Is It Wrong Not to Go Outta Your Way to See Someone?

[SimpleKomplexity]

I have this guy. I completely adored him. He's not smart. He's not responsible. He doesn't go to church or have strong Christian values, but he has great conversation and an amazing personality. I think what attracted me to him his the fact that his parents are disabled, and they are his role models because they never let a disability stop them. (Same thing with me.) Anyway, his amazing personality had my guielded from the fact that he doesn't possess any of the characteristics that I love for.

So, I kept hinting that I like him (MISTAKE #1- I should have let him express intrest in ME not that other way around) Well a week after my semi proclamation, he started dating another girl.

A month or two later he broke up with the girl and started spending a lot of time with me. (I really should have made him work hard for my time since he continued to flirt wit me after I told him hwo I felt but then started dating another girl.) I began to start back flirting with him. My guy friend told me I should tell him how I feel directly. I had initially said no, because I told the guy from the beginning that I'm not one who will go up and tell you exactly how I feel unless I am SURE that you feel the same.

Against my initial judgement, I told the boy that I was krazy about him. He replied, "Oh." and the next week he was going with my friend. I feel like he could have gave em an answer or even acknowledged what I said instead of being so blase and trampling my feelings.

This is the elementary ish right here. He told the girl that I am his girlfriend on the side. erplexed And I told him no siree! I guess he expected me to say, "REALLY?!" and b content, but it just seemed like he was just tryna have things his way. Have his cake and eat it too.

The girl moved away. He drove 4 hrs to see her and 4 hrs back. I love 15-29 miles from where he works. I haven't seen him ONCE since the summer let out.

Now he wants me to drive 30 minutes to see him tommorrow. I want to say no because I have summer school, could be doing something else with my life, and I feel that he works 15 minutes away from my house, why can't he drop by and see me after work if he misses me so much. I have to go see him? I think it's just like he's stringing me along like a puppy to see what I'll do.

Is it wrong to not go tommorrow? He lives 30 minutes away. I just feel like this is one of those: He's just not that into things. I wanna be friends with this guy, but not close close friends, and I want to make him understand that I'm not finna chase him like I did before.

 

[Bunny77]

Uh, I think you know the answer.

He can drive 8 hours roundtrip to see someone else but can't drive 30 minutes to see you.

Answer your own question.

 

[LoveLiLi]

You flirt with him and tell him that you're crazy about him and his response is "Oh". And on top of that he's chosen to date two other women...

You shouldn't go see him - ever. If he was interested he most likely would have asked you out as soon as you gave him a signal by flirting and he definitely would have asked you out when you straight out told him how you feel.

Also, why are you thinking about going to see him if he is/was dating your friend?

It doesn't sound as though he likes you romantically... it seems like he is just toying with you or testing the waters to see if you'll agree to a background role as his sideline 'friend'.

 

[HAIRapy]

I'm confused. How could you adore a man who is not smart, responsible, or have the same religious values that you have if that's important to you? Sounds like you'd have better luck chucking him and hanging out with his disabled parents.

 

[BotanyGrl]

I'm confused. How could you adore a man who is not smart, responsible, or have the same religious values that you have if that's important to you? Sounds like you'd have better luck chucking him and hanging out with his disabled parents.

I'm confused too. I stopped reading after the not smart or responsible statement. SK, just going off your posts... I think you need to focus on yourself 100% and leave guys alone for awhile.

 

[HAIRapy]

Is it wrong to not go tommorrow? He lives 30 minutes away. I just feel like this is one of those: He's just not that into things. I wanna be friends with this guy, but not close close friends, and I want to make him understand that I'm not finna chase him like I did before.

SK, I wish I was near you right now because I swear I would grab you by the shoulders and shake you. HE IS PLAYING YOU GIRL! If I were you, I'd rather lick a Canal St. (in NY) sidewalk than to drive to see him.

He has not expressed any feelings for you. He had no reaction when you shared yours and IS STILL trying to see the other chick. AND on top of all the other crap, he told her that you are his side piece?? I just gotta know, how did you find out he told her that? Please do not tell me that he admitted to you that he said that.

I still don't get why you're so into a dumb wanna-be player. You're into him because his disabled parents are his role models... they're his parents- they're supposed to be his role models.

