Married Ladies Random Thoughts

Briabiggles said:
:bighug: I know how you feel. I've had 2 miscarriages in the last 8 months. Only a handful of people IRL know. My bestie (who does know) sent me a nice message today. It felt good for someone to acknowledge that I'm a mother in my own way. Just being pregnant changes you. Before I was kind of "whatever" about having kids. Now, I want them so bad knowing that it might never happen.
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Hugs to you as well!
 
I'm back to reading Wife School this morning. I'ma try to deposit those 8 A's to help the man that I love grow and focus on his strengths instead of weaknesses. I could do a llot better with that. *grits teeth*
 
PrissiSippi said:
Happy Mothers' Day y'all!!

DH said he wasn't buying a big gift for his mom since he had given her a lot for Tax Time. I didn't know anything about this. And as I said earlier he never gave me anything on our wedding from his tax refund. He doesn't understand why I am upset. I told him he should take care of his home first. He told me he takes care of his home cuz he pays the house note. Am I unreasonable?
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No you're not. He is really tripping
 
PrissiSippi said:
I'm back to reading Wife School this morning. I'ma try to deposit those 8 A's to help the man that I love grow and focus on his strengths instead of weaknesses. I could do a llot better with that. *grits teeth*
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Is he receptive to this sort of thing? I say that because if he only acknowledges a problem without doing anything about it, you reading the book and assisting, might only sweep matters under the rug. I think it would be worth investing in a self-help book for him as well.
 
Nyssa28 said:
Is he receptive to this sort of thing? I say that because if he only acknowledges a problem without doing anything about it, you reading the book and assisting, might only sweep matters under the rug. I think it would be worth investing in a self-help book for him as well.
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I really don't think there is helping him. He is a beta. He will be a beta male to he dies. He sees nothing wrong with it. I keeps saying he knows it's where he knows he needs to work on it but doesn't know how, and I can't teach him that. A man has to teach him that.

BUT when I focus on all the things he does right (pay the bills on time, be patient with kids, work hard) it makes ME feel better. Because when I focus on the negatives....I'm just searching for a way out instead of of really trying to work on our relationship. And I know I have flaws too.
 
Me & DH will be going on vacation this week with my whole family :look:. Not sure how this is going to go. My family is crazy :yep::laugh:. DH has spent a few hours here and there with my family, but 3 days straight. :yawn: This will be interesting. My DH is sooooo laid back but my family is very outgoing, loud, and blunt. At first I was like nah. But my mom wanted us to come so bad she paid for our rooms at the Omni hotel. I was like suuureee we can come :laugh:. They wanted us to ride out there with them but DH aunt passed away so we will be going to the funeral first then meeting them there Friday. I was so happy we are driving so if anything pops off we can leave at will. I love my family but they be doing the mooostt sometimes. Me and Dh families are so opposite. He has the good christian family that don't curse or drink and have "family discussions". My family is the loud, get rowdy bunch. My sister always wants to bring up the guys I dated in the past. :confused: My mom stays going off on my step dad. My grandpa always making dirty jokes. But I don't wanna shield DH from my family. We will see how this trip goes.
 
CurliDiva said:
Ok, DH tries to be handy around the house but he's not! Now he keeps saying that he's going to do all the yard work yet he's watching tv all weekend. I'm going to hire a landscape company and call it a day.
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Taleah2009 said:
Girl! That is on my to do list as well! Every summer we go through this. Meanwhile my yard looks a mess. #notthisyear
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Take it with a grain of salt but I recommend you be careful with taking over things they see as their job and/or want to do. It may feel good initially to get things done how you want, but as the years pass it can become a burden and seen as your job for the rest of your marriage.
 
