Living with The Passive Aggressive man - When He Withholds Sex.

syze6 said:
Yeah my friend was engaged to a man on a bowling league. EVERYTHING was about he bowling league. He spent so much time bowling and there was a woman on the team as well. He later admitted he developed feelings for her and even had slept with her. He would always discourage her from going, because he said she wasn't interested in bowling. I guess he didn't want to have that awkward situation.
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The bowling league must be the new post office. I know a bowling Ho too. He was cheating on his wife with a bowling team mate.
 
PrissiSippi said:
It’s not just withholding sex it’s affection too. And it’s hard to not Rick the boat when you’re hungry as fawk.

I begged for a date. He blew me off the first time. I begged to go again so we arranged for our DS) to be kept by his gma and we headed to the restaurant. We don’t ever have fun or sexual experiences. I twerked my booty on him in the elevator. I was having fun singing in the corridor dancing and twerking. I feel like he sabotages it. He doesn’t do anything outward it’s very subtle. He refused to play with me singing or even compliment me. He turned away and suddenly noticed something out of the window. Me twerking? He told me to not fall and be careful. Literally. He is so logical and not fun at all. How did we get like this.


We get to the table and he’s talking about this is our first Christmas with the baby and how different it would be. He said yada yada DS doesn’t know what Christmas is but he wonders about how he will open presents and stuff.

I smiled touched his legs and told him I didn’t want to talk about the baby. Making another baby or just being with one another was on my mind. It’s like his mind went into overload. What to do? What to say? I asked for a sexual compliment or compliment period and for him to touch me. Nothing. He told me my eyes looked very nice and got back quiet againi.


I waited. He told me I look like a superhero when I wear my glasses and it’s very sexy. I gave him a compliment back. After that we were at square 1.

We came home arguing I threw in some victoria secret lingerie on told him what I needed sex and physical contact and I will give him what he needs conversation. But we must compromise. He said all I do is think about myself. Me me be. Have sex with me me me. Even if he doesn’t feel loved or appreciated. It doesn’t matter because of Me Me Me. No matter my arguing u know my point never makes sense to him. I cater to him but I really don’t want to do it to him so it doesn’t matter. I fell asleep with wet puhh and no conversation. Can’t be life.
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Baby this kindness rarely works on any man. Maybe read the rules 2. You need a code of conduct. You can't get what you want when you grovel. Men find it pathetic and grow to dislike you .

Trust me- I've been there.
 
intellectualuva said:
Whatever you do, be prepared for any fall out. I get the preserving of self by any means necessary tho. Like some of the posters above, I'm not willing to sit around while he does he wants.

I too am not mature enough to take the "high road." *shrug*
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I agree. I don’t think embarking on an affair and potentially getting caught up with another guy is the best idea. That’s kind of refocusing again on someone other than herself again. Priss needs to focus on Priss and her baby. That said if she gotta do something, then she has to. Life will go on. But, be careful and be prepared for any fall out as you said. Adding another person into the equation rarely solves problems. It’s a distraction.
 
hopeful said:
Sounds positive to me — self preservation, self first :).
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hopeful said:
I agree. I don’t think embarking on an affair and potentially getting caught up with another guy is the best idea. That’s kind of refocusing again on someone other than herself again. Priss needs to focus on Priss and her baby. That said if she gotta do something, then she has to. Life will go on. But, be careful and be prepared for any fall out as you said. Adding another person into the equation rarely solves problems. It’s a distraction.
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Right. Men don't handle extra-marital affairs as well as women. If you step out be prepared for it to be D-O-N-E.
 