I'm sorry, I just had to come back and read your post again and comment again. He is trying to play you and if I were you, I wouldn't be his friend anymore. Is this the same selfish dude you were talking about before saying you wasn't sure if you should remain his friend?

 

[SUPER SWEET]

I have this guy. I completely adored him. He's not smart. He's not responsible. He doesn't go to church or have strong Christian values, but he has great conversation and an amazing personality. I think what attracted me to him his the fact that his parents are disabled, and they are his role models because they never let a disability stop them. (Same thing with me.) Anyway, his amazing personality had my guielded from the fact that he doesn't possess any of the characteristics that I love for.

So, I kept hinting that I like him (MISTAKE #1- I should have let him express intrest in ME not that other way around) Well a week after my semi proclamation, he started dating another girl.

A month or two later he broke up with the girl and started spending a lot of time with me. (I really should have made him work hard for my time since he continued to flirt wit me after I told him hwo I felt but then started dating another girl.) I began to start back flirting with him. My guy friend told me I should tell him how I feel directly. I had initially said no, because I told the guy from the beginning that I'm not one who will go up and tell you exactly how I feel unless I am SURE that you feel the same.

Against my initial judgement, I told the boy that I was krazy about him. He replied, "Oh." and the next week he was going with my friend. I feel like he could have gave em an answer or even acknowledged what I said instead of being so blase and trampling my feelings.

This is the elementary ish right here. He told the girl that I am his girlfriend on the side. erplexed And I told him no siree! I guess he expected me to say, "REALLY?!" and b content, but it just seemed like he was just tryna have things his way. Have his cake and eat it too.

The girl moved away. He drove 4 hrs to see her and 4 hrs back. I love 15-29 miles from where he works. I haven't seen him ONCE since the summer let out.

Now he wants me to drive 30 minutes to see him tommorrow. I want to say no because I have summer school, could be doing something else with my life, and I feel that he works 15 minutes away from my house, why can't he drop by and see me after work if he misses me so much. I have to go see him? I think it's just like he's stringing me along like a puppy to see what I'll do.

Is it wrong to not go tommorrow? He lives 30 minutes away. I just feel like this is one of those: He's just not that into things. I wanna be friends with this guy, but not close close friends, and I want to make him understand that I'm not finna chase him like I did before.

boy he's got you sprung!

You know better than to go visit him.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm confused too. I stopped reading after the not smart or responsible statement. SK, just going off your posts... I think you need to focus on yourself 100% and leave guys alone for awhile.

I think everyone says that in almost every thread/blog she posts!

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

boy he's got you sprung!

You know better than to go visit him.

LMAO!!! I didn't even catch that typo haha

I think everyone says that in almost every thread/blog she posts!

LMAO!! HECK YEAH! That should be embedded into my brain by now!! lool But I'm not feeling him in that way anymore, but we are still "friends" and I use that word lossely. I'm not concentrating on Mr. Right right now, I'm focusing on Ms. Kris but then on the other hand if Mr. Right just shows up one day.... That is such a spinoff I've been wanting to talk about. If you are working on "yourself" wtf would you do if you miss Mr. Right? Would you put the "working on yourself" on hiatus to pursue your relationship with him or would you just let him just pass you by?

SK, I wish I was near you right now because I swear I would grab you by the shoulders and shake you. HE IS PLAYING YOU GIRL! If I were you, I'd rather lick a Canal St. (in NY) sidewalk than to drive to see him.

He has not expressed any feelings for you. He had no reaction when you shared yours and IS STILL trying to see the other chick. AND on top of all the other crap, he told her that you are his side piece?? I just gotta know, how did you find out he told her that? LOL I was on the friggin phone. He always does things like that. He also has too many "female friends" it's no way in Hades I could be in a relationship like that. I would have to put him in his place. This whole situation is just too elementary for me. That's what I get for talking to friggin SOPHOMORES when I am a SENIOR! Please do not tell me that he admitted to you that he said that.

I still don't get why you're so into a dumb wanna-be player. You're into him because his disabled parents are his role models... they're his parents- they're supposed to be his role models. Nah, I'm not into him because of his parents. I didn't evne know about his parents until he took me hoem to meet his parents. He is so cunning,street smart, and caring towards those close to him. I love that about him. That's it haha.

