Married Ladies Random Thoughts

I'm having baby fever as well. How long have you been married? What are your reservations?
We've been married for 2 years. My reservations seem selfish but I don't want a baby to put a strain on our relationship. I see too many couples who prioritize their children over their marriage. Additionally, kids are expensive!!! We're in good, stable jobs but I can't help but wonder....
 
We've been married for 2 years. My reservations seem selfish but I don't want a baby to put a strain on our relationship. I see too many couples who prioritize their children over their marriage. Additionally, kids are expensive!!! We're in good, stable jobs but I can't help but wonder....

I have the same exact reservations! We have only been married for 3 months though so I want to enjoy my hubby a little bit longer. We want to start trying in October after our 1 yr. anniversary.
 
I'm having baby fever :spinning:. Is the time ever right to have a baby? DH says he is ready whenever I am so I guess the ball is in my court. Any advice ladies?
Do a whole body cleanse/detox (parasite, heavy metals etc) And eat an organic diet, including bone broth and liver from pasture-raised animals. No wheat or soy.
Switch to natural household cleaners and toiletries. Have the ducts in your house cleaned.
Do that for about six months, then get pregnant.
Also being 3-6 months in the winter is cool cause you won't need as many layers. Closer to nine months you have to be extra careful of your balance and icy sidewalks.
On the flip you will be super hot if you are heavily pregnant in the summer.
There ya go, more than you asked for, but all things I wish someone had told me. :)
 
Pray for me. Doing dinner with two other couples and meeting at ones home. I hope she isn't cooking. I'm not in the mood for white folk's cuisine. I cooked everyday this week! It's time for something extra delish

Aight- white folks cuisine
Spaghetti noodles w/cream- idk what kinda cream, the type with no flavor. Chicken breast/thighs on top of the noodles. Literally a plate of white food- oh yea with capers
And broccoli salad
I was reduced to dipping my chicken in pesto.
 
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DH volunteers at a bike shop on Saturdays. He started because the owner of the shop is a legend in the biking community and DH wanted to learn. So he's been helping out for about a year when he can.

Yesterday one of our neighbors comes into the shop. DH said that they recognized each other, but couldn't place how they knew each other.

Anyway, the guy brought in his bike and explained that he bought it in another city about 6 months ago right after he was laid off from his job. So, he had the shop owner keep it for him until last week (I guess he got a new job) and had the owner give him a "wife receipt" that was nowhere near the real price that he paid for it. DH said this fool paid $13,000 for this bike!! And obviously the person who sold him the bike knew that he was an idiot because the bike broke after a week. DH said it was constructed wrong.

It's not really my business, but how do you hide that you've spent $13,000? And you cover it up with a wife receipt? Ugh.

I don't hide purchases from DH unless it's a gift for him. If I want something, I buy it. No shame. Same with him. But we're both sensible with money. I just couldn't imagine.
 
It can be tough right after the baby @Miss617 . You guys can work it out though.

Nah, I think this is really it. Husband read some stuff in my journals. Most of it is old, from before we got married, but he said it basically reinforced what he's been saying lately about not being my first choice. Then he said he hasn't been happy, and he knows I haven't been happy, and he thinks I am going to cheat on him. There was other stuff too, but I don't really want to get into it.

ETA: He also said he wishes he knew I felt the way I did before we had our son...
 
@LeftRightRepeat I don't know. We've talked about it in the past but when I brought it up a couple of months ago, he didn't seem as receptive to the idea as he was initially. That was before he read my journals, but he was really angry about what he read so I don't know if now is the right time to bring it up again.
 
@hopeful I want to stay together. Even though things haven't been great between us, I do still love him. I just don't know how or if we can recover from this. He was already holding on to a lot of resentment and I don't know if there's anything I can do or say that is going to fix this.

Then fight for it. We will help you. Even if it doesn't work out, you will know you tried your best. Otherwise, you will regret losing your marriage without fighting for it. I'm so sorry that your husband's pride has been hurt. But he can recover. It may not be easy, but really what wonderful things are?
 
Then fight for it. We will help you. Even if it doesn't work out, you will know you tried your best. Otherwise, you will regret losing your marriage without fighting for it. I'm so sorry that your husband's pride has been hurt. But he can recover. It may not be easy, but really what wonderful things are?

Honestly... I have been selfish our entire relationship. I think the best thing I can do for him is let him go. I don't want to but he deserves better.
 
Honestly... I have been selfish our entire relationship. I think the best thing I can do for him is let him go. I don't want to but he deserves better.
@Miss617 if you have identified this as one of the issues, maybe you can work on this and show him how much you want him and your marriage. Marriage really teaches us to give of ourselves and it doesn't come naturally. Forgive yourself where you have made errors and make amends where possible.

Hopefully when things have calmed down he will be open to counseling but for now, try and stick it out.
 
Honestly... I have been selfish our entire relationship. I think the best thing I can do for him is let him go. I don't want to but he deserves better.

