Having A Secret Bank Account?

[gone_fishing]

I had/have a separate account but it's not/was never a secret account.

When I get married again, I will still have it.

However, even if you have a "secret" account and you divorce (you must disclose the contents of that account in an equitable distribution trial anyways). If you don't you can be held in contempt of Court and ultimately lose many of the other assets you may have been entitled to.

 

[MrsQueeny]

My dh knows about mine it is an investment account and it is his money that funds it. It is taken out his check monthly and I add to it whenever. He also has one too but I have all his info. He doesn't care because I am the money manager of the house and that is fine with him. I always joke and say, "you know I could be milking you dry?" To which he responds, "I don't care as long as the bills get paid and I have money to buy my music equipment and playstation games." Q

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I will maintain a seperate account. I also want to make sure that if something happens to me it goes to my son. It is Lan and i now...and even if I get married...I never want Lan to be excluded. Hopefully the man I marry will agree that my "seperate" account will be for Lan.

 

[Sequoia]

My mom had a seperate account, don't think it was a secret but my dad didn't have access to it. I think my mom just didn't want my dad to know how much she spent on clothes and such.

She has drummed this into me since i was younger and i plan to do the same. i don't want to have to ask or explain every penny i spend.

I've always had my own account, plus my own savings and retirement. He's got his own too. We have a joint account for household stuff that we both contribute to.

My parents have always been this way.

-A

I like this idea. We can both contribute to a joint acount but still have some independence when it comes to finances.

 

[justcurious]

I don't see what the issue is, if it's yours and you came with it then it's yours. period. This is the reason why your inheritance is not considered community property, at least here cali. I don't think it necessarily has to be a secret but Iyanla Van Sant made a good point when I heard her on the radio one day about her divorce. People have a right to change their mind - and that's ok. So if you need something for later on down the line either for dreams/desires or just back up that should be ok. No pun intended.

 

[tinkat]

I plan to have one, got that idea from mama.

 

[Harmony0221]

I don't think there should be secrets in a marriage but I believe every woman should have her own seperate bank account. I can't remember the show but a financial expert spoke about how her husband left her for a younger woman, cleaned out their joint account, and left her the kids. All of her income went into that account.She had to start from scratch and rebuilt her life. Ever since then I have been protecting myself. When I do get married my husband will know of it but won't know the details.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

I have an account but its not secret. Inheritance, money I received and worked for,from graduations, I saved it all. And I don't touch it. My aunt says I'm stingy with my own money. And told me thats how your suppose to be and your suppose to spend everyone else money. But I was like 11 when she told me that.

 

[Mystic]

Well, it depends on the relationship. I do not have the need to hide money from my husband because he does not control my money and gives me the freedom to do whatever I want with it. Also, whatever I make or have in my account is not a reflection of how he treats me (some guys will limit what they give you depending on how much money you have/make). As a result of that freedom, there is no need for me hide anything from him.

On the other hand, I know this woman who is married to an insecure bastard and he controls every cent she makes. As a matter of fact, she has to give him her paycheck every month and he "manages" the money for the family - yeah right!. She has to go to him every time she needs money! you can imagine the constant fights about money when he sees the credit card statement..., and a purchase of $36 is a big deal, yes. I encouraged her to open up a secret account, deposit her salary into the account and give her husband an amount that is agreed upon mutually. She has nothing in savings and I firmly believe having an account, saving an amount per money and managing her money would have a profound impact on her - I wanted her to taste what it feels like to be so empowered. She actually did it but when the husband found out, he went livid - she closed the account asap. I was so shocked that a woman would allow someone else to have such total control of her life..., that was the last discussion I had on that topic because I realize that I couldn't help her and I was probably pushing her too hard to be someone she is not. Maybe it's a cultural thing - I have no idea but there must be something inside a woman that would allow herself to be in that kind situation day in day out with no plans of making it better. I didn't want to be burdened down with the weight of her situation and what she was going through (she complains but never take action) so I kept the relationship at a distant. I will be there for her whenever she needs me but I refused to be involved/consumed with her misery. Knowing me, if I were in a miserable situation I would stay in it for a while but you bet your bottom dollar that I would be putting some kind of silent plan in action and money would be the biggest part of that plan. Giving my entire salary to a husband that hides his financial information from me and controls every aspect of mine would not work - HELL 2 DA NAW!! Money is a woman's security - it is an empowering thing....., but I guess...., to each his own, as some women might disagree.

I'm currently reading a book about women and their feelings about money. (It's called Money: A Memoir - by Liz Perle.) In the book she recounts the tale of how here grandmother (who, along with her grandfather, were well-to-do) gave her a little satchel with $20 in it when she was about 11 years old and told her:

"This is the beginning of your kipple . . . . It's a woman's private stash. Every woman needs one. A just-in-case account. Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."

