Your friend befriending your S/O on social networks.

[HanaKuroi]

Uhhh yeah I would be questioning that girllll. Well you did mention I believe they were friends before you and your man hooked up right? Well, if that's the case I would ask your s/o too remove her off his friends list. Anyone can send a request but for whatever reason your s/o accepted it, so they mutually agreed to connect. If your friend wants to follow anybody, it should be you. Not your s/o, that raises all kind of red flags.

Personally in my relationship we don't utiluze social websites, I prefer not to share my personal business with the world. Yeah I have a facebook but its a fictious account strictly to play games when I have spare time. I would bring this concern up to one of them and go from there. In the end if you trust your s/o you have nothing to worry about...but still that's odd your gf stalking your man...lol I'm j/k

Where did she say the boyfriend and her friend were friends before ?

He probably agreed because she was her friend. If he was trying to be sneaky he never would have asked/informed OP! Yeesh! Sneaky men are sneaky.

Most of this thread is about women projecting their issues onto the OP.

Y'all Reading into everything. And turning the OP into a paranoid harpy and her boyfriend into a gigolo.

Her friend is SHADY. BF wasn't sure if her friend was just harmless or might be on the prowl and that is why he asked op what to do. He also didn't want op to think he was prowling around her friend, if OP found out he accepted her request.

The problem is not the Op or her man, it is her lame friend.

I think OP's BF did the right thing.

OP, at some point you have to stop explaining yourself on here.

My advice is to distance yourself from that "friend".

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[cubanspice]

Where did she say the boyfriend and her friend were friends before ? He probably agreed because she was her friend. If he was trying to be sneaky he never would have asked/informed OP! Yeesh! Sneaky men are sneaky. Most of this thread is about women projecting their issues onto the OP. Y'all Reading into everything. And turning the OP into a paranoid harpy and her boyfriend into a gigolo. Her friend is SHADY. BF wasn't sure if her friend was just harmless or might be on the prowl and that is why he asked op what to do. He also didn't want op to think he was prowling around her friend, if OP found out he accepted her request. The problem is not the Op or her man, it is her lame friend. I think OP's BF did the right thing. OP, at some point you have to stop explaining yourself on here. My advice is to distance yourself from that "friend". I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

You summed up everything I was trying to say in this one post. THANK YOU!!

 

[SelahOco]

I never said she wanted him nor did I make any indication. I just thought that was questionable. She does not know him nor does she talk to him. When they met she barely had 2 words to say to him. She acted very strange but she isn't a very friendly person to begin with so I'll just chalk this up as snooping.

Ok. You said 'he's attractive,' so that lends itself to a very specific kind of suspicion. Whatever the case, I think it's weird.

If you were with girlfriends and she barely spoke to them and when home and friended them I'd find that weird too.

A woman walked right past me all night at an event, then went home and sent me a request. DENIED. That's weird yo.

 

[SelahOco]

Ask permission to follow social media accounts? Forrlzz? I could somewhat understand if she did some internet kungfu to dodge facebook security settings, uncovering his profile, and adding him. But if she just went up to twitter and clicked 'follow'...no. I feel it is unhealthy to waste a disproportionate amount of energy on an innocuous action. You have no idea why she added him, assigning ulterior motives gets you no where. You do have control over how your SO handles it, which is to request he remove her.

I've seen women obsess over these kinds of things until it becomes a kind of paranoia, and then when something shady does actually happen, their SO is all like 'ok, yea, but you also flipped your lid when a classmate im'd me at 2am to ask for cram notes.'

Perhaps it's generational. I don't follow ANY of my friends boyfriends, husbands unless I know them and have that kind of rapport with them.

And yes, I would ask. And they would ask me. The response would be 'its cool' but that's just how we do.

I'm 34 and don't leave room for miscommunication with my friends. We've all seen things go left - it's just how we do. Talk about everything and make it clear what our intentions are.

 

[Mai Tai]

My issue is not with the girl who sent the friend request. You can't control what other people do. She may be shady and she may not be so that's a moot point. My issue is with the fact that OP's man OFFERED to fix the problem when he saw that she had a mild problem with the friend request and she turned him down.

We as women need to sometimes take a step back and let the man fix issues, both big and small, in an effort to better get to know how he reacts to things like this.

 

[lux10023]

i don't follow any of my friends hubbys or SO and i don't even see the need to like why?

what would be the reason to follow a friends man?

 

[SincerelyJane]

Actually there was some study that said that couples go share a lot of friends on social networks last longer than those who don't.

