Is dating a man with a girlfriend/SO wrong?

[Undefeated Queen]

Why am I not surprised this thread got a one star?

 

[Blossssom]

Why not?

I'm a good girl (usually)

:angeldevi

Naw... the only women in convents are either old, ugly or lesbian... you don't "fit the description"

 

[Blossssom]

You dont think his dishonesty is a character flaw?

Its one thing to put to the side his attachment. But if he is in a relationship with her, she thinks its serious and he does not...what does that say about the way he may possibly treat you?

Well, it depends on what the question is.

"Are you married?" No.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" No.

"Are you seeing anyone else?" Now this is the question I ask men when I do go out with them the first time, which ain't often, and the last guy was honest and said he does date.

Fine.

Again, if he's not married, he is fair game and clearly he believes he is fair game.

You only can draw so many lines in the sand. If women don't want their men seeing other women, MARRY 'IM!

Good luck with all that and invite me to the nuptials!

 

[jasmin]

I couldn't do it either. I think I am worth the time for someone to be totally unattached so that me and him could be able to have each others undivided attention.

ITA.


Doesn't make these people much of anything to know and still do it. Karma will only get cha.

 

[PinkPeony]

yes it is wrong. Married or not he is not available. now unless he has some kind of "open" arrangement with his s.o. (which i doubt) then it is wrong plain and simple.

I agree.
Plus I wouldn't want to date a man that is THAT good at keeping secrets.
I think the question was about a man that has a girlfriend which in my eyes is more then just *seeing* someone.
It's serious.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I could agree with that if both of the parties in the original relationship have that understanding. We are not married therefore you are free to play. I dont know too many folks in that arrangement so it falls under deception if they are assumed to be monogamous and he later decides he is single and free to play. Its not the fact that he is attached that I have the problem with it, its the fact that he could be breaking their original agreement and in that case he is lying and cant be trusted by her or the new woman.

 

[Blossssom]

I could agree with that if both of the parties in the original relationship have that understanding. We are not married therefore you are free to play. I dont know too many folks in that arrangement so it falls under deception if they are assumed to be monogamous and he later decides he is single and free to play. Its not the fact that he is attached that I have the problem with it, its the fact that he could be breaking their original agreement and in that case he is lying and cant be trusted by her or the new woman.

Agreement? What agreement? Is it in writing? Is it verbal? What was the language?

Or do you just ASSUME you're monogamous because he screwed you more than once?

How exactly does a 'commitment' work when you're not married?

 

[MzLady78]

Hmm, I wonder how many of that 70% of single BW are single because they running behind somebody else's man instead of finding one who'll commit to them?

 

[gymfreak336]

Agreement? What agreement? Is it in writing? Is it verbal? What was the language?

Or do you just ASSUME you're monogamous because he screwed you more than once?

How exactly does a 'commitment' work when you're not married?

The only situation I can think of that wouldn't be out of line is if the guy wanted you to partake of certain activites with his girl.....if thats what their into.

 

[sowhut]

All they do is lie!

And thats why I don't want their lyin' stankin' asses . I don't want them doing that ish to me, especially after i caught feelings and everything.

 

[Blossssom]

Hmm, I wonder how many of that 70% of single BW are single because they running behind somebody else's man instead of finding one who'll commit to them?

It takes two to commit (marriage) and while women are worrying about another woman running behind their so-called man, it's the man that's running behind other women

Sowwy.

 

[Blossssom]

The only situation I can think of that wouldn't be out of line is if the guy wanted you to partake of certain activites with his girl.....if thats what their into.

Yea, and I ain't met a man YET that wouldn't be into that

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Agreement? What agreement? Is it in writing? Is it verbal? What was the language?

Or do you just ASSUME you're monogamous because he screwed you more than once?

How exactly does a 'commitment' work when you're not married?

You know women don't have a problem asking the monogamous question. And men don't just wake up monogamous the morning after they said "I do"

 

[Bint Yusef]

Agreement? What agreement? Is it in writing? Is it verbal? What was the language?

Or do you just ASSUME you're monogamous because he screwed you more than once?

How exactly does a 'commitment' work when you're not married?

Well I am married.

But when I was dating him it was understood and said that we were only to be with each other until our nuptials, it wasnt about my assumption or him "screwing" me. It was a mutual commitment. That is the deal we had and we were both supposed to uphold our end of that bargain. Am I speaking Greek here, I mean do you really not understand what I am saying?

 

[Blossssom]

And thats why I don't want their lyin' stankin' asses . I don't want them doing that ish to me, especially after i caught feelings and everything.

That's why our mommas told us to keep our dresstails down

Lyin' stank a$$! Ha!

 

[gymfreak336]

Yea, and I ain't met a man YET that wouldn't be into that

I have believe it or notmy boyfriend has no sense of adventure

 

[MzLady78]

It takes two to commit (marriage) and while women are worrying about another woman running behind their so-called man, it's the man that's running behind other women

Sowwy.

