Carrie A
Well-Known Member
But why wouldn't he say that? So far from what I read he didn't give any explanation he just said I'll take care of it. He sounded very deliberate in his evasion of the question.
Men & Money: Married Advice
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But why wouldn't he say that? So far from what I read he didn't give any explanation he just said I'll take care of it. He sounded very deliberate in his evasion of the question.
I don't think he got fired because he's a really good worker and bringing in even more money for them than in the past.
I am thinking that he's either being absent-minded as usual, holding back money because he wants control or he's blowing it on lunches for the girls at work.
But he does mention he wants to leave the job so maybe things aren't as great as they sound?
I am thinking that he's either being absent-minded as usual, holding back money because he wants control or he's blowing it on lunches for the girls at work.
But he does mention he wants to leave the job so maybe things aren't as great as they sound?
brownelovely
Well-Known Member
@boldedETA: Had to come back and say this.... So he'll make sure to feed some women from work but not give you money for food and bills?
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Some men are VERY ashamed of losing their job - hugely, insanely, almost psychotically ashamed of it. I suspect that having a Carribean background might amplify that - those jokes about folks having three jobs and looking down on the lazy bastards who only have one have a bit of a rooting in the truth, yes?
Esp. if she's been talking about leaving him - he might feel that his main 'use' in the house was to bring in money. If he can't do that anymore - hell, is he even a man in his own mind? And he wouldn't want to admit that to her.
If anyone would know, his father might know.
Bachelorette
New Member
awhyley
Well-Known Member
I'm hoping that it's a case of male pride, but OP's says that he's one of their best workers, so that theory could be out as fast as it was posted here. OP, do you know any of his co-workers? Maybe you could 'bump' into one somehow?
This is a real eye-opening thread.
(I figured he had Caribbean roots the minute you started with that Old Testament thing)
This is shocking and unbelievable. So, they didn't have to pay a dime just because she was working? What about all those years they were together? Doesn't that count for everything in the court system?
She received $60,000, one house and one vehicle but she should have recieved half of what he owned.
I sat back and watched and didn't say a word to anyone but I learned alot buy watching what she went through.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
We are American and he has carribbean roots.
Keen, I am a little rusty on the bible, do you have any verses I can use?
i don't know bout bible versus..but'r uh..u may wanna read da book of "DIS HEA IS SUM BU'SHYT".
ur a lil naive. u may wanna take a ride down to da job and meet hubby on his lunch break. and make sure u look ur best. ain't no sense in goin down der lookin a hot stressed mess cuz u stressin ova dis shytuation....dis is his job...
then come back n tell us what happened so i can light me up a newport one hunnit...
Keen, I am a little rusty on the bible, do you have any verses I can use?
i don't know bout bible versus..but'r uh..u may wanna read da book of "DIS HEA IS SUM BU'SHYT".
ur a lil naive. u may wanna take a ride down to da job and meet hubby on his lunch break. and make sure u look ur best. ain't no sense in goin down der lookin a hot stressed mess cuz u stressin ova dis shytuation....dis is his job...
then come back n tell us what happened so i can light me up a newport one hunnit...
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
I'm not married and that's exactly how I see it. Love is great, but in the court of law, it don't count for a dag on thing.
I'm sorry OP, but
. That mess is pathetic.
OP, I hope you figure it out and I hope that it's not an affair or eviction, but maybe a case of busted pride that y'all can work through
Keen
Well-Known Member
I'm probably more rusty on the bible than you are. Maybe someone else can answer that question for you.
I think most posters on this thread are already looking in the book "DIS HEA IS SUM BU'SHYT" thatjerseygirl recommended.
. Girl you got me busting out laughing at work.
Op, I am so confused! 
I've read through all your posts, and I am thinking: are these two people married?! You don't seem to know anything about your husband, at all! Do you even know how much he makes?
You're his wife, you should know everything he's doing. Especially; where his money is going. And what's with, he keeps saying he'll do it tommorow? How about you tell him: "I want to know where all your money is going and I want to know now, you're free right now, I am also free, let's take care of it together."
You said to the other poster that marriage is definately a contract and should be treated as such, and you take care of business. Judging from your original post, you're taking care of nothing! You have no clue what is going on. All these questions you're asking us, you should be asking him. Also if you suspect he likes another woman at work, or he's spending money on the girls at work, then shouldn't you be be planning what your next step will be, should he decide to leave you with the kids? I am not saying he's cheating, but what kind of marriage works without communication? You say marriage is work, how do you work on it if you guys are not communicating? And why are you so relaxed about the whole thing? Women here are more angry about the situation that you are!
