Married Ladies Random Thoughts

@MrsMe They certainly sound the same! Mine likes to remind me of everything he's done for me over the years and says that another man wouldn't have put up with half the stuff he went through for me. :rolleyes: I humbly disagree. But I completely feel you, I feel like mine has changed certain things just to appease me as well, but I don't know if it's genuine. Do they not know they aren't the last men on earth? I hate to use the cliche of what he won't do, another man will, but hey, sometimes it be's like that LOL. I'm gonna need them both to get some act right.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I don't know how to let him be a leader and be reasonable. Lying in bed he told me he wants to cut down all of the bushes on one side of our backyard and build a shed. I told him hunny, can we please not do that? You started cuttign down the other bush outside of our master bedroom last year and you never did completely finish it. It's still a nub today and it doesn't look nice at all. I would like it better if you took down that bush first before trying to tear down the bushes on the other side of our backyard. Plus, those bushes help the yard look nice. Out friends XYZ and XYZ cut down all their bushes and their backyard looks horrible. I don't want it to look like that.

Plus yall I didn't tell him but he can't even build. He can make drafts but he can't build a durn shed. And doesn't even have the extra income to get it built so why tear down the bushes? They're just gonna be down for years until you can afford to put up a shed. And we already have a shed! We don't need another one. But he said he wants a space to work on his projects in.
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I really don't know the obsession they have with trying to build or fix something they know they can't. DH is the same way. He gets in his feelings if I want to get something professionally done without asking if he can do it first. He does stuff half-ass. Then procrastinates forever to start or finish it. :angry2: I like my house stuff to be done right and to look right.
 
In the sex department who would you say initiates the most, you or your hubby? Do you mind being the aggressor most of the time or would do you prefer hubby be the aggressor? Does it change as time goes on in a marriage when other obligations come into play?
 
syze6 said:
In the sex department who would you say initiates the most, you or your hubby? Do you mind being the aggressor most of the time or would do you prefer hubby be the aggressor? Does it change as time goes on in a marriage when other obligations come into play?
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I'm the aggressor in my head. It annoys me. I want him to be be the aggressor. I think he is afraid of me rejecting him and saying now I'm tired at this time. So he NEVER initiates. I really want to bring it up to him but after my you are not a leader spill last week right now is not the right time.
 
syze6 said:
In the sex department who would you say initiates the most, you or your hubby? Do you mind being the aggressor most of the time or would do you prefer hubby be the aggressor? Does it change as time goes on in a marriage when other obligations come into play?
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He is the aggressor..he likes early in the morning when I'm still trying to wake up .. I prefer late at night but he is too tired..so I let him initiate..it's the best when he is at his best anyway.. And it hasn't changed much...it def works for us
 
I've been doing a lot of thinking this week. And I randomly thought of an old poetry site I used to be on and re-read some of my old poems and journal posts, and they were right around the time DH and I started dating.

Y'all, I was CRAZY about this man. And thinking about it makes me sad because I don't feel that way anymore. I don't even know if it's possible for me to feel that way again. I feel stuck.

ETA: He did something my ex did, and I told him not to do it for that reason. He said not to compare him to my ex, and I told him not to compare me to his. Is he that freaking dense? Why is it OK if he does it all the time and I do it once?
 
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@Miss617 - Letting go of resentment can help us mend any relationship. Can you consider forgiving him even if he doesn't apologize for what he did wrong. After all, forgiveness is for us anyway, it's not for the other person.

Plus, getting involved with tit for tat - so to speak - never solves anything in the long run. If someone says you hurt me, and we say, but you hurt me first...nothing gets resolved.

Looking back at how you used to feel and your wedding day and happy times is a good thing because it lets you know how strong your love CAN be and HAS been...

I'm not a marriage counselor, but this way of thinking helps me a lot.
 
lana said:
@Miss617 - Letting go of resentment can help us mend any relationship. Can you consider forgiving him even if he doesn't apologize for what he did wrong. After all, forgiveness is for us anyway, it's not for the other person.

Plus, getting involved with tit for tat - so to speak - never solves anything in the long run. If someone says you hurt me, and we say, but you hurt me first...nothing gets resolved.

Looking back at how you used to feel and your wedding day and happy times is a good thing because it lets you know how strong your love CAN be and HAS been...

I'm not a marriage counselor, but this way of thinking helps me a lot.
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I don't resent him at all. It just frustrated me that he kept doing the thing my ex did when he was there when my ex did it! Who does that? I felt disrespected and he acted like he didn't understand why I was upset. I'm over it now, but it's stuff like that that is making me not love him anymore. He just seems to enjoy provoking me, but then tries to flip it on me like I should know that he doesn't mean anything by it. I don't appreciate being manipulated like that.

Yes, sometimes I think about the "good old days," but they are so few and far between now. I'm just tired and honestly I don't think we will ever get back to the way we were. But because we are otherwise "good," I don't have a real reason to leave.
 
