Should married people have "curfews"?

[Southernbella.]

From what i usnderstand you are a stay at home mom right? If monday is the only time u get time to urslef from maybe 7-11 AND u make dinner b4 u leave I don't see a problem. U need some "me" time. being a stay at home mom is a lot of work and u have more than one child, one of them being a baby. I don't see a problem.

Thank you! I agree.

Heck, even if I didn't have kids, I think one night a week is perfectly acceptable. I think it's good for marrieds to have other interests and activities besides each other.

Thank you for the hair compliments ladies! It's a blowout I got for my best friend's wedding. Now I see why people love them so much.

 

[need2accumulate]

i think if both people are respectable and trustworthy then a curfew is not an issue. we don't have em in our home.

its just something that should be discussed beforehand

 

[Kurlee]

Yea ur hair is gorgeous girl! And kudos for takin care of those kids! they all look pretty close in age and you must be hellla tired. I have so much resepct for stay at home moms!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I admit to being a little surprised by the answers as that I don't consider anything you described particularly extreme. I believe you referenced one night a week out.

A curfew (for children) is for the purpose of protecting and creating discipline in underage people who might otherwise get in to trouble or not be aptly prepared for the next school day. For an adult there is no purpose for that.

IMO, it's healthy to have an agreed time that both spouses are to be home ON AVERAGE. Anything past that time requires a phone call to advise the other spouse why they are late and what they are doing. That to me is responsible and age appropriate.
If my SO calls and let's me know he's going to be late than assuming it doesn't happen on a regular basis, I have no problem. I'm not into control for the sake of control.
Lastly, I do not think it's the place of friends to judge what arrangements a married couple has between them unless she sees you clubbing every night of the week. If you're husband is okay with you getting out sometimes then your friend need just focus on her relationship.

 

[Farida]

Haha from the curfew thread "because the only thing open after 2 am is L-E-G-S!

Anyway, this is how I see it. When you go out and stay out late your hubby misses you. Can't complain about him wanting to be around you often . Plus, even good people can wander into trouble. Once in a while staying out is fine I guess,

 

[Kurlee]

I admit to being a little surprised by the answers as that I don't consider anything you described particularly extreme. I believe you referenced one night a week out.

A curfew (for children) is for the purpose of protecting and creating discipline in underage people who might otherwise get in to trouble or not be aptly prepared for the next school day. For an adult there is no purpose for that.

IMO, it's healthy to have an agreed time that both spouses are to be home ON AVERAGE. Anything past that time requires a phone call to advise the other spouse why they are late and what they are doing. That to me is responsible and age appropriate.
If my SO calls and let's me know he's going to be late than assuming it doesn't happen on a regular basis, I have no problem. I'm not into control for the sake of control.
Lastly, I do not think it's the place of friends to judge what arrangements a married couple has between them unless she sees you clubbing every night of the week. If you're husband is okay with you getting out sometimes then your friend need just focus on her relationship.

I agree. Don't worry about what people say, opinions are like @$$holes, everyone has one, u and DH need to come to an agreement about what u need and what works for ya'll and ur situation.

 

[Puddles]

If a married person is out with friends, does their spouse have a right to expect them to come home at a certain time, like before 12 am?

All opinions, married and single, are welcome!


ETA: Here's the situation...

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.

I totally agree.

I've been with hubby 20+ years and we don't have curfews. Never had a reason to.

When we hang out with our friends.....we come home sometimes at 2 or 3am. Trust "is not" an issue......cause we trust each other.
We tell each other when we plan on coming home.....and that's that.

Each marriage/couple is different. So what works for one.....may not work for others.

If works for us.

 

[Puddles]

I admit to being a little surprised by the answers as that I don't consider anything you described particularly extreme. I believe you referenced one night a week out.

A curfew (for children) is for the purpose of protecting and creating discipline in underage people who might otherwise get in to trouble or not be aptly prepared for the next school day. For an adult there is no purpose for that.

IMO, it's healthy to have an agreed time that both spouses are to be home ON AVERAGE. Anything past that time requires a phone call to advise the other spouse why they are late and what they are doing. That to me is responsible and age appropriate.
If my SO calls and let's me know he's going to be late than assuming it doesn't happen on a regular basis, I have no problem. I'm not into control for the sake of control.
Lastly, I do not think it's the place of friends to judge what arrangements a married couple has between them unless she sees you clubbing every night of the week. If you're husband is okay with you getting out sometimes then your friend need just focus on her relationship.

Very well said.......ITA

 

[caligirl]

I believe that married people should not stay out all night hanging with friends. But I do feel "night out passes" are welcomed every so often. For example when old friends come to visit, or family members or friends just want to chill (maybe 2-3X's per year).

OMG. Is this marriage or jail?

 

[Puddles]

OMG. Is this marriage or jail?

