Is Life This Hard In The Dating Streets?

Crackers Phinn said:
Women’s self esteem doesn’t force these dudes to act like savages. The men came to the table like that and were going to try it regardless.

So yeah, that is indeed how bad it is out there.
Click to expand...

You are being hyperbolic. Savage behavior would be akin to beating, kidnapping, raping, etc. These men were uncouth and poorly behaved. However, in all these (unbelievably outrageous) scenarios, these women reward the males by giving them play, despite the males displaying zero effort. This only reinforces the male's negative behaviors because why should they try hard if women are going to tolerate the tomfoolery. If the women walked away and ended the encounter from the get, the males would eventually learn that their behaviors are unacceptable and change their ways, or die a lonely death. Dating is about learning what behaviors are necessary to gain the desired objective-sex. If girls are sleeping with men who made no effort to win their affection, then they too play a role is this whole sad state of affairs.

So the low self esteem does play a role because none of these stories should have made it past the first sentence. Dude came to the table with nothing but trash, yes. But when people see trash, they are usually repulsed and head in the opposite direction. Its poor self esteem that allows a woman to look trash in the eye and think 'I can work with this.'
 
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AnjelLuvsUBabe said:
Posting for emphasis, just uploaded to the Single ladies thread... These men are something else...


8a579385-1aa6-4a44-95c6-2c7a7a875b16-jpeg.431481
a
Click to expand...

But that's great. Assholes have always been in existence. Now they are more apparent and brazen, allowing you to weed them out with the utmost speed. It's like wearing a MAGA cap-they wave their "I'm a time waster" flag from the very start. I'm glad you thanked him, he did you a favor.
 
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The ironic/hypocritical part about the negative behavior is: some black males get mad, and bash us, because most black women are winning. We’re succeeding in education, law enforcement, medicine, etc.

Instead of getting some business and excelling, some want to keep playing games. I guess it’s easier to play as long as some women keep obliging them. Some folks would rather play games then put time into something worthwhile.

I only tell my girlfriends once about these males, after that I don’t want to hear it. We show and tell our children everyday. I just hope it’s sinking in with the children, while they’re still young.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Lmao @ "ethically"
Click to expand...
You learn something new every day. Apparently this is a real term :look:

6 Varieties of Ethical Non-Monogamy

By Gracie X
n-THREE-PEOPLE-BED-628x314.jpg


I am all for more language to describe love and the varieties of innovative ways to do relationships and chosen family. “Ethical non-monogamy“ is a great term that encompasses all the ways that you can consciously, with agreement and consent from all involved, explore love and sex with multiple people.

So here’s a simple list to categorize the many flavors of ethical non-monogamy:

1) Polyamory This word literally means loving many. Polyamorous people are usually interested in living together and growing deeper bonds. A household can be any configuration. Two women + one man, etc. A “quad” or foursome, and groups larger in size with various agreements. How can you not love this word and idea?

2) Swinging The general idea is that you engage in sex play, but aren’t looking to develop a long-term relationship. Some swingers are in a committed relationship and go to swing parties together to find a single or a couple to play with.

3) Polyfidelity is used to describe a closed set of relationships, whether a triad, a quad or more. You are sexually exclusive with the people in the relationship “system.”

4) Primary Relationships and Secondary Relationships Some people configure their relationships with a central (primary) relationship and one that is more “on the side” (secondary). Others find these distinctions insulting, making the secondary person feel, well, secondary.

5) Sexually Monogamous Polyamory Hang in there, did I just confuse you? There are folks who have a beloved that they are married to or live with, and also have someone else that they are in love with and/or have a deep erotic attraction to but do not have sex with. Everyone involved is fully on board with the arrangement. You could say these practitioners are sexually monogamous but emotionally polyamorous.

6) Open Marriage This is somewhat of an umbrella term that encompasses many different arrangements and agreements. Typically, it means that there is some flexibility in the marriage to explore sexual encounters and/or relationships with others. But again, the setup can look vastly different from one open marriage to the next. Some open marriages lean toward poly with deeper ties to lovers, others lean toward swinging with more fleeting sexual encounters.

7) Everything in Between Just when you thought this was going to be simple! People are unique in building their communities and constructing all kinds of setups: friends with benefits, married and dating, polyfidelity with some swinging occasionally, and so on. Someone recently wrote me: “We opened our marriage and now we are doing something equidistant from poly to swinging.” The varieties are endless.

