Married Ladies Random Thoughts

SoniT said:
My in laws will be visiting for the week of Thanksgiving. Please pray for me. My FIL is cool but my MIL works my last nerve.
Click to expand...

LucieLoo12 said:
Let's pray for each other. LOL I will be seeing my in-laws around XMAS time and my MIL be doing the....mooosstt. She is very passive aggressive and very nosey. I love my FIL, but she is really intrusive sometimes. We are suppose to be doing family pictures. Hopefully all goes well.....
Click to expand...

Good luck ladies. As the years pass it can get better. Hang in there. When my mom died my MIL ended up being a godsend and we grew very close. Life is mysterious. I wish we got better education on managing family dynamics. It can be hard and most cases complicated. But in the end you might be surprised at how close you may become.
 
hopeful said:
Good luck ladies. As the years pass it can get better. Hang in there. When my mom died my MIL ended up being a godsend and we grew very close. Life is mysterious. I wish we got better education on managing family dynamics. It can be hard and most cases complicated. But in the end you might be surprised at how close you may become.
Click to expand...
Thanks! I'll be nice and make the most out of the situation.
 
So...
A golf trip, masquerading as a beach trip, with your friends, their wives and one of the wives is bringing her three kids under four is supposed to be appealing to me. Yall will golf all day and tf you think we'll do other than deal with kids all day. That ain't vacation. No thanks. Man I swear
Ugh
 
Last edited:
I seriously hate trying to make plans with my husband. I told him weeks ago I wanted to go to Maine or New Hampshire for my birthday. I asked him if he had a preference and he said no so I just started looking for places to stay. I told him about some of the places I found and he didn't really say anything about any of them or offer to look with me. So I said whatever, I'm not gonna look anymore. THIS ALWAYS F**KING HAPPENS. Every trip we've gone on, I've made the arrangements with little or zero input from him. Every single trip.

So today he asks me why I scheduled a facial and massage for tomorrow (my birthday) and I said because I wasn't doing anything else and because it's my birthday (this was after he made a snide comment yesterday about, "At least you have your birthday and massage to look forward to, I have nothing to look forward to." Don't see how that's my fault, but whatever). He says, "What happened to going to Maine?" I said we didn't finalize it, so I didn't book it. And he didn't tell me if he made arrangements with his daughter's mother to switch weekends. So he says the gifts he got me were in anticipation of going away for the weekend and now he feels like they're not good gifts. I'm just like...

Then he says he can just make a phone call and switch with his daughter's mother. But I don't even feel like or want to change my plans now, and I hate trying to plan trips last minute anyway. I'd rather just get my massage and facial and spend the rest of my day relaxing. I just don't even want to be bothered.
/vent
 
@hopeful It really is. Things have just been sucking between us for at least a week and a half, so this just got me even more aggravated. I don't particularly feel like dealing with him this weekend, but I don't really have any other options.
 
Got our wedding video! Husband and I plan to get some wine and watch it this weekend. Aaarrgghh I snuck and watched the first 2 min. I can not wait to see the whole thing! I got soo emotional watching those first few minutes and see how happy and calm my husband was when he was getting ready. Aahhh... I didn't have wedding blues before but now I am going to!
 
@Miss617
I'd like to share something I learned recently. Has your DH ever been a planner when it comes to vacations or spending leisure time together? If he has, then I don't know what to say because something definitely changed. But if he has always been like this, it might be something you may have to accept. Is it really fair for him to change that aspect of himself now just because you can't accept him as he is? (Concerning planning vacations)

I was were you are with DH. I even decided to talk to a lady from church I trusted because It seriously bothered me. It drove me crazy. I interpreted his indifferent attitude as him not caring and being disinterested in our plans. When it comes to going out, or traveling, his response is always, "whatever you want to eat" or "wherever you want to go"..every detail was left to me and I would feel that he just didn't care. It was such a headache. One night we didn't even go for dinner because he wouldn't help me decide and I was not happy at all. Even our first date was, "let me know where you want to go" lol
Come to find out that's his way of letting, me know he loves me. When I finally talked to him about it, he explained to me how he believes his duty is to please me so he lets me pick whatever I want. I can pick whatever I want, where ever I want to go and he will bring the wallet. He doesn't care where we go, what we eat..etc, as long as he is with me. So now I prefer it this way, since I understand his intentions. I can plan whatever I want, and just tell him where and when to show up. He always says he just wants me to be happy and he isn't concerned about himself. And looking at how he does other things in our relationship, that is his consistent theme. And it's the same when it comes to planning things. Plus he was never a planner. He always let me have my way when it comes to almost everything, including travel plans. So maybe that's how your DH is too? Do you really need him to be planning trips with you? And what about it hurts you when he doesn't? Are you not ok with telling him where you want to go and when, if he says ok, plan the rest? Maybe it's just a misunderstanding like it was in my case.

