Is being single THAT bad?

[ALWAYZL8]

Am I ready to get married? YES!!!!! Is being single THAT bad? No, it's not that bad, but it's not all good either!

I like doing me, but I'm open to sharing my life with the right man, too! So, while I'm ready to get married, I'm living for today since tomorrow is not promised.

Side Note: If some fool does something to piss my off between today and tomorrow, I might edit my reply. Let's go with what I have for now!

 

[EccentricRed]

Lol! This thread turned into a hot mess, lol! My goal was to make this thread a positive feel good thread for single women about why we like being single and how being alone truly isn't an issue. Some women really are okay with being single, but I guess if you're not you just can't fake it. I've been trying to convince myself that I love being single for quite a while now.

Distractions my dear! Don't distract yourself with constant thoughts about being single. There's so much in the world! So much to do, see, study, read, visit, etc. I won't lie, I'm 28, and I really want to have a husband and a family. I worry about getting older, and missing the chance to have children. We are human and there are moments where it comes to mind...

But first things first. You have to love yourself. You know this, it's been told to you a multitude of times. Do things to fall in love with yourself! Treat yourself to multiple beauty days. Get fly and go to your favorite restaurant! Cook yourself a feast! Just enjoy yourself! I went through a similar phase, where I just wasn't completely happy with myself. I wrote a couple of scripts about relationships (one was made into a movie on my campus and received rave reviews!), I changed up my style, found clothes that made me look/feel good, found new interests and gave myself personal days. These helped me immensly.

There is so much to do as a single woman. I think sometimes we get so caught up in how unhappy we are single, that we miss out on the great opportunities around us! I pray one day someone will see the beauty in me (inner & outer) that I see in myself.

And Miss CelinaStarr, you're hair is just wayyyyy too fly! Okay...swoon over!

 

[jupitermoon]

Celina,

I don't think there's anything wrong with being single. If you are happy being single, then no amount of nagging, questions, opinions you didn't ask for etc. from other people will bother you. But from reading some of your posts, it seems that you are not happy being single. There's nothing wrong with this either. But I think your problem goes deeper than being single v being in a relationship. You actually sound a lot like me.

I've never had a boyfriend or been out on a date. I'm not quite 21 yet so I've got plenty of time, but other than 1 other friend of mine, I'm the only person I know who's never had a boyfriend. People always ask me "Don't you care? Aren't you lonely?" And at the moment, I honestly don't care. I don't want a boyfriend or SO because I am not in the place to have one right now. I always had a low self-image and I still do. I've always been overweight and I never thought I was pretty. Growing up my mom always made mean comments about my weight but never did anything to help me fix it as a child. At school, boys were confusing. They would call me ugly one day and slap me on the behind the next day. As a young teen I often felt lower than dirt. In my last year of middle school and throughout high school I really wanted a BF but was rarely approached. When guys would ask me out it always seemed so out-of-the-blue and random and since I knew I was unattractive, I just knew they were only joking with me and wanted to hurt my feelings (I still think this.) Yet, I was always hoping and thinking if I found someone that loved me, I could finally be happy. Luckily, I found out at a relatively young age that only you can make you happy. Relying on someone else is no good. What happens if/when they leave?

I'm not looking for a relationship right now because I don't need to be in one. It's cliche, but it's true. You can't love someone else until you love yourself first. If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't want him touching me, because I don't feel attractive. If he told me I look nice, I wouldn't believe him. So I need to get to a place where that won't be an issue. I don't even believe it myself yet, but surely I can't be that bad that no one would ever like me.

Sooooo my rambling aside, if you are truly happy being single, enjoy your singledom. If you are not, by all means, seek what you want! Don't feel you have to punish yourself and do what others want you to do. But please please please don't look to a relationship to resolve whatever conflict you are having within yourself. Being an insecure partner in a relationship never works out nicely. Don't do yourself that injustice.