I offer this list to share all the creativity out there. It’s meant to give some names to the different ways we can make intimate connections with others — because, why not broaden the possibilities for who we choose to love? — and how we can set it up to creatively meet all the needs of those involved. But, please remember people don’t fit into neat little categories. Labels are ultimately for cans of soup. So be authentic, and do it your way!
 
OhTall1 said:
You learn something new every day. Apparently this is a real term :look:

6 Varieties of Ethical Non-Monogamy

By Gracie X
n-THREE-PEOPLE-BED-628x314.jpg


I am all for more language to describe love and the varieties of innovative ways to do relationships and chosen family. “Ethical non-monogamy“ is a great term that encompasses all the ways that you can consciously, with agreement and consent from all involved, explore love and sex with multiple people.

So here’s a simple list to categorize the many flavors of ethical non-monogamy:

1) Polyamory This word literally means loving many. Polyamorous people are usually interested in living together and growing deeper bonds. A household can be any configuration. Two women + one man, etc. A “quad” or foursome, and groups larger in size with various agreements. How can you not love this word and idea?

2) Swinging The general idea is that you engage in sex play, but aren’t looking to develop a long-term relationship. Some swingers are in a committed relationship and go to swing parties together to find a single or a couple to play with.

3) Polyfidelity is used to describe a closed set of relationships, whether a triad, a quad or more. You are sexually exclusive with the people in the relationship “system.”

4) Primary Relationships and Secondary Relationships Some people configure their relationships with a central (primary) relationship and one that is more “on the side” (secondary). Others find these distinctions insulting, making the secondary person feel, well, secondary.

5) Sexually Monogamous Polyamory Hang in there, did I just confuse you? There are folks who have a beloved that they are married to or live with, and also have someone else that they are in love with and/or have a deep erotic attraction to but do not have sex with. Everyone involved is fully on board with the arrangement. You could say these practitioners are sexually monogamous but emotionally polyamorous.

6) Open Marriage This is somewhat of an umbrella term that encompasses many different arrangements and agreements. Typically, it means that there is some flexibility in the marriage to explore sexual encounters and/or relationships with others. But again, the setup can look vastly different from one open marriage to the next. Some open marriages lean toward poly with deeper ties to lovers, others lean toward swinging with more fleeting sexual encounters.

7) Everything in Between Just when you thought this was going to be simple! People are unique in building their communities and constructing all kinds of setups: friends with benefits, married and dating, polyfidelity with some swinging occasionally, and so on. Someone recently wrote me: “We opened our marriage and now we are doing something equidistant from poly to swinging.” The varieties are endless.

I offer this list to share all the creativity out there. It’s meant to give some names to the different ways we can make intimate connections with others — because, why not broaden the possibilities for who we choose to love? — and how we can set it up to creatively meet all the needs of those involved. But, please remember people don’t fit into neat little categories. Labels are ultimately for cans of soup. So be authentic, and do it your way!
Click to expand...

Yeah.....some real BS. I call it "freaks." :lol:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Women’s self esteem doesn’t force these dudes to act like savages. The men came to the table like that and were going to try it regardless.

So yeah, that is indeed how bad it is out there.
Click to expand...

This ^^^

It is that bad out here. Dude doesn't have to lick a sucker just because he sees one. They're trash and I hope those poor women find some love so they can not desperately chase men even after they show they're butts.
 
jerseyhaircare said:
You are being hyperbolic. Savage behavior would be akin to beating, kidnapping, raping, etc. These men were uncouth and poorly behaved. However, in all these (unbelievably outrageous) scenarios, these women reward the males by giving them play, despite the males displaying zero effort. This only reinforces the male's negative behaviors because why should they try hard if women are going to tolerate the tomfoolery. If the women walked away and ended the encounter from the get, the males would eventually learn that their behaviors are unacceptable and change their ways, or die a lonely death. Dating is about learning what behaviors are necessary to gain the desired objective-sex. If girls are sleeping with men who made no effort to win their affection, then they too play a role is this whole sad state of affairs.

So the low self esteem does play a role because none of these stories should have made it past the first sentence.
Click to expand...
Nope. I said what I said: Men. Act. Like. Savages. In. These. Dating. Streets. When women are approached by nothing but savages because their behavior is just swept under the rug as "being poorly behaved" instead of the psychological terrorism that it is and then told nonsense like she is what she attracts (even though Negging 101/PUA tells men to target the "best" woman they come across). At some point the average "tired of it all" woman is going to pick the least savage of all the savages and try to make the best of it. The savage quotient in the dating pool is for every teaspoon of Russell Wilson you're going to find an Olympic size pool full of Nayvideus'.