That's what I was wondering?

 

[bludacious]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

There it is! I totally agree! I don't like the word curfew when we are dealing with married couples. Let's call it respect.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

If a married person is out with friends, does their spouse have a right to expect them to come home at a certain time, like before 12 am?

All opinions, married and single, are welcome!


ETA: Here's the situation...

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.

Now let me say this...I don't believe in curfews for grown folks making their own way, meaning they are working/taking care of home, pay their own bills, etc. However, I don't believe that married people should be out ripping and running the streets. When you and your girlfriend first started having dinners and say one or two of them ran that late, then that is fine. But if it became constant then yeah that could be a problem. My thing is DH should have spoke up before you said something if he thought it was a problem. My DH and I have been in each other's face, literally for the past 6 weeks because we haven't been working, so if one of our friends wants to hang out and we stay out late we are cool with that because of our situation, however it wouldn't be a routine thing and wouldn't be that late but later than usual.

 

[blackmaven]

I don't believe married folks should have curfews as other have stated. Boils down to mutual respect both people should be in agreement about times. I also enjoy my time away from dh and daughter. Feels good to just get away relax with friends. I don't see anything Lauren is doing wrong it is only one night a week. If hubby has a problem now that is a different story.

 

[tetbelle]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

I totally agree. I have been married 8 years. No curfews but communication is necessary. 11:00-11:30pm is not that late in my opinion.

 

[tetbelle]

By the way your hair looks the bomb in your siggy.

 

[dlewis]

First off, your hair is beautiful!

I don't think curfews are nec. People should know when they need to come home.

 

[The Girl]

First off, I am not married and reading some of the responses I don't know if I want to be. I don't believe in curfews and/or other restrictive measures. We are both adults. I like the poster that called it respect and not curfew. Curfew sounds too controlling. In response to the woman you spoke with I think that is a bit harsh, 11 is not late at all. Either he doesn't like his broef stint as Mr MOM or I think Hubby misses you and called it something else. Especially if that is the only grown up time you guys have.

OK bye bye I am off to stare at your hair, which I hope is recently displayed in your fotki.....Beautiful!

 

[alexstin]

No curfew. That being said, DH and I would have to have a talk if he went out and came home at 2 in the morning. I think we(DH and I) both know what would be crossing the line in terms of staying out late.

 

[Southernbella.]

Interesting responses! Ok, we won't call it curfew. I agree, that sounds bad.

I had to laugh when I read "Is this marriage or jail?", because that's how I feel too. Maybe I do think I'm single, but I don't like the feeling that I may be out "too late". What is too late for an adult who doesn't live with his/her mama?

Either he doesn't like his broef stint as Mr MOM or I think Hubby misses you and called it something else. Especially if that is the only grown up time you guys have.

Very insightful. That could be the case. I need to probe some more on that one.

When you and your girlfriend first started having dinners and say one or two of them ran that late, then that is fine. But if it became constant then yeah that could be a problem.

I guess I need to find out what late is to him, because that's what matters. Late to me is 1 am. I guess this never came up because this was something my doctor "prescribed" and maybe he didn't want to interfere with that.

 

[candiel]

Interesting responses! Ok, we won't call it curfew. I agree, that sounds bad.

I had to laugh when I read "Is this marriage or jail?", because that's how I feel too. Maybe I do think I'm single, but I don't like the feeling that I may be out "too late". What is too late for an adult who doesn't live with his/her mama?

ITA, Dh and I have had this discussion very recently. He sometimes pitches a fit when I go out with my friends and come home around 1 am. To me that's not late because he knows where I am and who I'm with and I don't go out a lot.

IMO, he just wants me to sit at home with him and watch him play XBox all night. I had to let him know that it is definitely not going down like that.
We have yet to come to an agreement on this subjecterplexed.

 

[shynessqueen]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

ITA. I have been at my sisters homes and spend the night when I was a lil too to come home and my SO completely understood. The same goes for him. If he is hanging out with his friends he should call me to let me know he's still alive because I get worry very easily but he don't have a curfew. If a man/woman is going to cheat they are going to find a way to cheat curfew or no curfew.

 

[deltagyrl]

Girl I am SO glad I came up in here. Your hair in that pic is the BOMB!! Simply gaw'jus.

Running off to stalk your fotki.....


Oh, and I do believe married folx should have their tails home at a decent hour.

 

[calliope]

Lauren, you're hair is TOO GORGEOUS!!!!!

Now, I think as long as you and your spouse are in agreement and the kids are situated- go on out! Mama needs some time to herself! I don't know if it needs to be any specific time, but I think that moms usually have an internal clock that lets them know- I need to head on back, or at least call DH to let him know I'll be a little bit longer. The time that you stated is not unreasonable by any means- have a great time!

 

[gone_fishing]

Well, when i was married (for 6 years) we never stayed out late without each other.