Hope you'll be happy, whatever you do.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Our experiences are similar. Growing up adults and kids would call me fat, big, etc. In school I was also known as the ugly girl. I remember in my senior year of highschool walking past a group of guys in the hallway. One blurted out "Ugh" then they all started laughing calling me names and saying I was "Ugly as hell" and told me how I looked like all types of animals. This hurt me the worst. I was 18 at the time and had never had guys my age intersted in me (even back then the only guys attracted to me were "older", like in their 30s). I remember going home that evening looking into the mirror and crying. I thought I looked like a monster. Til this day, I am still unable to walk past a group of guys. Like if I go to the gas station and see too many young guys standing around, I won't get out my car and will drive to the next gas station.

I remember as a teen wanting to just date one of the 30 year old men that showed interest in me. I felt lucky that at least someone liked me, but I'm happy my parents wouldn't allow that. I do believe my experiences growing up affects how I relate to men today. It's like I missed an important developmental milestone.

I have a "unique" look that people either like or hate. I'm not beautiful/pretty/fine but would like to be and really admire beautiful women, but then again everyone can't be beautiful. Physical attractiveness isn't my strong point, but everyone has their weaknesses. From the time I was a little tiny girl (like 3 or 4 years old) I was called ugly. As a young child I was NEVER called cute, ever.

In school guys would also show interest in me in a joking manner. I was also known as the fat girl during a small portion of my teen years and I had acne too. The guys had a ball dogging me out. Prior to the acne and obesity, I was simply called ugly. I would get dressed up, straighten my hair, get highlights, get my eyebrows arched, shave/wax my entire body (I'm hairy), and wear make up just to still be called ugly.

For the longest time I've struggled with not feeling as good as other girls (during childhood/teen years)/women (now). I think feeling attractive plays an important part in a women feeling feminine and desirable. I think I'd feel better if I were in a relationship because I would finally feel desirable and on par with other women---like I'm just as good because guys are interested in me too and I'm no longer the "ugly girl". I'd also feel grown up just like the other women around me. Even though I've graduated from college and have a job and everything I still feel like a kid. I know it's not right to feel this way.

I'm also disappointed in myself because it's just a relationship. I shouldn't have such difficulty forming relationships. It's a relationship not rocket science.

I can so relate to your experiences. I'm sure you aren't unattractive and you didn't deserve any of that. You sound mature for your age and like you have a good head on your shoulders. You offer good advice. I wish you the best and I hope you feel better about yourself. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ I can really hear the pain in that post sorry you had to go through this.

It sounds like you haven't completely healed from these traumatic experiences and while your desire for a relationship is normal and genuine, I don't think it should be the focus of your journey to self-love and acceptance. Particularly at your age when you have plenty of time to find a good mate.

If seeing a therapist is cost prohibitive or just not your scene there are lots of other ways of digging into some of these issues. I don't know where you live, but I know in many areas there are groups or short term workshops exploring some of these issues if you feel a group environment would be helpful. I've been involved in groups like this and they were very, very, helpful and insightful. But I'm also a person who enjoyes honest self-reflection on my own terms and so there are a lot of books out there that can guide you through that if you'd rather explore this terrain on your own. Based on what you've written hear I'm thinking Byron Katie's book "The Work" might be helpful.

If you're committed to addressing this through the path of relationship, the book Calling in the One is a great choice...it's about healing, self-acceptance, and allowing love and is quite intense so be prepared for some true transformation if you do all of the exercises.

 

[Lovelylife]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Our experiences are similar. Growing up adults and kids would call me fat, big, etc. In school I was also known as the ugly girl. I remember in my senior year of highschool walking past a group of guys in the hallway. One blurted out "Ugh" then they all started laughing calling me names and saying I was "Ugly as hell" and told me how I looked like all types of animals. This hurt me the worst. I was 18 at the time and had never had guys my age intersted in me (even back then the only guys attracted to me were "older", like in their 30s). I remember going home that evening looking into the mirror and crying. I thought I looked like a monster. Til this day, I am still unable to walk past a group of guys. Like if I go to the gas station and see too many young guys standing around, I won't get out my car and will drive to the next gas station.

I remember as a teen wanting to just date one of the 30 year old men that showed interest in me. I felt lucky that at least someone liked me, but I'm happy my parents wouldn't allow that. I do believe my experiences growing up affects how I relate to men today. It's like I missed an important developmental milestone.

