Living with The Passive Aggressive man - When He Withholds Sex.

ArrrBeee said:
At this point, I think that you should privately reach out to a few posters who are skilled at dealing with PA men.

My fear is that the world is small and you're in a virtual chess match. I don't want your next moves to be posted, only to see them backfire because of someone on here. A while back, a poster we all dearly loved was betrayed by another LHCF member who I think was her husband's relative.
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This is real! I experienced something similar as well.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Indifference. Okay I got it.

“The opposite of love is not hate it’s indifference. This is because hateshoes you still care about someone”

@PeaceLover told me the same thing. She told me to at least act like I don’t give a darn for a few months until I get my stuff together and just drop the bomb to move. But I’m a little confused how this looks too because I treat him well. Do I continue to treat him well. We got to arguing that I don’t support him. So do I support him more? Do I go out on dates with him? Do I push it or what? Do I play games back when I act indifferent? Let’s say he says he won’t be home tonight. Do I act indifferent but not at home when he comes back??
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Believe me when I say I overstand. It took me YEARS to master dealing with a PA and to be honest, I still fail at times because PA's are so masterful at their behavior that it becomes habit forming and a part of their character. Here are my answers to your questions in bold:

Do I continue to treat him well? Yes, be yourself, and treat him the way you normally treat him; but keep it very simple.

We got to arguing that I don’t support him. So do I support him more? You've supported him enough and he knows this; do not allow him to convince you that you don't do your part. He is training you to bend over backwards so you can accept his bs. He will take advantage of you doing the most in your relationship and give you nothing in return. The next time he tries to say anything negative about you or goad you into an argument, just say "oh, okay" and either change the subject to something mundane or walk away and do something else. Do not show your anger- this is what he wants! I will admit that this is very hard for anyone to do.

Do I go out on dates with him? If he offers to take you out, sure. You can make the suggestion as well and if he's not in the mood, go out and treat yourself. He needs to see that you are capable of enjoying yourself, with or without him. If he asks you about your outing, say that you enjoyed yourself and you hope to share your excursion with him the next time.

Do I push it or what? DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING ON HIM! The minute he feels you being pushy, that's his cue for him to drag his feet and make up excuses. If he does not want to engage, say ok and drop it. Let him be a man.

Do I play games back when I act indifferent? Game recognizes game, you will lose because that's not your nature. PA's love a good game of Tit for Tat; you will end up getting frustrated and give up.

Let’s say he says he won’t be home tonight. Ok, so there is a small amount of game playing in my suggestion but by doing this, you will reflect his behavior back to him and will make him worry a bit..

1. Tell him to enjoy himself and go to bed...OR
2. If you can get a sitter on short notice, tell him you decided to spend the night out and hang out with friends...OR
3. Go on a nice road trip with your baby (maybe 2 days) and don't let your husband know exactly what time you will be back, be very vague. Become unpredictable so he won't know your every move.

All of the three shows INDIFFERENCE, which= "Ninja I don't give a damn!"

Do I act indifferent but not at home when he comes back? Yes. He will act ok about it at first and then he will start to say stuff like "You don't even want me around like that" or "You don't seem to care if I go out with my friends", which means he's getting worried. Just turn it right back at him and say "Isn't this what you wanted? You wanted me to be supportive, right?"

Now, what I wrote is a temporary solution- you WILL NOT be able to tolerate this for too long. I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband but I don't want to see you broken either which is the guaranteed end result as this behavior is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. I will say that you will eventually have to make a choice, you cannot win - EVER, with a PA, no matter how nice you are, how good you are or how loving you are towards them. With PA's, you will be punished for past arguments or disagreements that you thought were long resolved only to find out that the PA was reliving these arguments daily and continually keeping scores so they can use against you later. You will really need to think this out and decide if you want to stay in this type of relationship.
 
Bklynqueen said:
Believe me when I say I overstand. It took me YEARS to master dealing with a PA and to be honest, I still fail at times because PA's are so masterful at their behavior that it becomes habit forming and a part of their character. Here are my answers to your questions in bold:

Do I continue to treat him well? Yes, be yourself, and treat him the way you normally treat him; but keep it very simple.

