Married Ladies Random Thoughts

melahnee said:
@PrissiSippi have you met this girl before?
I think you should just have a serious talk with him and ask questions. I would really push the issue on cutting this girl off. The question is why did he lie? Is he attracted to her? Or was he venting to her? Regardless, I would be very uncomfortable. If he was flirting with her or whatever I could forgive him for that but cut all contact asap and dont ever lie to me again.

I'm sorta angry for you, lol. I don't really have mercy when it comes to things like this. My husbands done a lot of mess so I'm not gonna sit here and act like I have the ideal marriage because everyone on here knows thats faaaaar from the truth. but giving another woman attention is not something he will ever do cause he knows thats a major deal breaker for me with no questions asked. You're home taking care of your baby, tired and you could use a break. How selfish of him not to take that into consideration.
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I brought this up again. I showed up at the bowling alley. Ain't nothing but ole wimmenz so who is this girl? He wouldn't tell me her age or how he met her. I told him without an answer he could stay with her and not come home tonight because she was a priority and not my feelings.

I brought it up and he said I was overreacting. Everything I am overreacting. Can u believe he pulled the "I can't ever have anything to myself. I can't even have friends. I'm scared to have friends" card. I want to slap the piss out of him. I'm tired of his beta male tendencies. I could make a dissertation on how I can't stand it. And his passive aggressiveness. He can have friends. He can even have female friends but why so secretive?

I am fuming we argued about something different but I can't sleep because I feel he doesn't get it.

When he doesn't get it I get disrespectful.

I told Him this problem lies in him being too secretive. He has "no friends" then I find he has friend girls he just casually talks to at the bowling alley. This wouldn't be a problem with me but I don't know her and you don't talk to me. When he was in Mexico he never called to check on us until I brought it up. Then he makes up white lies that he slept from 6-6 and couldn't call. Then when we talk We talk logical. How is the baby? How was work today? It's nothing in our text messages or convos that is exclusively for a significant other. It could be a convo with my brother. So when u feel another girl gets your convo and in turn intimacy yeah I'm mad.

I feel he has made me to the bad person he said he told the girl my wife won't let me talk to you and he can't talk o her anymore. But it feels like a cop out. He didn't tell me this. This came out after we argued about it again.

I've been married three years and I JUST TONIGHT learned the PIN number to his debit card. I feel this is a problem. I told him to give me his debit card. He told me I could have $20 I said no I want and need your card so give it to me. He threw it at me like a dog. I flipped out. I asked him to not throw it at me. He told me I made him do something like he was a dog. I told him I would spend every last dime on the card if he did not treat me with courtesy and not throw the card at me. Went to the store He had a total of less than $100 on it. I think that's dangerous and he's been like this for years. He won't let me In his finances though. If I needed something I don't feel secure that he would come through for the problem. He would ignore it and hope that it went away or hope I solved it on my own.

Our furnace has stopped working. Brand new furnace. So it's cold in the house. We have a ten month old. Instead of addressing this problem he dances around it. It's not a problem until I blew up at him about it. And why do I have to make u make note of this problem? It doesn't affect u because you are hot natured but I know you saw two weeks ago when it was warm outside this furnace does not work. This affects your wife and child but it's not important for him. Am I wrong?

It's a hole in the laundry room from the air conditioner getting installed. It's been there since June. But he claims I didn't give him enihhh time and he hasn't fixed it because I have too many clothes in the laundry room but he never addressed this concern to me. Maybe once never twice. I didn't even know he got someone to patch the hole and I don't think he did.

Am I wrong for blowing up about his lack of leadership? He has been like this since the beginning. He's probably better now. He says I don't show him appreciation for the things he does do it's only the stuff he doesn't. But the stuff he doesn't it big to me.
 
