Interracial Daters / Marriages... HELP ME?

[Jada]

I met my SO on Plentyoffish.com. Next month will make it a year!

 

[Nelli04]

I always feel like relationships should happen organically...I see no wrong in going places to find a guy, period...but going out of your way to find a white guy by befriending white women seems a little odd to me.

 

[UmSumayyah]

ThatJerseyGirl currently college park
are u coming to the meetup?

Oh wait there's a meetup scheduled?

 

[NijaG]

I always feel like relationships should happen organically...I see no wrong in going places to find a guy, period...but going out of your way to find a white guy by befriending white women seems a little odd to me.

In life you do what you gotta do. I feel as long as you can form a mutually decent friendship then there is really nothing wrong with going that route. Women and men do this intra-racially all the time.

 

[Renewed1]

I co-sign coffee shops You would be surprised how many wm really want to date bw but are afraid to approach them.

This coming Saturday, I'm going to sit at my local Starbucks.

 

[*Happily Me*]

i wish i found wm attractive like that. It would open up a whole lot more dating ops. le sigh..
Every time I see one that i'm slightly attracted to, like that, I wanna dip him in chocolate and put some collagen in his lips. crazy, i know.

 

[TinyBlu]

In life you do what you gotta do. I feel as long as you can form a mutually decent friendship then there is really nothing wrong with going that route. Women and men do this intra-racially all the time.

I totally cosign on your comment here. I jump out of planes for the hell of it. Befriending a white person (which is not totally out of the ordinary. I don't care if you're polka dot), isn't that big of a deal.

You can "play it safe" and let life pass you buy or "be a little odd" and live life to the fullest. Life can be so wonderful if you have the courage not to be afraid of it. Live a little!!!

 

[TinyBlu]

I always feel like relationships should happen organically...I see no wrong in going places to find a guy, period...but going out of your way to find a white guy by befriending white women seems a little odd to me.

Hmmm that comment reads a little short sighted to me. It's not like I don't know white people or have not interacted with them (did you read my post about going to a predominantly white college?), I could do a little better to reach out to them and spend more time with them hanging out.

It's not like I'm gonna turn into little Ms. Ebony meets Ivory just for the sake of meeting a man.

As for "organically"... is that not what I'm doing? I certainly can't meet people in the house or locked in my hotel room. What's the harm in taking a chance of putting myself in places where people I would like to meet frequent. Nothing INorganic or odd about my approach.

In my world we call it ... living. Just because you don't agree with something doesn't make it odd. It's this type of mentality that keeps you in a box.

I choose not only to live outside the box.... I'm going to create my own....

 

[Nelli04]

All I'm saying is that women have complained on this very forum about how white women befriend black women to meet black men, I just find it odd that people are advocating the very same thing in this thread. But do what you want, I just saw 'befriend a white woman' as odd and wrong because it basically says your sole motivation for becoming friends with said white woman is so she can potentially introduce you to or give you the opportunity to meet the white man of your dreams.

People choose to become friends with people for whatever reasons, I'm aware of that, but when it is solely racially motivated, it's wrong IMO. If that is not what you are doing, then it doesn't apply to you, but that is the impression I got.

My mindset is not keeping me in a box, I have friends of all races, but I'm not friends with them because I want them to introduce to me men of their race.

 

[RocStar]

All I'm saying is that women have complained on this very forum about how white women befriend black women to meet black men, I just find it odd that people are advocating the very same thing in this thread. But do what you want, I just saw 'befriend a white woman' as odd and wrong because it basically says your sole motivation for becoming friends with said white woman is so she can potentially introduce you to or give you the opportunity to meet the white man of your dreams.

People choose to become friends with people for whatever reasons, I'm aware of that, but when it is solely racially motivated, it's wrong IMO. If that is not what you are doing, then it doesn't apply to you, but that is the impression I got.

My mindset is not keeping me in a box, I have friends of all races, but I'm not friends with them because I want them to introduce to me men of their race.

I agree!!!

 

[My Friend]

SummerSolstice

Why did I thnk you were in Cali?

I met my white boyfriend in college in a class. he offered to let me use a pen and then after that he kept trying to talk to me... i was like ???
Then we had to work on an assignment together and he had to come to my apartment and we ended up having a good talk and watching movies that night, then he came back and we watched movies all weekend... it was just very random how we hit it off.
I also hang in white crowds and white men try to come at me. I'm not for it though

They seem to LOVE beer bars. THeres a good one in DC where there were a bunch of wealthies hanging out... I used to go after work when I was at the salon. Some were weird about my presence but several would just come up to me.