I'm sorry, I just had to come back and read your post again and comment again. He is trying to play you and if I were you, I wouldn't be his friend anymore. Is this the same selfish dude you were talking about before saying you wasn't sure if you should remain his friend? I don't remember. Too many deadbeats in my life that I'm not close too, but they still kinda lingering on. I'm in the process of cleaning out the closet lol.

I'm confused too. I stopped reading after the not smart or responsible statement. SK, just going off your posts... I think you need to focus on yourself 100% and leave guys alone for awhile.

Yeah Yeah Yeah. It is not possible to leave guys alone when you live in a world with them. You can't just wake up and become asexual and avoid all contact with males period looool. Unless I become a Nun. White and black don't look good on me. BUT I'm not trying to be "romantically involved" with him, btu we are still friends. He wants to see me because he hasn't seen me since we first came home for summer, I feel like that he should make the trip if he is that gun ho on it though.

I'm confused. How could you adore a man who is not smart, responsible, or have the same religious values that you have if that's important to you? Sounds like you'd have better luck chucking him and hanging out with his disabled parents.

LOL I like him because he is street smart, caring, and very very funny. He makes me laugh. But so does Comicview

You flirt with him and tell him that you're crazy about him and his response is "Oh". And on top of that he's chosen to date two other women...

You shouldn't go see him - ever. If he was interested he most likely would have asked you out as soon as you gave him a signal by flirting and he definitely would have asked you out when you straight out told him how you feel.

Also, why are you thinking about going to see him if he is/was dating your friend? Because he is my friend. I still like spending time with him, playing with his horses, going to the movies, yada yada.

It doesn't sound as though he likes you romantically... it seems like he is just toying with you or testing the waters to see if you'll agree to a background role as his sideline 'friend'. I agree with this totally.

Uh, I think you know the answer.

He can drive 8 hours roundtrip to see someone else but can't drive 30 minutes to see you.
Basically that's what it sums up to. That's exactly how I feel. I asked a guy first about this (BIG MISTAKE) and he said I should make the first move blah blah. I disagree. I'm not going

Answer your own question.

 

[BotanyGrl]

I think everyone says that in almost every thread/blog she posts!

Thanks, I'm going to stay out of OP's future threads

 

[NYAmicas]

You already know SK. I agree with each and every post in here too.

 

[Mik]

If this dude is your friend, i'd really hate to see how your enemies treat you.

 

[angenoir]

OP, the ladies' advice is spot on.
All I can add is to tell you to slow down.

Allow life to do its unfolding... You are young, work on you and when you meet people and make friends along the way, give these friendships time to grow and develop and see where they are going.

You question whether working on oneself and meeting Mr Right are mutually exclusive... No they are not. In fact Mr Right will probably be attracted to you by that very fact.
But you'll know who Mr Right is because he will respect you, love you and place you above all else, and you should at least share some core individual principles.(ie whatever is important to you)

Good luck...

PS: Oh about this present guy... I wouldn't bother if I were you...

 

[glam-]

Don't you dare go visit him. He wants to see just how pressed you are over him. And as you demonstrate that you are, he will string you along more and more. You will always be the giver in this arrangement. He really doesn't sound like he's even worth trying to have as a friend.

 

[Country gal]

LMAO!!! I didn't even catch that typo haha



LMAO!! HECK YEAH! That should be embedded into my brain by now!! lool But I'm not feeling him in that way anymore, but we are still "friends" and I use that word lossely. I'm not concentrating on Mr. Right right now, I'm focusing on Ms. Kris but then on the other hand if Mr. Right just shows up one day.... That is such a spinoff I've been wanting to talk about. If you are working on "yourself" wtf would you do if you miss Mr. Right? Would you put the "working on yourself" on hiatus to pursue your relationship with him or would you just let him just pass you by?

Focus on loving yourself and you will attract the right men. U have to have faith that God will send you the right man. You can still focus on loving yourself and being obsessed with yourself while dating a man. I am doing that now. I am growing and changing. I would get so wrapped up in a man's problem that I would put my needs and wants aside. I don't do that now. I am focused on me, myself and I.

