Give it up or not?

IONENABILLION said:
Your right. But I figured if I slept with him then he would think I was serious about getting back together with him and not just playing games and he would leave the rest of his FWB's or whatever alone.
This guy sounds just lik
e a dude my cousin messed with. He's not going to stop and will use every excuse in the world to continue his jackedupness until he leaves you empty and worse off!:perplexed

Not too long ago I thought about it and I think the main reason why he started disrespecting me and taking me for granted b/c he khows I don't have any options (men) and I have no friends so I mainly go to work and come home and spend most of my free time on the Internet.
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Trust and believe if you follow through with this ski trip it's only going to go down hill from there.:yep: Then you'll have all sorts of other mess to worry about like a crushing blow to the ego (not to mentions catching STDs) when he really shows his colors after taking your virginity. Dude is not even trying to hide his disdain for you.:nono: This is all coming from concern because I'd hate for your situation to be any worse and that dude needs a boot up the ***! Not booty!:wallbash::wallbash:
And that ski trip sounds like a mess. I'm wondering if he only invited you because he knew you had the cash. Why the heck you have to find someone else to come with? A mess.
*Hugs*
 
Alright I made the decision that I'm not going to go on the ski trip or deal with him period. I do think it's best if we dont remain friends because I now see he's not my friend and he doesn't has my best interest in mind. I even said to him on the phone (after he tried to manipulate the whole ski trip) that all he cared about was himself and he said the only person he had to worry about was hisself. That should have woke me up when he said that So, I'm gone just start working on me and stop allowing people to mistreat me.

So, how am I supposed to get my money back? It was only $50 but still............ I don't want to curse him out because I know he'll probably keep the money just to be spiteful.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Here's my dilemma:

A couple of weeks ago my ex boyfriend and I got back on good terms. I agreed to go out on a date with him. Then the next day I backed out because of my insecurity issues concerning my looks. Now, when this happened he got real mad at me because he was really was trying to get together with me. The next day I talked to him and he invited me on a ski trip and I told him that I would tell him the next day. The next day I called him and I told him I would go and he was being snappy and short with his answers. I asked him what was the deal. And he said that I was playing games (when I canceled the date) and he was going to start treating me like the rest of his chicks and he tried to make me jealous by saying he was gone invite some girl that I'm going to call Ashley. After I hung up on him, I was real heated but I thought about what he said and he was right, I was playing games when I shouldn't have been. So, basically I called him up and apologize but at that point I felt like he was basically out of my grasp. And I still feel that way. A few days ago he came over my house to collect a down payment for the ski trip and he apologized for trying to make me jealous when he said he was gone invite Ashley. As he put it he was "just trying to get some p**** lined up". So, I forgave him. So, the other day he comes over and basically tells me that he might not be able to go on the ski trip because when Ashley was over his house other girls were blowing up his phone and they got into it. Not only that but she found the flyer to the ski trip and Ashley said she was going to be blowing up his phone that whole weekend. So, he asked me did I have anybody I could invite (no because I have no friends) because it has to be two people to a room unless you pay the full price. So, I basically told him that I won't go if it's gone mess things up between him and Ashley and that I just wanted my down payment back. And he said no I really want you to go blah blah blah. Alright, so we came to conclusion that I was going to invite one of my male coworkers that I had previously told my ex that I was attracted to. He told me how to bring up the ski trip to the guy and he wanted me to call him the next day for some pointers on how to approach him / So, Like a hour later I texted and told him that I chickened out and that I wasn't going to approach the guy. So, he basically said that we was going to room together. Now, here's the problem. I want to get back with him right, but at the same time I don't want him to just f**k me and leave me especially when I know he's talking to other girls. He said he wouldn't do that too me but I don't want to find out the hard way. Since, were rooming together I know he's going to expect sex (hes already said it "I know I'm gone have sex with you") but I haven't validated anything. Should I sex with him or not? I am ready to have sex and I am really curious because he claims he's so good in bed and that's what the girls say. I don't want to lose him but at the time I don't want to give it up and get played. Also, he rarely calls me and the times he came to my house he purposely kept his distance and he said he did that because I'm not his girl for him to be all hugging up on me. So, that got me thinking? Why should I have sex with somebody that doesn't even want to sit near me or rarely calls me? I know part of this is my fault. By the way I'm 22 and a virgin.
Click to expand...

