Marriage Talk From Jump Street

SvelteVelvet

SvelteVelvet

Well-Known Member
How do you respond? Do you respond? Do you take him seriously? Do you brush it off?

I'm just looking for relatable experiences, outcomes, etc. from relationships/marriages that started out this way..

Ok....so I'm seeing this guy, we have an extraordinary chemistry, one I've never really felt before for anyone. It's one of those magnetic things that the other person feels too and when you lock eyes you know it and when you touch and kiss, it feels like it'll hurt if you stop. I've spent time with him twice so far in the last 6 days and they were both like 12 hour -18 hour 'dates' from us just not wanting to leave each other until we HAD to.

Well both times he's 'talked' marriage, the last time he just asked 'would you marry me?' it sounded like was more of a philosophical question but I didn't know how to respond, so basically I didn't. I haven't really entertained his other comments either, just kinda brushed it off. Well yesterday we were talking on the phone and he was telling me more things about his life, the things he's been through and why he's looking for a long term relationship and it all made sense to me. So now I'm thinking maybe he's just one of those 'ready' ones from a topic we discussed before.

I know we aren't "in love", we're in very strong like with each other, so I'm going to handle that subject with kid gloves for now, but I'd like input on any experiences like this.
 
This probably won't be helpful, but I'll share anyway!:lol:

I met a guy a few months ago who let me know from jump that he wanted a WIFE. He told me right away that he wasn't interested in playing games or dating just to be dating. His only reason for doing any of the social rituals was so that he could find a woman to marry. He called me for a few weeks and I dodged all of his calls.

Then out of the blue, he called me a few days ago. Again, I ignored.:ohwell:

I admit that though he was a nice guy, I wasn't really attracted to him. If I had been, I probably would have dated him to see what happened. If I met the right guy I would be ready and willing to take the next step, even if it was "quick". I don't know if the next step would necessarily be marriage but I would definitely move forward.
 
MizAvalon said:
This probably won't be helpful, but I'll share anyway!:lol:

I met a guy a few months ago who let me know from jump that he wanted a WIFE. He told me right away that he wasn't interested in playing games or dating just to be dating. His only reason for doing any of the social rituals was so that he could find a woman to marry. He called me for a few weeks and I dodged all of his calls.

Then out of the blue, he called me a few days ago. Again, I ignored.:ohwell:

I admit that though he was a nice guy, I wasn't really attracted to him. If I had been, I probably would have dated him to see what happened. If I met the right guy I would be ready and willing to take the next step, even if it was "quick". I don't know if the next step would necessarily be marriage but I would definitely move forward.
Click to expand...

It's helpful, it's on the subject. Because I think there is a difference in the way it is brought out or approached and when to identify if it's truly about you and your chemistry and connection or just about him dating around to find himself a wife. I'm feeling like my situation is the former, simply because it wasn't the first thing out of his mouth, we talked about a few things before, just general things, like 3 hours later he tells me he wants a boy and a girl (that's EXACTLY what I want for kids and I'll be done) and he asked me if I think I could give them to him. Also I met ALOT of his family really quick and they all liked me right off so he's getting signals here and there from friends and family and just people we BOTH just met telling him about me so, I'm feeling like it's 'possible' that it's real, and I DO feel the same way, but I'm scared to entertain it right now.
 
I say you see where things go. Just because he mentioned marriage quickly doesn't mean he's going to expect to get married next month. He probably just doesn't want to waste his time pursuing someone that doesn’t want the same things he wants and that's understandable. If a non-negotiable topic come up then you can both move on before getting in too deep. I would just use his openness about what he wants to see if both of your desires and goals meshed/align. It sounds like courtship to me.
 
Some men like to throw that phrase around, as well as the "do you love me, yet?" or something similar phrase... Unless he has a ring and is down on one knee, I wouldn't take him too seriously. A good answer to "Would you marry me?" might be "Only time will tell"... Although I don't agree that you should time your relationship to society's ideal of a relationship progression timeline, you should wait it out and if he's serious, you will know! Just enjoy your times together. Reminds me so much of the early days with me and my baby!
We're still going strong!
 
Caramela said:
Some men like to throw that phrase around, as well as the "do you love me, yet?" or something similar phrase... Unless he has a ring and is down on one knee, I wouldn't take him too seriously. A good answer to "Would you marry me?" might be "Only time will tell"... Although I don't agree that you should time your relationship to society's ideal of a relationship progression timeline, you should wait it out and if he's serious, you will know! Just enjoy your times together. Reminds me so much of the early days with me and my baby!
We're still going strong!
Click to expand...