hopeful said:
I agree. I don’t think embarking on an affair and potentially getting caught up with another guy is the best idea. That’s kind of refocusing again on someone other than herself again. Priss needs to focus on Priss and her baby. That said if she gotta do something, then she has to. Life will go on. But, be careful and be prepared for any fall out as you said. Adding another person into the equation rarely solves problems. It’s a distraction.
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The first thing that came to my head was go get a boyfriend! lol but nope that might not work out for the OP. You go that route, you have to be done. I told my ex one day you are gonna worry about what I’m doing and it will be too late for us! I told him we can stick it out for the sake of the kids, but as far as me and him, it was over. He couldn’t handle that, so yeah, we ain’t married anymore. When I was begging, pleading and crying, going to counseling, sitting at home with two babies after I gave up my career, I said I wasn’t gonna be looking out the window waiting for him to come home. I was done! I bought me some new panties and body scrub and went on with my life. Ya’ll ain’t about that life though. Lol
 
hopeful said:
Haha me either :lol:! @shortdub78 shut this thread down :lachen:! I’m ready to go to the mall and get my new panties and body scrub. That could be a new rachet, independent woman, girl power anthem :yep:. New Panties & Body Scrub—aye! :band2::bdance:
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She shut it all the way down!
200.webp
 
shortdub78 said:
The first thing that came to my head was go get a boyfriend! lol but nope that might not work out for the OP. You go that route, you have to be done. I told my ex one day you are gonna worry about what I’m doing and it will be too late for us! I told him we can stick it out for the sake of the kids, but as far as me and him, it was over. He couldn’t handle that, so yeah, we ain’t married anymore. When I was begging, pleading and crying, going to counseling, sitting at home with two babies after I gave up my career, I said I wasn’t gonna be looking out the window waiting for him to come home. I was done! I bought me some new panties and body scrub and went on with my life. Ya’ll ain’t about that life though. Lol
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:angeldevil::angeldevil::angeldevil:Yaaaaaas honey Yasssss!

2018 (And 2018 starts now) I'm finna live my best life. Just know. :toocool:
 
Supervixen said:
Right. Men don't handle extra-marital affairs as well as women. If you step out be prepared for it to be D-O-N-E.
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I agree. They are big babies with that. Can’t imagine another man d-ing down their wife because they couldn’t step it up. We’re always the forgiving ones. That’s why if a man thinks he’s gonna step out on me, that’s it for us. I’m treating him like I know he would treat me...zero tolerance. Ain’t no forgiving and coming back.
 
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Bklynqueen said:
Long post:

The thing with your husband not wanting you to meet his friends is for his benefit and his benefit alone. From my personal experience, severe PA's are experts at Jedi mind tricks and sabotage. PA men, especially, will bad mouth you and ruin your reputation to his friends, family and co- workers without your knowledge because PA's go to great lengths to make sure that their behavior will never be reported back to you. I think this is why he refuses to have you meet his friends; he doesn't want to get caught in a lie or a potential conflict.

Him texting another woman, withholding sex, not coming home, etc is to boost his ego and to regain control of the relationship while creating insecurity in you. This is his way to control and manipulate your emotions so you can get upset with him and he can continue to play the "henpecked" husband role. When you fall for it, he is secretly pleased that he has made a puppet out of you and for a weak person, that is a huge win.

I have noticed PA men tend to choose women who appear strong, confident, assertive or self assured; personalities that they themselves wish they had. Unfortunately, what they are attracted to are the very ones they resent because they themselves lack those traits so they seek ways to humble you since they can't be like you. Their whole goal is to make sure that you don't get what you want.

@PrissiSippi - My heart goes out to you, it truly does. I understand exactly what you are going through and I also had a child with my PA ex-fiancé so I understand the complications. His passive aggressiveness is what forced me to break our engagement. Whatever you do, don't treat his passive aggressiveness by being passive aggressive too- that backfires. The best way to deal with him is to treat him with indifference. When he sees your change in attitude, he will become worried and make an attempt to be kinder and more attentive. Unfortunately that is a temporary solution and once he feels safe in his role in the relationship, he will go back to his old ways. The only way he will stop is if he recognizes that he is the problem and seek therapy to resolve it.

