Nope its both. In my eyes OP was innocently asking for an opinion. Its is now going left.
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Your friend befriending your S/O on social networks.
- Thread starter cubanspice
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Nope its both. In my eyes OP was innocently asking for an opinion. Its is now going left.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
Then what's the issue? I'm confused.
I've seen women put on lipstick when their friends man Is about to come over. That's weird to me and I feel weird about people who friend their friends man - unless y'all all cool.
It's the same level of side eye from me. Not 'inappropriate' but a little off.
RocStar
Well-Known Member
For me there would not be anything to be suspicious of...I trust my man. If I didn't he would not be my man. If the girl is not a good friend then I don't care what she does...I would care what my man does, but that is just me.
cubanspice
Well-Known Member
Like I said I didn't think anything of it until another friend brought it to my attention recently. He accepted but told me right after. Again, I didn't mind it at first. He accepted because it because she is my friend and met her once.
cubanspice
Well-Known Member
Thank you. Women can be so harsh to each other and for what? I've never gone through this before and I know there are a lot of women on this forum and I thought maybe someone had experienced this before so I was seeking opinions. I can see why people don't post on here as much and or lurk. I didn't expect to be stoned to death.
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cubanspice
Well-Known Member
I never said she wanted him nor did I make any indication. I just thought that was questionable. She does not know him nor does she talk to him. When they met she barely had 2 words to say to him. She acted very strange but she isn't a very friendly person to begin with so I'll just chalk this up as snooping.
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cubanspice
Well-Known Member
I trust him. I didn't feel uncomfortable at first when she requested him but after pondering I did. Yes he told me and thought it was okay to add her because she is my friend. I was trying to understand her motive since this isn't her usual behavior. I've known her long enough to know how she moves. I posted to make sure I wasn't tripping but as I'm gathering from your responses my man is to blame and I'm insecure for being suspicious. I get it.
OP you are fairly new here and it is exciting to be able to share with so many people. However in time you will learn to be more selective with what you share. We have all been there done that. Some people do take pleasure in dissecting other people's relationships even when they do not truly know the ins and out of it. So keep certain personal info to yourself.
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I think you know your friend. Hence the hesitation? I would not confront her. Just tell him not to friend her on social media.
This woman who has been life long friends with my sister (besties) contacted me on Facebook and asked me where my husband came from after I posted a pic of us, my sis is her friend on Facebook. I guess that's how she saw the pic.
I had not heard from her since we were teens. I sent her a friend request which she ignored. However she sent a request to m DH. My DH never accepts requests from people he does not no. He asked me if I knew her. I said no
So he blocked her.
He had about 120 Facebook friends and 90 of them have the same last names. He only accepts family and close friends requests.
This woman who has been life long friends with my sister (besties) contacted me on Facebook and asked me where my husband came from after I posted a pic of us, my sis is her friend on Facebook. I guess that's how she saw the pic.
I had not heard from her since we were teens. I sent her a friend request which she ignored. However she sent a request to m DH. My DH never accepts requests from people he does not no. He asked me if I knew her. I said no
So he blocked her. He had about 120 Facebook friends and 90 of them have the same last names. He only accepts family and close friends requests.
HanaKuroi
Well-Known Member
cubanspice said:
Your man is not to blame. You are not insecure. Your friend has motives but I am unsure what they are. Her motives aren't pure though otherwise, she would have asked you if she could friend your guy first.
I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
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Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
I cut off a friend once for calling my man to ask for a ride back to school. After midnight. He called me like, Why is your friend calling me in the middle of the night? I don't even think she was after him, I just didn't like her behavior and when I brought it up, she got all defensive and started telling me what her mother said about the situation. Um, your mama don't know me and, unless you want both y'all feelings hurt, leave her out of this. 
I believe that you teach people how to treat you, so when someone crosses a boundary, I have no qualms in letting them know. She didn't respect my boundaries, so... 
I believe that you teach people how to treat you, so when someone crosses a boundary, I have no qualms in letting them know. She didn't respect my boundaries, so... After I reread the thread, I think there is an innocent split in the opinions here. I dont think anyone is purposely being malicious. Social networks have been popping since I was a teenybopper. So I think Generation Millennial wont really see a problem whereas members a few years older will think its suspicious.
nlamr2013
Well-Known Member
I cut off a friend once for calling my man to ask for a ride back to school. After midnight. He called me like, Why is your friend calling me in the middle of the night? I don't even think she was after him, I just didn't like her behavior and when I brought it up, she got all defensive and started telling me what her mother said about the situation. Um, your mama don't know me and, unless you want both y'all feelings hurt, leave her out of this.
Calling someones dude is quite different from adding on fb and twitter. How did she even get his number.
lonelysky
Baby Chick Gate 2011
I agree with this. I have friends who don't know my husband well but are friends with him on social media.
