Married Ladies Random Thoughts

CurliDiva said:
At work with several married women who were discussing the stat that working women still did something like 65% of all household chores compared to their husbands even when she made more money. Everyone was saying its higher for them, got even worse when kids arrived, or their husband is just useless around the house......

It is such a depressing thought! :(
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We have no kids and on a good week I do maybe 20-25% of the household chores. I'd rather pay someone.. he doesn't want to because he says he can do it. Fine by me... you go right ahead.

If we have a child, my household chores will probably reduce even more because I'll be breastfeeding and too tired :look:
 
CurliDiva said:
At work with several married women who were discussing the stat that working women still did something like 65% of all household chores compared to their husbands even when she made more money. Everyone was saying its higher for them, got even worse when kids arrived, or their husband is just useless around the house......

It is such a depressing thought! :(
Click to expand...
ETA - similar to what I said below, this didn't just up and happen one day imo. It was a pattern created from the start that most women can actually avoid.
 
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Dee-Licious said:
We have no kids and on a good week I do maybe 20-25% of the household chores. I'd rather pay someone.. he doesn't want to because he says he can do it. Fine by me... you go right ahead.

If we have a child, my household chores will probably reduce even more because I'll be breastfeeding and too tired :look:
Click to expand...

Yea, I think women take on a bunch of "wifely duties" at the start, buying into the "superwoman" ish, then get mad when their hubby is oblivious and useless. Like, you taught him to be useless sooooo.... :look: dont be bitter now boo.
 
CurliDiva said:
At work with several married women who were discussing the stat that working women still did something like 65% of all household chores compared to their husbands even when she made more money. Everyone was saying its higher for them, got even worse when kids arrived, or their husband is just useless around the house......

It is such a depressing thought! :(
Click to expand...
I do about 30-40% of the household chores. We don’t have children. We both work. I’ve never been one of those women who believes that it’s “my role” to do all the housework. We both live in this house. I know that I’m fortunate to have a husband who agrees with me. I wouldn’t have married him if I thought I had to work full time and be a housewife.
 
We don't have kids yet and as such DH does not think we should hire a helper. I have no problem with it as he helps out a lot around the house. Makes the bed, sweeps, mops, dusts, cleans the bathroom...you name it, he does it. The only thing he really leaves to me is the cooking and if I'm feeling tired or don't feel like cooking, he'll do it or buy takeout.

My sister has been married for a little over a year and is still on the 'superwoman' high. She has a longer commute to/from work than I do and as such a lot of her housework is left for the weekends. I keep telling her that she needs to hire someone to come in once/twice a month to do the deep cleaning. She says she's afraid the help will judge her for having a dirty house :look:. I keep telling her that she needs to get over that crap real quick.
 
Ooohhh DH trriieeddd it today. Trying to switch up where we eating dinner today. First of all I don't anywhere but with family on holidays. Second of all I am not eating a thanksgiving giving me cooked by white people. Hell no. He talking about they going to be mad we not staying for dinner. Oh well sir. Your folks not mine. should have never committed us to do that
 
Loving said:
We don't have kids yet and as such DH does not think we should hire a helper. I have no problem with it as he helps out a lot around the house. Makes the bed, sweeps, mops, dusts, cleans the bathroom...you name it, he does it. The only thing he really leaves to me is the cooking and if I'm feeling tired or don't feel like cooking, he'll do it or buy takeout.

My sister has been married for a little over a year and is still on the 'superwoman' high. She has a longer commute to/from work than I do and as such a lot of her housework is left for the weekends. I keep telling her that she needs to hire someone to come in once/twice a month to do the deep cleaning. She says she's afraid the help will judge her for having a dirty house :look:. I keep telling her that she needs to get over that crap real quick.
Click to expand...


