Is it okay for Married Couples to Spend the Night away from home?

Country gal

Country gal

Well-Known Member
I was talking to SO about a situation with a couple we know. The wife spends the night away from home. Sometimes she claims she is working or sometimes she has gotten in a fight with her husband. I was telling him I wouldn't have a problem spending the night away from home or if he did it. I gave him different scenarios- like a slumper party with the girls, partying late at night and too tired to drive back home so I would crash at my girlfriends house. He was like no wife of his is going to spend the night away from home.

Is it uncool for Married folks to spend the night away from home? I fiqured if you trust your spouse than it should be no big deal.
 
He also hates the ladies only vacation trips. I told him, he will have to get over that. I see nothing wrong with ladies getting together to hang out at a spa or just a few days at the beach.
 
I have gone away with my aunts and cousins (along with my daughter) on trips and Dh doesn't mind that much. But we make it a rule to do things together and those trips are few and far between. We have never spent a night away from home because of an argument. He has also gone on trips with his family, trips I couldn't go on because of work or I just didn't want to go, alway with one or both of our kids though.

Now, the Spring meetup in Memphis with the ladies here......:nono: yall don't know what I had to do to spend that time with you all.
 
It depends on the situation and why.

If a person is constantly partying with friends like they're still 22 and getting drunk and needing to crash on someone's couch, then yeah, that's a problem for me.

All girls/all boys trips? Again, it depends. How often are these trips? Where are they going? Who are the people they're going with?

I can't just say YES or NO to this. It depends on the circumstances. My guy has been taking golf trips (usually with his dad and some friends) for a decade. How am I gonna be like, "Oh hell naw, that's gotta stop?"

But if he and some dudes up and decide they want to take a boys trip to Thailand? Uh, naw dude.
 
LOL @ Thailand.

Wish someone would try to run that by me.

"we wanna learn more about the culture, but this can only be done with the boys"
 
MY DH hates when I'm away! The only nights we've spent apart have been while one of us was traveling for work. My job requires a lot of travel, and he hates it. I'll be starting a new job VERY SOON...

My friends who do the girls' trips, go away a lot, and work late... DH gives them the side eye. :) I actually like spending time with DH, so it's cool, but I will be traveling for 2 sorority events this year- and he's not invited. LOL (I'll probably be rooming with my mother, so he'll just have to get over it.)

I have a happily married friend who has NEVER spent 24 hours away from her husband. They've been married for like 8 yrs, and they have 3 daughters. They REALLY like being together.
 
ClassicBeauty said:
MY DH hates when I'm away! The only nights we've spent apart have been while one of us was traveling for work. My job requires a lot of travel, and he hates it. I'll be starting a new job VERY SOON...

My friends who do the girls' trips, go away a lot, and work late... DH gives them the side eye. :) I actually like spending time with DH, so it's cool, but I will be traveling for 2 sorority events this year- and he's not invited. LOL (I'll probably be rooming with my mother, so he'll just have to get over it.)

I have a happily married friend who has NEVER spent 24 hours away from her husband. They've been married for like 8 yrs, and they have 3 daughters. They REALLY like being together.
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All that is so sweet. SO is like that too. When we first starting getting to know each other not even dating, he refused to go to Bike week with his brother. He believes that married folks should always go out together. He feels if his family has an event that I can't go to than he won't go.
 
I travel for work maybe twice a year and it will be increasing in the near future so myhubby doesn't like it but what can I do. I would go for all girl get away and he could do a fishing trio or something with the guys. You have to have some trust.
 
Bunny77 said:
It depends on the situation and why.

If a person is constantly partying with friends like they're still 22 and getting drunk and needing to crash on someone's couch, then yeah, that's a problem for me.

All girls/all boys trips? Again, it depends. How often are these trips? Where are they going? Who are the people they're going with?

I can't just say YES or NO to this. It depends on the circumstances. My guy has been taking golf trips (usually with his dad and some friends) for a decade. How am I gonna be like, "Oh hell naw, that's gotta stop?"

But if he and some dudes up and decide they want to take a boys trip to Thailand? Uh, naw dude.
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For me, I did a slumber party with my girls a few years back. I had a fab time. There were no men, we just talked, drank, danced and had a ball. SO said he would of had a problem with that.