@PrissiSippi
:bighug:
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. In my opinion no, you're not wrong for being angry at his lack of leadership. I've had this issue too and its resulted in me literally telling him to try not to be so freaking slow/dumb. Idk what it is with these men these days.
And wth is with the lying?! And guilt tripping?! Oh no girl he needs to come up with some answers and good ones. You're not wrong about being upset that he's giving her the attention YOU deserve!!
Maybe he is stressed out about the "changes" (new baby) that are happening right now. Just a suggestion, my niece is turning one and it seems my sister in law is going through very similar things you just told me about. She says my brother hardly talks or pays attention to her, is taking up new hobbies etc and she's been pretty upset about it. Of course, I dont agree with the way they are handling this theoretical "stress," but I've been wondering if this is some type of coping mechanism my brother has begun after 'realizing' he has a whole new life and isn't young and single anymore. Whatever it is, I think they're both being selfish and need to stop acting like spoiled brats. I'm so sorry you're going through this. If I were in this position, I'd be a straight B tbh (lol I have little to no patience for my husbands bs anymore), and I'd ask a ton of questions because honestly, you deserve to know the truth and wth is really going on.
 
This is just my opinion but I just wanted to share my thoughts. I think there are a lot of myths about marriage and a lot of societal brainwashing of all women but the black community has an especially cruel brand of it for their woman.

Myths:

•Marriage is hard work. If it is constantly hard, cyclically hard, ongoingly hard, something is wrong. In healthy relationships problems are resolved by both partners and they move on and forward to a fulfilling relationship. Perfect? No. But fulfilling, satisfying, generally happy, and reciprocal? Yes. What is the point in remaining in an unhappy relationship? To suffer. What is the point of constantly suffering?

•Prayer solves problems. Prayer can help if you are religious BUT most problems, including marital issues, are multi-pronged, and all of the prayer in the world can’t make an unhealthy union a healthy one, can’t make a cheater stop cheating, can’t make a codependent person not be codependent, can’t make an emotionally unavailable person, available, can’t make a spouse love you if they don’t.

•Most people are generally good and mean you well. No. Just because you fell in love with someone and they asked you to marry them, does not mean that deep down they love you or that they just need more time to figure things out. We can fall in love with people who don’t love us back. Some people pretend to love people in order to have their needs met. All humans are not the same. Some people are highly manipulative and prey on those who are needy for love, relationships, validation etc.

Brainwashing of the woman:

•We are supposed to help him, be patient with him, give him time. Why? If you are an adult and he is an adult then two whole adults come together to partner. If you are constantly managing the relationship, seeking him out, looking for solutions alone and he is just sitting there watching you work on the relationship while he goes on about his business and living his life, something is wrong.

•We are supposed to be patient and give the relationship time. Why? When you said yes to marry this person, you felt loved and happy. Otherwise you likely wouldn’t have married him. So what happened? Why are you supposed to be so patient? If he pursued you and you felt loved, why is ok now for you to pursue him and not feel loved and safe? Why would anyone encourage anyone to suffer, put their life on hold, and keep waiting for what was to return?

The black community’s desire for us to suffer:

•One sided relationships are encouraged in our community. We are encouraged to be perfect and it is ok if he has a few flaws so long as he is male and shows up occasionally or provides a few things. It doesn’t matter if what he provides is what you want or what he promised. Again, it is ok if you suffer.

•Whatever is going wrong in the relationship is your fault and your job to fix. You must try and try and try to fix what you have no control over and didn’t break in the first place.

Bottom line is that we all make mistakes sometimes, especially when we are young. It’s okay. No one deserves to remain stuck or unhappy forever. It is not fair. It is not kind. It is not right.
 
The other day I went to the doctor with my husband. It was his doctors appointment.

I mentioned that he is ‘slow’ and that it takes a while for him to register information. :eek::abducted:

Yup! When the doctor left he said , I’m going to have to have a word with you about that, what do you mean!?

I said, remember when the painters moved the furniture around and blocked us in? When we tried to open the door the dresser was in the way? He said yeah.

I said well you were acting like we were stuck and I just pushed the dresser out of the way? Remember.
:mad: Don’t play with me!
 
