Married Ladies Random Thoughts

DS has been sick for about a week now and I really don't know what's wrong. Started off teething, diaper rash, cranky, and then seemingly a virus with temps at like 103 and now random coughing. Yall know I'm a first time mother. I don't know what in the heck I am doing.

I'm so thankful that a. DH called off of work took us to the doctor for little man. He didn't have to since I stay at home. b. He kept DS all night and let me rest one night because I was freaking out. c. He gave me some money to get my nails done. d. He told me that he is thankful one person stays at home now because sick kids need to be with their mama and at home.

Pray that little prince feels better. He seems better but I dunno. The cold season is approaching.
 
syze6 said:
Two years.
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That may be why. She and her DH are probably still in the honeymoon stage. There are definitely ebbs and tides in all relationships. Not a bad thing, but marriage can become hum drum; work, kids, responsibilities. It is a constant effort to keep the passion burning and not forget that your spouse needs love and affection too. I love my DH but Lords knows our love for one another has changed several times. As we grow and mature and situations change and people change it often affects how we view our spouse
LeftRightRepeat said:
Lol. My sons girlfriend I mean :lol:
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I was about to say!!!!
 
Bad&Bougee said:
That may be why. She and her DH are probably still in the honeymoon stage. There are definitely ebbs and tides in all relationships. Not a bad thing, but marriage can become hum drum; work, kids, responsibilities. It is a constant effort to keep the passion burning and not forget that your spouse needs love and affection too. I love my DH but Lords knows our love for one another has changed several times. As we grow and mature and situations change and people change it often affects how we view our spouse


I was about to say!!!!
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Amen. I was just thinking that I need to keep stepping up my game. The past four years I've been in mommy mode-frumpy, dumpy, and lactating. I definitely neglected dh and I'm now trying to be less kid focused and more husband minded.

I'm dressing up again, wearing stilletoes, and taking care of my overall appearance. People at work are in shock-I've only been there for three years so all they know is the out of shape, sloppy dressing, only in flats, former me, lol. DH is quite pleased with my effort.
 
jerseyhaircare said:
Amen. I was just thinking that I need to keep stepping up my game. The past four years I've been in mommy mode-frumpy, dumpy, and lactating. I definitely neglected dh and I'm now trying to be less kid focused and more husband minded.

I'm dressing up again, wearing stilletoes, and taking care of my overall appearance. People at work are in shock-I've only been there for three years so all they know is the out of shape, sloppy dressing, only in flats, former me, lol. DH is quite pleased with my effort.
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Look at you!! That is pretty awesome. I bet you feel like a New Woman?
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Look at you!! That is pretty awesome. I bet you feel like a New Woman?
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I do. People treat you badly when your fat. I swear, men are acting like they never met me before. One patient actually asked who I was, saying he's never seen me. I had to tell him that he's seen me everyday for close to a year. You just ain't "see" me.

Also, I'm happy to have gotten over my greatest fear. I'm almost 40 and I've been told that once you have your babies and hit 35, your body goes downhill. I was planning on being the fat, asexual mom but dh wasn't having that. Thankfully I have a few friends who are moms but look good, so I have positive examples. It takes a lot of work, but it's nice to feel good about myself again-I haven't felt like this in close to 5 years.
 
Hi @Bad&Bougee I'm doing well! I was a bit of a mess last week, but I've been doing much better the last couple of days. My husband has been looking for an apartment close by, but in the meantime we are just trying to stay normal for DS. I like having him here for now for reasons :look: But I know my new life can't start until he's gone.
 
I'm really tryna hold it together y'all. I feel like I just can't do this relationship any longer. I'm always making excuses because I have grown leaps and bounds and he has grown leaps and bounds but I don't know but it's just not enough for me.

I hate betas. I really do. He knows it's a problem. We got to fighting about him using the baby to avoid sexual and fertility problems between us. He'll be like ooh the baby is cranky! Guess we can't be intimate tonight. Then smile. I'm sexual. I gots to be getting it at least three times through the week or I'm not happy. We started arguing about it and that led to how he's lazy around the house.

Little chores like lowering the baby crib I feel like I'm too little to do but he says every week yeah I gotta lower the crib bht unless I stand over him and say lower the crib he never does. The home we had in our laundry room has been there five months and he was always "getting around to it". Because of this being lazy, the baby sleeps in the room so we can't be as intimate as I want. Plus I'm torn. I want him to lead. He did lead. He said that baby could not sleep in his room until 1. I only have two months. But when he sleeps in the bed with us I'm not getting my needs met like I want to. Then I throw it in his face that my body fine as What so I can have who I want. Keep playing.