Give it up or not?

NOT NOT NOT NOT NO DON'T DO IT!!!!

lol. In case that wasn't clear.... HECK NO.

He has you right where he wants you. Not to mention the fact that you're a virgin (my advice would still be the same if you weren't) but you've gone past the age where the average person loses their virginity. This makes it a lil more valuable. If you've held out this long, why waste it on a jerk like this? No one can say for sure whether he will play you or not if y'all have sex- BUT his actions make a clear statement for themselves- all signs point to 'he will".
 
Girl forget that $50 and go on about your business. Don't let that be your excuse to keep talking to him. You are keeping something that is priceless..your virginity and self worth.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Alright I made the decision that I'm not going to go on the ski trip or deal with him period. I do think it's best if we dont remain friends because I now see he's not my friend and he doesn't has my best interest in mind. I even said to him on the phone (after he tried to manipulate the whole ski trip) that all he cared about was himself and he said the only person he had to worry about was hisself. That should have woke me up when he said that So, I'm gone just start working on me and stop allowing people to mistreat me.

So, how am I supposed to get my money back? It was only $50 but still............ I don't want to curse him out because I know he'll probably keep the money just to be spiteful.
Click to expand...

Tell him you want your money back, but if he acts up, chalk it up as a life lesson and be done with it.

Peace of mind is priceless.
 
crimsonvixen said:
Girl forget that $50 and go on about your business. Don't let that be your excuse to keep talking to him. You are keeping something that is priceless..your virginity and self worth.
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Girl, we're in a recession- I'd make at least one attempt. :lachen:

But I agree with everything else.
 
I'm happy you decided against it. Another thing that I forgot to mention, is that for all you know, he probably just wanted to around bragging that "he just got himself a virgin". That is like some damn prize for men. He would've hit it and quit it just to say that he did. Again, I am sooooo happy that you decided against it. And girl, you have friends, every single one of us here. Where do you live? Have you ever been to a Meet Up? You should definitley go to one. Also, where do you work? Are you friends with anyone there? Try attending a happy hour after work with some people from work. Plan it yourself if you have to. Are you still in school? Have you tried joininng any clubs or volunteering anywhere? Friends can be found anywhere!!:yep:

PS: Forget the $50. Like another person mentioned PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HIM!!! I know it'll be tough, but compared to your life, your virginty, your sanity...it's only $50. Think of it like this "Would I sell my virginity for $50?" If the answer is No (WHICH IT SHOULD BE) then just LET.IT.GO! :yep:
 
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I am relieved to see that you stated that you don't want to go on this trip AND/OR have sex with him. This guy sounds like he'd throw you out with the condom...and that is how they are. I've been there and done that. Glad that you are saving yourself the headache, heartache, and many trips to the clinic.
 
I'm glad to see that you have changed your mind. And yeah, it sucks to lose $50, but let it go if you can't call him and ask for it without getting sucked back in.
 
lizjoseph said:
I'm happy you decided against it. Another thing that I forgot to mention, is that for all you know, he probably just wanted to around bragging that "he just got himself a virgin". That is like some damn prize for men.
Click to expand...

Yea some guys view having sex with virgins as a conquest.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Your right. But I figured if I slept with him then he would think I was serious about getting back together with him and not just playing games and he would leave the rest of his FWB's or whatever alone. Not too long ago I thought about it and I think the main reason why he started disrespecting me and taking me for granted b/c he khows I don't have any options (men) and I have no friends so I mainly go to work and come home and spend most of my free time on the Internet. I don't think it had anything to do with me calling off our date because he cooked for some girl on their first date (never cooked for me) and she never showed up and he was still trying to get at her after she she stood him up. Also, I lamented to my ex on many occasions about why men never approach me or look at me and maybe that subconsciously turned him off because he knew no one else wants me and he knew he could have me if he wanted to. So, I basically made myself to available.
Click to expand...

OP At the bolded you are gonna have to get some self-esteem. You should not have to sleep with someone to "prove" how serious you are about them. WHAT!

Is this a joke?

