MARRIAGE need your opinions

Lurkee said:
I think from the thread of when people said the age they got married, we can conclude and say there is no "right" age across the board. Everyone feels ready differently. However, OP's idea of a proposal is very funny.

22 is not that young IMO. 22 is definitely young adult category not necessarily naive child.


MrsJaiDiva
Lots of 22 year old have all of these. Age is not directly related to experience. If you even raise the age to 30, not everyone will have accomplished your list.
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22 is young. It doesn't feel that way at 22, but you look back as an Adult, and you see the difference.

The engagement...the wedding...these things are Very low priority, because they're all done in the blink of an eye. If marriage is a priority for you, then make sure you're actually ready for it...because marriage is for the long haul. It's a Long, and Hard commitment to make...that's why I said in another thread, if you're all about the ring and the wedding, you are going to be MAD. Buy yourself a right hand ring, and throw yourself a fancy party.... You don't want to go into marriage not being as complete a person as you can possibly be, because you do Not want to lose yourself, and your identity. Of all of my married friends....who do you think is still happy, And married? The ones who were about themselves, and their business...the ones who weren't looking for marriage to complete them.
 
Never brought up marriage to dh when we were dating but then again I was 17/18 and had this idea that I'd never stoop to the life of a married biddy lol. Now, as someone in my late 20's , if I were to become single rest assured I'd make mention of it more than likely on the first or second date. Not everyone wants to be married and I'm not a mind reader.
 
22 is young, yes, but you are still an adult and should be a little more mature at least. This thread sounds like something a 16 yo would write.
 
MrsJaiDiva said:
Own stuff...? Are you living on your own? Firmly established in your career? BA, and or Masters Degree? Checking AND savings account, with more than a few thousand stashed? How much of the World have you seen?
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Girl, you are making me feel bad with this post.:lol:
 
MrsJaiDiva said:
22 is young. It doesn't feel that way at 22, but you look back as an Adult, and you see the difference.

The engagement...the wedding...these things are Very low priority, because they're all done in the blink of an eye. If marriage is a priority for you, then make sure you're actually ready for it...because marriage is for the long haul. It's a Long, and Hard commitment to make...that's why I said in another thread, if you're all about the ring and the wedding, you are going to be MAD. Buy yourself a right hand ring, and throw yourself a fancy party.... You don't want to go into marriage not being as complete a person as you can possibly be, because you do Not want to lose yourself, and your identity. Of all of my married friends....who do you think is still happy, And married? The ones who were about themselves, and their business...the ones who weren't looking for marriage to complete them.
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I see your point but my point is that this is not really limited to age. Not everyone feels ready at the same time. I know 22 is young but not too young to be thinking marriage in my opinion. A lot of people are finding themselves in committed relationships without a marriage license anyway so what is the point? If you want to date around then I guess early twenties is the time to do it. If on the other hand, you are a responsible adult with a good career going on and you have met someone on the same page with your life goals, I do not see anything wrong with heading towards the altar and building a life together at this age.

I am probably biased in my thinking. :lol:
 
cami88 said:
Girl, you are making me feel bad with this post.:lol:
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Lol, NO ONE should feel bad....especially since it took some for me to get My **** together as well. :lol: The point is, I did all that Before I got married, not after. And I'm nothing but glad that I did, because there's problems that I was able to get through (like dealing with my IL's), because I was strong within myself. Marriage is better when you're on your Grown Woman ish. :lol:

Eta: My opinion is shaped a Lot by my Mom, who beat it into our heads that we needed to be strong Before we got married. She always says she dealt with a lot more than she had too, because she wasn't strong enough to stand on her own two feet. That put her at a disadvantage that she did not want to see her daughters repeat.
 
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I can't believe none of you all get it.
OP...I get it...

You hang with a baaaaad herd of unicorns who not once mentioned marriage to their now husbands thus making you a unicorn by default. Seeing how you're not even married and all.

Your friends are all so polished and classy, with an IT Girl status soooooooo high, a closet full of red bottoms, and a$$es so wide, that the mere thought of them having to bring up marriage to a man instantly sends them on a downward spiral of shame and dishonor.

Any woman who even uses words that start with the letter "M" is clearly begging a man to marry her and at that point and is not worthy of a glimpse of the unicorn life.

See...I get...it...
 
Mai Tai said:
I can't believe none of you all get it.
OP...I get it...

You hang with a baaaaad herd of unicorns who not once mentioned marriage to their now husbands thus making you a unicorn by default. Seeing how you're not even married and all.

Your friends are all so polished and classy, with an IT Girl status soooooooo high, a closet full of red bottoms, and a$$es so wide, that the mere thought of them having to bring up marriage to a man instantly sends them on a downward spiral of shame and dishonor.

Any woman who even uses words that start with the letter "M" is clearly begging a man to marry her and at that point and is not worthy of a glimpse of the unicorn life.