hopeful said:
Take it with a grain of salt but I recommend you be careful with taking over things they see as their job and/or want to do. It may feel good initially to get things done how you want, but as the years pass it can become a burden and seen as your job for the rest of your marriage.
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So what are you supposed to do? Just sit back forever? I know I recently I told DH that he doesn't take ownership of his house as it realtes to landscaping and outside. I keep the inside clean, I feel like his job is the outside. You can already tell he doesn't like to cut the grass. He drags his feet doing it like a little boy. And trimming and putting down mulch/pine straw.....I might as well tell Moses to come down and do it himself. I realize that I might expect too much. At least he's mowing the grass. Just like he doesn't see the importance of getting a hair cut....he doesn't see the importance of keeping the lawn freshly manicured. He'll probably never get to it. That's what I WANT. So I'm thinking of paying someone to do it.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So what are you supposed to do? Just sit back forever? I know I recently I told DH that he doesn't take ownership of his house as it realtes to landscaping and outside. I keep the inside clean, I feel like his job is the outside. You can already tell he doesn't like to cut the grass. He drags his feet doing it like a little boy. And trimming and putting down mulch/pine straw.....I might as well tell Moses to come down and do it himself. I realize that I might expect too much. At least he's mowing the grass. Just like he doesn't see the importance of getting a hair cut....he doesn't see the importance of keeping the lawn freshly manicured. He'll probably never get to it. That's what I WANT. So I'm thinking of paying someone to do it.
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Hey, not saying I have the answers. It's just a warning from someone who's been married for a very long time. I guess I'm saying sometimes the easier answer in the short term isn't always for the best in the long run. Some of the foot dragging is passive aggressive, manipulative behavior to get out of doing something they don't want to do, are too lazy to do, or think they are too good to do. That behavior can become ingrained over time and becomes normalized and very hard to break. The bigger issue isn't so much the yard or what have you but a husband finding a way to shirk his responsibilities and burden down his wife.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So what are you supposed to do? Just sit back forever? I know I recently I told DH that he doesn't take ownership of his house as it realtes to landscaping and outside. I keep the inside clean, I feel like his job is the outside. You can already tell he doesn't like to cut the grass. He drags his feet doing it like a little boy. And trimming and putting down mulch/pine straw.....I might as well tell Moses to come down and do it himself. I realize that I might expect too much. At least he's mowing the grass. Just like he doesn't see the importance of getting a hair cut....he doesn't see the importance of keeping the lawn freshly manicured. He'll probably never get to it. That's what I WANT. So I'm thinking of paying someone to do it.
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ITA! I owned a house before we got married so I know first-hand what home maintenance entails - there are only two options either you have skills and time for a DIY or hired a licensed pro to do the work for you. But DH rented a townhouse where all of the repairs, landscaping (and even snow shoveling) was handled by the property management company. I enjoy gardening and have already cleaned up my flower beds, planted more perennials and created containers planters for the season, but all of this is new to him..... He's told me that he feels overwhelmed, yet kept insisting that he'll handle it. He be MANLY by paying the mortgage - let someone else cut the grass. win-win!
 
I didn't mean so much the guy should fix things himself or even cut the grass himself. I'm saying if he shows interest in making sure those things are completed and you prefer he be responsible for those things, that it may be wise to leave those things to him. Meaning he can do himself or hire the people, oversee the work, etc.
 
hopeful said:
I didn't mean so much the guy should fix things himself or even cut the grass himself. I'm saying if he shows interest in making sure those things are completed and you prefer he be responsible for those things, that it may be wise to leave those things to him. Meaning he can do himself or hire the people, oversee the work, etc.
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This ish is hard because I know he wouldn't hire anyone to do it because he's frugal and keeps lying to himself that he'll do it. Plus I just don't think he sees the need. The mulch has been sitting for one year and hasn't been installed yet. Lol. I guess I'm saying I don't know what situations to not be petty and just wait for him to do them and what situations just to fix myself.
 
PrissiSippi said:
This ish is hard because I know he wouldn't hire anyone to do it because he's frugal and keeps lying to himself that he'll do it. Plus I just don't think he sees the need. The mulch has been sitting for one year and hasn't been installed yet. Lol. I guess I'm saying I don't know what situations to not be petty and just wait for him to do them and what situations just to fix myself.
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My husband is "allegedly" to grass but yet doesn't want anyone to come in "his house" to cut it. I'm like dude I don't understand. Men are weird. I'm convinced lol
 
hopeful said:
Take it with a grain of salt but I recommend you be careful with taking over things they see as their job and/or want to do. It may feel good initially to get things done how you want, but as the years pass it can become a burden and seen as your job for the rest of your marriage.
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I have learned to sit and wait.
There's about a week's worth of clothes (clean and dirty) on the floor on his side of the bed and he left his dry cleaning in the back seat of my car Saturday when we were on our way to the cleaner's. Not gonna be a maid is what I keep telling myself, as I step over the clothes and ignore the backseat. He's gonna have to at least separate his own clothes and ask me to take his clothes to the cleaners.
of course these are things that can wait...
 
I was doing really good when I was writing down one nice thing I was doing for DH each day. I made sure to fill up his "tank" so to speak. Right now I'm stuck on why he isn't filling up my tank. I've become so criticizing and unsatisfied. Back to step 1 I guess.
 