I've read through all your posts, and I am thinking: are these two people married?! You don't seem to know anything about your husband, at all! Do you even know how much he makes? You're his wife, you should know everything he's doing. Especially; where his money is going. And what's with, he keeps saying he'll do it tommorow? How about you tell him: "I want to know where all your money is going and I want to know now, you're free right now, I am also free, let's take care of it together."
You said to the other poster that marriage is definately a contract and should be treated as such, and you take care of business. Judging from your original post, you're taking care of nothing! You have no clue what is going on. All these questions you're asking us, you should be asking him. Also if you suspect he likes another woman at work, or he's spending money on the girls at work, then shouldn't you be be planning what your next step will be, should he decide to leave you with the kids? I am not saying he's cheating, but what kind of marriage works without communication? You say marriage is work, how do you work on it if you guys are not communicating? And why are you so relaxed about the whole thing? Women here are more angry about the situation that you are!
I appreciate the concern and the anger. I don't let myself get too excited because I can feel my blood boil when I get that way.
I came to this board for advice because there are number of seemingly succesfuly married ladies that may understand where I'm coming from and can give me candid,unbiased input.
Zulika I don't know where you get the sense that I don't know my husband. I just don't know what he is spending his money on. And although it's not good, money disagreements are not an uncommon issue especially early in a marriage.
I came to this board for advice because there are number of seemingly succesfuly married ladies that may understand where I'm coming from and can give me candid,unbiased input.
Zulika I don't know where you get the sense that I don't know my husband. I just don't know what he is spending his money on. And although it's not good, money disagreements are not an uncommon issue especially early in a marriage.
La Colocha
New Member
To the bolded, sis you need to wake up. Im not trying to hurt you or bash you but your eyes are closed. I know you love your dh and you want to make it work but don't be blind to the truth. I will be praying for you and your family. I have no more advice to offer you the other ladies make some good suggestions.
phynestone
Well-Known Member
I had to thank AND quote you on this.
My mother has told me the EXACT same thing. The more I hear these stories, the more and more I am determined to remain independent after marriage. I mean, this is straight BS!!!!
I am so mad right now about this situation OP, I really am. I'm not a licensed therapist or lawyer, but I do think it's in your best interest to start putting money away IMMEDIATELY.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
da book ain't out yet cuz momma (me) ain't done writin it...but trust, yall gonna git da copies first.....
meanwhile, back at da ranch.... i don't think ole girl is bashin u...i think u just need to open ur eyes to da shytuation cuz its critical, but be smart about it. anytime u gotta question a man, u gotta think like dem. don't think wif ur emotions, cuz when u start thinkin wif ur emotions, u act on them..and see dat kinda action will getchu caught up in da trick bag... think like they do and trust me, da work ain't hard cuz half of'em of stuck on stoopit n broke da phuck down on dumb.... as u git olda, you'll see what im tawkin bout....
meanwhile, back at da ranch.... i don't think ole girl is bashin u...i think u just need to open ur eyes to da shytuation cuz its critical, but be smart about it. anytime u gotta question a man, u gotta think like dem. don't think wif ur emotions, cuz when u start thinkin wif ur emotions, u act on them..and see dat kinda action will getchu caught up in da trick bag... think like they do and trust me, da work ain't hard cuz half of'em of stuck on stoopit n broke da phuck down on dumb.... as u git olda, you'll see what im tawkin bout....
carcajada
Well-Known Member
He might want to come off a certain way to coworkers and is mismanaging money to do so.^^ I can see that happening. I've got a plan on how I'm going to handle this, thanks for all your input.
We just really need to come together on the money thing, and of course I'm going to keep saving for rainy day. I told him I'm going to manage it all from now on.
Men in general are not good with bills. Most older married couples I know, the woman is the one that takes care of those things so I shouldn't have left him alone with paying the rent.
We just really need to come together on the money thing, and of course I'm going to keep saving for rainy day. I told him I'm going to manage it all from now on.
Men in general are not good with bills. Most older married couples I know, the woman is the one that takes care of those things so I shouldn't have left him alone with paying the rent.
GOOD NIGHT
You sound like my mother and 9 times out of 10 she is correct, they are on that stuff.He might be on that stuff.
caltron
Well-Known Member
Unfortunately, I think this issue goes beyond not being good with bills. (
And, no, it's not true that men in general are not good with money, so you shouldn't even use that as an excuse/justification for his behavior.)