Bad&Bougee said:
I want to contact his wife and explain that she needs to speak with our mother in-law about what's going on. I just think it's unfair for him to drag her name through the mud like that because she is not there to defend herself. She does care but thinks everyone hates her because of what happens. My mother in-law doesn't hate her but she definitely believes what her son is saying.

No one can file for child support on his behalf. And yes, they are enabling him. They always have. I have been trying to stay out of it but it is becoming increasingly difficult. The straw that broke the camel's back is when I came home early from work, him pulling up behind me so that he could tell my husband some ridiculous story that leads to him wanting to borrow money. Because I was at home this time he couldn't ask but he still told DH the story hoping he would offer to give him the money without having to ask.

He is the equivalent of an abusive husband. I want it to be known before the next woman comes along and get entangled with this guy. His mom should know what and who he is so that she can help him, stop coddling him and be mindful this time so that she can see the warning signs and help her future daughter in-law.
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Him taking money out of my household would be a problem.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I brought this up again. I showed up at the bowling alley. Ain't nothing but ole wimmenz so who is this girl? He wouldn't tell me her age or how he met her. I told him without an answer he could stay with her and not come home tonight because she was a priority and not my feelings.

I brought it up and he said I was overreacting. Everything I am overreacting. Can u believe he pulled the "I can't ever have anything to myself. I can't even have friends. I'm scared to have friends" card. I want to slap the piss out of him. I'm tired of his beta male tendencies. I could make a dissertation on how I can't stand it. And his passive aggressiveness. He can have friends. He can even have female friends but why so secretive?

I am fuming we argued about something different but I can't sleep because I feel he doesn't get it.

When he doesn't get it I get disrespectful.

I told Him this problem lies in him being too secretive. He has "no friends" then I find he has friend girls he just casually talks to at the bowling alley. This wouldn't be a problem with me but I don't know her and you don't talk to me. When he was in Mexico he never called to check on us until I brought it up. Then he makes up white lies that he slept from 6-6 and couldn't call. Then when we talk We talk logical. How is the baby? How was work today? It's nothing in our text messages or convos that is exclusively for a significant other. It could be a convo with my brother. So when u feel another girl gets your convo and in turn intimacy yeah I'm mad.

I feel he has made me to the bad person he said he told the girl my wife won't let me talk to you and he can't talk o her anymore. But it feels like a cop out. He didn't tell me this. This came out after we argued about it again.

I've been married three years and I JUST TONIGHT learned the PIN number to his debit card. I feel this is a problem. I told him to give me his debit card. He told me I could have $20 I said no I want and need your card so give it to me. He threw it at me like a dog. I flipped out. I asked him to not throw it at me. He told me I made him do something like he was a dog. I told him I would spend every last dime on the card if he did not treat me with courtesy and not throw the card at me. Went to the store He had a total of less than $100 on it. I think that's dangerous and he's been like this for years. He won't let me In his finances though. If I needed something I don't feel secure that he would come through for the problem. He would ignore it and hope that it went away or hope I solved it on my own.

Our furnace has stopped working. Brand new furnace. So it's cold in the house. We have a ten month old. Instead of addressing this problem he dances around it. It's not a problem until I blew up at him about it. And why do I have to make u make note of this problem? It doesn't affect u because you are hot natured but I know you saw two weeks ago when it was warm outside this furnace does not work. This affects your wife and child but it's not important for him. Am I wrong?

It's a hole in the laundry room from the air conditioner getting installed. It's been there since June. But he claims I didn't give him enihhh time and he hasn't fixed it because I have too many clothes in the laundry room but he never addressed this concern to me. Maybe once never twice. I didn't even know he got someone to patch the hole and I don't think he did.

Am I wrong for blowing up about his lack of leadership? He has been like this since the beginning. He's probably better now. He says I don't show him appreciation for the things he does do it's only the stuff he doesn't. But the stuff he doesn't it big to me.
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So, to recap, he is
--bad with money
--not concerned about your comfort or that of your son
--secretive
--lacking in initiative
--quick to make excuses instead of responsibility.

You are dissatisfied with him for good reason.

