perspectives can be on such different pages and it’s frustrating. Sigh
Miss617
Always left of center
This man keeps talking about having another baby. Saying DS needs a sibling (besides DSD). I'm just like... Did I not make myself clear? I'm done. No mas! The baby making factory is closed. I told him I don't want to risk having another child with autism. That probably sounds horrible but it's the truth. I also don't want to have another child with him because if this whole "working it out" thing doesn't work out, it's gonna be harder to leave.
Is that what this is? Is he trying to have a fix the marriage/trap baby? I mean, I always knew he wanted more kids and I did too initially, but now I feel like, no, one and done. I feel sad that I will probably never have a daughter, but I think this is for the best.
Is that what this is? Is he trying to have a fix the marriage/trap baby? I mean, I always knew he wanted more kids and I did too initially, but now I feel like, no, one and done. I feel sad that I will probably never have a daughter, but I think this is for the best.
IslandMummy
Well-Known Member
Don’t do it sis. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Nope nope nope. Go slather your uterus in birth control. Go find some pennyroyal leaves and brew a daily tea. Do not do it.
Go to school, work on being a better you and work outwards from there.
Tell him to get a fish.
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
Miss617
Always left of center
You're a nut LOL. But yeah, I'm like maybe I should go get this IUD checked and make sure everything is still working cuz this is like the fourth time he's said it in the last couple of weeks. Telling DS, "Mommy doesn't want to give you a little brother or sister." Like, dude, don't try to use the kid to guilt me!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Yes, very likely that is what it is. Baby’s slow women down and limit their options. Most women can roll out fairly easily with one child in tow if things go left. But two? Nope. Then you’re waiting for both of them to at least be in school. Plus the extra toll on your body. No reason to be sad. You have a beautiful baby boy, are educated, and have a good job. And no guarantee you’d have a girl so there’s that.
Keep your focus on you and your dreams, your baby, and on your marriage. A new baby will distract you for years so in that sense it is a trap. Plus you are young enough to have another baby later if you choose to do so. Try to stay focused on what’s most important right now like if your marriage is salvageable, saving money, buying a home, finding the best resources for your baby, etc.
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Miss617
Always left of center
I thought as much. There's really no other reason for it since we're not in any kind of position to have another kid. Womp womp. And yup, I was so sure DS was gonna be a girl soooo... yeah.
On the surface, things seem to be getting better, but I still feel like we are hanging on by a thread. I don't feel like I'm waiting for the starter gun anymore, but I also don't have any real sense of security. But it's only been a couple of weeks since we officially agreed to try to work on things, so we'll see how things go.
Our chemistry feels off.
No fights per se, just doesn’t feel right and I’m not really sure what to do anymore. Our perspectives can be on such different pages and it’s frustrating. Sigh
Maybe that is the ebb and flow of marriage many speak of.
I was just super annoyed with him. He decided to have a NYE kickback without consulting me first& his family stayed a couple days with us. His sister bought her dog (without asking us
)that kept pooping/peeing everywhere. I’ve been having bad headaches, heartburn & trapped gas(preggo problems) so I just couldn’t. I believe I ate something that didn’t agree with me because my stomach was in knots. He claimed I could relax & he was going to take care of everything, but I knew that was a lie.
His folks kept calling me lazy & spoiled I was like Bruh you need to check them before I do it. Then he kept saying I was being antisocial by being cooped in the room most of the day. But I honestly didn’t have the energy. It was so many people over. I kept trying to get a nap, but his nieces/nephews kept knocking on the door and coming in my room all day. I was like dude do SOMETHING BEFORE I SNAP! He ended up getting into it with his sister last night because he actually realized that I couldn’t...he told them I was pregnant & sick so stop with the comments & stop coming in the room. However, his nephew (this little boy is terrible btw) barged in the room without knocking while I didn’t have on any pants. That sent him through the roof. DH snapped on the boy, his sister snapped on him so they argued. What a way to start the NY.
So basically he planned something without asking me if it was cool knowing I wasn’t feeling well. I’m so happy everyone is gone. Whew!
Honestly, I usually love kickbacks and I’m great at entertaining. But y’all...this baby recently started kicking my butt. DH didn’t know what to do without my help & he started getting stressed trying to do it himself. But whatever...
I also need to add that in his family being pregnant is not a valid excuse to relax. They take pride in saying stuff like “oh when I was pregnant I worked 2 jobs & did everything without complaining blah blah blah” like I give a darn. That’s where the lazy comments came in. They say he spoils me too much because I don’t have to work (I still work part-time, but I’m on vacation) & I’m always getting what I want. Like, so...