Hiring someone to come in 2x a month is on my agenda for early 2018. I don't have children either and my step daughter lives in Florida and I still don't have time/desire to do all this deep cleaning
 
Hello ladies,
It’s been so nice being a participant in this thread. It has helped me so much through the years. But I guess it’s time for me to bow out. I left and divorced my husband. It’s been official for only about a month now. So I’s single. And happy. It was about a 2 year process from start to finish. Starting with oh my goodness I’m going to have to leave this dude, to oh how am I going to do that?, to figuring that out, to actually filing for divorce, then going through that whole process. Whew! It is no joke.

I will tell you that I don’t regret getting married. But I was too young. I know that. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t understand myself, men, or the world. But I fell in love and gave it my best. I have two beautiful daughters and a chance to begin anew. Life goes on.

Please keep writing and sharing. It makes a big difference for you and others. One poster years ago posted how her dh would kiss her kneecaps or the back of her knees or something like that. And that just kind of made my heart flutter. I knew I didn’t have that and I ached for it. For now I will kiss my own knees. Take good care of Hopeful.

Thanks to all of you who have become my friend. If you ever need me I’m just a pm away. And I still believe in love. Yes I do.
 
So
An associate of mine called dh high maintenance. Mainly because he refuses to hang out with her dh and do couple activities. Your man is a bum. That’s all. He doesn’t do bums. And you’re bout to be cut off from my lovely company.
Don’t be mad be my dh actively grooms and isn’t disgusting. She said she finds “hard underwear” around the house. That he won’t wash his clothes or put them in the hamper. He works as a car salesman. Ummmm clothes prolly be stank
 
CafedeBelleza said:
So
An associate of mine called dh high maintenance. Mainly because he refuses to hang out with her dh and do couple activities. Your man is a bum. That’s all. He doesn’t do bums. And you’re bout to be cut off from my lovely company.
Don’t be mad be my dh actively grooms and isn’t disgusting. She said she finds “hard underwear” around the house. That he won’t wash his clothes or put them in the hamper. He works as a car salesman. Ummmm clothes prolly be stank
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I burst out laughing:lachen:.........but Ewww!
 
hopeful said:
Hello ladies,
It’s been so nice being a participant in this thread. It has helped me so much through the years. But I guess it’s time for me to bow out. I left and divorced my husband. It’s been official for only about a month now. So I’s single. And happy. It was about a 2 year process from start to finish. Starting with oh my goodness I’m going to have to leave this dude, to oh how am I going to do that?, to figuring that out, to actually filing for divorce, then going through that whole process. Whew! It is no joke.

I will tell you that I don’t regret getting married. But I was too young. I know that. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t understand myself, men, or the world. But I fell in love and gave it my best. I have two beautiful daughters and a chance to begin anew. Life goes on.

Please keep writing and sharing. It makes a big difference for you and others. One poster years ago posted how her dh would kiss her kneecaps or the back of her knees or something like that. And that just kind of made my heart flutter. I knew I didn’t have that and I ached for it. For now I will kiss my own knees. Take good care of Hopeful.

Thanks to all of you who have become my friend. If you ever need me I’m just a pm away. And I still believe in love. Yes I do.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry to hear that you had to experience this! But I already know that wonderful things are in store for you. You have a good heart and an amazing spirit.
 
hopeful said:
Hello ladies,
It’s been so nice being a participant in this thread. It has helped me so much through the years. But I guess it’s time for me to bow out. I left and divorced my husband. It’s been official for only about a month now. So I’s single. And happy. It was about a 2 year process from start to finish. Starting with oh my goodness I’m going to have to leave this dude, to oh how am I going to do that?, to figuring that out, to actually filing for divorce, then going through that whole process. Whew! It is no joke.

I will tell you that I don’t regret getting married. But I was too young. I know that. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t understand myself, men, or the world. But I fell in love and gave it my best. I have two beautiful daughters and a chance to begin anew. Life goes on.

Please keep writing and sharing. It makes a big difference for you and others. One poster years ago posted how her dh would kiss her kneecaps or the back of her knees or something like that. And that just kind of made my heart flutter. I knew I didn’t have that and I ached for it. For now I will kiss my own knees. Take good care of Hopeful.

Thanks to all of you who have become my friend. If you ever need me I’m just a pm away. And I still believe in love. Yes I do.
Click to expand...

