Married Ladies Random Thoughts

@PrissiSippi
I think the only concern is that he should let you know if he is going to be late. You should not have to be texting or calling to see where he is. So focus on him keeping you updated, not on telling him to leave or how to deal with his boss. I'm assuming he's usually on time and this is not an ongoing problem. So he gonna have to figure out how to keep you updated so you aren't sitting around waiting for him and feeling disappointed. It is not nice to not show up and keep you hanging.

Everything else I'd let go of. Not eating the dinner, eating a whole pizza, etc. is stuff you should leave alone IMO.
 
@PrissiSippi I was like you too when I just got married. But I learnt to let it go. There are times I even eat without him because I'm hungry lol.

The truth of the matter is we go into marriage with expectations. I'm sure our husbands did as well. However as time proceeds, we all realize that some of the expectations can't be met at all times.

Chin up, things will get back to normal soon.
 
PrissiSippi said:
His bosses are in town so he has been coming in late from work which really annoys me. He came home at like 9:30 yesterday. I had dinner cooked since like 5:30 waiting on him to come home at 6. He doesn't call or anything until I call him. Then he tells me he's still at work at 7:45 and it takes him an hour to drive home so I'm pissed some more. I stay sweet and polite but when he gets home I tell him he need to tell his bosses he needs to be home on time. He tells me his job is salary but doesn't work like that. They stay until the machines run properly (he's an engineer). He told me he will walk out but doesn't want to hear my complaints of he gets fired. Should I let go of my feels or what. It's not a big deal now but what if I were pregnant or in need? I told him our communication needs to improve. We have dinner every night together so I had been waiting for four hours for him to come home without eating.

But then I look at my Female relative and she so calm. My male relatives come in at 11 or 12 o'clock and the female is just as calm and loving. They have such a peaceful marriage. Nothing gets under her skin. No man's mama, no coming in late, no forget to take out the trash, no we didn't do anything for anniversary just a card. Nothing bothers them. Everything bothers me.
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He needs to communicate better, but idk about leaving work. That's a battle I didnt fight. You want him to be successful and that's part of it. DH is an engineer also and sometimes his hours get crazy- even though its all number crunching for him, he has to stay until he is done. I dont mind. More time to drink wine and watch all the shows I want on the biggest tv.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Then I feel like a horrible wife. We don't communicate as well as I want to. I feel like we're in a hole I can never dig completely out of. I feel like all of a sudden our personalities are not compatible. I can't talk to him without him shutting down. Even when I try. I don't yell and scream anymore. I talk. But my words cut like a knife and he will still shut down. So I don't talk about my problems.

Then the problems I have I don't know anyone who has them.

I dunno I'm rambling. I'm supposed to be gone out of town by now. But I feel so depressed I don't even want to get out of the bed. I cried so long last night. DH just sent me message about how he didn't want to make me cry and he didn't quite understand why I'm hurting so bad and he can see it but but doesn't know why but blah blah. And I'm over here just feeling stuck.
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Do you feel happy? Personally? Are you taking care of yourself, or just the relationship?
 
CafedeBelleza said:
Do you feel happy? Personally? Are you taking care of yourself, or just the relationship?
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I don't know. I'm in crunch mode. I research a lot. I work on my dissertation. I work til 6 everyday teaching and after school. On the weekends I sleep and do AKA stuff. In my spare time I babysit the kids. The only thing I do for myself is recently started an invitation business. I'm "TIDE"
 
I have come to realize that I have much work to do on myself. I am always in this aggressive hard mode with my hubby when it comes to letting him know how I feel when wronged. I am guilty of saying some terrible things and I realize in looking back, things I have done to make him feel bad. I realize it all comes from being the daughter of a father who physically abused my mother. I saw my mom wear shades to cover up black eyes, and get choked and busted lips an all. I at a young age made a vow to NEVER let a man abuse me in ANY way, especially physical. So that hardness has kept me from being vulnerable and close, even if I feel I want to be.

I'm not affectionate, which is something he desires and says he needs. I shy away from anything I in my head deemed to make me weak. Something as simple as calling checking on him throughout the day, or a loving text or just because call is hard for me. When I feel he has wronged me in ANY way, makes it all the more satisfying for me to not do it as well. I could literally think I just want to call and say, "I love you!" and the thought of picking up the phone to do so, terrifies the hell out of me to the point I wont. Even given many compliments leave me with anxiety of doing so. I love my hubby very much and I am on a quest to be a better person, first and foremost for ME.