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Pray for me and my marriage, please. We're doing "fine" and we have no "big" (no cheating, no violence, no arguments, no gaming/drinking) problems but we're still not back to our loving and affectionate days.
We just go to work, come home, do nothing (not me because of the baby) and rarely go out or have sex. The latter is still a relevant issue and I'm done trying to help him or trying to figure out what's happening. I'm frustrated and obviously feel neglected so I'm shutting my urges down, which in turn is shutting down my attraction for him.
I need prayers because I feel myself slipping and falling out of love. I know, I know! It sounds horrible but I still love him more than anybody else in this world. We don't have IT anymore and I feel like we are just settling down into a loveless routine.
 
His choices n decisions r disappointing ... However I accept his imperfections n understand him.. I don't agree with his choices esp when they affect us both..but I'm trying to be patient ...just for today...it doesn't hurt that much to stay...
 
@MrsMe
I am so sorry. I honestly think this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. It is not a small thing. It can have a long term affect on your self-esteem and your relationship. And it is a couple problem, something you can't solve. And I personally don't think a wife should have to "help" a husband want to have sex with her. It sets up an unhealthy, unbalanced dynamic of the man being pursued and the woman being neglected. Neglect IMO is unacceptable.

Eta: I also get the feeling that he is angry with you about something and is paying you back passive aggressively or he is hiding something.
 
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hopeful said:
@MrsMe
I am so sorry. I honestly think this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. It is not a small thing. It can have a long term affect on your self-esteem and your relationship. And it is a couple problem, something you can't solve. And I personally don't think a wife should have to "help" a husband want to have sex with her. It sets up an unhealthy, unbalanced dynamic of the man being pursued and the woman being neglected. Neglect IMO is unacceptable.

Eta: I also get the feeling that he is angry with you about something and is paying you back passive aggressively or he is hiding something.
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@hopeful He does not seem to be angry but when I brought it up for the upenth time, he did say that's how he felt before we had the baby when he was the one with the higher libido. I am leaning towards him hiding something but the man works 70hrs+ per week, is taking online classes so I don't know where he would find the time to hide anything.
I've been ignoring his lack of attention and taking care of myself. I've been going out with my friends and talking to them more. He noticed and started asking questions about my whereabouts which doesn't make sense to me.
 
MrsMe said:
@hopeful He does not seem to be angry but when I brought it up for the upenth time, he did say that's how he felt before we had the baby when he was the one with the higher libido. I am leaning towards him hiding something but the man works 70hrs+ per week, is taking online classes so I don't know where he would find the time to hide anything.
I've been ignoring his lack of attention and taking care of myself. I've been going out with my friends and talking to them more. He noticed and started asking questions about my whereabouts which doesn't make sense to me.
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Well keep taking care of yourself and just keep your eyes open and trust your feelings, continue to feel your feelings too. I'm not trying to worry you, but encouraging you to not accept neglect long term. My dh did this once for about a two-month period. He acted very innocent and like he was just tired or had been busy. The period passed and things went back to normal. I later realized that he was punishing me because I said I needed more affection and less sex. So for a couple months he gave me neither. It took me awhile to put 2 and 2 together.
 
hopeful said:
Well keep taking care of yourself and just keep your eyes open and trust your feelings, continue to feel your feelings too. I'm not trying to worry you, but encouraging you to not accept neglect long term. My dh did this once for about a two-month period. He acted very innocent and like he was just tired or had been busy. The period passed and things went back to normal. I later realized that he was punishing me because I said I needed more affection and less sex. So for a couple months he gave me neither. It took me awhile to put 2 and 2 together.
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Your husband belongs in that pettiness thread! :eek:
Thank you for your input. I definitely won't and cannot take the neglect long-term. I can't because it's affecting me more than I would like to admit. :(
 
DS2 was to go to a birthday party at a MLB baseball game today with temps in the 50's. DS2 is super skinny and gets cold at the drop of a hat. DH gave me some lip when I put DS2 in long johns, a long sleeve shirt, fleece sweatpants, a jacket and sent a fleece pullover, winter hat, gloves, and hand warmers.

DH picked him up after the party and he said the mom of the birthday boy said my son was the best prepared, used every item I sent and the other boys were jealous. DH then said, you were right.

BOOM! I know I'm right!
 
I've always known that my DH loves me more than I love him, but we were talking yesterday and it really hit me when he said he's still crazy about me and still loves me just as much as he did when we first started dating that I don't feel the same way about him. But I think he knows because he said he doesn't want me to stay with him if I'm not happy. I don't know when or why it happened or how to fix it. He is a good husband, and a great father to our son. In theory, I should be happy. But something is missing and I can't put my finger on it. And I don't know what to do about it.
 
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