He could be frustrated because, as you said, he has always been this way. Maybe he doesn't understand what the problem is since you married and had a kid by him as he was.

Don't beat yourself up about it, everyone makes mistakes and you had reasons for your choices.

My advice:
--stack your money on the side, as much as you can
--continue to progress in your career
--Do NOT have any more children with him. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
--Continue to do what you can to help the relationship, but put a back-up plan in place. Where you will live and how you will live in the likely event that this relationship becomes untenable.
 
hopeful said:
@PrissiSippi
What he is doing is UNACCEPTABLE, period.
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I'm glad I'm. It absolutely freaking crazy. I think after this post we went back and forth again I told him as his wife I shouldn't have to do xyz. I made him add me as an authorized user on his cards and order my own credit card to be used for whatever the needs the house my have and I didn't back down. He eventually admitted he is in the wrong but I had to get way out of character to do such. Never again. I'm protecting my peace.

He fixed the furnace too. It was an easy fix that took 30 minutes. He could have BEEN handled this problem when he first realized it wasn't cold. I thanked him but we talked about it I'm not begging him in the future. If I make him aware it's a problem in the house he was 14 days to fix it until I swipe his card for whatever I need and my way to fixing it will be way more expensive than him so I hope he realizes this.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I'm glad I'm. It absolutely freaking crazy. I think after this post we went back and forth again I told him as his wife I shouldn't have to do xyz. I made him add me as an authorized user on his cards and order my own credit card to be used for whatever the needs the house my have and I didn't back down. He eventually admitted he is in the wrong but I had to get way out of character to do such. Never again. I'm protecting my peace.
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You shouldn’t have to fight or beg him for anything IMO. If I’m your wife and the mother of your child, you are supposed to honor that and I should never have to remind you of that or teach you that. I want to punch him in the chest:look:. Protect your peace and yourself.
 
hopeful said:
This is just my opinion but I just wanted to share my thoughts. I think there are a lot of myths about marriage and a lot of societal brainwashing of all women but the black community has an especially cruel brand of it for their woman.

Myths:

•Marriage is hard work. If it is constantly hard, cyclically hard, ongoingly hard, something is wrong. In healthy relationships problems are resolved by both partners and they move on and forward to a fulfilling relationship. Perfect? No. But fulfilling, satisfying, generally happy, and reciprocal? Yes. What is the point in remaining in an unhappy relationship? To suffer. What is the point of constantly suffering?

•Prayer solves problems. Prayer can help if you are religious BUT most problems, including marital issues, are multi-pronged, and all of the prayer in the world can’t make an unhealthy union a healthy one, can’t make a cheater stop cheating, can’t make a codependent person not be codependent, can’t make an emotionally unavailable person, available, can’t make a spouse love you if they don’t.

•Most people are generally good and mean you well. No. Just because you fell in love with someone and they asked you to marry them, does not mean that deep down they love you or that they just need more time to figure things out. We can fall in love with people who don’t love us back. Some people pretend to love people in order to have their needs met. All humans are not the same. Some people are highly manipulative and prey on those who are needy for love, relationships, validation etc.

Brainwashing of the woman:

•We are supposed to help him, be patient with him, give him time. Why? If you are an adult and he is an adult then two whole adults come together to partner. If you are constantly managing the relationship, seeking him out, looking for solutions alone and he is just sitting there watching you work on the relationship while he goes on about his business and living his life, something is wrong.

•We are supposed to be patient and give the relationship time. Why? When you said yes to marry this person, you felt loved and happy. Otherwise you likely wouldn’t have married him. So what happened? Why are you supposed to be so patient? If he pursued you and you felt loved, why is ok now for you to pursue him and not feel loved and safe? Why would anyone encourage anyone to suffer, put their life on hold, and keep waiting for what was to return?

The black community’s desire for us to suffer:

•One sided relationships are encouraged in our community. We are encouraged to be perfect and it is ok if he has a few flaws so long as he is male and shows up occasionally or provides a few things. It doesn’t matter if what he provides is what you want or what he promised. Again, it is ok if you suffer.