I've had friends SOs friend me that I don't know at all.
There are people that I'm friends with that he isn't and vice versa.
I think as long as you trust your friend and your SO there's no problem. If you don't trust either and there's no real reason for them to be friends (they don't actually know each other) then let him unfriend her.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
It's okay for people to want to protect their relationship, but I think it's a little iffy when that sense of protectiveness ends up being projected onto someone else when no real boundary has been crossed. Most of my FB friends have hundreds and sometimes literally thousands of FB friends--90% of whom they rarely ever speak to or hardly even know, just thinking about the numbers. So the SO of a friend is probably a closer real-life connection than many people's FB friends. But like it was said above, this is highly generational.
In general, I do not friend people's SOs, just because of perceptions like the ones in this thread...but it's just the perceptions. I tend to think the friend add itself is neither here nor there.
In general, I do not friend people's SOs, just because of perceptions like the ones in this thread...but it's just the perceptions. I tend to think the friend add itself is neither here nor there.
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Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
It wasn't so much *that* she called, it was *when* she called. She actually woke him up! We had driven back to school together before, that's how she got the number, but ime, you don't call anybody of the opposite sex after a certain time unless you're a) trying to be annoying, or b) trynna slide.
Ymmv.If she just haaad to have the conversation at that hour, the more appropriate move would have been to call me and ask me to pass along the request. And she annoyed him at the best of times.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I'm confused as to why y'all even had lunch together in the first place since you and her aren't close friends. It sounds to me like you don't really like her very much. I agree that you should tell your bf you changed your mind and would prefer that he unfriend her and KIM. She seems a little sketchy to me and she don't need to be in his business, following his posts, etc. But I'm older and don't like friending my friends' bfs or spouses. I am so glad my dh is not on social media.
I cant get into the big deal about so and so following or unfollowing so and so on social media. This is why I dont follow either of my wives. One of my wives had to save me because they had an emergency and that was the only way to contact me for help at the time, but I make it a point not to look at their page, follower lists, or contacts. Its SOCIAL media, tf am I on there vetting posts for like I'm moms?
Cause I'm polyamorous...they just dont know about it. I find it easier this way.
Dragone
New Member
Ask permission to follow social media accounts? Forrlzz? I could somewhat understand if she did some internet kungfu to dodge facebook security settings, uncovering his profile, and adding him. But if she just went up to twitter and clicked 'follow'...no. I feel it is unhealthy to waste a disproportionate amount of energy on an innocuous action. You have no idea why she added him, assigning ulterior motives gets you no where. You do have control over how your SO handles it, which is to request he remove her.
I've seen women obsess over these kinds of things until it becomes a kind of paranoia, and then when something shady does actually happen, their SO is all like 'ok, yea, but you also flipped your lid when a classmate im'd me at 2am to ask for cram notes.'
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
I'm glad my SO isn't on facebook or twitter or instagram or kik etc...
In fact, my brothers aren't either, I don't really know that many men who spend a lot of time on social networks outside of linked in, perhaps.
I wouldn't mind if a friend of mine befriended my SO on any of those outlets though... I can't keep watching everything he does or everything my friends do, I simply don't have the time or energy for it. Whatever will happen, will happen and if they started something I would come down on them like a ton of bricks anyway.
In fact, my brothers aren't either, I don't really know that many men who spend a lot of time on social networks outside of linked in, perhaps.
I wouldn't mind if a friend of mine befriended my SO on any of those outlets though... I can't keep watching everything he does or everything my friends do, I simply don't have the time or energy for it. Whatever will happen, will happen and if they started something I would come down on them like a ton of bricks anyway.
FemmeFatale
Well-Known Member
She could've at least ran it by you. Is this a new relationship?
cubanspice
Well-Known Member
She was in the area and so were we so we met up.
cubanspice
Well-Known Member
Fairly new, yes.
Lovestyr
New Member
Uhhh yeah I would be questioning that girllll. Well you did mention I believe they were friends before you and your man hooked up right? Well, if that's the case I would ask your s/o too remove her off his friends list. Anyone can send a request but for whatever reason your s/o accepted it, so they mutually agreed to connect. If your friend wants to follow anybody, it should be you. Not your s/o, that raises all kind of red flags.
Personally in my relationship we don't utiluze social websites, I prefer not to share my personal business with the world. Yeah I have a facebook but its a fictious account strictly to play games when I have spare time. I would bring this concern up to one of them and go from there. In the end if you trust your s/o you have nothing to worry about...but still that's odd your gf stalking your man...lol I'm j/k
Personally in my relationship we don't utiluze social websites, I prefer not to share my personal business with the world. Yeah I have a facebook but its a fictious account strictly to play games when I have spare time. I would bring this concern up to one of them and go from there. In the end if you trust your s/o you have nothing to worry about...but still that's odd your gf stalking your man...lol I'm j/k
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