I hear you but the thing is that you have been selfish because you don't truly know how beautiful and lovely you are. It's not that he deserves better :nono:, it's that he and you deserve a better version of you, a more healed, kinder, healthier you. Stick it out hon. If he asks for a divorce or separation, say no, smile and kiss him gently on the lips. The next time he brings it up, say no ... me, you, and our baby need us to try a little more, a little more longer.

Be kind, be gentle, be open to healing. The truth is that you think you don't deserve a happy marriage, a great guy, and a beautiful baby. But you do. Hang in there.
 
Thank you @Loving and @hopeful. I've been in such a foul mood since he brought all this up and y'all got me wanting to cry. I really appreciate you ladies. Right before he left for work, he said he doesn't know where we go from here but for right now, we are still married, living together and have a son. He said he doesn't know if I want to talk about it but if not he understands and doesn't want to put me through it for nothing.

Like I said, most of this stuff was before we got married, super early on in our relationship. One of the things he mentioned was in 2008, but he felt like it spoke to that larger issue of him being my second choice. In my head I'm thinking I was young, I didn't know what the heck I wanted then.

I feel terrible that he read what he did, and even though I'm upset he went through my stuff, he was right that I should have told him. He said he shouldn't have read it and apologized but Pandora doesn't go back in the box (Pineapple Express quote). I have to deal with the consequences but I will do my best to hang in there. I will broach the subject of counseling again when I think the time is right.
 
@Miss617 :bighug:. I'm praying for you dear. I agree with @hopeful . Fight for your marriage. You said you were selfish in the beginning and a lot of times that stems from a fear of being hurt. We use selfishness as a way of protecting ourselves. I've been there. You are going to have to become vulnerable and open up and let him in. And he does deserves you. Don't let this belittle you because you are precious. Your husband is not angry, he is hurt and he is just talking out of hurt. This insecurity of not being the first choice is really hurting him. You are going to have keep reassuring him until this is healed. You can overcome this, you both can. And when you come out you,will be stronger than before. Love heals all wounds.
 
Thank you @LucieLoo12. I sent him a text after he went to work last night and he said he wasn't unhappy with me but unhappy not being my only or my soulmate :-( I didn't know he felt like that. It is hard for me to let him in sometimes, but that's exactly how we ended up in this situation in the first place. So I know I have to work on that. He said there is still more to talk about, so I think that is a good sign that he isn't ready to throw in the towel.
 
Honestly... I have been selfish our entire relationship. I think the best thing I can do for him is let him go. I don't want to but he deserves better.

I think it will mean a lot for him to hear how you know you've been selfish. The two of you now have a son so I would not say the best thing is to let him go, at least not without trying, at the very least for the sake of your son. I hope things work out for the two of you. I at least hope you make it to counseling. I wish you all the best.
 
I don't think you even really have to admit u are selfish. Just go on this point after with changed actions. I'm facing this now. If I were to tell u all the things I have done to DH you all would say it's no way in hades I would be with her. She's bat crazy. Forget "finding" journals. I told him what my journals said. And they're all bad.

Anyway. Someone called me self absorbed. I always ignore it. But last week for whatever reason it hurt me. I started looking up signs of a narcissist and what selfishness, entitlement, and lack of empathy really looked like.

I went to my counselor and talked about it to. He had told me before I had some of these qualities but I told him he was crazy and dismissed it. Anyway I made a list in my phone of everything I did something nice for DH.

I mean every time. And I noticed t wasn't really that much. I never thought the ish out. If I did do something nice it was sporadic but overly thought out but I don't "fill up his tank" everyday as I should.

Sooo I started Sunday. I don't know if he has noticed it or not but I noticed he is happy to be home and he talks more. And he initiated sex (I told him before he doesn't do that blah blah blah) and he has been touching me a lot more. And I think it's because now he "sees" that I love him.

And I didn't say what I was "going to do" or say I loved him. I just showed him. Everyday I did SOMETHING to show I wasn't completely selfish and heartless.

-got sick I bought his medicine without complaining and bought him cranberry juice
-ran his bath water came up with a way to make his skin less dry
-wrote him a card and got him two of his favorite snacks
- text him nice things during the day.
-bought some lingerie he wanted to see me in and pranced around in it all day
- didn't criticize him when he fell short doing stuff
- ironed his clothes for the week.

Just stick it out. Focus on him. It really doesn't matter if he was your first choice. He was the RIGHT choice. And by you posting here I know that. Just go from now Tryna make it right. We can do it together cause I'm a little shaky doing the unselfish things right now. We could be accountability partners if you would like.
 
aight so I woke up and looked outside. Frozen. Yesterday I told his silly self to stop and get food. He came home with bread cheese and meat. So now that's all the food we have to eat. Dam sandwiches. I'm not eating all that dam bread! Ugh, somebody walking to the store today.
 
aight so I woke up and looked outside. Frozen. Yesterday I told his silly self to stop and get food. He came home with bread cheese and meat. So now that's all the food we have to eat. Dam sandwiches. I'm not eating all that dam bread! Ugh, somebody walking to the store today.
Lol Carbs make you happy lol. I'm sure y'all have some canned vegetables or frozen food in the house. Think of it as a mini challenge haha. Grilled cheese for breakfast. Sandwiches for lunch salad with meat for dinner?
 
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