We got to arguing that I don’t support him. So do I support him more? You've supported him enough and he knows this; do not allow him to convince you that you don't do your part. He is training you to bend over backwards so you can accept his bs. He will take advantage of you doing the most in your relationship and give you nothing in return. The next time he tries to say anything negative about you or goad you into an argument, just say "oh, okay" and either change the subject to something mundane or walk away and do something else. Do not show your anger- this is what he wants! I will admit that this is very hard for anyone to do.

Do I go out on dates with him? If he offers to take you out, sure. You can make the suggestion as well and if he's not in the mood, go out and treat yourself. He needs to see that you are capable of enjoying yourself, with or without him. If he asks you about your outing, say that you enjoyed yourself and you hope to share your excursion with him the next time.

Do I push it or what? DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING ON HIM! The minute he feels you being pushy, that's his cue for him to drag his feet and make up excuses. If he does not want to engage, say ok and drop it. Let him be a man.

Do I play games back when I act indifferent? Game recognizes game, you will lose because that's not your nature. PA's love a good game of Tit for Tat; you will end up getting frustrated and give up.

Let’s say he says he won’t be home tonight. Ok, so there is a small amount of game playing in my suggestion but by doing this, you will reflect his behavior back to him and will make him worry a bit..

1. Tell him to enjoy himself and go to bed...OR
2. If you can get a sitter on short notice, tell him you decided to spend the night out and hang out with friends...OR
3. Go on a nice road trip with your baby (maybe 2 days) and don't let your husband know exactly what time you will be back, be very vague. Become unpredictable so he won't know your every move.

All of the three shows INDIFFERENCE, which= "Ninja I don't give a damn!"

Do I act indifferent but not at home when he comes back? Yes. He will act ok about it at first and then he will start to say stuff like "You don't even want me around like that" or "You don't seem to care if I go out with my friends", which means he's getting worried. Just turn it right back at him and say "Isn't this what you wanted? You wanted me to be supportive, right?"

Now, what I wrote is a temporary solution- you WILL NOT be able to tolerate this for too long. I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband but I don't want to see you broken either which is the guaranteed end result as this behavior is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. I will say that you will eventually have to make a choice, you cannot win - EVER, with a PA, no matter how nice you are, how good you are or how loving you are towards them. With PA's, you will be punished for past arguments or disagreements that you thought were long resolved only to find out that the PA was reliving these arguments daily and continually keeping scores so they can use against you later. You will really need to think this out and decide if you want to stay in this type of relationship.
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This whole post made me think of Why Men Love *****es
Prissi, if you not read the book
Maybe you should
It ain't about being horrible and b!tchy
Its about being bawse of your life
In a way that make you feel empowered
And stops you from being walked all over
 
I’m glad talked some sense into my head

I don’t just chill with many friends. Well my friend literally ten houses down asked me to come to her house for drunk uno. She doesn’t invite DH because he doesn’t even drink like that. Everyone know I like to get egged up. Anyway so she called me and asked could I come. I told her I would see BUT I didn’t go. Why?!

Because during the arguement DH said I’m not a good mother I dont spend enough time with DS because I don’t wake up in the middle of the night enough with him. And I just pop up and go out with my friends. Now I do just pop up and go out with my friends because it’s not planned but he goes every Thursday and Sunday so it’s predictable but he does the same thing. And I don’t even go out EVERY week.

Anyway I didn’t go to the party. I told @PeaceLover about this and I’m glad when she made me realize I’m being fooled. Like if U had problem with how I’m a mother you say it THEN. If you don’t want me to go out YOU SAY IT THEN. But instead he wants to hold all this stuff and then be passive aggressive about it when we get into a arguement on what HE does. So she told me I should have gone.