 

[Country gal]

OP, the ladies' advice is spot on.
All I can add is to tell you to slow down.

Allow life to do its unfolding... You are young, work on you and when you meet people and make friends along the way, give these friendships time to grow and develop and see where they are going.

You question whether working on oneself and meeting Mr Right are mutually exclusive... No they are not. In fact Mr Right will probably be attracted to you by that very fact.
But you'll know who Mr Right is because he will respect you, love you and place you above all else, and you should at least share some core individual principles.(ie whatever is important to you)
Good luck...

PS: Oh about this present guy... I wouldn't bother if I were you...

Very true. I had forgotten what it meant to have a man respect you, love you and put your wants and needs first. I always had guys respect me. I know what it feels like for a man to tell you he wants you and will do anything to get and keep you. Make them wait. Let them pursue you. Men need to feel like they earned a prize. I had a guy tell me I made him wait to get my number. I didn't just give it to him, he had to earn it and it was good that I did that.

 

[awhyley]

--deleted--

Everything has already been said.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

this is an odd question coming from someone who just posted not long ago about how she doesnt chase men in another thread. sounds like ur chasing to me...

 

[Ramya]

Umm dude is not your friend. He's not trying to be a friend. He's getting kicks and giggles off of your devotion to him, seeing how far you will go for him. And what has he done as a friend? Well he's totally overlooked your feelings, he's dated not one but two other women one being your friend, and he won't even drive 15 minutes to see you. Sounds like a GREAT friend to me.

 

[HAIRapy]

SK, I HIGHLY recommend you immediately purchase and read TWICE these two booksL
and - these will educate you on the game that men play and you will be able to spot BS a mile away and not get caught up emotionally in someone who doesn't deserve your mental energy.

 

[TCatt86]

(sigh) SK baby, I say this because even though I don't know you I care for you drop this sucker. He is not your friend, he doesn't even respect you, he called you his woman on the side. You are so much better than this!!!! He's not worth the braincells it takes you to think about him. I really think you need to take a break from dating and work on you. It seems you enter into these "friendships" with the wrong type of guys and you need to figure out why.

 

[tiara76]

people don't walk all over you unless you let them

plenty of folks are laying down and trying to force peoples feet to trample them

and it has nothing to do with the other person, all yourself

to the question about working on yourself....the one thing to remember is that there is no time when you will be "perfect"....so you don't have to wait to be a certain way to find the right person for you, you may be alone forever waiting for that to happen...

you just have to focus that you want to take accountability for your overall wellbeing, treat yourself well, accept yourself where you are and how you are not WHEN you get to somewhere else with yourself....start to know yourself and who you are....and be okay with every aspect of yourself ..... when you really get into a frame of mind of self love it doesn't mean that overnite you will be instantly full of love for yourself and prince charming will show up the next day and it also doesn't mean u have to be a certain way for him to come, if one thinks that it only means that they feel as they are now isn't good enough for anybody now, which is still the same defeating mindstate

the only thing that may seem to discourage people, esp women working from the inside out is that alot of things that need to surface that aren't looked at within will show up in circumstances and experiences around you because if you switch your thoughts and are focusing on raising your vibrations whatever will not serve you has to be addressed, accepted and healed and released and those situations not looked at in the right way will seem like things are only getting "worse" which may cause one to give up on the process of self love....its an ongoing process and one doesn't have to do it alone by no means, the more you do it and the more things you get past the more you will start attracting the people who aid you in obvious positive ways.....the people who are negative no doubt aid you in everyway as well

 

[aribell]

Yeah Yeah Yeah. It is not possible to leave guys alone when you live in a world with them. You can't just wake up and become asexual and avoid all contact with males period looool. Unless I become a Nun. White and black don't look good on me. BUT I'm not trying to be "romantically involved" with him, btu we are still friends. He wants to see me because he hasn't seen me since we first came home for summer, I feel like that he should make the trip if he is that gun ho on it though.

Yes you can, it is quite possible. You make a decision, for a time, to not pursue relationships (or "friendships") with men. And then you leave them alone. If they come on to you, you're polite and friendly, but don't go beyond that. How would you act towards the opposite sex if you were already in a relationship with someone else? Treat men like that, as if you are already taken and not looking. For a time.