 

[SummerSolstice]

Why did I thnk you were in Cali?

My Friend lol can u tell me what was Cali about me? I hear that a lot

 

[My Friend]

@My Friend lol can u tell me what was Cali about me? I hear that a lot

SummerSolstice

Your bubbly personality and your seemingly innocent ways

 

[SummerSolstice]

@SummerSolstice

Your bubbly personality and your seemingly innocent ways

Awww
i've always felt like this area was TOO SERIOUS for me

 

[DarkJoy]

I am SOOOOO loving that idea! I'm an avid reader, so I'm thinking of grabbing the IPAD and heading to the yuppy side of town and settle in with a chai latte!!!

I'm also thinking of grabbing the pooch and heading to the dog park. White folks LOVE their animals, and I adore my four-legged baby...

I chuckled at the natural hair comment. I'll make it a point to wear my locs down when I visit the coffee shop.

I find dog parks kinda...lame. Too family oriented. I go to all the dog parks in my area and those dudes are usually hooked up here. But walking the dog in a nice shopping district works and we get chatted up all the time.

And if you can find a cafe in an upscale shopping district (with outdoor seating for the pup!!) you'll be in like Flynn. A place where there's lots of foot traffic.

Matter of fact, couple weeks ago I was meeting a friend in an upscale shopping district. Sat down at the bus stop to riffle through my purse and thought my clothes fell off the way this young dude was eyeing me--hard! Walked right past me and turned back and looked again....

Too bad I wasn't feelin my inner cougar. He was MAYBE 25....

 

[gabulldawg]

This thread....

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Since you are out of a college setting, the only other setting would be work or a social network. Then there is the dreaded online thing which you already touched on. I've come to the conclusion, online dating sux in general for meeting any race of men. Someone suggested becoming friends with a white woman. You live in the south right? Let me just say, I'm from the south and white women ain't trying to hook no black woman up with their men. If you lived out west then maybe. I got plenty of white girlfriends and even though they knew I was open to dating interracially, they never attempted to hook me up with white men. I can understand though because black women, white men unions are still not as socially acceptable as other pairings.

One thing you didn't do is mention your age. This is actually critical because I find people in their 20's to be more open minded than 30 year olds. If you are in your 20's you will fare better on the interracial scene than someone like me who is in her 30's. People in my generation are still kinda old school, believe it or not.

I met my SO at work btw.

I had an annoying white roommate and a few of her male friends hit on me. She was jealous. She already didn't like me. Ive also had white women give me dirty looks too. The assistant pastor's wife of the church I attend thought I was getting fresh with her husband. She never came out and told me, but I knew because she made me feel so uncomfortable. And they make us out to be the ones who are bitter and hating!

 

[Dposh167]

All I'm saying is that women have complained on this very forum about how white women befriend black women to meet black men, I just find it odd that people are advocating the very same thing in this thread. But do what you want, I just saw 'befriend a white woman' as odd and wrong because it basically says your sole motivation for becoming friends with said white woman is so she can potentially introduce you to or give you the opportunity to meet the white man of your dreams.

People choose to become friends with people for whatever reasons, I'm aware of that, but when it is solely racially motivated, it's wrong IMO. If that is not what you are doing, then it doesn't apply to you, but that is the impression I got.

My mindset is not keeping me in a box, I have friends of all races, but I'm not friends with them because I want them to introduce to me men of their race.

I hear you!
and i agree. If this was about a black man who's trying to get white girls and PLOTS do befriend white men for that reason everybody would be like. it goes both ways

 

[spelmanlocks]

I once hung out with some white co-workers after work once and we hit up a bunch of bars on the 'white' side of town and sure enough the white dudes were on me hard. This was in a very yuppie like area with a lot of well-educated, worldly types. Of the black women I know married to white men they either met at work or through friends. One other couple I know met while teaching English in China of all places.

 

[Bozcurls]

The first white guy I dated I met in college. The second I met through my friends. Broke up with both of them. Neither relationship lasted more than seven months.

 

[MizAvalon]

I have dated interracially my entire life so for me there isn't any "formula". Just be your normal self and do your normal things. The men who like you will approach you.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I met my SO on Plentyoffish.com. Next month will make it a year!

Our 1 year anniversary was early this month and we met on POF too. I dont suggest that site to anyone tho

I always feel like relationships should happen organically...I see no wrong in going places to find a guy, period...but going out of your way to find a white guy by befriending white women seems a little odd to me.

Answer is in bolded below

All I'm saying is that women have complained on this very forum about how white women befriend black women to meet black men, I just find it odd that people are advocating the very same thing in this thread. But do what you want, I just saw 'befriend a white woman' as odd and wrong because it basically says your sole motivation for becoming friends with said white woman is so she can potentially introduce you to or give you the opportunity to meet the white man of your dreams.