•Whatever is going wrong in the relationship is your fault and your job to fix. You must try and try and try to fix what you have no control over and didn’t break in the first place.

Bottom line is that we all make mistakes sometimes, especially when we are young. It’s okay. No one deserves to remain stuck or unhappy forever. It is not fair. It is not kind. It is not right.
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@hopeful I LOVE your post!!! Except for the part about prayer because I have seen prayer move mountains in many marriages, but your post is still on point. And you know what, I never really thought about it but you are absolutely right - society does mar the Black Woman with unrealistic expectations, especially when it comes to marriage. Not sure why but the Black man has been singularly stereotyped as not being a good husband, provider, man, etc. So, if we so happen to find a husband, the Woman should do all she can to make sure he stays. Subject ourselves to whatever, put up with whatever and disregard whatever just so he will stay. Just so we can say, "I have a daddy for these kids". Black Men are not the only men that have said they are going to the store and never came back. I know just as many White people who are fatherless or whose Mom is on her 2nd and 3rd marriage so the stereotype is, as usual, an unfair one. It's just that our beautiful brown faces get more attention when something goes wrong and S*** ain't right.

It's no secret that I champion marriage. A happy, healthy marriage. I am also for sticking it out if the issues are superficial. When the problems are not superficial, and neither can deal or the love is gone and hope is lost, then maybe it is time to throw in the towel. I know that God did not mean for us to live miserable lives just for the sake of keeping our vows. Why would a loving God, a just God expect that? Especially if you are in a union that He did not put together. However, I think the one-sided responsibility continues to plague the Black Marriage because we are unconsciously trying to improve ourselves and be better than our parents. Show the World that we are complex, capable, intelligent, successful HUMAN BEINGS who are just as deserving as any other race of people. So to save face and avoid divorce court, many couples maintain unhappy, unhealthy marriages.

"Marriage is hard work". I too have to stop myself from speaking that phrase incorrectly. Marriage isn't hard work, marriage takes effort. I think that because people speak the phrase incorrectly, married couples have an expectation to suffer because they've heard for so many years that marriage is hard work. But, when you look at it, how many people have witnessed a truly happy marriage? How many people have witnessed the proper way for a Man is supposed to treat his Wife and how a Wife is supposed to treat her Husband? I didn't grow up observing successful marriages. Sure, I was surrounded by married people but NO first hand successful marriages. If I didn't learn by the mistakes I witnessed, I too would probably be in a loveless, hopeless, unfulfilling marriage thinking that I have to keep this man because society says I have to. It is going to take a lot to change the mindset of the Black Marriage. I think we are making progress and changes are subtle but it's a continuous process.
 
My advice:
--stack your money on the side, as much as you can
--continue to progress in your career
--Do NOT have any more children with him. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
--Continue to do what you can to help the relationship, but put a back-up plan in place. Where you will live and how you will live in the likely event that this relationship becomes untenable.

@UmSumayyah, excellent advice!


@PrissiSippi, your spouse should NEVER have friends of the opposite sex that you know nothing about. I don't care if it's plutonic or not. And if it is truly plutonic he would have no reason to keep them a "secret". You definitely are not going crazy and please believe me, if a man feels that he is not getting affection, attention, respect, love, etc., at home, he will most definitely go get it elsewhere. That's not to say he will cheat but just keep an eye on it please, ma'am.

And the whole PIN thing has me flabbergasted! You should always have access to his accounts and vice versa. My husband has all kinds of accounts and I have all kinds of PINs. I wouldn't dare touch his money without his knowledge. I don't even think about it but if something happens, an emergency, whatever, he already knows to expect a phone call (as I'm driving to the bank). My husband doesn't want to see his family without and I'm sure yours doesn't either so he needs to make sure that doesn't happen again.

There are a few warning signs already present so please pay attention and follow @UmSumayyah's advice. My Grandmother would always tell her girls: A man will take care of you if he loves you.
 
@Bad&Bougee
I think one of the issues is that lots of “superficial” issues can sometimes be a sign of deeper issues. These constant annoying things that women are encouraged to ignore or put up with are sometimes actually symptoms of a bigger problem.