Then, someone who is really interested in you will have to go out of his way to get your friendship and you won't have to wonder why he's acting like x, y, and z.

LOL I like him because he is street smart, caring, and very very funny. He makes me laugh. But so does Comicview

No, he's not caring. If he told another girl that you were his girlfriend on the side, either 1) he lied about you to make himself look good, which was disrespectful, nacrissistic and immature, or 2) he actually considers you to be his girlfriend "on the side" which is equally disrespectful, narcissistic, and immature.

I think you need to write out a list of what are the baseline requirements of a "good" guy and not entertain anyone who doesn't meet the criteria. The first should be that he respects you, shown by how he speaks to you and of you, and how he treats you. Again, this guy couldn't care about you because he did not uphold your reputation when he was talking about you to others, and he didn't do anything to be with you, and even now, he's not doing anything for you.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Yes you can, it is quite possible. You make a decision, for a time, to not pursue relationships (or "friendships") with men. And then you leave them alone. If they come on to you, you're polite and friendly, but don't go beyond that. How would you act towards the opposite sex if you were already in a relationship with someone else? Treat men like that, as if you are already taken and not looking. For a time.

Then, someone who is really interested in you will have to go out of his way to get your friendship and you won't have to wonder why he's acting like x, y, and z.



No, he's not caring. If he told another girl that you were his girlfriend on the side, either 1) he lied about you to make himself look good, which was disrespectful, nacrissistic and immature, or 2) he actually considers you to be his girlfriend "on the side" which is equally disrespectful, narcissistic, and immature.

I think you need to write out a list of what are the baseline requirements of a "good" guy and not entertain anyone who doesn't meet the criteria. The first should be that he respects you, shown by how he speaks to you and of you, and how he treats you. Again, this guy couldn't care about you because he did not uphold your reputation when he was talking about you to others, and he didn't do anything to be with you, and even now, he's not doing anything for you.

I am oh so hardheaded. During the first part of your post I was kept sayin, "See this ish right here? This is how you miss out on ya blessings. " So you are telling me that while you are "Working on you." You would let Mr. Perfect slip right through your fingers. Who is to say when you are "finished" working on you. Who is to say you have worked on you enough to be successful in a relationship?

I know me, I actually have to find these answers on my own, like one what exactly is "Working on yourself?" There is no specific textbook on that matter. There are many self help books, but who is to say there is a right or wrong way to "Work on yourself." I work on myself everyday, or so I think. Doesn't any sane person do this on a day to day basis? Shouldn't you be building a person that was better than yesterday? Even if you encounter heartache and BS to get to that point, those experiences are still helping you to open your eyes and "Work on you." Sounds like a foreign language to me.

I still disagree that while Working on you, you should avoid all contact and "friendships" with men. That's like the post about 2 weeks ago. Then I'll just be a 25 year old chick with no relationship experience instead of a 21 year old chick with no relationship experience. You're still screwed. To "work on you" to me you have to evaluate the relationship you have now and decide if that is what you want in life and decide on how you want them to be and go for it. That includes learning the know to how you want to be treated and demanding that others follow it. By declining all 'friendship with males" you're still gonna b screwed because after yo supposedly finish "Working on you" you are still clueless on the relationship game so you will be making the same mistakes as before.

And just for the record just to some of the posters: I'm not trying to be in a relationship with this guy. I realized a looooong time ago that I was not attracted to him. He has none of the characteristics that I want in a man, but he does have characteristics that I like in a friend. It's a difference. He has not done anything to make me not want him as a friend. I just have a problem with how he tries to play me as a "potential girlfriend." He thinks because I "like him" I will do any and everything for him going all out of the way to please him. He is wrong. BUT He is funny, outgoing, caring, will give you the shirt off your back, and fun to be around. He does things that irk me, and I'm trying to let him know that I'm not that girl. I'm not that one that's gonna flock to him listening to his every word and hopping through his every loop because I have more respect for myself than that and more standards. I want to let him know that hence the reason why I'm not going to visit him. I feel like friendship are 50 50 and he doesn't show me that at times. He still treats me like "The girl who is crushin on me and the girl I get relationship advice from"

I agree with yall, and like I said earlier, I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I am essentially working on me, but that doesn't mean I'ma wake up one day and say to all my guy friends, "We can't be friends anymore, because I'm working on me." Wtf? Pyscho. That's not eve logical in my eyes.

