Interracial Daters / Marriages... HELP ME?

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
How did you meet your SO?

I have always been attracted to white men, but never really pursued it. As I get older and don't care as much about what my "Southern" family thinks (you should have seen their reaction when I went natural), I think I am ready to expand my horizons.

I have tried an interracial online site, but it appears that most of the men there are just looking to fulfill a fantasy or aren't my type (which is odd. I get accused of "acting white" all the time by may family:lol:)

Currently, I am a salesperson that travels and works TOO MUCH which has left me very little time to date a man of any race, but I am looking to make some major changes (office, white collar job) next year, and think that will afford me the opportunity to meet some new people.

I know that there are plenty of white men that are attracted to black women, and I consider myself to be kinda cute, so where do I start?

Too bad Channing Tatum is married....:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
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Most people I know met so while at school. Lol but I would say the best thing is to make a white girlfriend since its generally easier to make a girl friend than meet an so. Hang out in white areas of town. Good luck
 
I met my SO (we've been together about 6 years now) at a co-workers cook-out. He was her husband's former roommate. I learned that he had checked me out at another function she gave and when I attended her Christmas party, he went for it and won me over. We've been together ever since.

He wants me to live with him permanently (with or without marriage; my prerogative) but I won't do it. I like my house and my private time. I spend most of my time at his house, but when he gets on my nerves I can always go home and get a break. :lol: He's a good guy and loves me like no other man has. I'm happy. :yep:
 
If you want a relationship, please do not go to bars. Them "drunk" (most really aren't) WM get a dose of courage and be so thirsty. Its funny though and only for entertainment.
 
hmm... where have i met non-blk men.

-online
-parties
-clubs

but when i was approached by WM the most was in college. i became friends with this white girl and that's when WM came out of the woodworks. it was crazy. we would hang out w. these white guys she was friends with. i would have no idea they were interested, even though we hung out for hours. later on she'd tell me that so and so was interested in me and asked if i was interested in him.

it seems like they do these things through other ppl. at least that's what i've observed.
 
IndifinableJoli said:
If you want a relationship, please do not go to bars. Them "drunk" (most really aren't) WM get a dose of courage and be so thirsty. Its funny though and only for entertainment.
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I think it depends on the bar. I met my baby at a bar. He is a shy studious neurologist.

I agree that you should not go looking for a relationship. I was there looking for a mojito and nothing else. He was there for the cigar bar.
 
Gin&Tonic said:
I think it depends on the bar. I met my baby at a bar. He is a shy studious neurologist.

I agree that you should not go looking for a relationship. I was there looking for a mojito and nothing else. He was there for the cigar bar.
Click to expand...

Ive heard great things about cigar bars. The bars I'm referring to are all a hot mess! lol
 
I have dated 2 black guys my entire 24 years of living... The rest white or mixed. I am the "token black kid" in my group of white friends. I think hanging out with other whites is how you make connections with WM.

My last serious relationship began when my ex played in a band with my best friend's husband. Even tho I didnt like the music I went with her if I didnt have anything better to do. After the 2nd show I attended he "drank some courage" and we talked all night which led to him pursuing me.

My ex before that, I met at a mutual friend's house party. I added him on facebook the next day and then he messaged me... And it went from there.

Everyone else I met via college.

I hope that helped some. I apologize if there are any typos... I am posting from my cell.
 
Since you are out of a college setting, the only other setting would be work or a social network. Then there is the dreaded online thing which you already touched on. I've come to the conclusion, online dating sux in general for meeting any race of men. Someone suggested becoming friends with a white woman. You live in the south right? Let me just say, I'm from the south and white women ain't trying to hook no black woman up with their men. If you lived out west then maybe. I got plenty of white girlfriends and even though they knew I was open to dating interracially, they never attempted to hook me up with white men. I can understand though because black women, white men unions are still not as socially acceptable as other pairings.

One thing you didn't do is mention your age. This is actually critical because I find people in their 20's to be more open minded than 30 year olds. If you are in your 20's you will fare better on the interracial scene than someone like me who is in her 30's. People in my generation are still kinda old school, believe it or not.

I met my SO at work btw.
 
We were co-workers. He approached me at the end of my internship after he found out that I knew he liked me. Tuesday is our 1 year anniversary!
 
I've dated IR twice:

White guy - met in HS
El Salvadorean guy - I inquired about him after seeing him in a picture on my friend's FB. First guy I ever actually pursued on my own.

My current SO/FH is black, though.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Since you are out of a college setting, the only other setting would be work or a social network. Then there is the dreaded online thing which you already touched on. I've come to the conclusion, online dating sux in general for meeting any race of men. Someone suggested becoming friends with a white woman. You live in the south right? Let me just say, I'm from the south and white women ain't trying to hook no black woman up with their men. If you lived out west then maybe. I got plenty of white girlfriends and even though they knew I was open to dating interracially, they never attempted to hook me up with white men. I can understand though because black women, white men unions are still not as socially acceptable as other pairings.

One thing you didn't do is mention your age. This is actually critical because I find people in their 20's to be more open minded than 30 year olds. If you are in your 20's you will fare better on the interracial scene than someone like me who is in her 30's. People in my generation are still kinda old school, believe it or not.

I met my SO at work btw.
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Is this the guy you broke up with (and his ex works at the same place)?
 