I went the next day for TWO HOURS to my neighbor’s house. Do u know he texted me and told me he needed to leave and get food. I explained I cooked food before I left. He he wanted the name of an app that delivers to be PA. I told him the app. He texts me 30 minutes later saying my baby won’t move and he has a fever. I asked what was the fever. He said 99.5. Baby that is not a fever. And now the baby has a fever as soon as I leave? I told him give DS Motrin I would still be out 2 hours and I would be with my neighbor. Surprisingly he didn’t sulk when I came home.
 
Bklynqueen said:
Believe me when I say I overstand. It took me YEARS to master dealing with a PA and to be honest, I still fail at times because PA's are so masterful at their behavior that it becomes habit forming and a part of their character. Here are my answers to your questions in bold:

Do I continue to treat him well? Yes, be yourself, and treat him the way you normally treat him; but keep it very simple.

We got to arguing that I don’t support him. So do I support him more? You've supported him enough and he knows this; do not allow him to convince you that you don't do your part. He is training you to bend over backwards so you can accept his bs. He will take advantage of you doing the most in your relationship and give you nothing in return. The next time he tries to say anything negative about you or goad you into an argument, just say "oh, okay" and either change the subject to something mundane or walk away and do something else. Do not show your anger- this is what he wants! I will admit that this is very hard for anyone to do.

Do I go out on dates with him? If he offers to take you out, sure. You can make the suggestion as well and if he's not in the mood, go out and treat yourself. He needs to see that you are capable of enjoying yourself, with or without him. If he asks you about your outing, say that you enjoyed yourself and you hope to share your excursion with him the next time.

Do I push it or what? DO NOT PUSH ANYTHING ON HIM! The minute he feels you being pushy, that's his cue for him to drag his feet and make up excuses. If he does not want to engage, say ok and drop it. Let him be a man.

Do I play games back when I act indifferent? Game recognizes game, you will lose because that's not your nature. PA's love a good game of Tit for Tat; you will end up getting frustrated and give up.

Let’s say he says he won’t be home tonight. Ok, so there is a small amount of game playing in my suggestion but by doing this, you will reflect his behavior back to him and will make him worry a bit..

1. Tell him to enjoy himself and go to bed...OR
2. If you can get a sitter on short notice, tell him you decided to spend the night out and hang out with friends...OR
3. Go on a nice road trip with your baby (maybe 2 days) and don't let your husband know exactly what time you will be back, be very vague. Become unpredictable so he won't know your every move.

All of the three shows INDIFFERENCE, which= "Ninja I don't give a damn!"

Do I act indifferent but not at home when he comes back? Yes. He will act ok about it at first and then he will start to say stuff like "You don't even want me around like that" or "You don't seem to care if I go out with my friends", which means he's getting worried. Just turn it right back at him and say "Isn't this what you wanted? You wanted me to be supportive, right?"

Now, what I wrote is a temporary solution- you WILL NOT be able to tolerate this for too long. I don't want to encourage you to leave your husband but I don't want to see you broken either which is the guaranteed end result as this behavior is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE. I will say that you will eventually have to make a choice, you cannot win - EVER, with a PA, no matter how nice you are, how good you are or how loving you are towards them. With PA's, you will be punished for past arguments or disagreements that you thought were long resolved only to find out that the PA was reliving these arguments daily and continually keeping scores so they can use against you later. You will really need to think this out and decide if you want to stay in this type of relationship.
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So basically don’t rock the boat.

That’s hard for me on the inside. I don’t like how he is acting like he never told me he didn’t care about my feelings the other day. He went completely back to normal. He took me to toys r us and let DS pick out whatever he wanted for Christmas. We went out for some food. We stayed in the house this weekend. Real chill but I won’t forget. I want to rock the boat but I do think chilling is my best option. Ima get him to pay these bills. Get some of my income automatically coming in. And possibly go back to work in a few months to stack money faster.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So basically don’t rock the boat.