I have a "unique" look that people either like or hate. I'm not beautiful/pretty/fine but would like to be and really admire beautiful women, but then again everyone can't be beautiful. Physical attractiveness isn't my strong point, but everyone has their weaknesses. From the time I was a little tiny girl (like 3 or 4 years old) I was called ugly. As a young child I was NEVER called cute, ever.

In school guys would also show interest in me in a joking manner. I was also known as the fat girl during a small portion of my teen years and I had acne too. The guys had a ball dogging me out. Prior to the acne and obesity, I was simply called ugly. I would get dressed up, straighten my hair, get highlights, get my eyebrows arched, shave/wax my entire body (I'm hairy), and wear make up just to still be called ugly.

For the longest time I've struggled with not feeling as good as other girls (during childhood/teen years)/women (now). I think feeling attractive plays an important part in a women feeling feminine and desirable. I think I'd feel better if I were in a relationship because I would finally feel desirable and on par with other women---like I'm just as good because guys are interested in me too and I'm no longer the "ugly girl". I'd also feel grown up just like the other women around me. Even though I've graduated from college and have a job and everything I still feel like a kid. I know it's not right to feel this way.

I'm also disappointed in myself because it's just a relationship. I shouldn't have such difficulty forming relationships. It's a relationship not rocket science.

I can so relate to your experiences. I'm sure you aren't unattractive and you didn't deserve any of that. You sound mature for your age and like you have a good head on your shoulders. You offer good advice. I wish you the best and I hope you feel better about yourself. Thanks for sharing your story.

weird,I had the exact same experiences.
Last night I finally accepted that I had low self esteem. Most of the time low self esteem is not directly a fault of your but of your experiences. I was reading last night that people with low self esteem have difficulty maintaining and obtaining relationships. You have the shyness, self doubt , general mistrust of people and many other barriers to relationships. Hopefully I can work on the low self esteem then everything else will follow.

 

[Lovelylife]

Miss Celina, I'm going to co-sign on with Bunny77. It would really serve you well to figure out why you feel the way you do about yourself. Some professional counseling might be immensely helpful to you in general, not just in your relationship life.

With regards to the bolded, you are much more likely to attract a compatible and supportive mate who loves you if you are able to love and accept yourself first.

I've seen a couple of cases where a woman with low self-esteem hooked up with someone she thought was her savior and those relationships have not worked. In one instance he was attracted to her because of her low self-esteem and because her happiness depended on him. As she started to grow as a person he resented it and this was reflected in his behavior towards her.

In the other case, a man who was all peaches in cream during the courtship became increasingly abusive after the marriage. Again, because of her low self-esteem he felt entitled to possess and control her.

Being in a loving relationship is a wonderful thing but a man can not define you or your happiness. You need to do that for yourself. And the beautiful thing is, when you do that, quality men with good intentions are more likely to be attracted to you as well.

Thank you for this post.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

I especially appreciate the bolded.

However, #2... maybe i'd appreciate this one more but i'm holding onto my v-card 'til marriage so gas and sharing covers seems like a small price to potentially pay for other benefits.

Just to lighten things up a bit

10 Best Things About Being Single

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Singles often feel left out in our couple-driven society. Whenever you're tempted to feel down because of your singularity, remember these reasons why flying solo can be the best way to go:

1. You can make last-minute plans with your friends and stay out all night if you want.

2. You can lie on both sides of your bed and have all the covers to yourself.
(Plus if you have bad gas you don't have to be considerate)

3. You can flirt with the opposite sex without someone saying, " Who are you looking at? "

4. You can make your own decisions.

5. You don't have to remember your significant other's birthday or anniversary.

6. You have no one to clean up after.

7. You can leave the toilet seat permanently up if you're a man, or permanently down if you're a woman.

8. You can make a list of things you always wanted to do...and actually do them.

9. You can listen to your favorite radio station in the car.

10. You can actually hold on to the remote control.

 

[Guitarhero]

Yes, it's like being ignorant and not being able to educate yourself. You strive to improve your situation but it takes time. Not that you can't have happiness, but fulfilling dreams is what life is all about. Securing a relationship is not much different. Yearning in the heart...