I have come to realize that my need to defend or show strength really is about me feeling vulnerable as a young girl. I shy away from loving touches because in my mind I have not separated loving touches from any touches. (if that makes sense at all). I am ashamed to admit that I have been married for years and have just gotten truthful with myself. I have caused a lot of distance many times in my marriage because I never considered the differences and importance of love language for my mate and what he deemed shows him to be loved.

Does this make me a bad person and wife?
 
@syze6
You have made the first step: acknowledging the problem. Now you can heal and do better moving forward. There is healing for you and your hubby. Something hurting in him allowed him to go without the tenderness and affection he wanted and deserved. I'm just saying that it takes two to tango and for that dynamic to take place. I hope things improve moving forward.
 
proud of you to come to terms with your truth:rose:

i would one evening sit down, hold your husbands hand read this post to him, hug him and let him know all of the wonderful loving feelings you have for him and how much you appreciate him and let him know this is a new day/new chapter in your marriage and take his hand and ask him can he go on this journey of love, harmony and peace with you

wishing you the best in your journey. Youve made a huge step right here as youve acknowledged this issue.

syze6 said:
I have come to realize that I have much work to do on myself. I am always in this aggressive hard mode with my hubby when it comes to letting him know how I feel when wronged. I am guilty of saying some terrible things and I realize in looking back, things I have done to make him feel bad. I realize it all comes from being the daughter of a father who physically abused my mother. I saw my mom wear shades to cover up black eyes, and get choked and busted lips an all. I at a young age made a vow to NEVER let a man abuse me in ANY way, especially physical. So that hardness has kept me from being vulnerable and close, even if I feel I want to be.

I'm not affectionate, which is something he desires and says he needs. I shy away from anything I in my head deemed to make me weak. Something as simple as calling checking on him throughout the day, or a loving text or just because call is hard for me. When I feel he has wronged me in ANY way, makes it all the more satisfying for me to not do it as well. I could literally think I just want to call and say, "I love you!" and the thought of picking up the phone to do so, terrifies the hell out of me to the point I wont. Even given many compliments leave me with anxiety of doing so. I love my hubby very much and I am on a quest to be a better person, first and foremost for ME.

I have come to realize that my need to defend or show strength really is about me feeling vulnerable as a young girl. I shy away from loving touches because in my mind I have not separated loving touches from any touches. (if that makes sense at all). I am ashamed to admit that I have been married for years and have just gotten truthful with myself. I have caused a lot of distance many times in my marriage because I never considered the differences and importance of love language for my mate and what he deemed shows him to be loved.

Does this make me a bad person and wife?
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Husband sends pics of 3 three dogs and says:

Which one do you want for your bday?

Sir, I didn't ask for no dang dog for my bday.

But how do I say this without hurting his feelings lol? This is a gift for him, not me.
 
Taleah2009 said:
Husband sends pics of 3 three dogs and says:

Which one do you want for your bday?

Sir, I didn't ask for no dang dog for my bday.

But how do I say this without hurting his feelings lol? This is a gift for him, not me.
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lol that would be me and Dh except I want a cat and he's not into animals like that. Maybe tell him what you would really want instead. I'd say "babe a dog is nice but I'd really like x instead".
 
I'm back from our trip :cry3::). It was wonderful :2inlove: and needed. I think I came back even more in love. Sometimes you just need to break away from the routine of life.

I started my period this evening. My cramps were horrendous. I was curled up in a ball. Dh prayed for me and then jumped up and got my heating pad. Then he got me my favorite, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. I love that man. :kiss:
 
syze6 said:
I have come to realize that I have much work to do on myself. I am always in this aggressive hard mode with my hubby when it comes to letting him know how I feel when wronged. I am guilty of saying some terrible things and I realize in looking back, things I have done to make him feel bad. I realize it all comes from being the daughter of a father who physically abused my mother. I saw my mom wear shades to cover up black eyes, and get choked and busted lips an all. I at a young age made a vow to NEVER let a man abuse me in ANY way, especially physical. So that hardness has kept me from being vulnerable and close, even if I feel I want to be.

I'm not affectionate, which is something he desires and says he needs. I shy away from anything I in my head deemed to make me weak. Something as simple as calling checking on him throughout the day, or a loving text or just because call is hard for me. When I feel he has wronged me in ANY way, makes it all the more satisfying for me to not do it as well. I could literally think I just want to call and say, "I love you!" and the thought of picking up the phone to do so, terrifies the hell out of me to the point I wont. Even given many compliments leave me with anxiety of doing so. I love my hubby very much and I am on a quest to be a better person, first and foremost for ME.