That’s hard for me on the inside. I don’t like how he is acting like he never told me he didn’t care about my feelings the other day. He went completely back to normal. He took me to toys r us and let DS pick out whatever he wanted for Christmas. We went out for some food. We stayed in the house this weekend. Real chill but I won’t forget. I want to rock the boat but I do think chilling is my best option. Ima get him to pay these bills. Get some of my income automatically coming in. And possibly go back to work in a few months to stack money faster.
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You know what it is...get that paper and start making a "Just in case" plan. You know your personality and you know you're not about this PA life. Just keep standing your ground and don't become a doormat.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I’m glad talked some sense into my head

I don’t just chill with many friends. Well my friend literally ten houses down asked me to come to her house for drunk uno. She doesn’t invite DH because he doesn’t even drink like that. Everyone know I like to get egged up. Anyway so she called me and asked could I come. I told her I would see BUT I didn’t go. Why?!

Because during the arguement DH said I’m not a good mother I dont spend enough time with DS because I don’t wake up in the middle of the night enough with him. And I just pop up and go out with my friends. Now I do just pop up and go out with my friends because it’s not planned but he goes every Thursday and Sunday so it’s predictable but he does the same thing. And I don’t even go out EVERY week.

Anyway I didn’t go to the party. I told @PeaceLover about this and I’m glad when she made me realize I’m being fooled. Like if U had problem with how I’m a mother you say it THEN. If you don’t want me to go out YOU SAY IT THEN. But instead he wants to hold all this stuff and then be passive aggressive about it when we get into a arguement on what HE does. So she told me I should have gone.

I went the next day for TWO HOURS to my neighbor’s house. Do u know he texted me and told me he needed to leave and get food. I explained I cooked food before I left. He he wanted the name of an app that delivers to be PA. I told him the app. He texts me 30 minutes later saying my baby won’t move and he has a fever. I asked what was the fever. He said 99.5. Baby that is not a fever. And now the baby has a fever as soon as I leave? I told him give DS Motrin I would still be out 2 hours and I would be with my neighbor. Surprisingly he didn’t sulk when I came home.
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Yes, because that convo was the most ridiculous load of crap ever.
You: baby is it cool if I go over XYZ house for a couple hours?
Him: sure
Also him 3 weeks later: You shouldn’t have gone & you were supposed to be home

Wtf o_O you said it was cool, but now it’s a problem because you’re trying to come up with something to judge me about. Ain’t nobody got time for those Jedi mind-tricks. Say Wtf you mean. :confused:
 
PrissiSippi said:
True. I didn’t think of it that way. Life went on. In fact he told me he was leaving. Usually I cry. This time I said okay I’m okay with your decision. He didn’t come home. He didnt tell me where he was. I slept that night and left the next morning and drove to Memphis the next day. He came home to an completely empty house. I contacted him and told him I was safe and said I hope you are to to put the “victim” back on him because he could have told me where he was. I enjoyed my weekend and came back like....what’s Good?
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This probably worked because I was indifferent huh....Ima keep that in mind too. This is exhausting though.
 
PrissiSippi said:
So basically don’t rock the boat.

That’s hard for me on the inside. I don’t like how he is acting like he never told me he didn’t care about my feelings the other day. He went completely back to normal. He took me to toys r us and let DS pick out whatever he wanted for Christmas. We went out for some food. We stayed in the house this weekend. Real chill but I won’t forget. I want to rock the boat but I do think chilling is my best option. Ima get him to pay these bills. Get some of my income automatically coming in. And possibly go back to work in a few months to stack money faster.
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The game of hoovering and love bombing. Just stay focused and stick to your plan.
 
@PrissiSippi
What you are doing is 1) detaching from him emotionally and the outcome. You are learning to let go of controlling him and trying to fix your relationship and the marriage alone. And 2) learning to focus more on yourself and your needs. Learning to Let Go. It’s a process. Good luck.

He is switching things up because he’s trying to figure out what you are up to. Keep it sweet and classy. If he thinks you are stacking money and preparing to possibly leave he will likely behave unpredictably and erratically and try to undermine you. In the meantime while he’s playing the role of clueless guy you stay focused on your goal. Do not let him know what you are doing. Whatever you do, keep your plans to yourself. Don’t discuss anything until you are ready.

If he does something really stupid in the coming weeks like stay out all night you can even “act” upset to throw him off. Be like I’m upset. The baby and I missed you (while inside thinking if you don’t care enough about me to come home then I will be reciprocal. I don’t really care. I care about people who care about me.) Right now you are in survival mode. Take care of you.