My exes have always friended my close friends and sisters on social networks. Usually my sisters or friends are the ones who reach out cuz they're nosy .

 

[Xavier]

Op it is all about your comfort level. Some women don't care while others do.
I am one of those who doesn't care if my SO is friends with my friends on social media. And if she is just an acquaintance then I really don't give a hoot.

I actually have a friend who was aggravated with me when she saw that her ex of 8 year was friends with me on fb. He sent me the friend's request and I accepted and didn't think anything of it. She later said that she was uncomfortable with it and I swiftly deleted him. The ex and her a not on bad terms and had an amicable breakup, so it's not like she hates him. The guy and I never communicated on FB but she is the type that doesn't want any of her girlfriends to be friends/acquaintances with her SO. I learned the hard way the rule goes for EX-SO too.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Actually there was some study that said that couples go share a lot of friends on social networks last longer than those who don't.

My exes have always friended my close friends and sisters on social networks. Usually my sisters or friends are the ones who reach out cuz they're nosy .

Again maybe its generational but would love to see that study because IME its been the exact opposite. The blow ups/break ups and residual FB drama every time one of these "share everything couples" end has long moved from comical to annoying.

I think what some people are not acknowledging is the difference between a "friend" and an "acquaintance". If this was her BFF that she trusted with her life OP would not have had the second thought about the friend request.

Lesson to learn when relationship is new keep your circle close. Lunch with an acquaintance can wait.

 

[aribell]

i don't follow any of my friends hubbys or SO and i don't even see the need to like why?

what would be the reason to follow a friends man?

So, I think it makes more sense to just not have FB at all than it does to monitor who and who is not a FB friend. This is 150% generational because I'm just like, it's Facebook--the place where you are connected mostly with people you are not close to. That's what social networking is. My family members were the last people that ended up being added, and I rarely even talked to my closest friends on there because I saw them all the time IRL.

There are women everywhere. People's SOs are probably friends with women from work, women they used to go to school with, women who are in relationships with their friends, maybe women they went on dates with, etc. Any of those women could have designs on someone's man, looking at his pictures, reading up on your relationship. If other random women aren't a problem, why would a friend/acquaintance be one? Unless you know she's that kind of person, in which case, she shouldn't be considered a friend. Again, if the mentality is that it's that suspicious, then I think FB is just not the place to be at all.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Again maybe its generational but would love to see that study because IME its been the exact opposite. The blow ups/break ups and residual FB drama every time one of these "share everything couples" end has long moved from comical to annoying.

I think what some people are not acknowledging is the difference between a "friend" and an "acquaintance". If this was her BFF that she trusted with her life OP would not have had the second thought about the friend request.

Lesson to learn when relationship is new keep your circle close. Lunch with an acquaintance can wait.

Oh I'm sorry, I read the article wrong. You're right actually
http://m.digitaltrends.com/social-m...riends-list-can-tell-relationship-says-study/

My bad

 

[SelahOco]

Messy boots! I'm all up in ur timeline, clicking your pics. Snooping. Nosey.

 

[Lucie]

I actually was such a friend. I was really cool with this woman. Best friends. She had gone through a relationship with a guy that didn't deserve her. FF a few years later she met someone, we (her and I) perceived to be a nice man. I messaged him and told him what a great woman she is and that I wish them all of the best. She was upset with me. I did it with no malice in my heart and really was ecstatic for her. But I can see how she might take it the wrong way. I would never do that again though. So much so that I really do not even talk to a friend's SO/DH without their presence or a good reason like my car needing a look-over.

I am not taking up for the friend that requested your SO, OP (as I do not know her true intentions). I am just saying that some people really mean no ill intent. It could be a family thing. Growing up my dad was cool with everyone's wife. So if his friend was not around and she needed something him and I would go help with a ride, gardening, et cetera. And in turn my dad's friends always helped me and my mom out with a ride if my dad wasn't around or a quick errand.


I understand your apprehension and desire to vent. Good luck and go with your gut lovie!

 

[hopeful]

Lucie I'm sorry but . You are so sweet it's hard to imagine anyone getting really angry with you but if a friend of mine did that I would be so embarrassed. I would just be like why? I'm glad you posted though because I can see the innocence.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

She's not the type. She hasn't friended any of my other exes or any of my other male or female friends that she has met. If this was a habit then I wouldn't feel the way I do.

This is where my issue lies. I had the same scenario a long time ago but in reverse - a guy I was dating sent a friend request to 2 of my friends he didn't know but not to the 2 that he actually did. When I confronted him about it, he said it's just a friend request! Yeah, ok.

