"Just make him buy it then...." (Married Couples & Money Management)

[SelahOco]

Today my friend was talking to me about getting my hair done professionally for a wedding. I told her that I didn't want to pay for it, so I was just planning to do my hair myself. She said the weirdest thing...

"If you don't want to pay for it, make DH pay for it." To which I said, "It's the same thing...it's all the same money."

She starts cracking up like that's the funniest, weirdest thing she's ever heard someone say.

So it made me wonder, how many married people are keeping their finances separate? DH and I use one checking account, one savings account (outside of retirement) and individual credit cards/cash for personal purchases.

I really don't see our salaries as separate at all. It's just "the money."

I'm curious to know how other couples manage their money. I'm not talking about details, just the general management style and the rational behind it.

How others live is interesting to me and I'm just hoping to discuss the how and why.

Adding a poll......

 

[Bachelorette]

Most couples I know only have joint for bills and such. The wives usually have her own money while the husband pays the major stuff. Of course those I know are African or kept white/black women so..

 

[GreenD]

I voted my spouse pays all the bills and I spend my earnings. He makes more than I do, so it makes sense for us to set up this way. He had the house and all the bills in his name before we got married/I moved in and he prefers it this way. I'll pay the gas bill, water bill and our memberships and that's about it. For the most part our accounts are separate, but we have two joint savings accounts.

 

[krikit96]

I voted other...

Take my husbands salary and double it... I still make slightly more than that.
Being the breadwinner sucks, but in my area, people don't generally make the kinda money I do... but it sucks.
He's always broke before me, and I end up picking up the slack... with three kids, daycare is about 1800 a month and mortgage is 2200 a month... then add in all the regular bills and living expenses... so we cut out the daycare since he works nights and while I'm @ work, he's home with the two youngest and the oldest is in school.

He takes his money and pays bills until his money is gone. He may keep about $100 or $200 or so for himself for the next 2 weeks...

I take my money and pay everything else. If we go out to eat, I'm payin... right now as we speak he just asked me for $5.00 and I told him I don't have it... so he is digging thru my piggy bank... I get tired of it... but when he DOES have money, he is irresponsible with it... so whatever...

I guess I look at it as all THE money... But I keep a little on the side just in case something comes up, so I'm the only one saving, and he thinks I borrow money from others when I come up with the extra light money or fix the car money...If he knew I had it, he'd be even worse with his spending. I kinda think of it as the money but I secretly after a certain point think of it is MY money, not OUR money... Lord knows I know he thinks that way, it being OUR money... but then sometimes he is selfish and thinks of his paycheck as HIS money and when it's all spent up he starts saying OUR money cuz he wants a piece too. I wish he made more money than me... Sad thing is, he's a Federal Employee for the Dept of Defense... and as a contractor I make so much more money it's ridiculous. I know he don't like it, but hey... what's he gonna do?

 

[ThickHair]

Take my husbands salary and double... I still make slightly more.
Being the breadwinner sucks, but in my area, people don't generally make the kinda of money I do... but it sucks.
He's always broke before me, and I end up picking up the slack... with three kids, daycare is about 1800 a month and mortgage is 2200 a month... then add in all the regular bills and living expenses...

He takes his money and pays bills until his money is gone. He may keep about $100 or so for himself for the next 2 weeks...

I take my money and pay everything else. If we go out to eat, I'm payin... right now as we speak he just asked me for $5.00 and I told him I don't have it... so he is digging thru my piggy bank... I get tired of it... but when he DOES have money, he is irresponsible with it... so whatever...

I guess I look at it as all OUR money... But I keep a little on the side just in case something comes up, so I'm the only one saving, and he thinks I borrow money from others when I come up with the extra light money or fix the car money... Lord knows I know he thinks that way. Sad think is, he's a Federal Employee for the Dept of Defense... and as a contractor I make so much more money it's ridiculous. I know he don't like it, but hey... what's he gonna do?

Your type situation wore me out and that was one of the contributing factors in my divorce.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

DH pays for most of the household expenses. I am responsible for my car note, the gas bill, car insurance, and my credit cards, and I pay a portion of the mortgage; he pretty much takes care of everything else. When I start back working full time, I will shoulder more of the financial responsibilities, and contribute more heavily to our savings.

 

[krikit96]

Oops... wrong thread...

 

[krikit96]

Your type situation wore me out and that was one of the contributing factors in my divorce.

Well DAYUM! I am hoping that this is not the ending to my situation...erplexed I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nervewrecking, but it's how my family is now operating. I didn't used to make this kind of money, but he may or may not find another opportunity to make more money. He has a great government job, but I just make more as a contractor...

There have been times that my company lost the contract and i was unemployed, and other than my unemployment checks, he was the one holding everything down... but you spend less money when only one person is working...

I don't know... I want to keep my little family though...