:bighug: Sending lots of love. I'd still love it if you hung around. You give the most unbiased, clear headed advice
 
CurliDiva said:
At work with several married women who were discussing the stat that working women still did something like 65% of all household chores compared to their husbands even when she made more money. Everyone was saying its higher for them, got even worse when kids arrived, or their husband is just useless around the house......

It is such a depressing thought! :(
Click to expand...

I noticed with my brother and DH that men tend to be clueless which is why women end up doing more. Especially when you start feeling too tired to nag or have the same argument over and over.

My brother and I grew up together. We had hired help 24/7 so you cannot even say it is because my mom raised me to do stuff but did not expect the same of him.

DH will go shopping as I stated before and NOT buy things he uses that he is out of and then get mad at ME for not telling him to buy more. Really? We have been married for 10 years and I gave up because we had that argument over and over and nothing changed. So I ended up taking over making shopping lists.

He will leave food in the fridge for weeks until it stinks up the house. So once a week I started cleaning out the fridge.

He will not use a cover for food in the microwave.

He won’t put laundry away.

He would come home after we both worked
and ask me “what’s for dinner?”

I could go on and on. We used to argue about it ALL the time and nothing changed. He would refuse to hire help and when he would do some of the work then he would start telling me off for the socks I left on the floor or whatever. Like, seriously? All the slack I pick up for you and you come at me for one or two things the one or two times you help?

If my mom comes over to help clean up for free he complains about her moving his things. So WTH?

I have pretty ill recently. If I had no student loans I would quit my job honestly.

So we are actually in the midst of a huge, petty fight. Because what I don’t need when I am sick is chores not done or chores done and have him yelling at me because I left a plate in the sink.

So I have paid someone to come do laundry and fold it. Someone is coming to clean the house and IDGAF what he thinks. I am too tired for this.

We dated for 4 years and his home was immaculate. He was military so it was a habit from that. I lived upstairs from him and stopped by without notice so I know it was not a show he put up for me.

So it honestly baffles me why things turned out the way they have.

Recently he went on a work trip for 6 weeks. I realized I do just as much while he is gone as when he is here. Except for maybe taking out the trash and going shopping. And I didn’t have someone yelling at me because I forgot to put in a new trash bag.

I tried having a conversation with him and it went nowhere.

So yeah, I am hiring help. I don’t want to get divorced over chores. If he tries to stop me there will be war.

With my sickness I have ZERO patience.
 
hopeful said:
Hello ladies,
It’s been so nice being a participant in this thread. It has helped me so much through the years. But I guess it’s time for me to bow out. I left and divorced my husband. It’s been official for only about a month now. So I’s single. And happy. It was about a 2 year process from start to finish. Starting with oh my goodness I’m going to have to leave this dude, to oh how am I going to do that?, to figuring that out, to actually filing for divorce, then going through that whole process. Whew! It is no joke.

I will tell you that I don’t regret getting married. But I was too young. I know that. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t understand myself, men, or the world. But I fell in love and gave it my best. I have two beautiful daughters and a chance to begin anew. Life goes on.

Please keep writing and sharing. It makes a big difference for you and others. One poster years ago posted how her dh would kiss her kneecaps or the back of her knees or something like that. And that just kind of made my heart flutter. I knew I didn’t have that and I ached for it. For now I will kiss my own knees. Take good care of Hopeful.

Thanks to all of you who have become my friend. If you ever need me I’m just a pm away. And I still believe in love. Yes I do.
Click to expand...

@hopeful and anyone else who can use it
 
Foxglove said:
:bighug: Sending lots of love. I'd still love it if you hung around. You give the most unbiased, clear headed advice
Click to expand...