 

[softblackcotton]

I could finally tell it from both perspectives now! yay! I just got into my first relationship with good guy friend of mine after being single my whole life. We still act, talk, hang out, joke around just like when we were just friends, but the only difference now is that we kiss each other and started calling each other pet names. Even though I'm 25 and he's 22, our relationship is very juvenile due to me not having any prior experience with romantic relationships. He's had three long-term (more than 2 years) girlfriends in the past, however, he tells me with me all his experience goes out the window. He doesn't know what do with me, since I am the first girlfriend who he's been just platonic friends with for so long. I guess the transistion from platonic friends to dating isn't so natural. Should it be? I could tell you guys the attraction was not there for me for a long while, and now it's just barely there. I'm trying, but sometimes I wish we just stayed friends because my feelings are taking a long time to grow after we've known each other for 2 and a half years. Just because a woman and a man are great as friends doesn't mean they would make a good couple. Single was not so bad after all, especially if you are not happy in your relationship.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

.................................

 

[WorkInProgress88]

I hate being single. Absolutely hate it. I would just like to know that someone out there who I like as well thinks I'm attractive, likes me for me and would love to have me on his arm. It's quite depressing and downright embarrassing that at 21 I've never had a BF.

well im 22 and am in the same boat. Being single has its pros and cons just like being in a relationship does.

 

[SweetTea]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Our experiences are similar. Growing up adults and kids would call me fat, big, etc. In school I was also known as the ugly girl. I remember in my senior year of highschool walking past a group of guys in the hallway. One blurted out "Ugh" then they all started laughing calling me names and saying I was "Ugly as hell" and told me how I looked like all types of animals. This hurt me the worst. I was 18 at the time and had never had guys my age intersted in me (even back then the only guys attracted to me were "older", like in their 30s). I remember going home that evening looking into the mirror and crying. I thought I looked like a monster. Til this day, I am still unable to walk past a group of guys. Like if I go to the gas station and see too many young guys standing around, I won't get out my car and will drive to the next gas station.

I remember as a teen wanting to just date one of the 30 year old men that showed interest in me. I felt lucky that at least someone liked me, but I'm happy my parents wouldn't allow that. I do believe my experiences growing up affects how I relate to men today. It's like I missed an important developmental milestone.

I have a "unique" look that people either like or hate. I'm not beautiful/pretty/fine but would like to be and really admire beautiful women, but then again everyone can't be beautiful. Physical attractiveness isn't my strong point, but everyone has their weaknesses. From the time I was a little tiny girl (like 3 or 4 years old) I was called ugly. As a young child I was NEVER called cute, ever.

In school guys would also show interest in me in a joking manner. I was also known as the fat girl during a small portion of my teen years and I had acne too. The guys had a ball dogging me out. Prior to the acne and obesity, I was simply called ugly. I would get dressed up, straighten my hair, get highlights, get my eyebrows arched, shave/wax my entire body (I'm hairy), and wear make up just to still be called ugly.

For the longest time I've struggled with not feeling as good as other girls (during childhood/teen years)/women (now). I think feeling attractive plays an important part in a women feeling feminine and desirable. I think I'd feel better if I were in a relationship because I would finally feel desirable and on par with other women---like I'm just as good because guys are interested in me too and I'm no longer the "ugly girl". I'd also feel grown up just like the other women around me. Even though I've graduated from college and have a job and everything I still feel like a kid. I know it's not right to feel this way.

I'm also disappointed in myself because it's just a relationship. I shouldn't have such difficulty forming relationships. It's a relationship not rocket science.

I can so relate to your experiences. I'm sure you aren't unattractive and you didn't deserve any of that. You sound mature for your age and like you have a good head on your shoulders. You offer good advice. I wish you the best and I hope you feel better about yourself. Thanks for sharing your story.

You are most welcome. Our experiences really were very similar so I'm glad my post was helpful to you. It's a shame all of the problems young girls can run into growing up. I'm definitely scarred, but not broken. I'm not at the point yet where I can say I love myself. There are still plenty of days when I say I hate myself, but now I also have times when I think I look alright, or I acknowledge that I'm smart or I give myself a mental pat on the back for finally stopping my endless cycle of gaining weight year after year.

I'm getting to the point where I'm realizing I actually deserve to be happy. I don't know if I'll be able to say that I've been on a date before I graduate from college in May, but hopefully I'll be ready to date, whenever that day comes. I've been getting so many unexpected (positive) surprises over this past year, that I'm really just taking life as it comes.