I maybe off base, in which case, disregard.
 
Last edited:
@Sosoothing No, he's never been a planner. He's been like this our entire relationship. And he actually says the same thing your DH does, he's just happy to be with me. Which is nice and all, but sometimes I don't want to be the decider. I guess it isn't really fair to expect him to change, but it would be nice to just once not have to make all the decisions myself. I kind of feel like I'm under pressure because if he doesn't enjoy it, then it's entirely my fault. But... even if a trip doesn't go as planned, he will still say as long as he got to be with me, it doesn't matter. I guess that really is all that matters in the end. I kind of did bring the whole situation on myself by not just making the plans anyway.

By the way, I hope you got the pictures I sent you of the baby!
 
@Miss617
If he won't help plan, then he shouldn't complain. It should be that simple. Don't put pressure on yourself. That's on you. You don't have to feel pressure.
If he says he doesn't care as long as he is with you, you need to believe him and stop being so hard on yourself and putting pressure on yourself. At least he enjoys being with you and that's what matters.
That's the attitude I adopted. I plan for me because that's how he wants it. And he always enjoys himself because he is with me. The day he has an issue with my planning is the day he will offer input.
I do the same thing with cooking. When he has no suggestions for meals he usually doesn't mind what I cook and he eats what I cook with no complaints if he has an issue with it, he is more than welcome to cook.
 
delitefulmane said:
New wife here :wavey: Just wondering how you wives get your husbands to help you with different chores and things around the house? I don't EVER what to be a nagging wife but if I ask once and nothing happens. What next?
Click to expand...

Ask. Lol nagging and asking is not the same thing. It's not what you say but how you say it. Don't try to be superwoman. It won't last. Been there. Marriage is a partnership and if you need help go to him and ask for it. Because you will grow to despise him if you feel like you carrying the load alone. .

Communicate communicaTe. Men are really simple and not mind readers. You have to spell everything out for them lol lol

It's ok to set chores too . DH knows he takes the trash out. And he's fine with it. Asking for help does not make you less of a wife. Dh knows if I spend all day cooking and cleaning I will be too tired to take care of his....other needs..lol lol he is happy to help me ...
 
Question.....I've been married for 4 years and we have a 23 month old. How did/do y'all handle sex when you're not exactly in the mood? I will admit, that I am not always up for it when DH is these days, but I also understand where he is coming from. He argues that due to time constraints of work, a toddler and running a household that whenever we get a moment we should go for it. He's being reasonable during the times when he's in the mood. It is usually after the baby is in bed, all the household chores are done and we're just having a moment to chill. It's not like I'm totally turned off from him or the idea of coloring. Do y'all understand where I'm coming from?
 
Last edited:
Totally understand where your coming from

I would get the romance back in the relationship

I think he has to be that romantic guy who gets your "engine" going again

I actually would start with writing each other a letter, just about everything you love about each other

After dealing with a baby all day I'm sure you don't feel like any one else needing a got damn thing from you lol but he has his needs too

Does he bathe and put the baby to bed some evenings? Would give you some time to take a long shower, focus on you, pamper yourself for a few, put that baby oil on and slip into something nice, maybe sip some wine to get you in sexy wife mode versus mommy change my diaper

Challenge yourself to express some of the things that he can do to get you in the mood

In the queens code book men do what we request of them if they know it will result in something

He can help with some of the chores and help with the baby so your mind can get back to sexy vixen wife ;)

Hope all goes well




HappywithJC723 said:
Question.....I've been married for 3 years and we have a 23 month old. How did/do y'all handle sex when you're not exactly in the mood? I will admit, that I am not always up for it when DH is these days, but I also understand where he is coming from. He argues that due to time constraints of work, a toddler and running a household that whenever we get a moment we should go for it. He's being reasonable during the times when he's in the mood. It is usually after the baby is in bed, all the household chores are done and we're just having a moment to chill. It's not like I'm totally turned off from him or the idea of coloring. Do y'all understand where I'm coming from?
Click to expand...
 