 

[SelahOco]

KriKit, it sounds like yall keep your money apart because you're better with managing funds. Before DH and I got married, we knew that I was better w/ money and worked out that I would pay all the bills and we'd each get a monthly allowance for stuff we'd need throughout the month. Then w/ the credit card expenses, we decided that if we needed to spend over a certain amount one would call the other to make sure it was okay. It was just a way of being accountable.

He doesn't write checks or anything. He just trusts me to handle it and doll out the monthly allowance. It pretty much works and it gives him a budget to work in, and makes me more mindful about where I'm putting our funds and why.

I can imagine that you're frustrated, though. You're stronger together than apart and that's a blessing!!!!

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Both of our checks go into one account. I pay the bills from that same account, and transfer money into a savings from that account. We keep a certain amount in the house, and we always let eachother know when we are taking money from the account. To us it really is just THE MONEY, not his or mine. It's easier that way (for us).

 

[MD_Lady]

DH and I have similar salaries. We contribute equally to the bills and have a shared account for this purpose. We keep the remainder of our paychecks in seperate account. Neither one of us wanted to take the "bit pot of money" approach.

 

[Bmack]

I know some may not agree with me, but we have a joint account and I have my own separate account. Concerning your friends statement, I absolutely hate when women talk like that because essentially it is the same money and your wanting to do your hair yourself is more about saving money than just not having the resource of getting it.

Some women kill me with that ish like they are schooling you about getting money out of hubby. I am sure he would pay for it, but why spend the money if you can do it and have it come out just as lovely.At ur friends statement.

Today my friend was talking to me about getting my hair done professionally for a wedding. I told her that I didn't want to pay for it, so I was just planning to do my hair myself. She said the weirdest thing...

"If you don't want to pay for it, make DH pay for it." To which I said, "It's the same thing...it's all the same money."

She starts cracking up like that's the funniest, weirdest thing she's ever heard someone say.

So it made me wonder, how many married people are keeping their finances separate? DH and I use one checking account, one savings account (outside of retirement) and individual credit cards/cash for personal purchases.

I really don't see our salaries as separate at all. It's just "the money."

I'm curious to know how other couples manage their money. I'm not talking about details, just the general management style and the rational behind it.

How others live is interesting to me and I'm just hoping to discuss the how and why.

Adding a poll......

 

[Makenzie]

I'm single, but enjoying this thread. Money, as we all know, is a huge factor towards an unhappy marriage. Everyone deals with it differently, but its nice to know the different methods that work for different couples.

 

[ThickHair]

Well DAYUM! I am hoping that this is not the ending to my situation...erplexed I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nervewrecking, but it's how my family is now operating. I didn't used to make this kind of money, but he may or may not find another opportunity to make more money. He has a great government job, but I just make more as a contractor...

There have been times that my company lost the contract and i was unemployed, and other than my unemployment checks, he was the one holding everything down... but you spend less money when only one person is working...

I don't know... I want to keep my little family though...

I hope that you guys keep it together, I don't wish divorce on no one and we didn't even have children. He just grew very resentful toward me and I never threw it up in his face, he just started to not care and wasn't maning up because he knew that I would clean up whatever mess he created. So, that was my hand in the down fall.

 

[JustKiya]

Firstly, I manage the money. He's BAD with money - I'm teaching him to be better, but I'm a Capricorn who is slightly money-obsessed. It's better for our relationship that I manage the money.

As far as accounts go, we have a joint checking and two joint savings accounts. He has a business checking and savings account, and I have a personal checking and savings account and a retirement account.

The majority of our income gets direct deposited into the joint account. A small portion of each of our checks gets routed directly into our personal accounts.

All household expenses - cars, debt, bills, house, food, etc - comes out of the joint account. We get an allowance, that also comes out of the joint account for 'spending money'. If we want to spend more than that for whatever reason (like when DH was talking me into buying a new TV), we discuss it with each other, plot out when it's feasible, and run with it.
If it's something for just one of us (like extra spending money for me when I go to festivals) it usually comes out of our personal accounts, but sometimes I'll 'borrow' from the house money.

My POV when it comes to income is that this is OUR money. It's the money we, as a family, use to maintain our lifestyle. Whether we are both working, or only one of us is working - we are working for US, not for ourselves.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

From the very beginning DH & I have had our own separate accounts and a joint account where all the bills get paid.

It works out lovely--we both know what is in all the accounts, it doesn't cause any friction in our marriage.

Little purchases that we make, we don't feel a need to talk about it (anything under $100)--but major purchases are discussed between the two of us--regardless of which account it comes from.

 

[miss stress]

well I dnt work so of course all the money is my hubbys. However, I do put a few dollars aside whnever I think abt it and he knows nothing of that

 

[FoxxyLocs]

for us, i think it would just cause unnecessary friction for us to get into who makes more, who should pay this and that.

 

[dlewis]

We have joint accounts and separate accounts. We have access to each others other acounts if needed. We keep saying we're going to merge everything because everything is scatter here and there.

We see everything as ours though. I pay all the bills with both our money that goes into one account. We both work several jobs. We have a weekly allowance. Most times we don't spend that. My husband is cheap with most things. We both have things we like to spend money on. Mines are mostly food related items and my camper and his are mostly cars (which he fixes up and resales), tools and stuff.

