I'm So Disappointed In My Close Friend

T

tibb1908

Well-Known Member
She just told me that she's been seeing a married man for a year. I didn't know what to say and I feel hurt because she's so much better than this nonsense. She's 37, accomplished, smart and beautiful and she's reduced herself to settling. She claims there aren't any good black guys. I know this dude too and I'd be okay with it if he were single but he's not a prize she could still do better.

One of my friends who got divorced about a year ago and another friend who's single started reading Hotactics, and Men Don't Love Women Like you. I decided to read the books because I felt left out of the conversations they were having about the books and this friend was there but of course, she's not reading them. Some of the info is good and she could definitely benefit from reading them. I hate that I have to keep this secret and I wish that I didn't know. I'm not offering any advice whether solicited or not.
 
You are such a good friend to want more for her. I do not condone involvement with married or committed people whatsoever, but I would not wish the pain she is in store for on anyone. Because affairs are secretive and "forbidden fruit", they are way more addictive and emotionally keyed up than regular relationships.
 
tibb1908 said:
One of my friends who got divorced about a year ago and another friend who's single started reading Hotactics, and Men Don't Love Women Like you. I decided to read the books because I felt left out of the conversations they were having about the books and this friend was there but of course, she's not reading them. Some of the info is good and she could definitely benefit from reading them. I
Click to expand...
This is the only bit I can comment on. I lost a friend this way because she kept encouraging me to read these relationship books and I refused. Apparently it was enough to end a friendship over *shrug*. But from a personal point of view I like to protect my mind from certain things. I don't believe that I have to "act like a man", "act like a &#@$" etc. Hence, if she doesn't want to read then just let her be.

On another note. I don't know how I'd react if my friend were to tell me that. Obviously he's not a good man if he's having am affair.
 
She needs to read How to Spot Dangerous Men, not MDLWLY. There's a whole chapter on women pursuing married men. That book is amazing.

She probably thinks this is her way to have a good man, even though he's still married. Your friend is in store for a lot of emotional pain .
 
LiftedUp said:
I lost a friend this way because she kept encouraging me to read these relationship books and I refused. Apparently it was enough to end a friendship over *shrug*.
Click to expand...

Good Riddance to that friend.


She's not going to get anything out of reading any book unless she wants to. If she's committed herself to the side chick life it is what it is. MDLWLY's content will fly over a lot of women's heads so why even bother. It's annoying when people think so much of their opinions on your life that they force stuff onto you and get mad when you don't listen. Sending bible verses and ish randomly.:lachen:

She's sleeping with a married man she's already in the side chick Sunken place, she knows what she's doing. Right now she doesn't want more for herself.
 
Last edited:
Other than her telling you about it, did you two discuss it? She says there's no good black men and then purposefully chose an unavailable one. What is she expecting to get out of this? Is she just looking for companionship and thinking she'll just accept anything she can get? I've never been as judgmental about women that do this sort of thing. While I definitely don't condone it, I've found most of these women are choosing this as a punishment if you will for themselves. They are mistreating themselves intentionally. The thing is to find out why? Once they figure these things out a married man would be a hell of a lot less appealing.

On another note: Does anyone else find some of the relationship books depressing? I have sworn up and down that I would never read a single one. And right now I'm reading calling in the one. It's a good read but it does change my mood every now and then. And sometimes not for the better.
 
tibb1908 said:
She's been my bestie for 20 years and I love her like my sister. She's a part of my family and my siblings love her too. I'm not going to drop her but I will distance myself because this is painful for me and I'm sad.
Click to expand...
Just don't allow her to talk about it. That's gonna really mess her up, but it will let her know where you stand and that you don't want to entertain that.
 
KammyGirl said:
Other than her telling you about it, did you two discuss it? She says there's no good black men and then purposefully chose an unavailable one. What is she expecting to get out of this? Is she just looking for companionship and thinking she'll just accept anything she can get? I've never been as judgmental about women that do this sort of thing. While I definitely don't condone it, I've found most of these women are choosing this as a punishment if you will for themselves. They are mistreating themselves intentionally. The thing is to find out why? Once they figure these things out a married man would be a hell of a lot less appealing.

On another note: Does anyone else find some of the relationship books depressing? I have sworn up and down that I would never read a single one. And right now I'm reading calling in the one. It's a good read but it does change my mood every now and then. And sometimes not for the better.
Click to expand...
I don't read those anymore. I might read an article, but to dive in a book of that nature? Nope.
 
Covagirlm said:
Yea things are that hard out here....

But I don't get how she could say there are no good black men and then choose a married one. :look:
Click to expand...
I'm not going to negate anyone else's experience. I just don't see it being this extremely hard IRL as it's talked about on LHCF for me and mine. I see black women of all ages dating and marrying and remarrying. Women I know who are single in older age usually are because their relationship didn't work, not because they can't find suitors. I will take this to mean we are lucky in my bubble.
 
tibb1908 said:
I'm not sure I understand your question but for me I'd rather not have a man than share a married one. She knows my views on this subject.
Click to expand...

Sorry I was typing and doing something else :lol:

She said she did this because there are no good black men but what does she think she has now? Even a man that doesn't tick off all her check boxes would be better than a borrowed man. Yes, I'm with you as well about the no man part.
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I'm not going to negate anyone else's experience. I just don't see it being this extremely hard IRL as it's talked about on LHCF for me and mine. I see black women of all ages dating and marrying and remarrying. Women I know who are single in older age usually are because their relationship didn't work, not because they can't find suitors. I will take this to mean we are lucky in my bubble.
Click to expand...

That's how I feel too but people here don't usually want to talk about that. By no means are they falling out the sky but idk if we are in two women per one man territory just yet. Not counting the Love and Hip Hop franchise :look:
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I'm not going to negate anyone else's experience. I just don't see it being this extremely hard IRL as it's talked about on LHCF for me and mine. I see black women of all ages dating and marrying and remarrying. Women I know who are single in older age usually are because their relationship didn't work, not because they can't find suitors. I will take this to mean we are lucky in my bubble.
Click to expand...


It's easy to find a man. It's hard to find a good one, plus a lot of women are looking for the same type of man and there aren't enough of those to go around.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Sui Topi
So disappointed (it's not my man, it's a friends..soo wack)
Replies
14
Views
361
ThickHair
T
J
She Wants To Have A Baby With Your So
2
Replies
52
Views
1K
PeaceLover
PeaceLover
cubanspice
Your friend befriending your S/O on social networks.
3 4 5
Replies
132
Views
4K
Tolle
Tolle
X
Is she really my friend?
Replies
12
Views
402
need2accumulate
need2accumulate
Etherealsmile
My best friend believes all men cheat
2
Replies
37
Views
926
Evolving78
E
Back
Top