@LucieLoo12,
That makes it sound so easy! Lol
How do you and your husband have house chores divided? Do most men expect their woman to take care of inside the house and he take care of outside?

This is not how we operate but I low-key feel like he expects this. I don't want to resent him, so I need to address it because I get angry and mumble when I have to clean different things that he could have.


LucieLoo12 said:
Ask. Lol nagging and asking is not the same thing. It's not what you say but how you say it. Don't try to be superwoman. It won't last. Been there. Marriage is a partnership and if you need help go to him and ask for it. Because you will grow to despise him if you feel like you carrying the load alone. .

Communicate communicaTe. Men are really simple and not mind readers. You have to spell everything out for them lol lol

It's ok to set chores too . DH knows he takes the trash out. And he's fine with it. Asking for help does not make you less of a wife. Dh knows if I spend all day cooking and cleaning I will be too tired to take care of his....other needs..lol lol he is happy to help me ...
Click to expand...
 
delitefulmane said:
New wife here :wavey: Just wondering how you wives get your husbands to help you with different chores and things around the house? I don't EVER what to be a nagging wife but if I ask once and nothing happens. What next?
Click to expand...

I think the Queen's Code would help you too :). I would also add to not be picky or go behind his work. Say thank you sweetly and show appreciation when he does what you ask. Brag about what he does in front of others. If you really don't want to do something he promised to do, don't do it. I know it's hard but if there is any way you can not do it, don't. Also consider doing some chores together. It is much more difficult to avoid helping someone when they are in the middle of folding towels or washing dishes. Consider hiring a housekeeper if necessary to lighten the load for both of you.
 
Your welcome and queens code is for married, single or etc

It's a book that really does in the most basic terms help with understanding how to optimize our relationships/experiences with the men in our lives

You betta put that good loving on your dh and trust both of you will be in a happier mood! Go on now :toocool:

HappywithJC723 said:
^^^Love this! Thank you! All this talk about the queens code...I must be missing out. I will be checking into this.
Click to expand...
 
delitefulmane said:
New wife here :wavey: Just wondering how you wives get your husbands to help you with different chores and things around the house? I don't EVER what to be a nagging wife but if I ask once and nothing happens. What next?
Click to expand...
if it's something that can be left undone, I just don't do it. If not I keep asking there's a difference between making a request and nagging.
 
delitefulmane said:
@LucieLoo12,
That makes it sound so easy! Lol
How do you and your husband have house chores divided? Do most men expect their woman to take care of inside the house and he take care of outside?

This is not how we operate but I low-key feel like he expects this. I don't want to resent him, so I need to address it because I get angry and mumble when I have to clean different things that he could have.
Click to expand...

@delitefulmane

The only "set" chores DH has is trash ,outside stuff and the cars. For anything else, it really depends on what my week is like. Sometimes I can cook 3-4 weeks and laundry and grocery shopping etc and I am fine with it if there isn't a lot going on at work or ministry. But they are some weeks where I am going crazy. I will just text Dh and say "Baby can you put some meat on the grill tonight? ( that's all he can cook lol) Or can you start the laundry for me? It all depends on what my week is like. And I learn to not trip over things too. If I am exhausted, I will swing by Walmart and pick up an rotisserie chicken and make a salad. Or if the laundry has to be done and me and DH are busy, well...the laundry will have to wait until the weekend. If there is a few dishes in the sink and it's 10:30 and I'm tired....I'M GOING TO BED. lol Because at the end of the day it ain't that serious. MOST husbands don't trip over little things like that, it's us. LOL

As far as what men expect, it all depends on what YOUR husband wants, that's why it's so important to communicate. MY husband is more traditional to where he believes wife takes care of inside and husband takes care of outside. But that's something that you will have to talk about with him. But don't let this bother you. Just set expectations and communicate. My husbands loves taking his clothes off and not putting them in the hamper. Well my rule is, if it is not in the hamper it won't be washed. So when he is looking for the pants he want to wear and they are dirty, he knows why. lol I told my DH before we got married, you are marrying a wife, not a maid.......
 
HappywithJC723 said:
Question.....I've been married for 3 years and we have a 23 month old. How did/do y'all handle sex when you're not exactly in the mood? I will admit, that I am not always up for it when DH is these days, but I also understand where he is coming from. He argues that due to time constraints of work, a toddler and running a household that whenever we get a moment we should go for it. He's being reasonable during the times when he's in the mood. It is usually after the baby is in bed, all the household chores are done and we're just having a moment to chill. It's not like I'm totally turned off from him or the idea of coloring. Do y'all understand where I'm coming from?
Click to expand...