Editted: I read through the whole thread, I am soooo glad you decided not go on that trip. OP please take some time to work on yourself, because guys and ppl in general prey on weaknesses like low self-esteem etc. For some people its a full time job. Good Luck.
 
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BrownEyez22 said:
OP At the bolded you are gonna have to get some self-esteem. You should not have to sleep with someone to "prove" how serious you are about them. WHAT!

Is this a joke?
Click to expand...

I think she feels that way because she's young. Some young women feel like sleeping with a guy will keep him.
 
sexyeyes3616 said:
I think she feels that way because she's young. Some young women feel like sleeping with a guy will keep him.
Click to expand...

Nah... There are a lot of OLDER women who feel like this too. There are young women who know their worth and know that sleeping with a guy won't keep him, and there are older women following the same tired pattern over and over again and wondering why it doesn't work.

I do want to say to IONE that you must have some degree of self-worth because you have not just given yourself to any man yet. I'm not saying that one has to be a virgin to have self-worth, but it seems like you believe that your body has some value and you didn't just give it away lightly.

Start from that point as you work on yourself.
 
I'm sooooo happy that you decided to not go. Don't worry about the money--let.it.go--I don't think you need to be in further contact with him. Just move on and focus on you. When it's time you will meet a nice guy, just be patient, you are young and you have so much time for serious relationships.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Your right. But I figured if I slept with him then he would think I was serious about getting back together with him and not just playing games and he would leave the rest of his FWB's or whatever alone. Not too long ago I thought about it and I think the main reason why he started disrespecting me and taking me for granted b/c he khows I don't have any options (men) and I have no friends so I mainly go to work and come home and spend most of my free time on the Internet. I don't think it had anything to do with me calling off our date because he cooked for some girl on their first date (never cooked for me) and she never showed up and he was still trying to get at her after she she stood him up. Also, I lamented to my ex on many occasions about why men never approach me or look at me and maybe that subconsciously turned him off because he knew no one else wants me and he knew he could have me if he wanted to. So, I basically made myself to available.
Click to expand...
To the first bolded,that is what alot of women do everyday.No excuse.
Second,don't do that anymore to no man.I don't care how comfortable you are with him.
I'm so sorry you feel like you have to sleep with him to keep him.It never works.Ever.Not in your favor anyway if he does stay.Any man that is going to tell me about other women and think its cool doesn't even deserve to be my friend.Don't even speak to me in the street.:nono:
 
lizjoseph said:
I'm happy you decided against it. Another thing that I forgot to mention, is that for all you know, he probably just wanted to around bragging that "he just got himself a virgin". That is like some damn prize for men. He would've hit it and quit it just to say that he did. Again, I am sooooo happy that you decided against it. And girl, you have friends, every single one of us here. Where do you live? Have you ever been to a Meet Up? You should definitley go to one. Also, where do you work? Are you friends with anyone there? Try attending a happy hour after work with some people from work. Plan it yourself if you have to. Are you still in school? Have you tried joininng any clubs or volunteering anywhere? Friends can be found anywhere!!:yep:

PS: Forget the $50. Like another person mentioned PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HIM!!! I know it'll be tough, but compared to your life, your virginty, your sanity...it's only $50. Think of it like this "Would I sell my virginity for $50?" If the answer is No (WHICH IT SHOULD BE) then just LET.IT.GO! :yep:
Click to expand...


You right about the bragging rights thing. I live in Philadelphia, PA and no I never been to a meetup. I'm not really cool with any of my coworkers because I'm real quiet. No, I'm not in school at this time but I am looking into investing in real estate and other business ventures but I still want to go back to school to have something to fallback on. I'm not apart of any clubs but I always wanted to do pottery because that seems fun to me and I like reading so maybe I could find a African American book club around my area. I'm just gone focus on building myself up for right now. If I ever talk to him I'm not even gone bring up the money so he knows I'm not sweating that. I'm not gone call him nor am I going to wait by the phone for his call. If he calls, fine. If not, oh well. But if he does call I am going to tell him that theres no point of us talking to each other and tell him how I don't feel as though he respects me and I'm going to stand my ground.
 
So since he already knows he's going to have sex with you, should you go and say no to sex then what, rape?

Please don't go just cut him loose.
 