What do you think of this? Now I'm not married, but I think the idea of having a "secret" stash - like any other type of secret - really undermines the relationship and ultimately plants seeds that may destroy the relationship. That said, I sure do plan to have my own separate bank account . . . just so I can buy magazines and makeup and all the other stupid crap I like without having to explain myself to anyone. I just don't think I'm going to keep it secret. I mean, I don't think I would feel very good if I found out that my man had a secret stash.

What are your thoughts on this? I'm interested in hearing from married and unmarried ladies. Also, this poll is anonymous so please respond!

 

[drasgrl]

I will have my own account period and it doesn't have to be a secret. Just like he needs to have his own account.

 

[BKVincy]

i have my f u account
hubby knows it for when he decides he wants to go and act like a fool
theres not much in there but hopefully I wont have to go there

 

[thatscuteright]

great thread.

 

[alundra]

My husband and I both have separate savings accounts which have nothing to do with each other at all right now. It's not a secret -- I know how much he has and he knows how much I have. I even know how much interest he gets.

 

[butterfly_wings]

I think women should have their own stash made up of their OWN money, I can't see why they should expect the man to fund their secret stash?!! if so it should work both ways, men and women can cheat, so if the woman cheats she has her secret stash and their joint money and he has nothing!! That sounds wrong to me!!!

 

[angaliquew]

I just started one....after seeing other women's situation and how they got screwed over by their husbands.

 

[JustKiya]

I have had a separate account for as long as we've been married. It only became not a secret a year ago (after 3 years of marriage).

I'm debating opening another one, on the low. I don't know.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have no secret accounts but I do have several personal & business bank accounts at Citibank, HSBC, Washington Mutual, Emigrant, Wachovia & Commerce. DH gets the mail so he does see the statements come in but he doesn't open them. Neither do I though since I bank on-line.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@PeaceLover old thread I know lol but still relevant

 

[Everything Zen]

Inquiry: Why can't DH have one?

The more relevant question is how do you know that he doesn't already have one?

My mama got a secret stash

 

[Ayesha81]

Yes to the secret stash and dont tell a soul not even your own mama

 

[chocolat79]

I'll have a secret stash and it'll be a joint account with my Mom. That way if there's a divorce, it can't be touched. Cynical, but you gotta protect yourself out here.

 

[movingforward13]

All my accounts will be separate. No secrets.
A man would be lucky to get a joint account with me. I count coins with the best of them and I will be doing mine and my husband's taxes (when I get married) but that is the extent of sharing. I am not in a community property state.

 

[classychic1908]

We bank jointly, but I keep a cash *in case ish go left* fund. His mom started it for me as a wedding gift.

 

[hopeful]

We bank jointly, but I keep a cash *in case ish go left* fund. His mom started it for me as a wedding gift.

Nice mother-in-law.

 

[hopeful]

Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know
By Pamela Redmond Satran

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a youth she’s content to leave behind…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
one friend who always makes her laugh…
and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
a feeling of control over her destiny…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder…
and when to walk away…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…
but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone…
even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…
and a year…

 

[Froreal3]

I've always had separate accounts when I was married and when I get married again, I will maintain my accounts....well because they're mine. It is not a secret and if I feel like I need to maintain them as a secret from a man, then I don't need to be married to him. I don't mind opening a joint account with my FH for savings and what not, but my old accounts will still be mine. I don't see a problem with that.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

my mom taught me to have one. it became not secret so i moved the funds around and he doesnt know about the new one.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Ten years ago I would have been adamant about having a secret bank account or a can full of money buried in the backyard. Now I'm fine with just having a separate account. The reasons I was always told to have money dude didn't know about were all assuming that my husband would take it away or pressure me to use it up if he knew about it.

We have joint personal accounts where half of each of our incomes are directly deposited we co-own a couple of businesses and we are both signers on those bank accounts. He's got his own personal and business accounts and I've got my own separate business and personal accounts. I don't need a secret account because he can't touch anything that's in my name only or any of my separate business accounts.

I understand why the old ladies used to drill this into our heads but as I become an old lady, I'm finding that there's levels to this ****. If my husband was the type to be watching every penny I spend or his own money was funny then I would adjust my behavior accordingly.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I understand why the old ladies used to drill this into our heads but as I become an old lady, I'm finding that there's levels to this ****. If my husband was the type to be watching every penny I spend or his own money was funny then I would adjust my behavior accordingly.

This the dude the old ladies were talking about.

 

[MissNina]

I'll have a secret stash and it'll be a joint account with my Mom. That way if there's a divorce, it can't be touched. Cynical, but you gotta protect yourself out here.

My mom and I kept the joint account I had in HS. I never plan on closing that thing and we never really use it. We just put money into it every now and then. Don't think I will ever need to hide accounts from my partner, tho.