Quite frankly I'm on board with sex and baby strikes until these dudes get some act right. Problem is men got a back up plan, in the form of women who will run forward to reinforce that good old fashion black guilt into women for having standards. One way or another, none of us are strangers to the concept of "work with a brotha" and 9 times out of 10 it came from women close to us not random hotep strangers.

I'm out here matchmaking for half a dozen nieces from teenagers to heading into their 30's and when I tell you that I'm starting to believe the one match I made was the result of divine intervention because there is something seriously wrong with the average dude who considers himself "a good man" out in these streets.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Nope. I said what I said: Men. Act. Like. Savages. In. These. Dating. Streets. When women are approached by nothing but savages because their behavior is just swept under the rug as "being poorly behaved" instead of the psychological terrorism that it is and then told nonsense like she is what she attracts (even though Negging 101/PUA tells men to target the "best" woman they come across). At some point the average "tired of it all" woman is going to pick the least savage of all the savages and try to make the best of it. The savage quotient in the dating pool is for every teaspoon of Russell Wilson you're going to find an Olympic size pool full of Nayvideus'.

Quite frankly I'm on board with sex and baby strikes until these dudes get some act right. Problem is men got a back up plan, in the form of women who will run forward to reinforce that good old fashion black guilt into women for having standards. One way or another, none of us are strangers to the concept of "work with a brotha" and 9 times out of 10 it came from women close to us not random hotep strangers.

I'm out here matchmaking for half a dozen nieces from teenagers to heading into their 30's and when I tell you that I'm starting to believe the one match I made was the result of divine intervention because there is something seriously wrong with the average dude who considers himself "a good man" out in these streets.
Click to expand...

Perhaps its a matter of perspective. When I dated, there were plenty of worthless men approaching me, but I knew my worth and had no problem not wasting my precious time on them. I never felt like I had no options and most men I dated were generally hard working, good people who treated me right-just didn't work out. Maybe it's because I was raised to be selective and marriage minded, so I never felt the need to lower my standards. And seeing my younger cousins and coworkers getting married every day makes me know that there are still decent men out there.

Yes, dating is hard if you have standards. However, if you have low to no standards, like the women in the OP, then dating is quite easy since the world is full of unworthy males.
 
jerseyhaircare said:
Perhaps its a matter of perspective. When I dated, there were plenty of worthless men approaching me, but I knew my worth and had no problem not wasting my precious time on them. I never felt like I had no options and most men I dated were generally hard working, good people who treated me right-just didn't work out. Maybe it's because I was raised to be selective and marriage minded, so I never felt the need to lower my standards. And seeing my younger cousins and coworkers getting married every day makes me know that there are still decent men out there.

Yes, dating is hard if you have standards. However, if you have low to no standards, like the women in the OP, then dating is quite easy since the world is full of unworthy males.
Click to expand...
How old were you when you got married?
 
The scenarios in the OP are ridiculous -especially the dude that came early and ate.

The worst I have discussed with my friends are men playing bait and switch. They take you to very expensive dinners 2 or three times and then try to maneuver a netflix and chill relationship. I don't know anyone who has fallen for the trick.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Nope. I said what I said: Men. Act. Like. Savages. In. These. Dating. Streets. When women are approached by nothing but savages because their behavior is just swept under the rug as "being poorly behaved" instead of the psychological terrorism that it is and then told nonsense like she is what she attracts (even though Negging 101/PUA tells men to target the "best" woman they come across). At some point the average "tired of it all" woman is going to pick the least savage of all the savages and try to make the best of it.
The savage quotient in the dating pool is for every teaspoon of Russell Wilson you're going to find an Olympic size pool full of Nayvideus'.
Quite frankly I'm on board with sex and baby strikes until these dudes get some act right. Problem is men got a back up plan, in the form of women who will run forward to reinforce that good old fashion black guilt into women for having standards. One way or another, none of us are strangers to the concept of "work with a brotha" and 9 times out of 10 it came from women close to us not random hotep strangers.

I'm out here matchmaking for half a dozen nieces from teenagers to heading into their 30's and when I tell you that I'm starting to believe the one match I made was the result of divine intervention because there is something seriously wrong with the average dude who considers himself "a good man" out in these streets.
Click to expand...