I am not religious so no matter what I know we will not agree on everything and that’s ok. Another big concern I have is people saying they hate divorce over and over again, but are okay with and can sleep at night with a woman being unhappy, feeling unloved, unsafe, and trapped. That doesn’t sit well with me. I want to encourage women to look out for themselves, love themselves, and not let a man bring turmoil, insecurity, or unhappiness into their lives. Husbands are supposed to enrich our lives not wreak havoc.
 
hopeful said:
@Bad&Bougee
I think one of the issues is that lots of “superficial” issues can sometimes be a sign of deeper issues. These constant annoying things that women are encouraged to ignore or put up with are sometimes actually symptoms of a bigger problem.

I am not religious so no matter what I know we will not agree on everything and that’s ok. Another big concern I have is people saying they hate divorce over and over again, but are okay with and can sleep at night with a woman being unhappy, feeling unloved, unsafe, and trapped. That doesn’t sit well with me. I want to encourage women to look out for themselves, love themselves, and not let a man bring turmoil, insecurity, or unhappiness into their lives. Husbands are supposed to enrich our lives not wreak havoc.
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Agree on all fronts @hopeful. No man should bring about unhappiness and hurt to their wife. If you have to do all that then leave her. And please don't expect her to just learn to deal with it.

I couldn't agree more that some superficial issues are signs of deeper ones but it's easier to fight over superficial because if you deal with the deeper ones it will cause you to take a good look at your marriage, your spouse and yourself. That can be a hard pill to swallow so, instead, let's fight about your snoring. But there are times that people's false perception of marriage causes them to consult a lawyer instead of creating their own reality of marriage and working it out. Their is no model to pattern marriage from, we have to make it our own. Of course take bits and pieces from marriages that work but your marriage is YOUR OWN and is meant to be molded specifically for the two people involved.

Please know, from my heart, that our religious differences doesn't mean I don't value your thoughts and opinions or appreciate them any less. Everyone is different and I have long learned to respect that. I just hope I didn't offend you in any way.
 
Does anyone watch Iyanla Vanzant? I'm not sure of the original air date but it's Season 7, Episode 13 titled Marriage In Crisis. It's a two part episode with 3 couples. Ladies, I ask all of you to please watch it. Regardless of how good or bad you have it, this episode will change you and your outlook on marriage. The light skinned dude - wow - and the May-December couple.......you just gotta watch.
 
Bad&Bougee said:
Agree on all fronts @hopeful. No man should bring about unhappiness and hurt to their wife. If you have to do all that then leave her. And please don't expect her to just learn to deal with it.

I couldn't agree more that some superficial issues are signs of deeper ones but it's easier to fight over superficial because if you deal with the deeper ones it will cause you to take a good look at your marriage, your spouse and yourself. That can be a hard pill to swallow so, instead, let's fight about your snoring. But there are times that people's false perception of marriage causes them to consult a lawyer instead of creating their own reality of marriage and working it out. Their is no model to pattern marriage from, we have to make it our own. Of course take bits and pieces from marriages that work but your marriage is YOUR OWN and is meant to be molded specifically for the two people involved.

Please know, from my heart, that our religious differences doesn't mean I don't value your thoughts and opinions or appreciate them any less. Everyone is different and I have long learned to respect that. I just hope I didn't offend you in any way.
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You didn’t offend me at all. When I am talking about many superficial things being symptoms I am likening them to there being a preponderance of evidence. Sometimes one spouse may not be aware of the actual “crime,” may not be aware of the bigger, deeper thing, so they may not even be trying to avoid discussing the bigger issue, at least not on a conscious level.

The other spouse however is likely fully aware of the “crime,” whatever that may be (not loving their spouse, using their spouse, cheating on their spouse, etc.) so they are fine with fighting over the superficial things (not taking the trash out, needing to be reminded to do the most basic of things, forgetting your birthday, intentionally breaking promises repeatedly then feigning innocence, etc.) so long as their real “crime” is not discovered.