He may behave especially sweet to get you back under his spell. You will have to remind yourself that he is always trying to manipulate you and play with your emotions. He knows exactly what you want and the kind of marriage you want. He is just determined to not give that to you. Number one goal of passive aggressive people is to make sure you do not get whatever it is that you want.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I’m glad talked some sense into my head

I don’t just chill with many friends. Well my friend literally ten houses down asked me to come to her house for drunk uno. She doesn’t invite DH because he doesn’t even drink like that. Everyone know I like to get egged up. Anyway so she called me and asked could I come. I told her I would see BUT I didn’t go. Why?!

Because during the arguement DH said I’m not a good mother I dont spend enough time with DS because I don’t wake up in the middle of the night enough with him. And I just pop up and go out with my friends. Now I do just pop up and go out with my friends because it’s not planned but he goes every Thursday and Sunday so it’s predictable but he does the same thing. And I don’t even go out EVERY week.

Anyway I didn’t go to the party. I told @PeaceLover about this and I’m glad when she made me realize I’m being fooled. Like if U had problem with how I’m a mother you say it THEN. If you don’t want me to go out YOU SAY IT THEN. But instead he wants to hold all this stuff and then be passive aggressive about it when we get into a arguement on what HE does. So she told me I should have gone.

I went the next day for TWO HOURS to my neighbor’s house. Do u know he texted me and told me he needed to leave and get food. I explained I cooked food before I left. He he wanted the name of an app that delivers to be PA. I told him the app. He texts me 30 minutes later saying my baby won’t move and he has a fever. I asked what was the fever. He said 99.5. Baby that is not a fever. And now the baby has a fever as soon as I leave? I told him give DS Motrin I would still be out 2 hours and I would be with my neighbor. Surprisingly he didn’t sulk when I came home.
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Not to be nosey, but why is a man with a wife and young child at home going to a 'Friends' house every Thursday and Sunday? o_O Happy men don't leave their family at home for the company of others. Sounds like he's living a double life.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I do! I haven’t been posting much because I don’t know what to say. I’m a little lost right now. So I’ve just taken some time to figure out a. What is MY end result. B. What is it that I WANT. C. What’s my plan out.

I’m not a rude person. I don’t want to be rude to my husband. I dropped the things from yesterday (the arguement got waaaaaay worse). We got to arguing because I offered to go to his holiday party. He told me family wasn’t invited. What? I asked him about it. He told me just because it doesn’t make sense doesn’t mean I’m lying. He made me feel crazy for questioning it. Then I told him whatever it is he is doing is it worth losing his family over. He turned victim again and said if I decide to keep his child against him fine. But me and him have no connection. I don’t know how to not argue with a passive aggressive person. What I don’t understand is that I would never win.

I just snapped and started screaming and went out of control with my bff asking me to stop repeatedly but I didn’t listen because it’s not fair and I try hard. Anybody else would be BLESSED to have a wife like me in their life.

I’m confused because what is a girl to do. I feel like I left him off the hook for his bad behavior and I have never done that. I nag nag and nag to get what I want. He NEVER apologized. He has starting giving fake apologies like I am sorry you feel that way when I say you really hurt my feelings. And he claims he ordered my authorized card that he has been procrastinating on. And we woke up like nothing was wrong.

So I just don’t post much in here. I don’t know what to say.
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I know it has to be hard to not argue and ignore but with folks like that it's a waste of energy. I was in a relationship like that and he was a very spiteful and always played the victim. He would go into these rages and say things that let me know he held resentment for me. I in turn would match his rage with horrible verbal abuse. I would hit him where I knew it would hurt because I felt attacked. Then I would not speak to him afterwards for days because I felt hurt. I would feel so bad that I allowed myself to be sucked in with that energy.