So the argument turned into sex, not tuning into my needs, and being lazy. When I went to sleep he fixed the hole in the laundry room and lowered the crib and put the baby in his own room to sleep.

But ever since Saturday he has not talked to me or slept in the same room with me. I feel like when u don't sleep in the same room its over. And plus it's annoying me because I literally told you we don't have sex enough and instead of having sex with me you sleep in the other room?

I'm tired of this. I promised myself that I would not spazz out on him. He loves me being the leader and not him so he is loving this. I'm not nagging. I'm not talking. I'm just doing the normal things without conversation. But he doesn't have the balls to come to me and ask why aren't we talking. Well we'll both be stubborn. He's going to have to come to me this time.
 
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@PrissiSippi, on Day 1 of a relationship, a man and woman has to decide who the bigger person is going to be. In my relationship, my husband is the bigger person because I love to pout and live in Petty Land from time to time. And it looks as though you may have to be the bigger person in your relationship and that is not a bad thing. You two can't go around the house not speaking with the hopes that the other asks "What's wrong"? That leads to no place fast so break the ice and help save your marriage (if it's worth saving).

You guys may be in a dead end but you need to talk through your issues and be open and honest (the open and honest is for your DH because you do not seem as though you bite your tongue). Don't get upset or let him appease you with BS half answers - get it off your chest and be done with it. Especially if you two decide you can't go any further. You don't want to have any unresolved issues that can be thrown back in your face at a later date.

Often times, couples get angry over assumptions and not fact. He assumes one thing when it's really another and vice versa. You also have to be honest with yourself and ask "what kind of wife are you being right now?". All those hormones from the baby........you might not be your normal, cheerful, understanding, loving self. You may think you are but it doesn't mean that you are. And that is not giving him an out, it's actually digging him a hole. If you are being the woman and wife you are supposed to be and he still acts FOOL then the problem clearly lies with him. But you will need ammo in your arsenal so that means you have to give examples which means you have to play your part. Marriage isn't supposed to be a game but if your partner treats it as such then play it until you can put the brakes on the issues you two are having.


FYI - it's never about sex. It's really about something else but sex is the easiest to talk about. Either you feel inadequate or that he is cheating or you feel as though his attention is being given to someone else. He may feel as though that he can't do anything to please you or you give all your attention to the baby or you don't make him feel like a man or whatever, and results in someone not being able to get it up. So find out what's really going on. DH and I stopped arguing about sex. It's not sex. He's usually mad because I expend all my energy at work and then want to come home and be like, "Hurry up so I can cook?" He could very easily make it about sex but it's really about me meeting everyone's needs at work and half a**ing at home. But that also means don't meet me at the door with your thang out. Give me 30 minutes!!
 
Bad&Bougee said:
I like having him here for now for reasons :look:

:lachen::lachen:I ain't fooling with you!

I'm glad you are able to find the positives in this situation and enjoy these last few days with DH before he goes. That's what it's all about - lemons into lemonade.
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I mean. Gotta get it while I still have it, right? :sekret:

He said he has noticed a difference in me since this all started. I feel freer. I'm doing what makes me feel good and happy. I feel like there are endless possibilities for me to explore. I tried to explain it to him in a way that wouldn't sound like I was blaming him for holding me back because he has always supported me, but I never felt this way during our relationship. I always felt a little stuck and guilty for wanting more. Now I'm tired of playing small. I feel like Scarface. I want the world and everything in it.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
@PrissiSippi, on Day 1 of a relationship, a man and woman has to decide who the bigger person is going to be. In my relationship, my husband is the bigger person because I love to pout and live in Petty Land from time to time. And it looks as though you may have to be the bigger person in your relationship and that is not a bad thing. You two can't go around the house not speaking with the hopes that the other asks "What's wrong"? That leads to no place fast so break the ice and help save your marriage (if it's worth saving).

You guys may be in a dead end but you need to talk through your issues and be open and honest (the open and honest is for your DH because you do not seem as though you bite your tongue). Don't get upset or let him appease you with BS half answers - get it off your chest and be done with it. Especially if you two decide you can't go any further. You don't want to have any unresolved issues that can be thrown back in your face at a later date.