Tell his folks...
Sosoothing
Well-Known Member
IslandMummy
Well-Known Member
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Farida
Well-Known Member
@acapnleo consider going to a retrouvaille weekend. DH and I were going through it late last year after almost 6 months of having the same fights over and over. I honestly believed it was over and that I was hanging on because of other non-marriage reasons (maintaining our lifestyle and other stuff I don't want to share online).
But I saw a HUGE change in the couples who gave it a go. And our relationship feels so much better than it has in a very long time. It is still not perfect and we are not done with the post-session weekends but it's to the point now where I feel divorce is not even remotely on the table anymore.
At the very least go to counseling alone to work on your end of things. I wish you the best.
But I saw a HUGE change in the couples who gave it a go. And our relationship feels so much better than it has in a very long time. It is still not perfect and we are not done with the post-session weekends but it's to the point now where I feel divorce is not even remotely on the table anymore.
At the very least go to counseling alone to work on your end of things. I wish you the best.
PeaceLover
Well-Known Member
Hmm we talked about the 5 love languages, communication wheels, etc. Make sure y’all talk about finances in detail, expectations for your spouse, parenting styles(if y’all plan on having children)...that’s all I can think of lol
PeaceLover
Well-Known Member
My clothes are not fitting right & I complained to DH a coupe times. I noticed he takes the time the compliment me everyday since I started complaining. He’s always like “you’re so beautiful baby, you have the glow & that orange looks nice on your skin” like wtf lol I know he’s lying, but it makes me smile anyway. I’m going shopping this week!
He’s been making an effort to be present & spoil me(more than usual) since I’m pregnant & I really appreciate it. He & DD went to the jewelry store & got me “just because” earrings & a necklace. I almost cried.
He’s been making an effort to be present & spoil me(more than usual) since I’m pregnant & I really appreciate it. He & DD went to the jewelry store & got me “just because” earrings & a necklace. I almost cried.
natural in ATL
15+ years natural
Great list. I’d also add family of origin conversations - that was an eye opener during our premarital counseling. Basically it forces you to talk about how you were brought up and your family’s dynamic. Then how it’s impacted you and what you still carry with you from it. It helped us because there were so many little things we disagreed over in the beginning because we both thought our way was the right way or “everybody does it this way” (“everybody” meaning our family of origin).
I’d also highly recommend this book: Amazon product ASIN 1585426210
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
That’s sooooooo true!!! What we see growing up definitely influences your marriage.
momi
Well-Known Member
I told my husband that I am not going to have all of the responsibilities of the household, children and work. We have a cleaning service come every two weeks and I cook twice a week. I plan to do better about the cooking. Maybe up it to three times a week but I am not cooking on the weekends. Saturday’s and Sunday’s we eat out. Every now and then I may cook Sunday dinner but it depends on how I feel. If I have learned one thing in marriage and about most men is that they will let you run yourself to the ground taking care of their needs and not blink twice. No mam. Being a wife and mother will not have me looking all haggard.
Oh and you aren’t the only one- I don’t wash DH clothes, I wash mine and the baby’s clothes only- everyone else is on their own.
Enacting this rule in my house starting today. I needed this reminder - I am no longer a SAHM. Wash your own underwear.
Ladies, Thank you all for your support.
It's been a week and my emotions / feelings are all over the place and I feel like my problem solving skills SUCK! 
@natural in ATL What book? It's not showing for me.
@qchelle I don't know you personally, but I am so glad that you're doing pre-marital counseling! Everyone has contributed great feedback and suggestions- it's important to try to understand and be as prepared as possible for the seen and unforeseen. Thumbs up to you and your fh.
It's been a week and my emotions / feelings are all over the place
and I feel like my problem solving skills SUCK! @natural in ATL What book? It's not showing for me.
@qchelle I don't know you personally, but I am so glad that you're doing pre-marital counseling! Everyone has contributed great feedback and suggestions- it's important to try to understand and be as prepared as possible for the seen and unforeseen. Thumbs up to you and your fh.
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natural in ATL
15+ years natural
Ladies, Thank you all for your support.
It's been a week and my emotions / feelings are all over the place
It’s called The Hard Questions
@natural in ATL What book? It's not showing for me.
@qchelle I don't know you personally, but I am so glad that you're doing pre-marital counseling! Everyone has contributed great feedback and suggestions- it's important to try to understand and be as prepared as possible for the seen and unforeseen. Thumbs up to you and your fh.
ItsMeLilLucky
NotLucky no mo' just blessed.
@IslandMummy hugs. That sucks hot monkey balls.
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