Men & Money: Married Advice
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LadyPaniolo
New Member
If you are thinking he's interested in 2 wives, then he almost certainly is. If you suspect it, he's doing it. And using only cash? He KNOWS he's doing dirt and won't leave a paper trail because he's covering his tracks.
He won't pay bills, he's hiding money, probably cheating, AND is belligerent about hiding the information. It's as plain as the nose on your face.
I hate to say it, but divorce is imminent. He may be just trying to get his situation right and force YOU to file. Courts treat primary breadwinners better if the nonworking spouse files than the other way around. If he can provoke YOU to file, esp if you start working first, he's cut his financial responsibility to you by maybe 30%.
I'm so sorry to say these things. This is a sad situation for you and the kids. But at least you know what's up and you won't be blindsided.
I can understand 2 views on the working. If you start working you won't be sitting there literally penniless b/c he could refuse to pay your alimony. But if you do start working he won't even have any alimony to pay to begin with.
ETA: if you start working your child support award will be lower, since you will be expected to provide 50% of the children's expenses.
It's sad when you have to think like that but in most cases a woman should always have it in the back of her mind. I love my husband to death but I know he would keep my barefoot and pregnant if he had his way. I know I can support two kids on my own if I have to.
Oh, you mean our life... yeah that's a whole 'nother issue that I try not to think about too much. If we are saving money to move on it's less bothersome.
If you are thinking he's interested in 2 wives, then he almost certainly is. If you suspect it, he's doing it. And using only cash? He KNOWS he's doing dirt and won't leave a paper trail because he's covering his tracks.
He won't pay bills, he's hiding money, probably cheating, AND is belligerent about hiding the information. It's as plain as the nose on your face.
I hate to say it, but divorce is imminent. He may be just trying to get his situation right and force YOU to file. Courts treat primary breadwinners better if the nonworking spouse files than the other way around. If he can provoke YOU to file, esp if you start working first, he's cut his financial responsibility to you by maybe 30%.
I'm so sorry to say these things. This is a sad situation for you and the kids. But at least you know what's up and you won't be blindsided.
I can understand 2 views on the working. If you start working you won't be sitting there literally penniless b/c he could refuse to pay your alimony. But if you do start working he won't even have any alimony to pay to begin with.
ETA: if you start working your child support award will be lower, since you will be expected to provide 50% of the children's expenses.
This is exactly what I saw happen.
Men some dirty lowdown dawgs.I'm just curious, but feel free not to answer if I am being too nosy, do you all have a plan laid out for what you would like to acquire (meaning we would like to move in our own apartment in 3 months, we would like to get a car in 6 months, and we are doing this to make it happen)? If not, would you be willing to try this and see if it inspires action?
southerncitygirl
Well-Known Member
somethings fishy.....it could be any of the things the op's have mentioned.....i hope your tubes are tied, cause i would hate for you to get pregnant again while all this foolishness has run amuck and save everything you can so you can prepare to make your exit with the kiddies. where is all his money going? does he hang out socially outside of work......that is if he really has a job. have you seen paystubs or been up to this job? if you can afford it get a private investigator to follow him around for a few days or maybe even a week.if you can't afford it could you borrow the cash from someone? i'm sorry if i'm being kinda harsh but he is being really nonchalant about taking care of his home/family and that doesn't equal up to a real man in my eyes....i want whats best for you and the babies mentally, physically and emotionally...your relationship is operating on dysfunction.
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
It's probably because they're completely aware of whatever shadiness is going on. Obviously their loyalty is to him, not their DIL or perhaps even more importantly - the grandchildren
carolinetwin
Member
wow...I'm not married, but some of you treat marriage like a business contract where you look at how onerous the termination fees are. It’s making me open my eyes for when it’s my turn. I will always handle my business
Nothing other than that to say, except good luck with whatever you decide to do OP
Nothing other than that to say, except good luck with whatever you decide to do OP
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
OP, how long have ya'll been married, how old are you and how old are your kids? What happened that put you guys in thias position? Is this something that is just a result of life's misfortunes or has your circmstance been along these lines from day one?
If they haven't been like this, could he be depressed? Could he be lashing out or not dealing with "life"' because of whatever catapulted ya'll into this situation?
If they haven't been like this, could he be depressed? Could he be lashing out or not dealing with "life"' because of whatever catapulted ya'll into this situation?
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It's probably because they're completely aware of whatever shadiness is going on. Obviously their loyalty is to him, not their DIL or perhaps even more importantly - the grandchildren
I have seen it time and time again with my family and esp these Lewis'. They will support their own, it doesn't matter how wrong they are.
Be careful of the family you marry into ladies.
LadyPaniolo
New Member
It's probably because they're completely aware of whatever shadiness is going on. Obviously their loyalty is to him, not their DIL or perhaps even more importantly - the grandchildren
You are so right. During a divorce the man usually hides money with his MOM.