You will find someone and I think they will make you happy. Why? Because it seems like even though you don't want to be alone, you still won't settle for just anybody. And that's very important. I have so many friends right now who are going through tough times because they couldn't wait. Of course, dating is a process. It's hard to tell who you're going to like or dislike in one meeting. But I'm sure there are a lot of ladies on this board who could give you helpful tips on how to find nice men.

Thanks for your response and I wish you the best as well.

 

[caltron]

Being single is not as good as being in a happy marriage, but it is heaven compared to being in a bad marriage. When I left my longtime exbf, it was like Christmas everyday. After being dragged down by a bad relationship so long I was able to appreciate every second of my single status.

 

[qchelle]

Well I just learned that you can't have male friends when you get married so for me right now, yes single (as in not married) is awesome

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Ironically enough this question came up today when I was talking with a friend. I already posted in this thread before, but I have given it even more thought.

I'm starting to realize that looking at what other people are going through in their relationships and marriages is turning me off more and more on the idea of a relationship or marriage. Ii was convinced before, but now I'm more convinced than ever that there is way too much drama. And I think far too many women are looking things through rose-colored lenses. Taking a step back and just perusing the other threads in this forum is enough of a warning bell for me.

I hate to sound pessimistic because that is not my intention. But I think being single is great because you really get to find yourself. You get to do what YOU want to do. You can be friends with whomever you want ( in reference to the thread mentioned above lol). You aren't worried about whether you are doing enough to "keep your man." You aren't having to worry about why he isn't calling or why he's friends with that chick you know has a crush on him. you don't have to worry about the games men like to play.

But most importantly you are free to shape you career and really enjoy life.

 

[ambergirl]

Ironically enough this question came up today when I was talking with a friend. I already posted in this thread before, but I have given it even more thought.

I'm starting to realize that looking at what other people are going through in their relationships and marriages is turning me off more and more on the idea of a relationship or marriage. Ii was convinced before, but now I'm more convinced than ever that there is way too much drama. And I think far too many women are looking things through rose-colored lenses. Taking a step back and just perusing the other threads in this forum is enough of a warning bell for me.

I hate to sound pessimistic because that is not my intention. But I think being single is great because you really get to find yourself. You get to do what YOU want to do. You can be friends with whomever you want ( in reference to the thread mentioned above lol). You aren't worried about whether you are doing enough to "keep your man." You aren't having to worry about why he isn't calling or why he's friends with that chick you know has a crush on him. you don't have to worry about the games men like to play.

But most importantly you are free to shape you career and really enjoy life.

I so feel you with the bolded. Being married does not equal being happy. There are alot of unhealthy marriages out there but oddly, folks seem to think it's more dysfunctional to be single then married.

That said, I am still a big proponent of marriage. It is possible to have a good marriage, but I think the biggest problem is that IMO there are so few good role models out there for how to be healthy, happy, and married.

 

[The Girl]

I hate being single. Absolutely hate it. I would just like to know that someone out there who I like as well thinks I'm attractive, likes me for me and would love to have me on his arm. It's quite depressing and downright embarrassing that at 21 I've never had a BF.

Can only agree with the bolded cuz ummm, I havent been 20 anything in yrs

 

[Imani]

Ironically enough this question came up today when I was talking with a friend. I already posted in this thread before, but I have given it even more thought.

I'm starting to realize that looking at what other people are going through in their relationships and marriages is turning me off more and more on the idea of a relationship or marriage. Ii was convinced before, but now I'm more convinced than ever that there is way too much drama. And I think far too many women are looking things through rose-colored lenses. Taking a step back and just perusing the other threads in this forum is enough of a warning bell for me.

I hate to sound pessimistic because that is not my intention. But I think being single is great because you really get to find yourself. You get to do what YOU want to do. You can be friends with whomever you want ( in reference to the thread mentioned above lol). You aren't worried about whether you are doing enough to "keep your man." You aren't having to worry about why he isn't calling or why he's friends with that chick you know has a crush on him. you don't have to worry about the games men like to play.

But most importantly you are free to shape you career and really enjoy life.