 

[HAIRapy]

And just for the record just to some of the posters: I'm not trying to be in a relationship with this guy. I realized a looooong time ago that I was not attracted to him. He has none of the characteristics that I want in a man, but he does have characteristics that I like in a friend. It's a difference. He has not done anything to make me not want him as a friend. I just have a problem with how he tries to play me as a "potential girlfriend." He thinks because I "like him" I will do any and everything for him going all out of the way to please him. He is wrong. BUT He is funny, outgoing, caring, will give you the shirt off your back, and fun to be around. He does things that irk me, and I'm trying to let him know that I'm not that girl. I'm not that one that's gonna flock to him listening to his every word and hopping through his every loop because I have more respect for myself than that and more standards. I want to let him know that hence the reason why I'm not going to visit him. I feel like friendship are 50 50 and he doesn't show me that at times. He still treats me like "The girl who is crushin on me and the girl I get relationship advice from"

This is totally different than this:

So, I kept hinting that I like him (MISTAKE #1- I should have let him express intrest in ME not that other way around) Well a week after my semi proclamation, he started dating another girl.

A month or two later he broke up with the girl and started spending a lot of time with me. (I really should have made him work hard for my time since he continued to flirt wit me after I told him hwo I felt but then started dating another girl.) I began to start back flirting with him. My guy friend told me I should tell him how I feel directly. I had initially said no, because I told the guy from the beginning that I'm not one who will go up and tell you exactly how I feel unless I am SURE that you feel the same.

Against my initial judgement, I told the boy that I was krazy about him. He replied, "Oh." and the next week he was going with my friend. I feel like he could have gave em an answer or even acknowledged what I said instead of being so blase and trampling my feelings.

This is the elementary ish right here. He told the girl that I am his girlfriend on the side. erplexed And I told him no siree! I guess he expected me to say, "REALLY?!" and b content, but it just seemed like he was just tryna have things his way. Have his cake and eat it too.

The girl moved away. He drove 4 hrs to see her and 4 hrs back. I love (freudian slip?)15-29 miles from where he works. I haven't seen him ONCE since the summer let out.

The bolded does not sound like a plain male-female friendship to me. It seems like a one-sided budding romance.

I don't want to go back and forth because I'm getting lost because you're saying two different things.

For the record, I don't feel like you should avoid friendships with men. I feel like you (everyone) should avoid toxic friendships... from males AND females. Who wants a friendship that leaves you feeling confused, devalued, hurt, etc.? I know I don't.

 

[TayMac]

He's not a friend IMO. You may consider him as one but at best, it's a very uneven relationship. If he wanted to see you, he would. Period.

 

[Bunny77]

This is totally different than this:

The bolded does not sound like a plain male-female friendship to me. It seems like a one-sided budding romance.

I don't want to go back and forth because I'm getting lost because you're saying two different things.

For the record, I don't feel like you should avoid friendships with men. I feel like you (everyone) should avoid toxic friendships... from males AND females. Who wants a friendship that leaves you feeling confused, devalued, hurt, etc.? I know I don't.

Agreed with this entire post.

I don't think you should avoid friendships with men either, BUT the impression that I get is that you can't seem to keep from falling for these male "friends" you have or from relating to them in a romantic way. You don't seem capable of having mentally platonic interactions with men and you're always thinking about the possibility of something more with them.

Or you once wanted relationships with these guys, but when they weren't interested, you played a game with yourself and said, "Oh, I can just be his FRIEND," but deep down you know you really want to be with them.

If all this was just about friendships with men, you wouldn't be posting "What should I do?" threads about every dude who seems to cross your path.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

He's not a friend IMO. You may consider him as one but at best, it's a very uneven relationship. If he wanted to see you, he would. Period.

That's how I feel. When there is a will, there is a way. He was in between jobs and didn't have a lot of extra change but he found money to get gas to drive 4 hrs to see this girl and back.....but he can't drive 20 minutes to see me. It's just flawed to me. Just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Agreed with this entire post.