@HappywithJC723

I had to learn that intimacy starts before I get to the bedroom. Me and Dh went through a stale period and it was like 3 weeks and we had not been intimate. We were just busy with "life" and that lack of intimacy started a disconnect with each other. And it scared me because I started to get content with it. So I started doing little things throughout the day to build excitement. I would text him a picture of my thighs or send him a picture of my cleavage to get him excited. :look: When I would walk past him in the house I would grab him or rub against him. Do some sexting throughout the day. It really helps a lot. Then when he got home and we winding down for the night, I would remind him about the texts I sent. It wasn't only helping him but it was helping me too to be in the mood.

Also, I know this sounds unromantic but....:look: There is times when...I don't feel like doing it at all, but I do it to please my husband. I think about the times when I don't wanna go to work but I still go anyway because it has to be done, same way with this :laugh:. But as I get into it and I end up enjoying it. It's not fair to deprive our husbands because we are not "in the mood". There may be times when you tired, I understand. But don't make it a habit because once you start it, it's hard to break. And if there is a time when I don't want to do it, I may give him a little "treat" :look: to hold him off until we can go all the way. To be honest, men just want to release sometimes, they don't want to go through all the motions of sex...(not trying to explicit, but real) . And there are times we have to schedule sex. I know it sounds unromantic but we do. We may say "Hey this Thursday we are turning off the cell phones and enjoying each other". You just have to find ways to make it work because before I got married I could not see how spouses could go weeks without sex. Now I can see it because life just gets in the way, but you have to make time regardless of how you feel or what's going on. Intimacy and sex are very important in a marriage, otherwise you are just roommates.
 
Last edited:
lux10023 said:
Your welcome and queens code is for married, single or etc

It's a book that really does in the most basic terms help with understanding how to optimize our relationships/experiences with the men in our lives

You betta put that good loving on your dh and trust both of you will be in a happier mood! Go on now :toocool:
Click to expand...
LucieLoo12 said:
@HappywithJC723

I had to learn that intimacy starts before I get to the bedroom. Me and Dh went through a stale period and it was like 3 weeks and we had not been intimate. We were just busy with "life" and that lack of intimacy started a disconnect with each other. And it scared me because I started to get content with it. So I started doing little things throughout the day to build excitement. I would text him a picture of my thighs or send him a picture of my cleavage to get him excited. :look: When I would walk past him in the house I would grab him or rub against him. Do some sexting throughout the day. It really helps a lot. Then when he got home and we winding down for the night, I would remind him about the texts I sent. It wasn't only helping him but it was helping me too to be in the mood.

Also, I know this sounds unromantic but....:look: There is times when...I don't feel like doing it at all, but I do it to please my husband. I think about the times when I don't wanna go to work but I still go anyway because it has to be done, same way with this :laugh:. But as I get into it and I end up enjoying it. It's not fair to deprive our husbands because we are not "in the mood". There may be times when you tired, I understand. But don't make it a habit because once you start it, it's hard to break. And if there is a time when I don't want to do it, I may give him a little "treat" :look: to hold him off until we can go all the way. To be honest, men just want to release sometimes, they don't want to go through all the motions of sex...(not trying to explicit, but real) . And there are times we have to schedule sex. I know it sounds unromantic but we do. We may say "Hey this Thursday we are turning off the cell phones and enjoying each other". You just have to find ways to make it work because before I got married I could not see how spouses could go weeks without sex. Now I can see it because life just gets in the way, but you have to make time regardless of how you feel or what's going on. Intimacy and sex are very important in a marriage, otherwise you are just roommates.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much ladies. These are things I really needed to hear. I love this thread so much! It's such a blessing to be able to connect with strong, married, black women. I will definitely start implementing your suggestions NOW! :bdance:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsBKJ
Im gettin' married...I gave in!!
2
Replies
40
Views
1K
MrsBKJ
MrsBKJ
Glib Gurl
What are your "Marriage Musts"?
Replies
29
Views
735
JustKiya
JustKiya
Julessy
Tradition: Children before Marriage...thoughts?
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Julessy
Julessy
yokoyokogirl
Married and never divorced: Big deal or not?
2
Replies
42
Views
1K
Aveena
A
movingforward13
Married Ladies - Question
Replies
4
Views
262
movingforward13
movingforward13
Back
Top