Even though I felt attacked, I could not feel justified in the horrible things I would spew at him. It made me feel just as bad a character as I felt he was. Then he would not apologize and he would go back to trying to strike up conversations as if nothing happened. Then we would go back to "normal" and we would not even talk about what happened. Well, I would apologize for my actions but there would be no real apology on his end. In fact, I would spend the whole time defending myself again, because he would point out things that he felt was me causing him to do abc.

There was never closure so I felt I had to just retreat to silence because I knew an adult conversation would leave me drained. I swear there was never resolution and we would just move right on along until the next outburst and defiant actions. I grew tired of feeling like I was dealing with a rebellious kid who was spiting mommy. When he saw I was going out more and more, he was trying to get closer to me. I wasn't cheating but the fact that he could not be certain of that I'm sure bothered him. He would go out and stay out late, even though I would argue I disliked it. When I started not even commenting on any of his childishness, it seemed it bothered him more. I ended that relationship because it was a never ending cycle of confusion, anger and disappointments. It felt like a weight was lifted and yes he would withhold sex. It made me feel undesirable and made me wonder if he was cheating.

Either way it was not healthy and I will tell you he was playing with my freedom! I had to get away before I hurt him!:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:So I wish you all the luck and peace you need.
 
I had an ex who would withhold sex. It really messed with my self esteem and made me feel worthless. He was also verbally/emotionally abusive, so when he would withhold it, he would make me feel like I was the most disgusting, undesirable woman in the world.

He would even tell me that being intimate with me was boring and I was horrible at it...something absolutely no man had ever told me in life, and in fact most would say the complete opposite.

I think there were a multitude of reasons for why he did it, including being upset over things and also because he was cheating. He would go out of his way to either cause scenarios that would prevent intimacy (i.e. an argument or acting upset about something minuscule), or say and do everything in his power to prevent it from happening in the case of a good day together.
 
PeaceLover said:
He’s in a bowling league
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Are these the same friends that she's never met and live an hour away? If not, still seems strange to be away from the home so much without your woman-once a month for phantom friends and twice a week with others. Maybe it's just me.

"Never. They weren’t in the wedding. His cousins were. He only has about three friends. He sees them once a month. He drives to see them about an hour away. I have never met them. If I ask they are working or they live at home with their mom. Can’t have company. Or they have crazy hours. I have never met them. Then he in arguments says it’s because I will judge them."
 
jerseyhaircare said:
Are these the same friends that she's never met and live an hour away? If not, still seems strange to be away from the home so much without your woman-once a month for phantom friends and twice a week with others. Maybe it's just me.

"Never. They weren’t in the wedding. His cousins were. He only has about three friends. He sees them once a month. He drives to see them about an hour away. I have never met them. If I ask they are working or they live at home with their mom. Can’t have company. Or they have crazy hours. I have never met them. Then he in arguments says it’s because I will judge them."
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No they’re associates from their church. I think one of her old colleagues/church member’s husband invited him along to a couple bowling games & he started going. They’re not really his “friends” because they don’t talk outside of bowling. As far as I know, he doesn’t have any real friends. I’ve hung out with them a lot & he’s never mentioned any friends. We even tried to get him to be friends with DH and other husbands in our circle. Idk.
 
BlueEra said:
I had an ex who would withhold sex. It really messed with my self esteem and made me feel worthless. He was also verbally/emotionally abusive, so when he would withhold it, he would make me feel like I was the most disgusting, undesirable woman in the world.

He would even tell me that being intimate with me was boring and I was horrible at it...something absolutely no man had ever told me in life, and in fact most would say the complete opposite.

I think there were a multitude of reasons for why he did it, including being upset over things and also because he was cheating. He would go out of his way to either cause scenarios that would prevent intimacy (i.e. an argument or acting upset about something minuscule), or say and do everything in his power to prevent it from happening in the case of a good day together.
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He wanted to make you feel as if you couldn't please him , therefore not being able to please any other man. It was all apart of the mental abuse so you could feel inadequate. He was an insecure man trying to make sure you stayed put. My ex did the same thing. would tell me we gon get a video to work on my techniques. *****rum,,,wasn't no video needed when you was clinching sheets and toes curling up and such. I told him whatever I needed to learn and skill I needed to master, I would be sure and be a good student to someone else!:lachen::lachen:
 