This is true. But just because he's willing to run around behind another woman doesn't mean you have to oblige him.

And more than likely the gf doesn't know that he's creeping so she isn't worrying. She probably trust him and thinks he's being faithful.

 

[chica_canella]

I don't feel it is okay because if he will do that to her then the same will happen to you. I just am not the type of woman (now) to date for fun. I will not waste my precious time falling in love or getting attached to a man that thinks it is ok to have two women at one time because I need exclusivity.

 

[Blossssom]

You know women don't have a problem asking the monogamous question. And men don't just wake up monogamous the morning after they said "I do"

I don't know... I see so many women complaining about a cheating man and 99.99% of the time he hasn't committed anything to her.

Usually before marriage, there is a period of engagement. Then and only then would I assume 'my man' is committed to me before marriage. So it's not about waking up the day after the ceremony and believing he's 100% monogamus. You knew that before you walked down the aisle.

And really, if a man wants to marry a woman, TRULY WANTS TO MARRY A WOMAN, he's not out dating Undefeated and Blossssom anyway. And if you're his girl/woman and he believes, as you do, that you have an unspoken or spoken committment, he won't stray from that. Ring or no ring.

He is faithful to you because he only WANTS you... everybody else? SCRATCH!

 

[MzLady78]

I have believe it or notmy boyfriend has no sense of adventure

Dont'cha hate that?!

 

[gymfreak336]

Dont'cha hate that?!

He's so boring, but I luv him anyway

 

[Blossssom]

Well I am married.

But when I was dating him it was understood and said that we were only to be with each other until our nuptials, it wasnt about my assumption or him "screwing" me. It was a mutual commitment. That is the deal we had and we were both supposed to uphold our end of that bargain. Am I speaking Greek here, I mean do you really not understand what I am saying?

I understand what you're saying, but for a lot of people it doesn't work that way... which is why we're discussing this because CLEARLY there is a guy out there that the OP has met that may have a woman, but he's willing to date her as well.

So in the end, and I hope this isn't French, it's all up to the individuals. If you and your man talked about a mutual committment before actually committing, that's all fine, but everybody is not you and your man.

 

[sowhut]

That's why our mommas told us to keep our dresstails down

Lyin' stank a$$! Ha!

She sho nuff did! But still even if it never gets that far, you still can get your feelings hurt messing with them types.

 

[Blossssom]

I have believe it or notmy boyfriend has no sense of adventure

Yea, they out there

Honey, adventureless men may actually be the BEST men! Heehee!

Of course, I've run around with tri-sexual freaks, meaning, they'll try anything once... whether I'm in the room or not

 

[bimbabe]

I get you Blossom...but my conscience has never led me to date a man with a SO because I would have for my man to be dating somebody else. I also would not want to play second fiddle.

Many men I know hound down women who are in relationships but are not married because they feel that if the woman is entirely happy with their SO they would not take them on.

 

[Blossssom]

This is true. But just because he's willing to run around behind another woman doesn't mean you have to oblige him.

And more than likely the gf doesn't know that he's creeping so she isn't worrying. She probably trust him and thinks he's being faithful.

But who told her that?

Unless you had the talk as Quest and her husband did BEFORE marriage, what makes you assume he is or HAS to be faithful to you?

He hasn't taken an oath with you...

 

[Blossssom]

He's so boring, but I luv him anyway

Girl... my stepsister had a boring husband. He went to work everyday; came home every night; watched the games on Sunday and then repeated it all again, outside of them going places together.

She got bored with spending his money; driving his Mercedes-Benz and cheated on him and he left her.

Ha!

What a dumb b**ch!

 

[Blossssom]

I get you Blossom...but my conscience has never led me to date a man with a SO because I would have for my man to be dating somebody else. I also would not want to play second fiddle.

Many men I know hound down women who are in relationships but are not married because they feel that if the woman is entirely happy with their SO they would not take them on.

And vice-versa.

 

[sowhut]

I have believe it or notmy boyfriend has no sense of adventure

LoL!(@ white print). I've heard guys say that they weren't into that with their girlfriends but that they would do it otherwise.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I understand what you're saying, but for a lot of people it doesn't work that way... which is why we're discussing this because CLEARLY there is a guy out there that the OP has met that may have a woman, but he's willing to date her as well.

So in the end, and I hope this isn't French, it's all up to the individuals. If you and your man talked about a mutual committment before actually committing, that's all fine, but everybody is not you and your man.

Right, but that was not my point.

If he is free to stray because he isnt engaged or married, does the other half know this. Its not unusual for people to assume they are in a monogamous relationship, unstated or otherwise. So you are saying that assumption is erroneous? I totally get that.

Doesnt take away from the fact that she believes that and he has yet to inform her of the error of her ways, continues to use that to his advantage and benefit. That is the problem I have. If he wants to be with her and doesnt want to only be with her, just say that and everybody can play their little bed hopping games. But to act like there is no act of deception because he hasnt married her yet is wild to me.