Sometimes I do go clubbing in city and I live 20 miles out of town in the burbs. If I had too many drinks or real tired, I would rather crash at one of my girls place that live in the city versus driving home too tired or twisted. I was just giving him different scenarios because I am independent and single so I am not use to having to do things in consideration of someone else. To me no biggie, if I stayed away for one night.
 
Country gal said:
For me, I did a slumber party with my girls a few years back. I had a fab time. There were no men, we just talked, drank, danced and had a ball. SO said he would of had a problem with that.

Sometimes I do go clubbing in city and I live 20 miles out of town in the burbs. If I had too many drinks or real tired, I would rather crash at one of my girls place that live in the city versus driving home too tired or twisted. I was just giving him different scenarios because I am independent and single so I am not use to having to do things in consideration of someone else. To me no biggie, if I stayed away for one night.
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See, I personally don't see anything wrong with either scenario, but like you said, it comes down to not thinking as a single so much and thinking like a wife/future wife.

Now, that's not to say that wives can't get their party on with their girls or anything and some men are straight out ridiculous saying what would and wouldn't be acceptable for their wives. At the same time, I guess the question is, what is okay for him?

Does he think it's cool to club in the city with the boys and sleep over at one of their places, but not cool for you? Then that's a problem.

But if he doesn't do that, then it might be more of a clash of expectations than anything... and his aren't necessarily wrong as long as there's no double standard.
 
Country gal said:
For me, I did a slumber party with my girls a few years back. I had a fab time. There were no men, we just talked, drank, danced and had a ball. SO said he would of had a problem with that.

Sometimes I do go clubbing in city and I live 20 miles out of town in the burbs. If I had too many drinks or real tired, I would rather crash at one of my girls place that live in the city versus driving home too tired or twisted. I was just giving him different scenarios because I am independent and single so I am not use to having to do things in consideration of someone else. To me no biggie, if I stayed away for one night.
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DH wouldn't like that AT ALL. He would offer to come and get me. When we go out, we usually go together, but he has offered to pick up me and my friends a couple of times.:grin:

I think it's really good for you to talk about things now. So many people get involved with someone without really digging deep to understand their expectations. Always know what you're getting into!:yep:
 
ClassicBeauty said:
DH wouldn't like that AT ALL. He would offer to come and get me. When we go out, we usually go together, but he has offered to pick up me and my friends a couple of times.:grin:

I think it's really good for you to talk about things now. So many people get involved with someone without really digging deep to understand their expectations. Always know what you're getting into!:yep:
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This is a good point, and I have to admit, I don't know what my guy would say in those scenarios.

I know he'd be fine with a sorority convention, for example, but would he be okay with me clubbing in a different city and sleeping at a friend's house there? I really don't know.

Then again, I haven't really done that in years, so that probably wouldn't be an issue for us. I don't think he really does that either -- his thing mostly seems to be the golf trips.

So yeah, it's good to talk about these things!
 
Those who usually do everything together usually have alot of stuff in common. that's why Im really adamant on being with someone who shares alot of things with me be it film festivals, general traveling etc.
 
Different things work for different marriages. With the exception of work, grocery shopping and my mom getting her hair done, my parents rarely go anywhere without each other, let alone an overnight trip with the guys or girls. My husband travels for work, so we are apart a couple nights a week, but aside from that we don’t do trips with just the guys or just the girls. However, we do hang out with our friends without the other occasionally.
 
I have a long commute so when I need a break from it, I might pack up and come down to the city and stay with a friend for a few days or maybe even a week. I have also taken trips out of state without him to visit a friend, but as far spending nights away because of an argument, nope. Never. I don't see that ever happening.
 