syze6 said:
He wanted to make you feel as if you couldn't please him , therefore not being able to please any other man. It was all apart of the mental abuse so you could feel inadequate. He was an insecure man trying to make sure you stayed put. My ex did the same thing. would tell me we gon get a video to work on my techniques. *****rum,,,wasn't no video needed when you was clinching sheets and toes curling up and such. I told him whatever I needed to learn and skill I needed to master, I would be sure and be a good student to someone else!:lachen::lachen:
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Yeah, when I tell you I was completely mind-boggled by his behavior, it nearly drove me crazy. I thought he must be gay or something because there has never been any man I've dealt with prior to him who wasn't mind blown while with me. At the time he was so far in my head with the mental abuse that it messed me up so bad. That relationship left me broken, and I'm just now starting to get my self esteem back. The irony is that after we broke up he tried to come back around and put a move on me. Like, fool, I could've sworn you said I was wack? Bye.
 
BlueEra said:
Yeah, when I tell you I was completely mind-boggled by his behavior, it nearly drove me crazy. I thought he must be gay or something because there has never been any man I've dealt with prior to him who wasn't mind blown while with me. At the time he was so far in my head with the mental abuse that it messed me up so bad. That relationship left me broken, and I'm just now starting to get my self esteem back. The irony is that after we broke up he tried to come back around and put a move on me. Like, fool, I could've sworn you said I was wack? Bye.
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
PrissiSippi said:
Never. They weren’t in the wedding. His cousins were. He only has about three friends. He sees them once a month. He drives to see them about an hour away. I have never met them. If I ask they are working or they live at home with their mom. Can’t have company. Or they have crazy hours. I have never met them. Then he in arguments says it’s because I will judge them.
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So is the girl he was texting one of the friends or have I missed something. I don't understand why a married man is texting or communicating with a woman outside his wife. I know man and women can be friends but when married why is there any urge to befriend woman outside the wife. Especially, to the extent of communicating by texting. The wife should be friend enough or at least know the female friend. Oh...If she wasn't there before marriage, she need not come after marriage.

So is he not a narc because PA sure sounds close to a Narc. They hold on to things forever and you think things are fine. Meanwhile they are sitting sulking and plotting about whatever hurt they think you have caused them. You think it's about a misunderstanding last night, but it's about some silly shish from days, even weeks ago. He knows what he is doing to hurt and annoy you. Men like this don't just up and do things. Trust he has already thought about staying away hurts you and not calling will upset you. So he has already decided to do that very thing.

He sounds like a child who needs you to react to everything. I can see him withholding sex because he knows it's what you want. There are some sick men who believe it's more important to deprive themselves of having sex with you, if that means it will hurt you. He KNOWS he is depriving you and it bothers you. I guarantee when you stop mentioning anything about anything he think bothers you he will tuck his tail

My ex used to purposelessly say things that any man would know not to say out loud. When I would act as if I never heard him, he would try harder and say other stuff. I got to the point where NOTHING he said or did bothered me. I used to gripe about him coming home late. When I started sleeping with the door closed, so I didn't even know what time he got in he would bump the bed to try to wake me. That was all so I could take note how late it was...I would stay fast asleep. The bed was large enough that he didn't even need to touch me getting in the bed. Somehow he would try his best to disturb me. I would get up rested and not say a peep about what time he got in. Lord..thinking back on it you can't help but feel sorry for a person like that. Good riddance!

I promise when you start focusing on just you and your son he will tuck his tail. If you are lucky maybe he'll get the courage to just leave instead of playing all these childish games, He really is the problem, trying to make you responsible for his actions.
 
shortdub78 said:
A lot happens at bowling. It’s like high school all over again.
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That ish boring. I walked up like hey what’s good to bowling looking fine about two weeks ago. He’s in a bowling league with my old 3rd grade teacher and a whole bunch of 50s and up people. I think he really just likes the hobby. I asked him to get a life outside of me about a year ago after an argument because he said his life revolves around me. This was the hobby he chose.
 
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