IONENABILLION said:
You right about the bragging rights thing. I live in Philadelphia, PA and no I never been to a meetup. I'm not really cool with any of my coworkers because I'm real quiet. No, I'm not in school at this time but I am looking into investing in real estate and other business ventures but I still want to go back to school to have something to fallback on. I'm not apart of any clubs but I always wanted to do pottery because that seems fun to me and I like reading so maybe I could find a African American book club around my area. I'm just gone focus on building myself up for right now. If I ever talk to him I'm not even gone bring up the money so he knows I'm not sweating that. I'm not gone call him nor am I going to wait by the phone for his call. If he calls, fine. If not, oh well. But if he does call I am going to tell him that theres no point of us talking to each other and tell him how I don't feel as though he respects me and I'm going to stand my ground.
Click to expand...

That sounds great OP, maybe you should try the site meetup.com. I think thats the name (check the thread about single ladies keeping busy), you may be able to find people with similar interests to yours.
 
IONENABILLION said:
You right about the bragging rights thing. I live in Philadelphia, PA and no I never been to a meetup. I'm not really cool with any of my coworkers because I'm real quiet. No, I'm not in school at this time but I am looking into investing in real estate and other business ventures but I still want to go back to school to have something to fallback on. I'm not apart of any clubs but I always wanted to do pottery because that seems fun to me and I like reading so maybe I could find a African American book club around my area. I'm just gone focus on building myself up for right now. If I ever talk to him I'm not even gone bring up the money so he knows I'm not sweating that. I'm not gone call him nor am I going to wait by the phone for his call. If he calls, fine. If not, oh well. But if he does call I am going to tell him that theres no point of us talking to each other and tell him how I don't feel as though he respects me and I'm going to stand my ground.
Click to expand...
I live in Philly!:yep:We can be friends!:grin:
Why for some reason,the guy you described sounded like something a guy from Philly would do?Some men make me sick to my stomach.
 
IONENABILLION said:
Here's my dilemma:

A couple of weeks ago my ex boyfriend and I got back on good terms. I agreed to go out on a date with him. Then the next day I backed out because of my insecurity issues concerning my looks. Now, when this happened he got real mad at me because he was really was trying to get together with me. The next day I talked to him and he invited me on a ski trip and I told him that I would tell him the next day. The next day I called him and I told him I would go and he was being snappy and short with his answers. I asked him what was the deal. And he said that I was playing games (when I canceled the date) and he was going to start treating me like the rest of his chicks and he tried to make me jealous by saying he was gone invite some girl that I'm going to call Ashley. After I hung up on him, I was real heated but I thought about what he said and he was right, I was playing games when I shouldn't have been. So, basically I called him up and apologize but at that point I felt like he was basically out of my grasp. And I still feel that way. A few days ago he came over my house to collect a down payment for the ski trip and he apologized for trying to make me jealous when he said he was gone invite Ashley. As he put it he was "just trying to get some p**** lined up". So, I forgave him. So, the other day he comes over and basically tells me that he might not be able to go on the ski trip because when Ashley was over his house other girls were blowing up his phone and they got into it. Not only that but she found the flyer to the ski trip and Ashley said she was going to be blowing up his phone that whole weekend. So, he asked me did I have anybody I could invite (no because I have no friends) because it has to be two people to a room unless you pay the full price. So, I basically told him that I won't go if it's gone mess things up between him and Ashley and that I just wanted my down payment back. And he said no I really want you to go blah blah blah. Alright, so we came to conclusion that I was going to invite one of my male coworkers that I had previously told my ex that I was attracted to. He told me how to bring up the ski trip to the guy and he wanted me to call him the next day for some pointers on how to approach him / So, Like a hour later I texted and told him that I chickened out and that I wasn't going to approach the guy. So, he basically said that we was going to room together. Now, here's the problem. I want to get back with him right, but at the same time I don't want him to just f**k me and leave me especially when I know he's talking to other girls. He said he wouldn't do that too me but I don't want to find out the hard way. Since, were rooming together I know he's going to expect sex (hes already said it "I know I'm gone have sex with you") but I haven't validated anything. Should I sex with him or not? I am ready to have sex and I am really curious because he claims he's so good in bed and that's what the girls say. I don't want to lose him but at the time I don't want to give it up and get played. Also, he rarely calls me and the times he came to my house he purposely kept his distance and he said he did that because I'm not his girl for him to be all hugging up on me. So, that got me thinking? Why should I have sex with somebody that doesn't even want to sit near me or rarely calls me? I know part of this is my fault. By the way I'm 22 and a virgin.
Click to expand...

