Leaving my man but now i am unsure about it

[SpiritJunkie]

update:
i had to get another d&c done yesterday. so i am now on the road to recovery. my man brought me and picked me up..cool. but again..we ended up in a pretty heavy duty argument.

he feels i don't acknowledge his support which i do, but i think this man blames me for all of this.

in any case it was pretty heated and it's best we take a break. i can't take the stress right now.

i'm off work for a couple days and will just take the time to heal emotionally and physically.

 

[*KP*]

I'm so glad you posted that adequate!! So many women on this board are quick to day "he's trifling, drop his a$$" without first communicating and getting to the real issue.

SweetG, I'm so sorry for your loss! When I read your post, I was thinking perhaps he didn't know how to deal with it so he was withdrawing...that was my first instinct. We women like to get through stuff by talking about it whereas men usually only want to talk about it when they can offer a solution. Keep praying and try to communicate your feelings without the arguments. Let him know how you are feeling & why and that it's not his fault but it is just the way you feel.

 

[gone_fishing]

update:
i had to get another d&c done yesterday. so i am now on the road to recovery. my man brought me and picked me up..cool. but again..we ended up in a pretty heavy duty argument.

he feels i don't acknowledge his support which i do, but i think this man blames me for all of this.

in any case it was pretty heated and it's best we take a break. i can't take the stress right now.

i'm off work for a couple days and will just take the time to heal emotionally and physically.

When you are communicating with him, do you place blame - unintentionally?

Like I know it sounds cliche but do you say - you you you or do you start with I feel...

For instance, you're an insensitive jerk for not being there for me vs. It would mean so much to me if you could do such n such...

Just curious.

I think you are probably still too emotionally charged to make a decision but a cool off period won't hurt AS LONG AS you make SURE he knows you do not blame him for this current circumstance and that you understand HE might need support as well as you.

What did he say to make you think he blames you? BTW

We sometimes DO NOT REALIZE how condescending and nagging we are - so this is what he may see when he says, you are not acknowleding his support - I mean...well...are you?

Also, let me tell you that I'm terrible at pushing folks away who try to get too close. I mean sometimes we find something good but the defect in people like me will find whatever I can find to end it. It's a horrible cycle. I want him, but I don't really believe it will last so I'll sabotage it (subconsciously) so I can blame him for leaving and not being there and thus complete my self fulfilled prophecy that men are dogs and no good. That used to be me. I still push my SO away sometimes when I'm feeling emotional but thank GOD he won't let me push him too far away!

Most important though, take care of you!

I figured another D&C was coming. I'm glad they finally finished the job.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

some of this i can answer...part of the problem may be ego according to him..i agree somewhat. we have 2 strong personalities butting heads here.

i admit once again I said you about the negative and not i feel this way when communicating with him.

he comes with the you should have done this you could have told the doctors that. i can't force a doctor to do anything they don't want to do.

we have a HUGE communication problem right now. i don't know if it can be repaired.

cool off is definitely needed. i also do need to let him know i do not blame him for any of this because i don't. but alot of things were said the other night and i don't know if we will be the same.

 

[caligirl2385]

I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS. I AGREE WITH ADEQUATE AND STARR 100%. SOMETIMES I CAN'T READ THE POSTS IN THIS FORUM BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN BE SO QUICK TO WRITE A MAN OFF. SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HE CARES ABOUT YOU. IT'S JUST DIFFERENCES. I WISH THE TWO OF YOU THE BEST!

 

[tarheelgurl]

I agree with what Adequate and some of the others had to say. Just take some time and get yourself healed then everything else will fall into place. If he has been committed to you before now, then there is a likelyhood he still is. BUT....if you are unhappy and were unhappy before now, then carefully review the situation and take a couple of steps back to
re-evaluate.

Good luck!

 

[SpiritJunkie]

you ladies have been really great with all the tips/advice. i love the various point of views on this.

today would have been our year anniversary. we spoke about it briefly last night.

so much has happened and i feel god has put us in this to test our committment to eachother. and we failed.

it's tough not to have him around but as many said i need to take time to reflect, heal and if it was meant to be it would be.

i was happy, we were happy, we worked 2gether, spent alot of time with eachother outside of work.

this is so tough..let me go cry.

 

[SEMO]

you ladies have been really great with all the tips/advice. i love the various point of views on this.

today would have been our year anniversary. we spoke about it briefly last night.

so much has happened and i feel god has put us in this to test our committment to eachother. and we failed.

it's tough not to have him around but as many said i need to take time to reflect, heal and if it was meant to be it would be.

i was happy, we were happy, we worked 2gether, spent alot of time with eachother outside of work.

this is so tough..let me go cry.

Aww , I don't have any advice (it's already been said), but (((HUGS))) for you. I will pray for you.