This! Yes, I'm in a relationship now. Drama, drama, drama. If things don't get better, and we do break up I will be happy to be rid of the drama. I have a headache right now as I am typing this because of another one of our long drawn out "talks" (ie. arguments) about "us"

I agree with what another poster said, I could possibly see how being single could be not as great as being in a GOOD relationship. But I can do bad by myself, and I'd MUCH rather be single than in a constantly stressfull/ drama-filled relationship.

 

[The Girl]

Cosigning with the bolded part. If you don't see yourself as worthy, no one else will. Like a shark is attracted to blood, a human shark is attracted to a bleeding spirit and heart.

You said you want to be as open as possible. I want you to picture the door of a house. If you leave it as open as possible, what will come in? Vermin, thieves, insects, etc. Put a screen up to your openness so that you can filter out the bad.

Thank you, I like and needed that analogy!

 

[HairQueen]

I think it depends partly on your age and if you want kids etc

I am 34 and although I have never particularly liked being single at any time of my life when I was in between relationships, I am finding that now is the worst time for me. I absolutely HATE IT.

I think because I have achieved the things I was working towards when I was in my 20's i.e. qualifications, good job, own home etc I am ready now to move on to the next stage but have no option but to wait. I meet guys but they are not serious, they just want to have fun. I am tired of having fun, I want to be serious now.

I live alone which doesn't help because I spend time dwelling. Also I don't see my friends so much anymore because they either have kids or are in a relationship so really I feel quite isolated. At home by myself most of the time its not very nice, and I really don't enjoy it

 

[FtrDrO]

Honestly, I'm content with being single. There is a sense of peace that comes with being able to do what you want when you want, not having someone take me through the motions at any given time, and not having to compromise on things. On the flip side, sometimes it is nice to have someone for companionship and of course I would like to get married one day. Yet, I'm not going to make my singleness as the focus of my life and the very thing that it will revolve around, as some people seem to expect that I do. I just take my situation for what it is. People make being single seem like the big evil, when it really is a time to celebrate YOU. If a relationship happens, then it does. But, if it doesn't, better believe that I'm out enjoying and doing things that are 100% me.
Someone once said
"Folks talk about relationships being 50/50. No, they should be 100/100. Two whole, complete people coming together to share their whole and complete lives together. Not that movie crap "you complete me". No, I am complete and I want to share my completeness with your completeness!!!!"
This is how I feel. Be content and enjoy being you while single. It only helps when you join together with someone else because two complete people make the best relationships.

Edit: My church has a Solo series going on right now. 30 min long sermons....pretty much talking about this very topic about how people make being single seem like a curse, when it's not. Check it out if you're interested. My church is nondenominational and isn't like your average church, so don't be shocked to see the pastor wearing jeans and being this young. Our uniqueness is what draws so many people. And this isn't our main pastor, but he's one of our pastors. Pt 1 talks about singleness not being a burden to be despised, Pt 2 talks about letting loneliness remind us of God's presence, & Pt 3 (the best for everyone I think-both Christians & nonChristians) talks about the negative effects of relational compromise. http://www.zionchurchonline.com/meet

 

[jupitermoon]

...

I live alone which doesn't help because I spend time dwelling. Also I don't see my friends so much anymore because they either have kids or are in a relationship so really I feel quite isolated. At home by myself most of the time its not very nice, and I really don't enjoy it

I've noticed this to. The older people get (particularly those with SOs and families), the busier they become. I used to go out with my friends quite often. Now they are all busy with their kids and SOs. It's like whenever I call them asking to go out they have something SO/family related to do. I've now stopped calling them and asking to go out. I know they're busy and I don't want to keep bugging them. Also, I feel as if we're on different levels, like they're one step above me and I can't relate.

I spend most of my days alone too---well, I have a dog and horse though. But you're right, it does give you more time to think and worry. Plus living in an area with nothing to do makes it that much worse.

 

[Vinyl]

I'm happy being single... for now. I see it as a chance to really explore life and all it has to offer. I'm 20 and single for the first time since I was 13... so I'm finally getting to explore who -I- am as a person, without having to worry about how someone else feels, how my decisions effect my partner, etc.