Ma'am all these truths......


707bef512b30f8cb3f31b08c5534abd0.gif
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Nope. I said what I said: Men. Act. Like. Savages. In. These. Dating. Streets. When women are approached by nothing but savages because their behavior is just swept under the rug as "being poorly behaved" instead of the psychological terrorism that it is and then told nonsense like she is what she attracts (even though Negging 101/PUA tells men to target the "best" woman they come across). At some point the average "tired of it all" woman is going to pick the least savage of all the savages and try to make the best of it. The savage quotient in the dating pool is for every teaspoon of Russell Wilson you're going to find an Olympic size pool full of Nayvideus'.

Quite frankly I'm on board with sex and baby strikes until these dudes get some act right. Problem is men got a back up plan, in the form of women who will run forward to reinforce that good old fashion black guilt into women for having standards. One way or another, none of us are strangers to the concept of "work with a brotha" and 9 times out of 10 it came from women close to us not random hotep strangers.

I'm out here matchmaking for half a dozen nieces from teenagers to heading into their 30's and wh en I think ell you that I'm starting to believe the one match I made was the result of divine intervention because there is something seriously wrong with the average dude who considers himself "a good man" out in these streets.
Click to expand...
And I agree with everything you said.
 
Yeah I have to agree...although these men are garbage, they can afford to get away with it because some women let them. I recently started back on the dating scene and it's hard because some of these guys act super entitled, and I have been wondering, "what kind of women are putting up with this mess that you are even bold enough to ask me these things?" I'm glad these dudes are showing their true colors up front because it saves me the wasted time.

I have stories for days of the nonsense I've had to put up with guys even before the initial meeting.
 
Unless this involves a loved one, why does it matter if it's hard out in the dating world if you don't have to date? It didn't sound like they were asking for advice. Yes, they are lonely. If I saw a baby stumbling, I wouldn't be like "Damn, is it that hard to walk?" Those women are still developing. They don't need criticism or smugness.
 
AnjelLuvsUBabe said:
Posting for emphasis, just uploaded to the Single ladies thread... These men are something else...


8a579385-1aa6-4a44-95c6-2c7a7a875b16-jpeg.431481
a
Click to expand...

Reminds me of the time a guy said he's being in a non committed open relationship with someone for the last 8 years and he lives with her and he's very honest with her. And they love their cat.

He then asked me if that would be an issue and could we go out? I was like... Que? :cool:
 
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Gin&Tonic said:
The scenarios in the OP are ridiculous -especially the dude that came early and ate.

The worst I have discussed with my friends are men playing bait and switch. They take you to very expensive dinners 2 or three times and then try to maneuver a netflix and chill relationship. I don't know anyone who has fallen for the trick.
Click to expand...

I know someone who goes out on one date or maybe a movie and then maneuvers a Netflix and chill relationship. She invites them over, cooks food and what not but they never go on a date again. She also never goes to their place. I have no idea why she keeps doing that.
 
jerseyhaircare said:
But that's great. Assholes have always been in existence. Now they are more apparent and brazen, allowing you to weed them out with the utmost speed. It's like wearing a MAGA-they wave their "I'm a time waster" flag from the very start. I'm glad you thanked him, he did you a favor.
Click to expand...
You and I are >< here. It is better to see them coming. Thank them for foolishly telling you everything up front. They have given you a head start to run in the opposite direction :lol: .
 
Ipanema said:
Unless this involves a loved one, why does it matter if it's hard out in the dating world if you don't have to date? It didn't sound like they were asking for advice. Yes, they are lonely. If I saw a baby stumbling, I wouldn't be like "Damn, is it that hard to walk?" Those women are still developing. They don't need criticism or smugness.
Click to expand...

True. This is why it took me so long to respond. I responded after a length of conversation where we were just going into the basics about standards in relationships versus harping on the original tragic post (while still keeping it in mind "generally").
 
OhTall1 said:
You learn something new every day. Apparently this is a real term :look:

6 Varieties of Ethical Non-Monogamy

By Gracie X
n-THREE-PEOPLE-BED-628x314.jpg


I am all for more language to describe love and the varieties of innovative ways to do relationships and chosen family. “Ethical non-monogamy“ is a great term that encompasses all the ways that you can consciously, with agreement and consent from all involved, explore love and sex with multiple people.