"Do you love me yet?" WTF?!:mad: I dare a man to come out of his mouth with that nonsense.
 
I find that some men do talk about marriage from the get go, and I never take it seriously. I think a lot of men like that say what they think we want to here. But I'm sure there are some that are genuine. And if he's one of those then a year from now, when you are both in love he can get down on one knee and make it official.
 
CandiceC said:
I say you see where things go. Just because he mentioned marriage quickly doesn't mean he's going to expect to get married next month. He probably just doesn't want to waste his time pursuing someone that doesn’t want the same things he wants and that's understandable. If a non-negotiable topic come up then you can both move on before getting in too deep. I would just use his openness about what he wants to see if both of your desires and goals meshed/align. It sounds like courtship to me.
Click to expand...

Yeah I agree. From everything so far, our goals and desires do mesh and align, really really well, it's almost scary. He's even spiritual and didn't blink about attending a special church service with me where you bring family and friends, he was very much up to it. He's very supportive of my goals and what I want to do, he's very ambitious as well and has alot going for him. He seems almost too good to be true. I understand too, like you said, making sure he's pursuing someone that wants the same things. It's just all a little too fairytailish but I know better than to sabotage a good thing too, so I'm just kinda straddling the fence, trying to keep a balance of letting him know I'm interested yet also taking a wait and see approach as far as throwing all of my hopes into him being 'the one'.
 
Caramela said:
Some men like to throw that phrase around, as well as the "do you love me, yet?" or something similar phrase... Unless he has a ring and is down on one knee, I wouldn't take him too seriously. A good answer to "Would you marry me?" might be "Only time will tell"... Although I don't agree that you should time your relationship to society's ideal of a relationship progression timeline, you should wait it out and if he's serious, you will know! Just enjoy your times together. Reminds me so much of the early days with me and my baby!
We're still going strong!
Click to expand...


I feel the same way, which is why my response to him was no response, I straight ignored him and then we just started talking about other stuff. Lol.. but at the same time like you said about progression timeline, I do feel like it could be one of those special things or stories of how a wonderful relationship starts. Congrats to you.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
How do you respond? Do you respond? Do you take him seriously? Do you brush it off?

I'm just looking for relatable experiences, outcomes, etc. from relationships/marriages that started out this way..

Ok....so I'm seeing this guy, we have an extraordinary chemistry, one I've never really felt before for anyone. It's one of those magnetic things that the other person feels too and when you lock eyes you know it and when you touch and kiss, it feels like it'll hurt if you stop. I've spent time with him twice so far in the last 6 days and they were both like 12 hour -18 hour 'dates' from us just not wanting to leave each other until we HAD to.

Well both times he's 'talked' marriage, the last time he just asked 'would you marry me?' it sounded like was more of a philosophical question but I didn't know how to respond, so basically I didn't. I haven't really entertained his other comments either, just kinda brushed it off. Well yesterday we were talking on the phone and he was telling me more things about his life, the things he's been through and why he's looking for a long term relationship and it all made sense to me. So now I'm thinking maybe he's just one of those 'ready' ones from a topic we discussed before.

I know we aren't "in love", we're in very strong like with each other, so I'm going to handle that subject with kid gloves for now, but I'd like input on any experiences like this.
Click to expand...
WOW....I want that. I want that!!! lol *back to reading the rest of your post*
 
Okay here is my situation....After dating my husband for about 2 weeks, we started talking about what we wanted in the relationship. Both of us said that we wanted to settle down and get married. The feelings that we shared were very unique because we had never felt them for anyone else before. I didn't take into account how soon we had met (3 weeks and some days prior online). However in my heart I knew that I wanted to marry this man. He was everything that I wanted....so we talk and I dared him that he wouldn't ask me and he wanted to know what I would say if he did....well at the very bottom of a message he sent me, he asked me...and I said "yes". My DH and I were engaged for 17 months, we lived in 2 different states for a year, texted and talked several times daily, traveled EVERY weekend to see each other. It was hard and if you have any doubts, which I did, it makes it only harder. I know after all that we have been through and are going through right now that we are meant to be together. So yes, we talked marriage from the jump and it worked out just fine for us...but I believe that that extended engagement was truly necessary. By the time I had gotten married I had been with my husband for 18 months.
 