Often times, couples get angry over assumptions and not fact. He assumes one thing when it's really another and vice versa. You also have to be honest with yourself and ask "what kind of wife are you being right now?". All those hormones from the baby........you might not be your normal, cheerful, understanding, loving self. You may think you are but it doesn't mean that you are. And that is not giving him an out, it's actually digging him a hole. If you are being the woman and wife you are supposed to be and he still acts FOOL then the problem clearly lies with him. But you will need ammo in your arsenal so that means you have to give examples which means you have to play your part. Marriage isn't supposed to be a game but if your partner treats it as such then play it until you can put the brakes on the issues you two are having.


FYI - it's never about sex. It's really about something else but sex is the easiest to talk about. Either you feel inadequate or that he is cheating or you feel as though his attention is being given to someone else. He may feel as though that he can't do anything to please you or you give all your attention to the baby or you don't make him feel like a man or whatever, and results in someone not being able to get it up. So find out what's really going on. DH and I stopped arguing about sex. It's not sex. He's usually mad because I expend all my energy at work and then want to come home and be like, "Hurry up so I can cook?" He could very easily make it about sex but it's really about me meeting everyone's needs at work and half a**ing at home. But that also means don't meet me at the door with your thang out. Give me 30 minutes!!
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I'm tired of being the bigger person. I think I'm just dealing with a lot mentally. I'm completely tired of being the bigger person. The bigger person gets abused and hurt and trampled over. You know I'm not talking to my father. It's been about three weeks and we haven't said not a word to each other but hi and bye. I hate him at this current time because of how he talks down to me and I hate how my mother keeps telling me "you know how your father is but he listens to no one but you". I JUST Fogured it out that being the bigger person turns you into a emotional punching bag. So I blocked him out my life because he brings nothing to it.

DH is like this too. He looooooves me to lead. He hates leading. I'm older now. I want a leader. I'm tired of being the bigger person and going to him asking what is wrong. He needs to lead and come to me. That sounds selfish now that I type it because that's not who he is but that's how I feel.

Man it is about sex. Well sex and intimacy. We flip flop. I'm a typical guy he's a typical girl. I want it a lot more than he does. A lot more. If I don't bring it up he won't lead. We will go a month without having sex if I don't bring it up. I'm tired of that. Then he doesn't put his all in it anymore. Lawd knows I'm trying not to be my ratchet self...but if he keeps slipping....:catfight:

Then the fertility thing. I told him my fears the other day. Instead of addressing my fears he said don't I think I have fears. I have a fear that I will never have a blood child. Bruhhhh look if that was your true fear you'd do something about it so you can really get up outta my face because all this grunt work and financial work I've done it on my own. Drink bleach. :angry2:

If he would D me down on the regular I promise I would be a lot nicer. I'm just not in a good headspace now. I do not care.

I found out when I woke up he didn't sleep in the bed with me last night because he is afraid DS will be scared to sleep in his room alone so DH slept on the floor on DS rug and DS slept in the crib. This is so sweet. But I'm sooooo:naughtycouch: that I really don't care. :needhug:
 
Miss617 said:
I mean. Gotta get it while I still have it, right? :sekret:
Amen!


Now I'm tired of playing small. I feel like Scarface. I want the world and everything in it.
That sounds like an awesome feeling. Do you know how lucky you are? Some women feel hopeless and helpless at this point in their life and begin to self-derogate but you are taking the bull by the horns. I am so happy for you!
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You are going through a lot, especially when you throw in the issues with your Dad.

I was going to say trust me but I'm not the bigger person so I can't weigh in but if you want to get things resolved, you are going to have to be the bigger person with DH. My main question to you is why do you keep going around in circles? Yeah, he sounds like a good Dad but he's not the husband you want. He WAS but now that you've grown, he's not anymore. You all need to seek professional help or determine how to move forward separately. You can't keep going like this. What's the sense in beating a dead horse if it's making you crazy?
 
Dee-Licious said:
@PrissiSippi Is your son not his blood child?

Also, can DS sleep in a crib in ya'll room for a little bit? Then, he's not in the bedso ya'll can have "funtime" but close enough that your DH is not worried.
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We had a hard time conceiving. We went the fertility center route after having fertility problems for years. I guess the problem is I am not satisfied. Down the road I want more kids. This coupled with the other stuff makes me always on the fence on is this even worth it. And I think DH can tell.

DS was doing that but he will wake up and stare at u like....what u doing and beg to be in the bed too. :lachen:
 
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