 

[Fine 4s]

@Lucie I'm sorry but . You are so sweet it's hard to imagine anyone getting really angry with you but if a friend of mine did that I would be so embarrassed. I would just be like why? I'm glad you posted though because I can see the innocence.

I'm glad she posted as well because this is one of those scenarios that force you to be honest about your feelings. Am I jealous? insecure? do I not trust my friend or do I not trust my SO? or am I just immature and unrealistic when it comes to romantic relationships? It forces you to accept your true self. In your head you thought you were this cool chic who didn't care about XYZ but then faced with the situation XYZ really bothers you!

I had a very close friend who crossed all kinds of boundaries and eventually we parted ways. She was just like you Lucie innocent with all her niceness.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I consider myself pretty liberal with mixing friends, but I don't think I've had a partners male friend add me without meeting me, or have some plans in place for a get together. erplexed

I just asked SO and he said thats weird. He was like "Adding my gf, without even meeting her" and did screwface LOL. I don't consider him a possessive type.

 

[Lucie]

@Lucie I'm sorry but . You are so sweet it's hard to imagine anyone getting really angry with you but if a friend of mine did that I would be so embarrassed. I would just be like why? I'm glad you posted though because I can see the innocence.

After I did it I felt like OMG why did I do that? But it was already done. I really wanted him to know that she was loved and that I truly wished them all of that best. hopeful But now that I am older and perhaps 3% wiser I would never do that again.

I'm glad she posted as well because this is one of those scenarios that force you to be honest about your feelings. Am I jealous? insecure? do I not trust my friend or do I not trust my SO? or am I just immature and unrealistic when it comes to romantic relationships? It forces you to accept your true self. In your head you thought you were this cool chic who didn't care about XYZ but then faced with the situation XYZ really bothers you!

I had a very close friend who crossed all kinds of boundaries and eventually we parted ways. She was just like you @Lucie innocent with all her niceness.

Uh oh Fine 4s

That is why even if it is my cousin I make sure that his SO/wife I keep a distance. I don't want to be read the wrong way.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I actually was such a friend. I was really cool with this woman. Best friends. She had gone through a relationship with a guy that didn't deserve her. FF a few years later she met someone, we (her and I) perceived to be a nice man. I messaged him and told him what a great woman she is and that I wish them all of the best. She was upset with me. I did it with no malice in my heart and really was ecstatic for her. But I can see how she might take it the wrong way. I would never do that again though. So much so that I really do not even talk to a friend's SO/DH without their presence or a good reason like my car needing a look-over.

I am not taking up for the friend that requested your SO, OP (as I do not know her true intentions). I am just saying that some people really mean no ill intent. It could be a family thing. Growing up my dad was cool with everyone's wife. So if his friend was not around and she needed something him and I would go help with a ride, gardening, et cetera. And in turn my dad's friends always helped me and my mom out with a ride if my dad wasn't around or a quick errand.


I understand your apprehension and desire to vent. Good luck and go with your gut lovie!

I don't see your example as the same thing. There is a difference between a best friend after meeting a friends new beau messaging him to say it was great meeting you and an acquaintance (OP's clarification) sending a friend request to him after meeting one time. I don't think you did anything wrong either but its moot since your friend did.

Your dad may have been cool with his friends wives once they were wives but I doubt he was "on call" to her when they were merely dating (just as I'm sure your mom didn't call your dad's friends before she was the wife). I could be wrong but you're also talking about old school West Indians and that was a different era/mind set as far as making sure one's wife was covered even in one's absence. (I could be wrong if your dad is on FB ask him is he friends with his friends wives on there).


FB/Social media creates a false sense of intimacy. I have friends I giggle with daily but have nothing but love for them if they announce a wedding/elopment or other big event that I wasn't invited to. However we've all seen how others get all up in arms because they assume since they have daily interaction with someone that they are closer than they actually are. Ole girl sending the friend request was a lane swerve.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I would not really find it weird if my friends befriended my significant other on social media.

This.

One friend, I did not "friend" her SO cause we never hung out. Another friend, we all met at the same time, hung out together, "friended" him. I don't think it's that deep unless she's done something else deemed "strange."

 

[FelaShrine]

I suggest the ignore list Evallusion *shrugs*

Maybe a little harsh, but in general, yeah. It's nothing personal op, I just think it's a little much to be concerned about it. If she were sending him messages or trying to actually connect with him, that'd be something different.