Tenejita10473 said:
WOW....I want that. I want that!!! lol *back to reading the rest of your post*
Click to expand...


Lol, it's nice. I thought I met 'the one' before and for a while after our break up still thought he was that one great love. Then here comes this guy and what I had with the ex is no where near this, this is like 'magical'! If I thought I'd marry the ex, I KNOW I'll marry this guy..IF it comes to it.
 
Thanks for sharing your experience, this was what I was looking for. I like how you waited 17 months. I can deal with getting engaged early and taking the necessary time needed before actually tying the knot.

Just for experience sake as well. I have a friend who's parents married within a month of knowing each other. My parents as well married a few months after meeting. They're are both still going strong too.


Blackoutzangel05 said:
Okay here is my situation....After dating my husband for about 2 weeks, we started talking about what we wanted in the relationship. Both of us said that we wanted to settle down and get married. The feelings that we shared were very unique because we had never felt them for anyone else before. I didn't take into account how soon we had met (3 weeks and some days prior online). However in my heart I knew that I wanted to marry this man. He was everything that I wanted....so we talk and I dared him that he wouldn't ask me and he wanted to know what I would say if he did....well at the very bottom of a message he sent me, he asked me...and I said "yes". My DH and I were engaged for 17 months, we lived in 2 different states for a year, texted and talked several times daily, traveled EVERY weekend to see each other. It was hard and if you have any doubts, which I did, it makes it only harder. I know after all that we have been through and are going through right now that we are meant to be together. So yes, we talked marriage from the jump and it worked out just fine for us...but I believe that that extended engagement was truly necessary. By the time I had gotten married I had been with my husband for 18 months.
Click to expand...
 
SvelteVelvet said:
Thanks for sharing your experience, this was what I was looking for. I like how you waited 17 months. I can deal with getting engaged early and taking the necessary time needed before actually tying the knot.

Just for experience sake as well. I have a friend who's parents married within a month of knowing each other. My parents as well married a few months after meeting. They're are both still going strong too.
Click to expand...

So you know that it does work. I didn't wait for anyone else but my personal sanity, and his. We wanted to make sure that this was the right thing because we both don't believe in divorces. Also, I was engaged for almost a year without a ring. It wasn't that serious to me. All I knew is that no piece of jewerly was going to keep me from marrying this man, well that and there was a specific ring that he knew I wanted and it took a minute to get it. Its funny because my parents gave us their first set so now my engagement ring is on my right ring finger....after all that work...but I waited so long for this ring that I am not taking it off...
 
Yeah, i know it works, I just DOUBTED I'd ever find that type of resilience in a man in my generation. Another thing is, we're the same age, well he's months older but we were born in the same year. I've always dated guys older than me, but he has to be the most mature on-my-level mentally than any of them. We're both very mature for our age.

Blackoutzangel05 said:
So you know that it does work. I didn't wait for anyone else but my personal sanity, and his. We wanted to make sure that this was the right thing because we both don't believe in divorces. Also, I was engaged for almost a year without a ring. It wasn't that serious to me. All I knew is that no piece of jewerly was going to keep me from marrying this man, well that and there was a specific ring that he knew I wanted and it took a minute to get it. Its funny because my parents gave us their first set so now my engagement ring is on my right ring finger....after all that work...but I waited so long for this ring that I am not taking it off...
Click to expand...
 
Honestly, I would not be able to trust a guy who wears he's feelings so easily on his sleeve. He is as likely to fall 'out' of love with you as quickly as he fall in.
 
StLucianSweetie said:
Honestly, I would not be able to trust a guy who wears he's feelings so easily on his sleeve. He is as likely to fall 'out' of love with you as quickly as he fall in.
Click to expand...


I agree with this. Actions speak louder than words. Especially with men. i have been there. One brotha was blowing up my phone with the I love you, I think youare the one. We are meant to be yada, yada. Fast forward a month. Barely an email out of him. Time will tell to show his "true" feelings as evidenced by his actions (or lack thereof).