I must not be marriage material because I would want to be away at least every 3 months just to be alone..I enjoy me time by myself alot which may be while Im still single after 3 yrs...I don't understand how a man could think I should be with him every night..i get tired of seeing you at times I need some time to miss you..
 
coco_diva4 said:
I must not be marriage material because I would want to be away at least every 3 months just to be alone..I enjoy me time by myself alot which may be while Im still single after 3 yrs...I don't understand how a man could think I should be with him every night..i get tired of seeing you at times I need some time to miss you..
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That doesn't mean that you are not marriage material. It just means that you need to marry someone who feels the same way or at least understands your feelings.:yep:
 
dlewis said:
I have gone away with my aunts and cousins (along with my daughter) on trips and Dh doesn't mind that much. But we make it a rule to do things together and those trips are few and far between. We have never spent a night away from home because of an argument. He has also gone on trips with his family, trips I couldn't go on because of work or I just didn't want to go, alway with one or both of our kids though.

Now, the Spring meetup in Memphis with the ladies here......:nono: yall don't know what I had to do to spend that time with you all.
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Bet I can guess:lick::lick::lick:
 
I'll be starting a new job that requires me to commute 45 miles away. Some nights I'll be getting off late. We discussed my staying over and he's fine with it. He works overnight anyway. It wont be too often though.

He goes with the bike club and they may stay over which is rare. I'm rarely away from home.
 
I'm like Dlewis, those trips away are few and far between. I just don't enjoy being away from my family very often, never liked clubbing, a day away with the girls is enough for me, days, uhm no thanks, it's just not fun to me. I have friends that do lots of partying and trips with girls and their dh's don't seem to mind. What really matters is that the two of you come to an agreement or compromise because for real stuff like that can cause a lot fighting and arguments. I was fortunate that dh and I were similiar as far as our views on late night partying and trips with other people--like I said it happens very seldom. It makes it easier when you have similiar views on things like this.
 
Revised: I forgot I did spend a couple of days away from my DH. I needed some ME time, but that was the only time. Otherwise it's been work related. I'm looking forward to doing some traveling with my job, as it'll give us some time to ourselves and for us to appreciate each other a little more. They don't say "distance makes the heart grow fonder" for nothing!!

I think as long as you trust each other and communicate, spending time away from your spouse isn't an issue, at least it's not for me. I guess we're balanced in that sense, as we do have times we both travel overnight for work, and then there are times when we're home. I think it's only a problem when trust isn't there and it's excessive with nothing to balance it out.
 
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mrselle said:
Different things work for different marriages. With the exception of work, grocery shopping and my mom getting her hair done, my parents rarely go anywhere without each other, let alone an overnight trip with the guys or girls. My husband travels for work, so we are apart a couple nights a week, but aside from that we don’t do trips with just the guys or just the girls. However, we do hang out with our friends without the other occasionally.
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Do you think that the difference between the older generations view marriage and how we view marriage as far as acceptable vs. unacceptable could explain why those marriages tended to last so much longer than the marriages today?
 
My husband and I never spend a night away from one another. I have gone out of town to visit my parents two times without him. One time before our daughter was born and one time when our daughter was one year old. The only issue he has with me going to my parents home is that their house is haunted :perplexed....it really is, but that's another post.

I do not think that he would be too comfortable with the idea of me going out of town with friends though. I am willing to bet that he would have much to say. And I already know I would oppose to the idea of him wanting to go w/o out me.

We both can be a tad bit stingy when it comes to things like this :rolleyes:
 
Also, my parents have been married 37 years and have never taken trips w/o the other. They do not play that. I asked my dad about it one day recently. He said that when he got married, he married his best friend and when you take trips, your best friend is the one person you want to be with. He said that as long as my mom was with him, no one and nothing else mattered.

I do feel that the older generations had different views and such when it comes to marriage. Guess you can say my husband and I are old fashioned in that sense. Our friends call us prudes :ohwell:
 
Bunny77 said:
See, I personally don't see anything wrong with either scenario, but like you said, it comes down to not thinking as a single so much and thinking like a wife/future wife.

Now, that's not to say that wives can't get their party on with their girls or anything and some men are straight out ridiculous saying what would and wouldn't be acceptable for their wives. At the same time, I guess the question is, what is okay for him?

Does he think it's cool to club in the city with the boys and sleep over at one of their places, but not cool for you? Then that's a problem.

But if he doesn't do that, then it might be more of a clash of expectations than anything... and his aren't necessarily wrong as long as there's no double standard.
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He wouldn't do it. He is very old school when it comes to stuff like this.
 
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