Prissi, I want you to take time out and reflect on what you really want for yourself and this relationship. Good luck and I truly wish the best for you.
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Why did you say being passive aggressive backfires? Thats exactly what I have been doing. And it was worked for the time being.


1. He forgot his ring the other day. Has never forgotten his ring. I left it there and passive aggressively put the baby’s Tylenol next to it so he would know I saw it.
2. He forgot to take out the trash and I just tossed it outside and didn’t say anything as I usually do.
3. He up and didn’t come home from work until midnight. I was sleep when he came home.
4. The next day he said he was leaving again to his parents house. I said that’s wonderful take the baby with u and I left the house.
5. I noticed he packed all his clothes and I looked at him with big brown puppy eyes and said baby did I do something wrong and asked questions until he got quiet and said no you haven’t done anything. You haven’t done anything wrong to me in months.
6. He texted me he’s fearful of me and he’s only here to make sure the baby and I are straight. I said I understand and cut off communication.
7. I met with the pastor alone and played damsel in distress (which is not a lie)

I’ve been playing The victim back real hard. Right now he is very confused. I usually lash out. Then he can call me abusive. And I think he stayed out the whole weekend so I would kick him out and he can cry to his parents I kicked him out the house and he won’t go back to someone mistreating him. Now I’ve been overly nice or indifferent. I see him scratching his head often or sulking alone. But I’m going crazy because I feel like every few days he evolves. So it’s like playing a video game. Every other day I’m like...what comes next.
 
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@PrissiSippi I know I wasn’t asked, but from reading your post only some of those things seem passive aggressive. Passive aggression and indifference are two different things...and begging is neither of the two.

I would love to write out my thoughts on that post, but I’m long-winded and late starting my day as it is. I will say, since you’ve kinda mentioned in here that he plays mind games, and it seems like he’s playing the long way, you should figure out which “you” really pushes his buttons, and stick to that whenever you, well, want to push his buttons. Just because he acts differently one day doesn’t mean the things that truly get under his skin change. He might say they do, but they don’t. That’s yet another game to force you to act in his desired manner.
 
GreenEyedJen said:
@PrissiSippi I know I wasn’t asked, but from reading your post only some of those things seem passive aggressive. Passive aggression and indifference are two different things...and begging is neither of the two.

I would love to write out my thoughts on that post, but I’m long-winded and late starting my day as it is. I will say, since you’ve kinda mentioned in here that he plays mind games, and it seems like he’s playing the long way, you should figure out which “you” really pushes his buttons, and stick to that whenever you, well, want to push his buttons. Just because he acts differently one day doesn’t mean the things that truly get under his skin change. He might say they do, but they don’t. That’s yet another game to force you to act in his desired manner.
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Yeah I agree that really people don’t change. Period. I just don’t even know wtf I’m fighting for. I feel like I’m fighting for time until I have a solid plan.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Why did you say being passive aggressive backfires? Thats exactly what I have been doing. And it was worked for the time being.

...

But I’m going crazy because I feel like every few days he evolves. So it’s like playing a video game. Every other day I’m like...what comes next.
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It really doesn’t matter Priss. Bottom line is whether the tactic you employ is passive aggressiveness or indifference, you still won’t get what you want from him. You can’t make him be what you want or be what he isn’t. They are both short term tactics to prepare yourself to leave, get the money you need, etc. You are biding time. But as you said, you feel like you are going crazy. I think it’s because you are still hoping you can fix your marriage and make him wake up, get it, and change. Once you let that go and just focus on you and your baby, it will get easier. Not easy, but easier. The whole situation is heartbreaking.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Yeah I agree that really people don’t change. Period. I just don’t even know wtf I’m fighting for. I feel like I’m fighting for time until I have a solid plan.
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No you keep disrupting that plan. You have a solid plan until you get stable, but you keep getting angry because you want him to change. You need to let go of hope that’s he’s going to change.
 
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