Also, it takes more than feelings to make a marriage work. Marriage is often tested by ooooooooo so many things: finances, sickness, in-laws, temptations, children, etc. It takes unity and standing in accordance with one another on a VARIETY of issues to make a marriage work. Feeling is one thing. Determination and preparation are another.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
It's helpful, it's on the subject. Because I think there is a difference in the way it is brought out or approached and when to identify if it's truly about you and your chemistry and connection or just about him dating around to find himself a wife. I'm feeling like my situation is the former, simply because it wasn't the first thing out of his mouth, we talked about a few things before, just general things, like 3 hours later he tells me he wants a boy and a girl (that's EXACTLY what I want for kids and I'll be done) and he asked me if I think I could give them to him. Also I met ALOT of his family really quick and they all liked me right off so he's getting signals here and there from friends and family and just people we BOTH just met telling him about me so, I'm feeling like it's 'possible' that it's real, and I DO feel the same way, but I'm scared to entertain it right now.
Click to expand...

Is your restraint coming from the fact that you think it's too soon? There are alot of people who have met and gotten married or atleast engaged within a year.

If you feel the same way don't let anything stop you.
 
nvybeauty said:
I agree with this. Actions speak louder than words. Especially with men. i have been there. One brotha was blowing up my phone with the I love you, I think youare the one. We are meant to be yada, yada. Fast forward a month. Barely an email out of him. Time will tell to show his "true" feelings as evidenced by his actions (or lack thereof).

Also, it takes more than feelings to make a marriage work. Marriage is often tested by ooooooooo so many things: finances, sickness, in-laws, temptations, children, etc. It takes unity and standing in accordance with one another on a VARIETY of issues to make a marriage work. Feeling is one thing. Determination and preparation are another.
Click to expand...
Exactamundo!
 
Caramela said:
Some men like to throw that phrase around, as well as the "do you love me, yet?" or something similar phrase... Unless he has a ring and is down on one knee, I wouldn't take him too seriously. A good answer to "Would you marry me?" might be "Only time will tell"... Although I don't agree that you should time your relationship to society's ideal of a relationship progression timeline, you should wait it out and if he's serious, you will know! Just enjoy your times together. Reminds me so much of the early days with me and my baby!
We're still going strong!
Click to expand...

I like your bolded. Actually, your whole post is on point, and I agree. I say just enjoy the ride!
 
nvybeauty said:
I agree with this. Actions speak louder than words. Especially with men. i have been there. One brotha was blowing up my phone with the I love you, I think youare the one. We are meant to be yada, yada. Fast forward a month. Barely an email out of him. Time will tell to show his "true" feelings as evidenced by his actions (or lack thereof).

Also, it takes more than feelings to make a marriage work. Marriage is often tested by ooooooooo so many things: finances, sickness, in-laws, temptations, children, etc. It takes unity and standing in accordance with one another on a VARIETY of issues to make a marriage work. Feeling is one thing. Determination and preparation are another.
Click to expand...

I totally agree with all of that. I've been there before too, as a matter of fact, all of my boyfriends have talked marriage quickly, but this one takes the cake on the first and second date. This is my hesitation despite my 'feelings'. I know that I feel something with him I've never felt before but I'm definately taking a wait & see approach because like I said I haven't entertained any of that talk. He hasn't told me he loved me. He's said "I don't know about you, but I'm very into you, everything about you, looks, personality.." he asked me how I felt about him or something along those lines and I told him that I like him alot and he said "And that's good enough". So it's like he's conscious that yeah we JUST met but he'll throw something in there sometimes that just takes me a back like the 'would you marry me?' and 'I want a boy and a girl, you think you could give me a boy and a girl?' and I'm just like :perplexed. And again, I've heard the 'I want a son' talk real early before too. I just respond, "I've come this far without being a baby momma and I'm not going to turn in one now or ever. Yeah I want kids but a husband is going to come before that." So, I'm just remaining open to possibilities, seeing him and talking so far so good but you're so right about all of that. It's like with men, they will throw you as far as you let them throw you. Regardless, I'm trying my best to remain in control. You ladies are helping alot.
 
abenyo said:
Is your restraint coming from the fact that you think it's too soon? There are alot of people who have met and gotten married or atleast engaged within a year.

If you feel the same way don't let anything stop you.
Click to expand...