My father always told me there's nothing productive or safe for a woman out past midnight or so - so even now that i'm divorced (although engaged again), I still don't stay out late unless I'm with my man.

But like everything else, it's whatever makes the couple work.

If your DH shows concern with that though, I'd try to find daylight hours to get my me-time in rather than spending late nights out (if possible).

 

[CurliDiva]

I don't get the problem - dinner with the girls on a Monday night is not the same as hanging out at a bar or club surrounded by male strippers. So once, you get married you have to be home at a certain hour (before 11 pm) or else you could turn into a freak or something!

 

[honeybadgirl]

when you're married, that respect line(as far as "curfews") get a bit fuzzy sometimes. i dont go out often but the very few, rare times i do, i feel like i should be in no later than 12-1am and thats pushing it. i have stayed out longer but felt so very guilty and disrespectful(well that only happened once) but we had many discussions about it not being an issue of what you're doing, ie, just hanging with my home boys, that you(he) should be in the house at a reasonable hour. dh even tried to say before the sun coming up being reasonable. i was like what is this, high school!!! you're not my son, you're my husband and theres nothing out there open but legs and hotels! he should be home protecting his home, REALLY!
but anyway, i say if its a special occassion like out of town friends or family, thats ok but on a regular.
in the end, its disrespectful....big time!

 

[Evolving78]

Sorry I had to post and run! I had to run out for a second.

Thanks for your responses ladies! I wanted to get opinions before I told you the situation.

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.erplexed

BRB, have to feed the baby!

I forgot what me-time was about and I don't think I would will ever get it again until my kids are grown. I don't trust my kids with a lot of other people too. I guess that is just one of the many sacrifices I will have to make for my family. When I'm out, I always have my son with me so the latest I have been out without my Dh is 11pm.

 

[gymfreak336]

Heck no. This is how I see it....

You stay home with the kids all day every day. That is an exhausting job within itself. You do need me time. I wish more men would understand that just because the kids are asleep and you(meaning the men) are not bothering me, that doesn't make it "me" time. You get to have Monday nights to yourself to chill with your friends and relieve stress, I don't see what is wrong with that. 11pm isn't late and you already took care of your responsiblilites with the kids being in the bed. Every woman and man needs to be allowed to have an outlet to relive stress. You can't have healthy relationships being on LOCKDOWN every hour of the day. Its not like you are at the titty bar. In a marriage, two grown people have made the commitment to each other. If I am married and my husband tells me that he is going out for drinks with so so at 9pm then so be it. Same thing goes for me. Just because you are married doesn't mean you don't need a social life. Maybe he would feel better if you and another couple or two met up once every week or every other week for a couples night. Maybe you all could go to a nice jazz spot or upscale bar, have a drink or two or something light to each and enjoy each other company. Maybe after seeing how relaxing it can be just to chill out with other people, he will understand more about how important Monday nights are for you.

 

[Afrolinda]

No. No curfews. We both are grown and both pay the mortgage. It's unsaid respect that one person would let the other person know what the deal was if he/she had to stay out really late.

I agree with you.

 

[MissScarlett]

If a married person is out with friends, does their spouse have a right to expect them to come home at a certain time, like before 12 am?

All opinions, married and single, are welcome!


ETA: Here's the situation...

Ok, so you know I'm home with my kids all day every day. My therapist told me I don't spend enough time away, and she was right, because I have don't trust anyone with my kids.

So my best friends and I started doing dinners on Monday nights. I'm sometimes out pretty late (11pm or so), but the kids go to sleep early and I always make dinner before I leave.

So, I'm telling another friend about this, and she says, "You stay out pretty late. You must think you're single!" in a joking way. So, she then tells me that she thinks I should be home earlier.

I feel like this...I'm don't get out much, so when I do get out, I think I should have a little leeway. Plus, I'm a grown woman and not doing anything sordid.

Anyway, turns out, my dh sort of agrees with my friend.

Me either Lauren. But I hired a sitter fulltime for my sanity

I guess I'm the opposite. i go out socially with girls for drinks and dh typically meets colleagues or clients for drinks in the evenings, he's not out late but the point is he's 'out' having free time while i'm at home with kids. So when I go out, I take full advantage of my time. I probably go out once or twice a month with girls. I leave at 11 or 12 and I get home as late as 3amif its a club thing, usually though its a bar, just food and drinks and I'm home pretty early but I don't feel the need to watch my time

I've said it before but dh and I are very outgoing, we would be resentful if all we did was hang out with each and sit at home Dh and I have a standard once a week happy hour date as well.

This has worked for us for 8 years. I just don't think getting married means you get a license to control another or tell another person what to do, a grown person knows what proper conduct and mutual respect is.

If you think that a person has more options to cheat at 2am, wrong again b/c I think more that goes on during the day anyway