People choose to become friends with people for whatever reasons, I'm aware of that, but when it is solely racially motivated, it's wrong IMO. If that is not what you are doing, then it doesn't apply to you, but that is the impression I got.

My mindset is not keeping me in a box, I have friends of all races, but I'm not friends with them because I want them to introduce to me men of their race.

White women do it all the time.

I find dog parks kinda...lame. Too family oriented. I go to all the dog parks in my area and those dudes are usually hooked up here. But walking the dog in a nice shopping district works and we get chatted up all the time.

And if you can find a cafe in an upscale shopping district (with outdoor seating for the pup!!) you'll be in like Flynn. A place where there's lots of foot traffic.

Matter of fact, couple weeks ago I was meeting a friend in an upscale shopping district. Sat down at the bus stop to riffle through my purse and thought my clothes fell off the way this young dude was eyeing me--hard! Walked right past me and turned back and looked again....

Too bad I wasn't feelin my inner cougar. He was MAYBE 25....

Ive met many single men trying to find mommies for their doggies at the dog park. I normally go alone so its kinda awkward trying to let them know im not single.

I have dated interracially my entire life so for me there isn't any "formula". Just be your normal self and do your normal things. The men who like you will approach you.

This. They are everywhere.

 

[Silkycoils]

Out of curiosity, I went on okcupid last night and created a profile. No lie, before I was even done creating my profile, this white guy (a cute Phd candidate IM'd me. We chatted for over an hour. It was cool. So I'd recommend checking out that site.

 

[Raspberry]

The gym and/or classes at the gym.
Intra-mural sports

Church, believe it or not, I've gotten tons of play from white men in church settings, and both my mom and one of my sisters met their white husbands through church related activities... but if you're not a church-goer this won't apply.

 

[Raspberry]

This thread....

I hear you on a surface level but as black women location and social networks can make or break our dating prospects. We often have to be more strategic about positioning ourselves for a mate. The same applies if you're looking for a certain type of black man IMO. So yea, while it may sound calculating or weird to ask for advice on finding a white man to date, I totally get it. If that's what the OP wants and it's not working, she should find a better way.

Women who live in large cities or in places where there's high numbers of the type of men they like tend to take it for granted...

 

[Raspberry]

I had an annoying white roommate and a few of her male friends hit on me. She was jealous. She already didn't like me. Ive also had white women give me dirty looks too. The assistant pastor's wife of the church I attend thought I was getting fresh with her husband. She never came out and told me, but I knew because she made me feel so uncomfortable. And they make us to out to be the ones who are bitter and hating!

I once had a (white female) co-worker "warn" me that a white guy in my dept. had a girlfriend.. I guess she thought I was being too friendly with him (he was cute but I wasn't tryin to get with him). Thing is, a married white woman in the same dept. was constantly making eyes and obviously flirting with dude to the point that she was talked about.. but the nosy co-worker had nothin to say to her

 

[CurlyMoo]

I met my SO on Plentyoffish.com. Next month will make it a year!

WOW, I have had no success there at all.

 

[getoffmylawn]

I married an Asian guy. We met each other through a mutual friend- my best friend worked with one of his friends and he gave him my number for some reason. Anyways I guess the best places would be work and/or school. The family issue was difficult as I come from an old Southern white family and dh being Asian sort of made them uncomfortable but he also had an Islamic/Arabic name which they REALLY didn't like. I listened to so many speeches, warnings and advisories about him, my Lord. I didn't tell them I had married until after three months had passed and eventually my mom came by our house and put all my stuff from their home on our doorstep We didn't speak for a while but one day I guess they caved in and started coming around. They became close to dh after a few years and now call him their son but it was DIFFICULT, worth it though since he's a great guy. I honestly believe I'd have been forced into a relationship with some gun toting, redneck smoker if he wouldn't have found me

 

[Briabiggles]

My SO is white. We met in out running club. I was dating someone else when we met. As soon as I became single, he snatched me up!

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse the typos!

 

[PeaceFlow]

JMO.

Talk to different people, do different things and mix in different circles, accept random invites, be vivacious . Just for the sake of it and not for white men lol. You will end up being friends and associates with people you usually wouldn't, having dating prospects from people you usually wouldn't etc..

For different experiences (not just race wise) all you need do is be attractive and friendly in environments that you wouldn't usually be in. Personally I did it that way round without white men in mind mind lol just because I like meeting different types of people. I met vaious types of men which was quite interesting.