Bad&Bougee said:
@hopeful, I'm going to miss you in this thread :bighug:

Sometimes, our marriages do not end the way we want them to but it's not always about what we want. It's about what is BEST. And no matters what happens next, To thine own self, be true!
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Farida said:
I am sorry for your loss...divorce is a loss in some ways. But I am happy you are happy and I am excited for your new chapter in life. How old are your kids?
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curlykimmy said:
@hopeful Thank you for everything you have contributed to this thread. I have truly benefited from your words. Thank you for sharing and for encouraging us! I pray for continued peace and joy in your future.
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UmSumayyah said:

@hopeful and anyone else who can use it
Click to expand...


Thank you ladies! You are all so sweet. I appreciate your support. I am so happy to be free, to not be burdened anymore with trying. I got very tired of trying to fix what I hadn’t broken. As @UmSumayyah ‘s video says You Learn, and I really did.

The most beautiful thing of all for me was that I’ve grown so much, become so much stronger and tougher, while still holding onto my light. I was always afraid of the darkness for fear that it would engulf me, but I was wrong. It only made my light brighter. I found out that I had the capacity to fight and to win, to do what I had to do. I discovered that I didn’t always have to be sweet or nice, that I can be angry and mean and vengeful too if necessary, that I had a right to all of my feelings and emotions. I had the right to fight for me and my happiness. And fight I did:).

In the end I was still me, I am still me, still kind, still hopeful, but also wiser, more calculating, less emotional when necessary, much stronger than I ever imagined. I grew up. And also discovered that life goes on.

I am looking forward to beginning this new chapter. I have so many wonderful plans.

I will pop in here from time to time but you guys got this. Lots of smart and experienced ladies here. All of you deserve to be loved and to be treated with respect and kindness. I hope everyone of you gets the marital life you want. But if you don’t, hopefully you will remember my post and find courage and strength.
 
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hopeful said:
Thank you ladies! You are all so sweet. I appreciate your support. I am so happy to be free, to not be burdened anymore with trying. I got very tired of trying to fix what I hadn’t broken. As @UmSumayyah ‘s video says You Learn, and I really did.

The most beautiful thing of all for me was that I’ve grown so much, become so much stronger and tougher, while still holding onto my light. I was always afraid of the darkness for fear that it would engulf me, but I was wrong. It only made my light brighter. I found out that I had the capacity to fight and to win, to do what I had to do. I discovered that I didn’t always have to be sweet or nice, that I can be angry and mean and vengeful too if necessary, that I had a right to all of my feelings and emotions. I had the right to fight for me and my happiness. And fight I did:).

In the end I was still me, I am still me, still kind, still hopeful, but also wiser, more calculating, less emotional when necessary, much stronger than I ever imagined. I grew up. And also discovered that life goes on.

I am looking forward to beginning this new chapter. I have so many wonderful plans.

I will pop in here from time to time but you guys got this. Lots of smart and experienced ladies here. All of you deserve to be loved and to be treated with respect and kindness. I hope everyone of you gets the marital life you want. But if you don’t, hopefully you will remember my post and find courage and strength.
Click to expand...

There is so much wisdom in your post.

I wish you the best @hopeful.
 
@hopeful You seem like you've grown so much over the past few years so I'm excited for you, even though I know divorce sucks. You have an opportunity to live life on your own terms and if you choose to get into another relationship you'll know exactly what to look for.

How did your ex handle the divorce?
 
Dh has been an angel, such a patient angel with me. I've taken him for granted and focused on his flaws only because I was impatient. I've just had my third surgery in less than three years and he has not once complained. I know it's his duty to protect and care for me during my darkest moments but I've witnessed men do the opposite so many times that I cannot ignore how much this man loves me.
He's far from perfect but he's my Papa Bear.
 
Hey @locabouthair. I've been a bit embarrassed to update... Putting things on hold as far as the separation. It wasn't really fair to my husband that I came out with it the way I did, so I said we could see how things go over the next couple of weeks and as we get DS ready for school. I think the end result will be the same as I don't feel much of anything even with some of the changes he's been making, but I could be wrong. Most days we are cordial and do not feel like a married couple, but I think that's because I pretty much have my mind made up. I also told him I didn't think there would be any coming back from this if we did officially separate, so I want to be absolutely sure that I'm making the right decision and not just acting out of frustration and impulse.
 
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