So here’s a simple list to categorize the many flavors of ethical non-monogamy:

1) Polyamory This word literally means loving many. Polyamorous people are usually interested in living together and growing deeper bonds. A household can be any configuration. Two women + one man, etc. A “quad” or foursome, and groups larger in size with various agreements. How can you not love this word and idea?

2) Swinging The general idea is that you engage in sex play, but aren’t looking to develop a long-term relationship. Some swingers are in a committed relationship and go to swing parties together to find a single or a couple to play with.

3) Polyfidelity is used to describe a closed set of relationships, whether a triad, a quad or more. You are sexually exclusive with the people in the relationship “system.”

4) Primary Relationships and Secondary Relationships Some people configure their relationships with a central (primary) relationship and one that is more “on the side” (secondary). Others find these distinctions insulting, making the secondary person feel, well, secondary.

5) Sexually Monogamous Polyamory Hang in there, did I just confuse you? There are folks who have a beloved that they are married to or live with, and also have someone else that they are in love with and/or have a deep erotic attraction to but do not have sex with. Everyone involved is fully on board with the arrangement. You could say these practitioners are sexually monogamous but emotionally polyamorous.

6) Open Marriage This is somewhat of an umbrella term that encompasses many different arrangements and agreements. Typically, it means that there is some flexibility in the marriage to explore sexual encounters and/or relationships with others. But again, the setup can look vastly different from one open marriage to the next. Some open marriages lean toward poly with deeper ties to lovers, others lean toward swinging with more fleeting sexual encounters.

7) Everything in Between Just when you thought this was going to be simple! People are unique in building their communities and constructing all kinds of setups: friends with benefits, married and dating, polyfidelity with some swinging occasionally, and so on. Someone recently wrote me: “We opened our marriage and now we are doing something equidistant from poly to swinging.” The varieties are endless.

I offer this list to share all the creativity out there. It’s meant to give some names to the different ways we can make intimate connections with others — because, why not broaden the possibilities for who we choose to love? — and how we can set it up to creatively meet all the needs of those involved. But, please remember people don’t fit into neat little categories. Labels are ultimately for cans of soup. So be authentic, and do it your way!
Click to expand...

Negging, now this. I can't take it. How is an uninformed woman supposed to last out here?

giphy.gif


@Crackers Phinn, that term "psychological terrorism" is spot on.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
True. This is why it took me so long to respond. I responded after a length of conversation where we were just going into the basics about standards in relationships versus harping on the original tragic post (while still keeping it in mind "generally").
Click to expand...

I'll take your hint and leave those poor girls alone, lol. But I do like productive conversations, so I'll move to generalizations and personal experiences. I spent most of this week thinking about standards and how they were imparted upon me. I'll have to first credit my parents-letting me know that there were quality men vs bum men and they would only accept me dating someone of quality. Church and catholic school also helped me know that I was special and my body was a prize to be protected and not given away lightly. Then I'd credit environment-I grew up around my family and the church so I only saw intact nuclear families raising children with the understanding that our job in life was to become educated and later on married.

I thought it was super old fashioned when I was a teen, but looking back, it helped me look at males as potential life mates and weed them out accordingly. It made me decide to wait as long as possible to have sex since I knew the boys of HS and college were only looking for fun and not a serious relationship. It also taught me that I was to be wooed and basics like opening doors, pulling out chairs, and paying for meals are the bare minimum. Unfortunately, they didn't teach me where to find men, so I stuck to dating men either from church, school, or work. Of course I made mistakes and had to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince, but I never dealt with poor behavior prior to dating because I knew that if a guy wanted the end goal of sex from me, he had to show me he was worth my time and effort. Being surrounded by good males in my current life including family, friends, and coworkers still tell me that there are plenty of good men out there and women have to be diligent about screening and deciding who is worth their time. I tell my husband his job is to bolster our daughters egos and give them security so they'll know they are not to be messed with when they are old enough to date.
 
LivingInPeace said:
I feel like a lot of women like to see ourselves as victims of men with no personal agency.
Click to expand...

Agree. I always saw dating as a two way street. He shows me what he has to offer and I chose if I want to engage. I rarely dated strangers, and if I did, I would always make sure that we talked on the phone for at least a week to make sure he knew how to carry a conversation and was worth my time. Screened out a lot of dullards and narcissists that way.

I was sometimes flummoxed and annoyed when I was dating, but never felt like I lacked power.
 
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