Can I let you know that you are wilin?? Seriously.

when in doubt, leave it (sex) out.

He doesn't even seem to be about you and you're asking US if you should SLEEP with him or not? :rolleyes: You probably won't enjoy yourself anyway worrying whether or not he's gonna love you and leave you.

Its easier to see other ppl's situations than your own; kind of like a bird's eye view. From where I stand, I can tell through your interpretation of him that:

1. He is not about you. meaning, he's not seriously trying to be in a relationship. Your girl Ashely doesn't know what she's doing either, obviously, because I should never have to blow up my boyfriend's cell unless he asked for a wake up call...
2. It seems God is giving you opportunity to work on yourself first. Think about it. You cancelled on him because you were having self esteem issues. You should think that you look bangin' at least 80% of the time. I give the 20% for bad hair days, mentral days and just "low" days. He was annoyed at you that you cancelled, YOURE not ready. don't rush into this TRUST me, relationships can wait because the most important relationship is always w yourself.
3. Why don't you have friends? it's not important to have them, but its also an indication you might lose yourself in him. Make sure you have at least one strong bond, with yourself, your mom or someother loved one. Just to have this talk with...

HTH
 
IONENABILLION said:
You right about the bragging rights thing. I live in Philadelphia, PA and no I never been to a meetup. I'm not really cool with any of my coworkers because I'm real quiet. No, I'm not in school at this time but I am looking into investing in real estate and other business ventures but I still want to go back to school to have something to fallback on. I'm not apart of any clubs but I always wanted to do pottery because that seems fun to me and I like reading so maybe I could find a African American book club around my area. I'm just gone focus on building myself up for right now. If I ever talk to him I'm not even gone bring up the money so he knows I'm not sweating that. I'm not gone call him nor am I going to wait by the phone for his call. If he calls, fine. If not, oh well. But if he does call I am going to tell him that theres no point of us talking to each other and tell him how I don't feel as though he respects me and I'm going to stand my ground.
Click to expand...


Please go back to school.

It's also a good way to meet people.
 
drasgrl said:
Please go back to school.

It's also a good way to meet people.
Click to expand...

Yeah, school shouldn't be the "fall back" unless you are seriously doing big things at this very moment without school. Are you?

At your age, school should be a priority.
 
OP, I am so happy to hear that you are moving on. I actually wouldn't answer his calls though. I feel that even though you want to go to pick up the phone and tell him off if he calls,that he might find a way to wiggle around and have you let him back into your life. Guys are slick like that.
 
lizjoseph said:
OP, I am so happy to hear that you are moving on. I actually wouldn't answer his calls though. I feel that even though you want to go to pick up the phone and tell him off if he calls,that he might find a way to wiggle around and have you let him back into your life. Guys are slick like that.
Click to expand...


He called me two times in a row earlier today but I didn't answer because I was on the other line with my brother and I didn't call him back. I do want to tell him off so bad but I don't want him to try to flip it on me. I was just say something alone the lines of "I'll appreciate it if you stop calling me" and then hang up so it won't look like I'm waiting for him to call my bluff or talk me out of it and that'll show him that I don't give a F***
 
IONENABILLION said:
He called me two times in a row earlier today but I didn't answer because I was on the other line with my brother and I didn't call him back. I do want to tell him off so bad but I don't want him to try to flip it on me. I was just say something alone the lines of "I'll appreciate it if you stop calling me" and then hang up so it won't look like I'm waiting for him to call my bluff or talk me out of it and that'll show him that I don't give a F***
Click to expand...

Hmmm... yeah, don't worry about telling him off. I know we all wanna do that, but it leads to trouble if he tries to sweet talk you. Maybe try writing all your emotions down in a poem or a journal or something for that feeling of release that you probably really need right now! And if you do say anything, promise yourself you will do exactly what you posted and don't say anything beyond that!

And I know you'll do great in school. :)
 
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