See...I get...it...
Click to expand...

I am So Done With You!!

michael-jordan-lol.gif
 
MrsJaiDiva said:
22 is young. It doesn't feel that way at 22, but you look back as an Adult, and you see the difference.

The engagement...the wedding...these things are Very low priority, because they're all done in the blink of an eye. If marriage is a priority for you, then make sure you're actually ready for it...because marriage is for the long haul. It's a Long, and Hard commitment to make...that's why I said in another thread, if you're all about the ring and the wedding, you are going to be MAD. Buy yourself a right hand ring, and throw yourself a fancy party.... You don't want to go into marriage not being as complete a person as you can possibly be, because you do Not want to lose yourself, and your identity. Of all of my married friends....who do you think is still happy, And married? The ones who were about themselves, and their business...the ones who weren't looking for marriage to complete them.
Click to expand...
all. of. this. I am approaching my thirties and the more I speak to women both married and unmarried, MANY are about the wedding and the ring, the man "choosing"/validating them and how the above makes them look to others :nono:. Many seem to care very little about the actual relationship (compatibility, shared values/beliefs, long term goals, parenting skills and upbringing) and more about how everything looks to other people. It's really something I don't understand:spinning:.
 
summerof1990 said:
22 is not young lol
it's old enough to at least start THINKING about being with someone forever if you're not with them yet and kids
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Do the people in your family have a short life expectancy? I ask because most of my family lives into their eighties and nineties. So twenty-two has always seemed young to me. I'm not saying it's part of childhood but twenty-two years is a short time to be in this life.
 
But at the same time if a guy wants to marry you hell ask. Otherwise he's just boning for free. Cut him loose or be content in being his SO for as long as it takes for him to get bored of you.
 
I always mention marriage in the context of, this is where I am in life, this is what I looking for etc. to see if he's marriage minded. If he's not, it's on to the next. Once I'm in a committed relationship I don't have a problem bringing it up but if a man wants to marry you he'll let you know.:yep: So if I get the sense he's not thinking of marriage like I am, it's time to KIM.
 
FH and I discussed marriage from our first date on. Neither of us are game players and wanted to make sure the other one was on the same page. If I were younger, I might be a little more in favor of being aloof but I'm a grown up and have no time for pussyfooting around.

I discussed marriage from the beginning, got a beautiful surprise proposal and ring, and am currently planning my wedding.
 
getoffmylawn said:
Never brought up marriage to dh when we were dating but then again I was 17/18 and had this idea that I'd never stoop to the life of a married biddy lol. Now, as someone in my late 20's , if I were to become single rest assured I'd make mention of it more than likely on the first or second date. Not everyone wants to be married and I'm not a mind reader.
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see, they're making it seem like this is impossible lol
oh okay most of them said that they have to mention it before they end up single for the rest of their life.
 
Mai Tai said:
I can't believe none of you all get it.
OP...I get it...

You hang with a baaaaad herd of unicorns who not once mentioned marriage to their now husbands thus making you a unicorn by default. Seeing how you're not even married and all.

Your friends are all so polished and classy, with an IT Girl status soooooooo high, a closet full of red bottoms, and a$$es so wide, that the mere thought of them having to bring up marriage to a man instantly sends them on a downward spiral of shame and dishonor.

Any woman who even uses words that start with the letter "M" is clearly begging a man to marry her and at that point and is not worthy of a glimpse of the unicorn life.

See...I get...it...
Click to expand...

lmao that was a good reach
never said it was desperate
if people in general don't take initiative in a situation and BS around
i feel it's either not on their mind think you're a fool or just don't want to do it

then again the "men are afraid of commitment"
 
Ogoma said:
22 is too old to be this, to put it nicely, naive. At 22, I was living on my own in a foreign country and managing my life. We should stop lowering expectations.
Click to expand...

I know. I'm 24. :lol: But I was just relieved this wasn't like "a full grown" woman with these strange ideas. A quite honestly, I've seen 22-year-olds on both sides of the spectrum.

ETA: Also, you're a unicorn lol.
 
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I don't know what's so "strange" about a man proposing to a woman who he knows is right for him and he knows for a fact that she's also happy.

I believe in open communication
But if guys need reassurance and discussion on everything and don't have gut feelings. I feel bad for u.
 
But ok. It's like having a connection with someone and u already know how they feel. You guys are how old and never heard of a man just ready for marriage?
 
:lol: You know that's not what I was calling strange. And I feel sorry for you if you think that's "open communication." Even if you get married, it probably won't last long if you can't or won't express your needs and desires for the relationship.
 
People plan together after engagements but this is the only set of women I've personally heard bringing up marriage bc the man didn't. Most of u and I've seen it on those ghetto reality tv shows bc the men weren't really interested on the first place.
 
Open discussion is a must but having a man to propose bc he's ready and hopes u are isn't unicornish, maybe amongst YOU but not over here. lol
 
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