We agree when we moved in together we would never fight about money and we have never fought about money. If one person is spending more than the other person thinks they should be spending it's mentioned and that's it.

We budget budget budget. We must be the budgeting-est people I know.

 

[Fab_Nikki]

From the very beginning DH & I have had our own separate accounts and a joint account where all the bills get paid.

It works out lovely--we both know what is in all the accounts, it doesn't cause any friction in our marriage.

Little purchases that we make, we don't feel a need to talk about it (anything under $100)--but major purchases are discussed between the two of us--regardless of which account it comes from.

This is DH and I also.

 

[dlewis]

Oops... wrong thread...

.....

 

[fletches]

all of the money that comes into our household is our money. our income goes into a joint account. bills and living expenses are paid, money is moved to the savings accounts, and we each get an equal allowance every week.

for us, i think it would just cause unnecessary friction for us to get into who makes more, who should pay this and that, who should get more allowance, etc. i can't see myself "borrowing" money from my husband or vice versa.

my thinking is that any money we make is to contribute to the household. my husband and i have common financial goals (pay bills, save, have fun), so we are both working towards those goals. if we were each doing our own thing with our own money, i think i would feel like we weren't on the same team.

could someone explain why you feel the need to keep your finances separate?[/QUOTE]

________________________
(I hate when the quotes come over like this)

Me & DH have a joint checking & savings, but I also have a seperate checking & savings. My money goes directly into my accts & his goes into the joint accts. We have other accts, but as far as household bills we use the above. The accts are with the same bank so it's easy to move money from one acct to another.

Honestly, I had my acct at this bank before I got married & just never changed it over. It has never been a problem, so I didn't feel the urge to fix it. Also DH is kind of a softie when his family asks for money so when he gets in a generous mood, I'm glad we have the different accts but I'm always like . That's why they never ask me.

I manage the finances. I calculate out what I need for bills, savings & any other investments we have talked about. After I've taken that out, the rest is "do whatever you want" money & I don't really bother trying to monitor that.

 

[Ediese]

I'm single, but enjoying this thread. Money, as we all know, is a huge factor towards an unhappy marriage. Everyone deals with it differently, but its nice to know the different methods that work for different couples.

Totally agree with you. I was having a conversation last night with this guy that I'm dating. He asked if I would consider marrying someone that makes less than me. I hesitated for a second, and told him I would IF the guy had a respectable, secure job that he loved I wouldn't mind. Plus, he would have to have some type of ambition to make more, and not just be complacent.

He mentioned how if I was making what I'm making now at 26 he couldn't imagine where I'd be at 34 (his age). Then he said something about he's going to hold on to me because he'd love to be with a woman that made more than him. That right there sparked the demise of anything. I'm sorry, but I don't want to make more than my FH.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

The bills are split he makes more so he wants to pay more and we keep our own seperate accounts I don't know how much he has and he doesn't know how much I have unless we actually want to know. Its not really a big deal to either of us

 

[GreenD]

Firstly, I manage the money. He's BAD with money - I'm teaching him to be better, but I'm a Capricorn who is slightly money-obsessed. It's better for our relationship that I manage the money.

As far as accounts go, we have a joint checking and two joint savings accounts. He has a business checking and savings account, and I have a personal checking and savings account and a retirement account.

The majority of our income gets direct deposited into the joint account. A small portion of each of our checks gets routed directly into our personal accounts.

All household expenses - cars, debt, bills, house, food, etc - comes out of the joint account. We get an allowance, that also comes out of the joint account for 'spending money'. If we want to spend more than that for whatever reason (like when DH was talking me into buying a new TV), we discuss it with each other, plot out when it's feasible, and run with it.
If it's something for just one of us (like extra spending money for me when I go to festivals) it usually comes out of our personal accounts, but sometimes I'll 'borrow' from the house money.

My POV when it comes to income is that this is OUR money. It's the money we, as a family, use to maintain our lifestyle. Whether we are both working, or only one of us is working - we are working for US, not for ourselves.

DH is the bolded and he loves money. He's very good with it and loves to have it. Actually, we're both really good with money. He's good with saving, planning and working towards long term goals, and I'm good about paying down/off debt, short term savings and being thrifty. It's a great balance I must say. I've learned you definitely gotta do what works for the both of you.

 

[Vanity1]

Totally agree with you. I was having a conversation last night with this guy that I'm dating. He asked if I would consider marrying someone that makes less than me. I hesitated for a second, and told him I would IF the guy had a respectable, secure job that he loved I wouldn't mind. Plus, he would have to have some type of ambition to make more, and not just be complacent.

He mentioned how if I was making what I'm making now at 26 he couldn't imagine where I'd be at 34 (his age). Then he said something about he's going to hold on to me because he'd love to be with a woman that made more than him. That right there sparked the demise of anything. I'm sorry, but I don't want to make more than my FH.

Wait, whaaaat? erplexed