So I’m saying women need to be aware of superficial things piling up. Society encourages women to treat men like children and be infinitely patient. They are told oh you know how men are and it takes men longer to mature and I’m sure he loves you he’s just being a man, etc. when in fact a preponderance of evidence is pointing to something being off and wrong. Direct evidence of the exact crime may never surface or if it does it may take years.

Oftentimes a woman will start to feel something is wrong. That I believe is the Divine speaking to her (God, her gut, her feminine intuition, the Universe) but it is usually at that stage that her friends, family, society, even the church, discourages her from trusting herself and instead encourages (and sometimes bullies her) to try harder, dig her heels in etc. There is sometimes this false assumption that the other spouse is good, means well, when they may not be good, may not mean well. The offending, forgetful, passive aggressive spouse is given the benefit of the doubt, oftentimes at the expense of the hurting or unhappy spouse.

Women can be emotional and follow their heart which is lovely but we need to encourage women to use their brains and their gut more as well.
 
Women can be emotional and follow their heart which is lovely but we need to encourage women to use their brains and their gut more as well.


Oh, so true!! You know, when you speak about husbands being treated like children (and not allowing them to be men), I think of my friend girl's son. He is 15 but my friend cuts the grass, washes the car, takes out the trash, washes dishes, she does everything with that big grown, capable boy sitting up in his room playing video games! That's her son and however she chooses to raise him is her business BUT she is raising a man who is one day going to be someone's husband (maybe) and he won't be a bit of good. He has seen that it is ok to lay back and let the woman do everything. He has no interest in the fact that she has worked 40+ hours, comes homes to cook and clean, regardless of how she feels. He doesn't think enough of her to say, "Mom, I got it. Go rest." Nor, does she think enough of herself to make that boy do chores. Every time I mention that boy's name my husband starts tugging at this belt. He does need a whopping but is it really his fault?

Oh yes, I completely agree that we have some thoughtless, pitiful men out here but how were they raised? Sometimes, boys and girls are raised not to be good husbands and wives and their spouse will have the challenge of dealing with a less than mate. Hopefully, as you stated, a woman will see this type of man and run because she is looking at him with her brain and not her heart.

How could I forget. My youngest uncle (45) has a girlfriend (33). She has like 3 or 4 kids and they all live with her mother. My trifling uncle comes along, moves in with them but because he is so dang trifling, the mom put him out. So now the two of them are sleeping in her car. WTH? How does your mind make you think that is ok? It's not that he has pot nor window but she basically chose my low life uncle over her children. We have gots to do better.
 
So true... my sister's son is 2 years old and is already doing yard work! But the key is, he is out there with his grandpa and father.

Kids are eager to please, and it's easy to train them to do (their share of)housework when they are young.

At 2 , of course he is not busting his back but he is learning that this is something that needs to be done and learning how by watching and token participation.
 
Lymegreen said:
So true... my sister's son is 2 years old and is already doing yard work! But the key is, he is out there with his grandpa and father.

Kids are eager to please, and it's easy to train them to do (their share of)housework when they are young.

At 2 , of course he is not busting his back but he is learning that this is something that needs to be done and learning how by watching and token participation.
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Your nephew is going to make someone a fine husband some day! And he has two generations showing him the way. That is too cute!
 
IslandMummy said:
It’s terrible down here! Investors come in and snatch any half way decent house off the market to do $30k worth of work and then resell for ridiculous amounts. A house valued at 124k sells for 260 :cry3:

Thank you ladies so much, I’m trying to not let this process continue to stress me out. We at least have time to look.
Click to expand...

I'm still on my house search also. I thought I had found my house back in April just to have it snatched for dollars more. I still think about that house because I pictured myself in it and everything. I'm hoping to find one this year.

Same here one home I looked at had a price tag of $189K. Investors got it rehabbed it and now want 270K for it. Mind you the materials they rehab the homes with and appliances they put in don't add up to the extra money they put on these homes. I still believe my home is on it's way soon. You hang in there!
 
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