It's liberating. Ultimately I do want a partner... but I don't want to start lamenting my life experiences when I'm in the relationship, which was a major issue when I was with someone.

I am still dating, since I never did that... I think the experience is invaluable. At any rate for me, being single is about figuring out who I am when I'm not tethered to someone else. It's been a very fun ride.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Is being single THAT bad?

Why yes the H E L L it is!

People always say that "I'm single by choice" but if that's the case everyone is single by choice. It's always that one psycho man with no teethfus in his mouth that you could probably get to date you. But that's just desperate and that's not cute.

Yes single is that bad. Especially when you've spent time working on yourself to you get to the point where you care comfortable with yourself, and you still don't have any prospects. Yes being single is that bad because eventually you get tired of hugging pillows at night, kissing yourself, and playing with your Mr. B.O.B. Yes it is that bad because sometimes you just wanna share personal intimate details with someone who is not a girl or your father.

Being single is fine for awhile. I have no problem with it, but it gets boring, lonely, and very predictable after awhile. I hate it. Death to being single.

**This rant COULD possibly come from being that time of the month, being 2am and still up and cranky, and realizing that I'm getting to the point where I'm tired of being single. But nevertheless being single is not as people make it cracked up to be. I don't care how much makeup you put on it, a pig is still a pig.**

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to be single for extended periods of time. I believe that being involved in intimate relationships with other people shapes us in many ways. There is a lot of personal growth that can be done while you are single, but there are a lot of things you learn about yourself while in a relationship that you will never learn when alone. I've been single, as in not in a serious relationship, for years, and while I enjoy the single/dating life, I can see where I am missing out on some social development.

We talk a lot about confidence and self-esteem on here as if those are things you can only evaluate and develop as a single woman. I think it is more complex than that. I thought I was confident and had enough self-esteem at 20 but it was only after I entered into what would become a failure of a relationship that I realized that I had some more work to do. I think it is easier to be confident as a single woman, especially when you are not looking, than it is to keep that same amount of confidence and self-esteem when it comes time to find and settle down with a mate. Many women are extremely confident while single, but uncover hidden insecurities once they get involved with men.

I don't think it is healthy to always be in a relationship and never be able to develop as a single woman, but I don't think single-female development should take an extended period of time. We are social creatures, and when we yearn for love it is not always from fear of being alone, sometimes it is because we want to develop in new ways, learn more about ourselves, and experience something new and exciting.

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to be single for extended periods of time. I believe that being involved in intimate relationships with other people shapes us in many ways. There is a lot of personal growth that can be done while you are single, but there are a lot of things you learn about yourself while in a relationship that you will never learn when alone. I've been single, as in not in a serious relationship, for years, and while I enjoy the single/dating life, I can see where I am missing out on some social development.

We talk a lot about confidence and self-esteem on here as if those are things you can only evaluate and develop as a single woman. I think it is more complex than that. I thought I was confident and had enough self-esteem at 20 but it was only after I entered into what would become a failure of a relationship that I realized that I had some more work to do. I think it is easier to be confident as a single woman, especially when you are not looking, than it is to keep that same amount of confidence and self-esteem when it comes time to find and settle down with a mate. Many women are extremely confident while single, but uncover hidden insecurities once they get involved with men.

I don't think it is healthy to always be in a relationship and never be able to develop as a single woman, but I don't think single-female development should take an extended period of time. We are social creatures, and when we yearn for love it is not always from fear of being alone, sometimes it is because we want to develop in new ways, learn more about ourselves, and experience something new and exciting.

I agree with this 100%.

There are things we cannot learn about ourselves when we are single. To be in a relationship is to develop some parts of yourself that perhaps we'd rather ignore...

I have personally been single enough time in my life now. I have learned all I can learn as a single person, no more now, please!

 

[FlowerHair]

I've noticed this to. The older people get (particularly those with SOs and families), the busier they become. I used to go out with my friends quite often. Now they are all busy with their kids and SOs. It's like whenever I call them asking to go out they have something SO/family related to do. I've now stopped calling them and asking to go out. I know they're busy and I don't want to keep bugging them. Also, I feel as if we're on different levels, like they're one step above me and I can't relate.