Unless she has proof that she's sending dirty DMs then I dont see the issue. Dude even offered to remove her, OP is saying No..then she will end up getting more paranoid and resentful. why do women do this to themselves.

 

[FelaShrine]

It wasn't so much *that* she called, it was *when* she called. She actually woke him up! We had driven back to school together before, that's how she got the number, but ime, you don't call anybody of the opposite sex after a certain time unless you're a) trying to be annoying, or b) trynna slide. Ymmv.

If she just haaad to have the conversation at that hour, the more appropriate move would have been to call me and ask me to pass along the request. And she annoyed him at the best of times.

Lol not the same!! Calling a dude at midnight is just weird. Like total side eye weird. who the hell does that

honestly my thing is, as much as OP is trying to claim its just funny or interesting, she's bothered by this. Her comments prove it. The presence of this thread alone proves it. she should have allowed her SO to remove her and that would be that.

Tell him you dont feel right about it anymore OP and let him remove her. C'est fini.

 

[jennboo]

Thank you. Women can be so harsh to each other and for what? I've never gone through this before and I know there are a lot of women on this forum and I thought maybe someone had experienced this before so I was seeking opinions. I can see why people don't post on here as much and or lurk. I didn't expect to be stoned to death.

Girl forget these broads and ask away

...but back to the topic at hand

It is suspicious that your friend befriended your man. I wouldn't trust your friend as far as I could throw her. I don't agree with female
friends/acquaintances/similarly aged siblings and cousins getting extra chummy with an SO. Inappropriate.

 

[Oasis]

damn. do i need to go on fb and delete some folks' bfs?erplexed

i dont even be thinking like that.

 

[justNikki]

We aren't as close as we used to be. She surely isn't my BFF nor is she an acquaintance. I just found it interesting.

If you're uncomfortable, to hell with what everybody else thinks....go back to your man and let him know you've decided to take him up on the offer to delete her as a friend. He suspects something ain't right...that's why he asked.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I'm pretty sure my closest friends are FB friends with our friend's husband. But we know better than to do something stupid. Heck I have his number. Only for emergencies like she's with me and something happened to her and I needed to contact her husband. Bet my friends have his number for that purpose too.

It's okay to me friends with friend's SO... If you know how to be a mature adult.

 

[Lucie]

I don't see your example as the same thing. There is a difference between a best friend after meeting a friends new beau messaging him to say it was great meeting you and an acquaintance (OP's clarification) sending a friend request to him after meeting one time. I don't think you did anything wrong either but its moot since your friend did.

Your dad may have been cool with his friends wives once they were wives but I doubt he was "on call" to her when they were merely dating (just as I'm sure your mom didn't call your dad's friends before she was the wife). I could be wrong but you're also talking about old school West Indians and that was a different era/mind set as far as making sure one's wife was covered even in one's absence. (I could be wrong if your dad is on FB ask him is he friends with his friends wives on there).


FB/Social media creates a false sense of intimacy. I have friends I giggle with daily but have nothing but love for them if they announce a wedding/elopment or other big event that I wasn't invited to. However we've all seen how others get all up in arms because they assume since they have daily interaction with someone that they are closer than they actually are. Ole girl sending the friend request was a lane swerve.

bklynbornNbred your assessment was spot on! Do you know us? LOL!

 

[cubanspice]

I confronted her on something else she had done that made me uncomfortable (no it had nothing to do with my s/o) and we ended up having a falling out and are no longer friends. Come to find out, she was holding ill feelings about something that happened last fall. As I stated before she isn't a random person so my "intuition" or "paranoia" was for a reason. I didn't bring up the social network thing but I'm sure there was a motive behind it especially now knowing that she was "upset" with me. Females, I swear.

 

[cubanspice]

I myself would never add any of my friend's boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. I don't see the point especially if we aren't friends or don't talk regularly. I don't need to know what's going on in their lives. This is just me and I thought it was funny because my former friend and I had this conversation before about another friend who had added her one of her male friends and she was tight so I didn't get it when she turned around and did the exact same thing.

 

[nlamr2013]

I confronted her on something else she had done that made me uncomfortable (no it had nothing to do with my s/o) and we ended up having a falling out and are no longer friends. Come to find out, she was holding ill feelings about something that happened last fall. As I stated before she isn't a random person so my "intuition" or "paranoia" was for a reason. I didn't bring up the social network thing but I'm sure there was a motive behind it especially now knowing that she was "upset" with me. Females, I swear.

You guys just fell out?