Yeah too soon, past experiences. Normally, I'd have my mind made up, probably wouldn't even think about it like that, chalk it up to game and pay it no mind. The only thing that has me kinda thrown is that I AM feeling the same way, and wondering how that happened. Also the thought that 'yeah, I do hear stories and know of alot of people that were engaged or married within months or a year, so perhaps this is how it starts?' One thing I've been working on doing is not over-analyzing or intellectualizing feelings because I know how that can hold you back. Time does tell all, but if you remained closed, how do you know that 'time' would have had a different outcome had you been open and followed your feelings. He leaves because he didn't feel you'd ever feel the same way, and goes and marries the next girl that just said 'f it, let's do it'.

I was talking to my girlfriend about it yesterday too and telling her the stuff he was saying and we've been through it all and heard it all with guys but even she was like "Whaaat?" Knowing we've been really only seeing and talking for a week.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
Yeah too soon, past experiences. Normally, I'd have my mind made up, probably wouldn't even think about it like that, chalk it up to game and pay it no mind. The only thing that has me kinda thrown is that I AM feeling the same way, and wondering how that happened. Also the thought that 'yeah, I do hear stories and know of alot of people that were engaged or married within months or a year, so perhaps this is how it starts?' One thing I've been working on doing is not over-analyzing or intellectualizing feelings because I know how that can hold you back. Time does tell all, but if you remained closed, how do you know that 'time' would have had a different outcome had you been open and followed your feelings. He leaves because he didn't feel you'd ever feel the same way, and goes and marries the next girl that just said 'f it, let's do it'.

I was talking to my girlfriend about it yesterday too and telling her the stuff he was saying and we've been through it all and heard it all with guys but even she was like "Whaaat?" Knowing we've been really only seeing and talking for a week.
Click to expand...
Am I correct, you did meet his family right?

Well be honest with him let him know your thoughts on this. The best way to start a great future is to open up to him. Communicate your feelings also ask him to do the same.

As I said before sometimes we have to just go for it, don't stop ourselves from being hurt. You might be surprised and not get hurt at all. Every situation is a new one and a learning one.

And remember not all situation works out the same way...
 
nvybeauty said:
Also, it takes more than feelings to make a marriage work. Marriage is often tested by ooooooooo so many things: finances, sickness, in-laws, temptations, children, etc. It takes unity and standing in accordance with one another on a VARIETY of issues to make a marriage work. Feeling is one thing. Determination and preparation are another.
Click to expand...

I just wanted to share my story. My DH and I dated for 10 months before we got engaged and were married at the 14 month mark. We both knew what it was, meaning this was it for us we had finally found our mate, after date number one! Now we work for the same company so on the surface folks were like "well they knew each other so it's not the same". That's soooo far from the truth, we didn't come in contact enough for me to know more then he was single and that was it. I didn't know anything else about him. We really we serious about not jumping into anything (using just feelings as an indicator) so after the first month of dates we started couples counseling because we were both like "are we crazy" lol! We fell hard and fast for each other and four years later we are doing the dern thing. Now has it been all roses, heck no but we promised each other that we would put in the work to make our marriage what it should be, lasting, loving, respectful and honored.

I said all that to say sometimes it is ok to go with your feelings BUT there is always prep work involved so if everyone in the situation is truly on the same page feelings wise then the prep part should flow with out any hesitation.

Just my .2 cents.
 
Last edited:
abenyo said:
Am I correct, you did meet his family right?

Well be honest with him let him know your thoughts on this. The best way to start a great future is to open up to him. Communicate your feelings also ask him to do the same.

As I said before sometimes we have to just go for it, don't stop ourselves from being hurt. You might be surprised and not get hurt at all. Every situation is a new one and a learning one.

And remember not all situation works out the same way...
Click to expand...

Yes, I did meet alot of his family and his closest friends, one female that I automatically clicked with. He had to kinda pull me away sometimes because we'd just be running our mouths like he wasn't even there, we just have alot in common. When I told him about my interests he was like "Oh I GOTTA introduce you to ___" And as soon as he did we just clicked. The second date he introduced me to someone else I didn't meet the first time and they are just forthcoming with how they feel and he was like "She's beautiful" and he's like "Everryboddy said that, even the girls". But more than that I feel I just have a positive vibe that comes from inside.

So all that's a plus, for your last bolded, I totally agree. And I just feel like there's a reason this feels different and I'm willing to see what it is.

Thanks for your advice! I'll keep all you ladies updated on future developments.
 
My dh talked about marriage after knowing him like a week...needless to say I thought he was a NUT:ohwell:

Then I sort of liked it b/c he said he just knew right away, so I believe you can just 'know'. We've been married 8 years
 
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