I met my white boyfriend in college in a class. he offered to let me use a pen and then after that he kept trying to talk to me... i was like ???
Then we had to work on an assignment together and he had to come to my apartment and we ended up having a good talk and watching movies that night, then he came back and we watched movies all weekend... it was just very random how we hit it off.
I also hang in white crowds and white men try to come at me. I'm not for it though :lol:

They seem to LOVE beer bars. THeres a good one in DC where there were a bunch of wealthies hanging out... I used to go after work when I was at the salon. Some were weird about my presence but several would just come up to me.
 
I met my (white) fiance at a low-key hipster lounge in DC.

I grew up in a white neighborhood, and I was the only Black girl in my high school. Other than my time at an HBCU for undergrad, I've spent the majority of my life dating interracially.
 
SummerSolstice said:
I met my white boyfriend in college in a class. he offered to let me use a pen and then after that he kept trying to talk to me... i was like ???
Then we had to work on an assignment together and he had to come to my apartment and we ended up having a good talk and watching movies that night, then he came back and we watched movies all weekend... it was just very random how we hit it off.
I also hang in white crowds and white men try to come at me. I'm not for it though :lol:

They seem to LOVE beer bars. THeres a good one in DC where there were a bunch of wealthies hanging out... I used to go after work when I was at the salon. Some were weird about my presence but several would just come up to me.
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SummerSolstice -- I didn't know you were in DC chile....
 
Several people have mentioned becoming friends with a WW and I cosign. In college, I lived in an apt with 3 white girls. Pretty much all of their guy friends that met me wanted to date me on some level.
 
White dudes practically run me down when I just sit at a cafe and sip coffee or tea during my idle time. Go to one of them boughie white cafes at peak time on like a Saturday or Sunday. If you're natural, really sport that ish....the ones chat me up, I can see their hands just TWITCHING to stroke my 'fro. They all compliment it. Go alone because men of any race are reluctant to approach a woman in a group.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Since you are out of a college setting, the only other setting would be work or a social network. Then there is the dreaded online thing which you already touched on. I've come to the conclusion, online dating sux in general for meeting any race of men. Someone suggested becoming friends with a white woman. You live in the south right? Let me just say, I'm from the south and white women ain't trying to hook no black woman up with their men. If you lived out west then maybe. I got plenty of white girlfriends and even though they knew I was open to dating interracially, they never attempted to hook me up with white men. I can understand though because black women, white men unions are still not as socially acceptable as other pairings.

One thing you didn't do is mention your age. This is actually critical because I find people in their 20's to be more open minded than 30 year olds. If you are in your 20's you will fare better on the interracial scene than someone like me who is in her 30's. People in my generation are still kinda old school, believe it or not.

I met my SO at work btw.
Click to expand...

I'm 35, so WAAAAYYY out of the college scene (though I went to a predominantly white school, I was there to LEARN, not to date, so I didn't focus on it and missed that boat).

Everyone talks about work, but I don't work in an office environment. I am in sales, and I travel about 3,500 miles a month by car. It's hard to meet someone from behind a windshield. Likewise, when I travel, I am always so exhausted from a day of travel that I usually grab something and take it to one of my many hotel rooms or order room service. Again, after smacking my gums all day, I usually relish in solitude. Kinda counterproductive, huh?

As for having white girlfriends, I am working on that. I actually have a former co-worker that I am starting to hang out with a little more. In truth, sadly, I don't hang out much at all with men or women of any race. My lifestyle has not afforded me many opportunities to hang out.

However, most recently, I joined a meetup group that targets my love of nature and the outdoors. I have not had much luck with meetups in the past (the black ones... no offense), but I thought this would be a good way to meet folks across the race lines. Besides, I don't mind being the only person of color. When I was in college, out of a student body of about 4,000 only about 400 were black, so no biggie.

Man, this is a long answer... I do think there is something to be said about befriending more white folks and hanging out where they hang out.

As for bars, I have never really liked them or clubs. I prefer "egg heads" anyway. I'm a bit of a nerd myself, so "coffee shop guy" in docksiders and flip flops would work well for me!
 
DarkJoy said:
White dudes practically run me down when I just sit at a cafe and sip coffee or tea during my idle time. Go to one of them boughie white cafes at peak time on like a Saturday or Sunday. If you're natural, really sport that ish....the ones chat me up, I can see their hands just TWITCHING to stroke my 'fro. They all compliment it. Go alone because men of any race are reluctant to approach a woman in a group.
Click to expand...


I am SOOOOO loving that idea! I'm an avid reader, so I'm thinking of grabbing the IPAD and heading to the yuppy side of town and settle in with a chai latte!!!

I'm also thinking of grabbing the pooch and heading to the dog park. White folks LOVE their animals, and I adore my four-legged baby...

I chuckled at the natural hair comment. I'll make it a point to wear my locs down when I visit the coffee shop.
 
january noir said:
I met my SO (we've been together about 6 years now) at a co-workers cook-out. He was her husband's former roommate. I learned that he had checked me out at another function she gave and when I attended her Christmas party, he went for it and won me over. We've been together ever since.

He wants me to live with him permanently (with or without marriage; my prerogative) but I won't do it. I like my house and my private time. I spend most of my time at his house, but when he gets on my nerves I can always go home and get a break. :lol: He's a good guy and loves me like no other man has. I'm happy. :yep:
Click to expand...

We are kindred spirits there! I'm not a big marriage advocate myself, but I definitely believe in committed relationships. I'm all about the "space" aspect in relationships as well. It's good to hear that there are men out there that can be comfortable with that dynamic...
 
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