I don't think you should avoid friendships with men either, BUT the impression that I get is that you can't seem to keep from falling for these male "friends" you have or from relating to them in a romantic way. You don't seem capable of having mentally platonic interactions with men and you're always thinking about the possibility of something more with them.

Or you once wanted relationships with these guys, but when they weren't interested, you played a game with yourself and said, "Oh, I can just be his FRIEND," but deep down you know you really want to be with them.

If all this was just about friendships with men, you wouldn't be posting "What should I do?" threads about every dude who seems to cross your path.

I dsagree. It's really not like that, but as we all know things get looked into deeper than they actually are on LHCF. It's just like saying I was sick today and threw up, LHCF would be like...really....are you supressing your desire to eat and therefore displaying bulemic tendencies? loool. You can say point A and it will turn into point B.

I have strictly platonic relationships with guys, but I don't need help in those areas so I don't talk about them. Just like the gentleman I talked about the other day in my blog. I'm not attracted to him. He's just a friend, nothing more.

It's other guys like that that I chill with from time to time or we just talk about how our lives are going, go out, and yada yada. Nothing more. It's not many of them, but they do exist. Just because I don't talk about them doesn't mean they don't exist. Contrary to popular beliefs, I don't share ALL of my personal life on here.


And it's not a "game" about being his friend. I was his friends first, as time continued I continued to be attracted to him on a deeper level, he was not. Then I woke up and realized that I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship with my close friend, one who is very sweet caring yada yada, but when the ish hits the fan I realized he was not what I was looking for. After that I ceased the flirting and returned to platonic friends, but he doesn't quite understand how I could like him a few months back and now not be interested at all. During the time I was flirtin with him, I was NOT a rules girl @ all. I did simple unharmless things to me such as take him this place, pick up xyz for him while he was out, talked to him after 11 yada yada yada, so he tests me, but doesn't understand why I have changed up my behavior. Why don't I do the same type of things I would do yada yada

And yeah I know the answer, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unfair (I guess back up reassurance) because of my convo with a friend which involved I was too afraid to take the initial anything and have a healthy friendship with the guy.

 

[aribell]

I am oh so hardheaded. During the first part of your post I was kept sayin, "See this ish right here? This is how you miss out on ya blessings. " So you are telling me that while you are "Working on you." You would let Mr. Perfect slip right through your fingers. Who is to say when you are "finished" working on you. Who is to say you have worked on you enough to be successful in a relationship?

The bottom line is that if what you're currently doing is not working for you, you need to change things up a bit and gain some perspective. The problem isn't that you haven't found "the one" yet, its that you keep entertaining obviously wrong ones...and that's how you're going to miss the right one. Not everyone is wading through jerks. The question is "Why doesn't my jerk alarm work?" But you have every right to be hardheaded...

I still disagree that while Working on you, you should avoid all contact and "friendships" with men. That's like the post about 2 weeks ago. Then I'll just be a 25 year old chick with no relationship experience instead of a 21 year old chick with no relationship experience. You're still screwed.

"Friendships" was in quotes to imply that this is not a platonic friendship. Like hairapy and Bunny said, it's a pseudo-romantic "friendship." Besides, this guy is not even friend material because a friend actually respects you and makes and effort to be with you, even on just a platonic level. The standard for a quality person isn't different for a potential friend versus a potential boyfriend.

I dsagree. It's really not like that, but as we all know things get looked into deeper than they actually are on LHCF. It's just like saying I was sick today and threw up, LHCF would be like...really....are you supressing your desire to eat and therefore displaying bulemic tendencies? loool. You can say point A and it will turn into point B.
...
It's other guys like that that I chill with from time to time or we just talk about how our lives are going, go out, and yada yada. Nothing more. It's not many of them, but they do exist. Just because I don't talk about them doesn't mean they don't exist. Contrary to popular beliefs, I don't share ALL of my personal life on here.

Okay, sure, but um, don't become one of those people that comes asking for advice and then only wants to argue with everyone when there is a 100% consensus that the guy is a jerk. You went from presenting a situation in the relationship forum to saying that you don't really need to change your patterns relationship-wise (i.e., didn't really need "advice"), to discrediting the advice of LHCF in general. Sometimes we just want a different perspective, and that's ok, but when everyone is in agreement, then it's worth noting.