I have come to realize that my need to defend or show strength really is about me feeling vulnerable as a young girl. I shy away from loving touches because in my mind I have not separated loving touches from any touches. (if that makes sense at all). I am ashamed to admit that I have been married for years and have just gotten truthful with myself. I have caused a lot of distance many times in my marriage because I never considered the differences and importance of love language for my mate and what he deemed shows him to be loved.

Does this make me a bad person and wife?
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No. You're aware which is great!tuats a good start
 
I had such a great day with DH today. We went initially to Sonics for happy hour slushes which ended up with us going to the dock and feeding the ducks and me playing in the lil kids playground lol. Too much fun. We talked a lot today. About randomness. I feel he needs more affection from me. But I don't know how to give it to him more than a week. I don't know how to consistently stop complaining. I logically know they are little things but I get frustrated easily. I'm starting to think I am very narcisstic. I wasn't always this way. I became this way over years and years of mini trauma/emotional abuse. Counseling doesn't fix it to me. Other than I'm more aware. I wish I could learn to be more positive consistently. I'm still keeping my list on how I've been nice to DH. I'm really seeing if and when I need to show him more attention.
 
DH has always from day one been extremely supportive, loving and affectionate towards me on a daily basis. Last week he brought me home a very small but meaningful gift every day for no reason. :love:

I've been kinda going through my own issues and I feel so thankful that he's rocking with me. We talk and laugh and are silly together, and he gives me feedback/constructive criticism but then shows support and lets me know we're in this together.

I just really feel blessed. Nothing is perfect but this is 'my' perfect.
 
It's wedding season and we have five weddings to attend between March and July. Just attended the first. This is our first year of marriage and it's so much fun seeing another couple start their journey together. We spent half the day reminiscing over our own wedding. And no more going to catch the bouquet with Single Ladies being played! lol

As a matter of fact all of the upcoming weddings are for my friends in their mid to late 30s. All the brides are cutting out the bouquet/garter toss. All the weddings I went to in my 20s did the tosses.
 
crimsonpeach said:
It's wedding season and we have five weddings to attend between March and July. Just attended the first. This is our first year of marriage and it's so much fun seeing another couple start their journey together. We spent half the day reminiscing over our own wedding. And no more going to catch the bouquet with Single Ladies being played! lol

As a matter of fact all of the upcoming weddings are for my friends in their mid to late 30s. All the brides are cutting out the bouquet/garter toss. All the weddings I went to in my 20s did the tosses.
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When I got married I didn't do the toss. I think it makes women look silly and desperate. I wasn't having it.
 
crimsonpeach said:
It's wedding season and we have five weddings to attend between March and July. Just attended the first. This is our first year of marriage and it's so much fun seeing another couple start their journey together. We spent half the day reminiscing over our own wedding. And no more going to catch the bouquet with Single Ladies being played! lol

As a matter of fact all of the upcoming weddings are for my friends in their mid to late 30s. All the brides are cutting out the bouquet/garter toss. All the weddings I went to in my 20s did the tosses.
Click to expand...

We didn't do the the toss either
 
[QUOTE="crimsonpeach, post: 22456343, member: 389053"]It's wedding season and we have five weddings to attend between March and July. Just attended the first. This is our first year of marriage and it's so much fun seeing another couple start their journey together. We spent half the day reminiscing over our own wedding. And no more going to catch the bouquet with Single Ladies being played! lol

As a matter of fact all of the upcoming weddings are for my friends in their mid to late 30s. All the brides are cutting out the bouquet/garter toss. All the weddings I went to in my 20s did the tosses.[/QUOTE]

Enjoy the season!

I know one younger, single woman looked at me sideways when I said people who know each other tend to get married around the same time. It's the men. When the men see their friends, cousins, etc. getting married, they (subconsciously), think, it's time to go! It really does happen that way, but young folks ain't trying to listen.
 
I have been soooo sick. Like I almost died sick. DH slept on the couch in my hospital room for days. The first hospital I went to (had no choice, paramedics took me) was very expensive and fancy (had a fresh sushi bar, custom meals made to order etc) but their nursing service was lacking. DH ordered my meals, gave me baths, brushed my teeth (because the nurses did not) until I was stable enough for him to have me moved to another hospital. The second hospital was so much better. The nurses were in awe of DH's dedication and how he took care of me. By the time I was discharged he coulda had a job there. He even learned how to work the machines and monitors and hook up all my stuff because I had to call a nurse to do it every time I needed to use the bathroom. Soon I did not have to call them at all.

I missed sharing a bed with him so much so coming home was so awesome.
 
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