If you are thinking he's interested in 2 wives, then he almost certainly is. If you suspect it, he's doing it. And using only cash? He KNOWS he's doing dirt and won't leave a paper trail because he's covering his tracks.
He won't pay bills, he's hiding money, probably cheating, AND is belligerent about hiding the information. It's as plain as the nose on your face.
I hate to say it, but divorce is imminent. He may be just trying to get his situation right and force YOU to file. Courts treat primary breadwinners better if the nonworking spouse files than the other way around. If he can provoke YOU to file, esp if you start working first, he's cut his financial responsibility to you by maybe 30%.
I'm so sorry to say these things. This is a sad situation for you and the kids. But at least you know what's up and you won't be blindsided.
I can understand 2 views on the working. If you start working you won't be sitting there literally penniless b/c he could refuse to pay your alimony. But if you do start working he won't even have any alimony to pay to begin with.
ETA: if you start working your child support award will be lower, since you will be expected to provide 50% of the children's expenses.
Hmmm, I don't want to think that divorce is eminate,emminent (sp?) because marriage is hard and people go through hard times. It probably doesn't help that all last year I said I was leaving but I changed my mind. I want it to work.
I need to work though because I hate not having any money and I can't let my credit get ruined.
As far as his second wife is concerned I think that's more of a work in progress if anything. He might like someone at work but it hasn't gone anywhere.
brownelovely
Well-Known Member
Who knows what he's telling them?
erplexedThey may be unaware of the truth as much as OP. I would hate to think they would cover for some foolishness. Husband may be dishing them excuses just like he's avoiding telling OP when he's going to pay the bills. Hell, he may not even be working
brownelovely
Well-Known Member
Not that you know of. Sorry to be harsh but he's a sneaky one and he's showing you by not taking care of his family.
LadyPaniolo
New Member
I hope you are right on all counts. But a woman's intuition is almost always right... sadly we ( self included) talk ourselves out of the truth that's under our nose.
Keen
Well-Known Member
My two cents:
Write down all the family expenses on a piece of paper. Find a bible verse in the old testament that says a husband is suppose to take care of his family. Tell him he has to take care of his responsibility if he wants to live by the word.
If that doesn't work... He is just using the bible as a front.
Write down all the family expenses on a piece of paper. Find a bible verse in the old testament that says a husband is suppose to take care of his family. Tell him he has to take care of his responsibility if he wants to live by the word.
If that doesn't work... He is just using the bible as a front.
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Well he told me that he didn't pay the rent last month and then his mother asked me about this month today. I mentioned that he didn't pay last month before she did so I don't know if that's entirely true. But I yeah I speak with his parents. She thinks he got fired but I don't believe that.
You should definitely treat marriage like a business contract, because it is. Love is good, but you have to take care of business.
We are American and he has carribbean roots.
Keen, I am a little rusty on the bible, do you have any verses I can use?
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Why not? That would make perfect sense - and be a much better reason for him to have not paid the rent than some foolishness. And in this economy - well, folks are losing their jobs left and right, even still.
He should be at work now, yes? Call him. 
We are a relatively new couple and the kids are young. We have not been unfortunate and these were all concious desicions for the most part. The pregnancies were sort of a shock but a welcome shock.
ladylibra_30
Well-Known Member
Reading that OP made my whole entire arse hurt.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
awhyley
Well-Known Member
This is a real eye-opening thread.
(I figured he had Caribbean roots the minute you started with that Old Testament thing)
This is shocking and unbelievable. So, they didn't have to pay a dime just because she was working? What about all those years they were together? Doesn't that count for everything in the court system?
Why is that? If the situation is miserable enough for the non-working spouse to file, then they should get MORE imo, not less.
I agree, and OP, I hope that this is just the case of a job loss. He can always get another job, in time; but if he has another woman, then you might as well call this marriage quits, because he already has.
(I figured he had Caribbean roots the minute you started with that Old Testament thing)
This is shocking and unbelievable. So, they didn't have to pay a dime just because she was working? What about all those years they were together? Doesn't that count for everything in the court system? Why is that? If the situation is miserable enough for the non-working spouse to file, then they should get MORE imo, not less.Why not? That would make perfect sense - and be a much better reason for him to have not paid the rent than some foolishness. And in this economy - well, folks are losing their jobs left and right, even still.
I agree, and OP, I hope that this is just the case of a job loss. He can always get another job, in time; but if he has another woman, then you might as well call this marriage quits, because he already has.
Bachelorette
New Member
Maybe he did lose his job and feels too bad about it to tell you.
No fighting words just yet, find out the truth. Even call up work or something and see whats going on.
No fighting words just yet, find out the truth. Even call up work or something and see whats going on.
Bachelorette
New Member
This is a real eye-opening thread.
(I figured he had Caribbean roots the minute you started with that Old Testament thing)
.
What does this mean though?
cos when OT was mentioned
I thought
- he's tithing most of the money
-he lost his job and he doesnt feel man enough anymore and doesnt wanna admit it
I mean what else could it be
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