Your husband refuses to share ANY information regarding his finances with you. There is NO sharing of resources. Under the eyes of the law, you two are one household and his money is your money and vice versa, but your husband sure isn't operating like that's the case. Like someone said, it's like you two aren't even married. Shoot, most roommates have more openness regarding their finances than you two.
And worse, you have no idea what kind of additional bills your husband may be running up without your knowledge. Even if he doesn't share that information with you, you are still going to be on the hook for it legally.
I hate to sound negative, but it seems like you are glossing over the magnitude of the problem. This is not a "normal" problem that newlyweds deal with. This sounds like the foundations of your marriage are on very shaky ground and its only going to get worse as the years go on. You taking over the bills is not going to solve the root of the problem here.
You talked about staying with him for the sake of the kids, but in some cases the kids are better off if the parents go their separate ways if the marriage is trouble. This is a terrible example to set for your young children and could hurt them in the long run.
I'm usually on the side of trying to work things out, because there are always two sides to every story, but in this case, the facts are so bad that I really don't see any room for negotiation here. Just being honest.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
That is false. SOME men just as some women are not good with bills. I don't know any MAN or woman that would squander away money that is vital to the bare basics for his family's survival.
My husband is faaaaar better and managing money than I am. I spend now, and I MIGHT think later. He thinks, and MIGHT spend. He deals with the household funds, bills, etc. A percentage of my money goes directly into our joint account, another goes directly to MY personal bills, savings, etc and the rest I deal with for spending. If I blow $700.00 on a handbag I know not to go looking at him like "oh, I want a pair of shoes...take me to Nordstroms."
DH has his business account and our joint account. I have accounts left and right (which he constantly tells me to scale down). I trust him to be the main person, well the only with access to our money and I don't even care to see the statement. I'm happy with the little bill pay notifications. I waste alot of money on dumbness but even I would ensure my bills are paid before I went swiping my cards. His father also handles he and his mothers' finances because she simply doesn't want to be bothered. My father always handled my parents finances because well...I'm like my mother. LOL
To say you shouldn't have left it to your husband to pay the rent is actually kind of saddening. If you can't trust a man to keep a roof over your head (thank goodness you're dealing with his parents and not a landlord or property managment company) then you might want to think about what you CAN trust him to do in terms of taking care of his family. That's the ONE thing a man should be able to do with no problem especially if his wife isn't working. Even if you don't have A/C, he at least needs to provide a ROOF.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
I agree with the bolded. Finances are one thing DH and I made sure to get squared away BEFORE we got married...and it's only been two years.
Bunny77
New Member
That is false. SOME men just as some women are not good with bills. I don't know any MAN or woman that would squander away money that is vital to the bare basics for his family's survival.
My husband is faaaaar better and managing money than I am. I spend now, and I MIGHT think later. He thinks, and MIGHT spend. He deals with the household funds, bills, etc. A percentage of my money goes directly into our joint account, another goes directly to MY personal bills, savings, etc and the rest I deal with for spending. If I blow $700.00 on a handbag I know not to go looking at him like "oh, I want a pair of shoes...take me to Nordstroms."
His father also handles he and his mothers' finances because she simply doesn't want to be bothered. My father always handled my parents finances because well...I'm like my mother. LOL
To say you shouldn't have left it to your husband to pay the rent is actually kind of saddening. If you can't trust a man to keep a roof over your head (thank goodness you're dealing with his parents and not a landlord or property managment company) then you might want to think about what you CAN trust him to do in terms of taking care of his family. That's the ONE thing a man should be able to do with no problem especially if his wife isn't working. Even if you don't have A/C, he at least needs to provide a ROOF.
Thank you.
So many excuses... men generally not good at paying bills? Well, maybe OP's man, but not men in general.
FH already has a fat retirement account set up compared to my little chump change 401K... although I will clearly be aware of what's going on with our finances and play my role, he has proven to me that he is clearly quite skilled at not only paying bills, but managing his money so well that he has more than enough for a rainy day.
Money management skills are not based on gender. In some cases, the man is better and in others, the woman is better. Anyone who thinks that "men in general" aren't good with bills, well... they need to acquaint themselves with other men (in a general sense) and get the real deal. Or stop being in denial.
awhyley
Well-Known Member
There are two things in particular that a wife should know about her spouse, where he spends his time and what he spends his money on. The highlighted is NOT to be taken lightly.
Just wanted to highlight this as well, esp. since you're going back to work soon. Please try to get a handle on his situation before you make any further decisions. You're at a critical point right now.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
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