I spend most of my days alone too---well, I have a dog and horse though. But you're right, it does give you more time to think and worry. Plus living in an area with nothing to do makes it that much worse.

You have a horse?! What kind of horse is it? I love horses!!

All my friends have children and SOs/husbands, but I'm lucky that they want to hang out with me anyway. I usually do something with a friend and her kids and that's okay since I don't mind hanging out with children! Pretty soon their kids will be grown and my friends will have to be with me and my little child, if everything goes according to my dreams.

 

[jupitermoon]

You have a horse?! What kind of horse is it? I love horses!!

All my friends have children and SOs/husbands, but I'm lucky that they want to hang out with me anyway. I usually do something with a friend and her kids and that's okay since I don't mind hanging out with children! Pretty soon their kids will be grown and my friends will have to be with me and my little child, if everything goes according to my dreams.

You'll make a great mom FlowerHair. I wish you the best.

I do have a horsey. He's a Quarter Horse. I started riding 2 years ago and bought him last spring. I always wanted to ride as a kid but my parents couldn't afford it. He's pretty fun to ride. He's long and covers a lot of ground so it's feels as if he is trotting faster than he actually is. He's eager to please and that's my baby, lol. Like if he feels me losing my balance while trotting too fast he will actually stop. My balance has really improved within the last few months. He's grown so much over the past year that I've had to get used to him trotting differently. He's in better shape now and really uses all of his muscles to trot so it feels as if he's throwing you forward more so sitting back and keeping the heels down is very important. I ride English/hunt seat so unlike a western saddle there is no horn to hold on to; balance is very important.

Here's a pic from last year:

His fur is a little lighter this year (gray horses' fur tend to turn white with age) plus he's put on a lot of weight.

 

[FlowerHair]

You'll make a great mom FlowerHair. I wish you the best.

I do have a horsey. He's a Quarter Horse. I started riding 2 years ago and bought him last spring. I always wanted to ride as a kid but my parents couldn't afford it. He's pretty fun to ride. He's long and covers a lot of ground so it's feels as if he is trotting faster than he actually is. He's eager to please and that's my baby, lol. Like if he feels me losing my balance while trotting too fast he will actually stop. My balance has really improved within the last few months. He's grown so much over the past year that I've had to get used to him trotting differently. He's in better shape now and really uses all of his muscles to trot so it feels as if he's throwing you forward more so sitting back and keeping the heels down is very important. I ride English/hunt seat so unlike a western saddle there is no horn to hold on to; balance is very important.

Here's a pic from last year:

His fur is a little lighter this year (gray horses' fur tend to turn white with age) plus he's put on a lot of weight.

Aww he's so beautiful!! I was so curious about Quarter horses when I lived in NOLA many years ago. We don't have many of them here.
I've also only ridden with a regular/English saddle. Do you ever ride bare back? That's excellent for improving the posture.
Do you keep him in a stable close to where you live or do you have a stable on your property? Do you have to feed him and ride him daily or does someone else help you with that? How old is he?

Riding is so much fun!

 

[jupitermoon]

Aww he's so beautiful!! I was so curious about Quarter horses when I lived in NOLA many years ago. We don't have many of them here.
I've also only ridden with a regular/English saddle. Do you ever ride bare back? That's excellent for improving the posture.
Do you keep him in a stable close to where you live or do you have a stable on your property? Do you have to feed him and ride him daily or does someone else help you with that? How old is he?

Riding is so much fun!

I've ridden him bare back before. Last time I got on bare back I fell off, lol! I asked him to trot and I couldn't keep my balance so I squeezed my knees to stay on which made him speed up even more so I fell off, lol! He gets really sensitive when I fall and he runs away and "hide". It looks so silly and cute. He think that he's going to get in trouble because I fell; like it's his fault. He's 6 years old.

I keep him at a stable about 15 minutes away from me. My property is way too small for a horse. The stable that I keep him at feeds him, turns him out, and cleanehis stall. I ride him about 3-4 times a week, groom him, bathe him, make vet calls, spend time with him, take him on trail rides, etc.


How long have you been riding? I bet you're good. I do have a western saddle and it is much easier too stay on. The seat is deeper then there's the horn. I haven't been in my western saddle since April. I prefer English and it looks better too.