@Miss617
Your happiness and having your needs met are real reasons. Not saying leave but that you deserve to be happy and to have your most important needs met. It sounds like he likes trying to play mind games with you. Hang in there and keep us updated. We are in your corner and want you to be happy.
 
Thanks @hopeful. He's about to leave to take his daughter home and then he has to work tonight, but I'm going to talk to him and tell him how I've been feeling. He definitely already knows that I haven't been happy though because he's said it before. But he feels like I should know he is just joking and asked why I suddenly became so sensitive. He said he feels like he can't play around with me anymore, but maybe I haven't been clear about what is off limits.
 
It's probably not a date to yall, but it's a date to us because it was our first dates when we first met lol....we're going to SnowBiz to celebrate me almost completing my dissertation classes. I can't drink, so koolaid pickles, nachos, and a tutti frutti snow cone with cream was a close second lol! I'm slick excited.
 
What to do when u want to do something to make him happy but u resent it cause u really don't wanna do it.. He wants me to get to know someone that I have no desire to get to know.. I kinda wish they would disappear from our lives.. But they r family to him n he wants them to be apart of our life.. I hate doing something that I hate.. If I was lukewarm about it.. I wouldn't mind.. But I really don't want to .. Like really really don't want to
 
I don't know where else to put this

My son told me that a friend of his , "Franchesca" was having a party and he was invited.

I was thinking ....Franchesca? Italian...oh boy ...

i called and spoke to the mother (as there was no invitation or anything), just to make sure that she knew about the party and adults would be present.

I heard a heavy accent and thought maybe African? :D turns out they are Haitian :bounceline:

I'm neither of these but I was so happy that i started teasing DS after i hung up....asking if she's a girl who is a friend or a girlfriend :lol:

He didn't answer me :look: and just did an eye roll. (facety child!)

:bounceline:

(He's 16 btw)
 
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Qtee said:
What to do when u want to do something to make him happy but u resent it cause u really don't wanna do it.. He wants me to get to know someone that I have no desire to get to know.. I kinda wish they would disappear from our lives.. But they r family to him n he wants them to be apart of our life.. I hate doing something that I hate.. If I was lukewarm about it.. I wouldn't mind.. But I really don't want to .. Like really really don't want to
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I wouldn't do it then.
 
PrissiSippi said:
It's probably not a date to yall, but it's a date to us because it was our first dates when we first met lol....we're going to SnowBiz to celebrate me almost completing my dissertation classes. I can't drink, so koolaid pickles, nachos, and a tutti frutti snow cone with cream was a close second lol! I'm slick excited.
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I love a snowball date
I was with Dh when I first found out the snappy turtle came in chocolate.
 
Lol y'all. Right before our date I threw up. I was in my feeling for the rest of the day. Lol. I legit didn't talk after that. DH didn't even get mad. Just let me be. He bought me my usual snow cone lol. I sulked. He took my me to the store and just bought all my favorite junk foods. Airheads and jalapeños Cheetos. Lol I sulked. I'm tired of this morning sickness taking away all my favorite foods when I eat them. Lol. We're gonna try that date thing again today.
 
I found out DH cholesterol is high and he is prehypertrnsive. I only found out from washing his clothes. I told him we need to work on it since this runs in his family. He acts oblivious and defensive like what runs in my family? Bruh everyone in your family obese fat as some hawgs and high cholesterol. They work out heavy just to stay a good weight? He said but they were fat their whole life? He said he has been skinny his whole life. He's different.

He's ballooned 50 pounds since we met 4 years ago. And I don't like stocky men. Oh well.

Baby y'all have the same genes. And you're not skinny now. Please go work out. He will go one or two days but falls off. I'm tired of motivating him to take control of his health.

I desire to have a natural kid with DH. This isn't even a thing of urgent importance right now being I'm pregnant but I want him to figure out what's wrong. He drags his feet. It's been two weeks since his semen analysis and he makes excuses why he hasn't gotten the report. They don't answer the phone. They said they'll get back to him in a few days. Yada yada. He acts like its so dang hard to go drive and get the report. I feel if I didn't casually ask about it every few days he would never go get it. Then he had the nerve to complain they charge him $80 Everytime he goes and that's his proof that he does care and it's not all on me. Sir u should want to know what's wrong with your body. Its been over a year with no answers. It's like he wants to stay in lala land and pretend everything is awesome.

He made the joke that I should just take out good life insurance now and if he dies he dies. I didn't find that funny at all. I told him he plans on dying he needs to hurry up and do it so I can find another smart fine ass and healthy husband.
 
hopeful said:
How can you make an adult eat well?
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This is how I think. But yeah for dinner I cook with low salt. We eat mostly chicken and seafood. But when he goes to work he eats whatever. He loves ice cream. He eats a lot of that and red rose sausage and ramen noodles. His comfort foods from home. After I cook for dessert he'll eat a big bowl of cereal. He doesn't exercise much either. He used to play basketball a lot. He feels up here he doesn't have anyone to play basketball with and he won't pay to go to the gym to play basketball.
 
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