If a man talks to you, he likes you

[caribeandiva]

My brothers all said the same thing: If a man is talking for any reason it usually means he's hitting on you. At least 99% of the time it does. In my brothers' words: "We don't waste time talking to chicks we don't like. Period." I had a time believing this (so do most women I told this to) but the more I think about it the more it makes sense to me. This man breaks it down in this blog: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/08/if-man-talks-to-you-he-likes-you.html

What do you think?

 

[caltron]

Yup pretty much.

 

[RocStar]

Define "talks to you." A conversation? A good morning? A watch out for that bus?

 

[CarLiTa]

Not aaaalways. That's how women out words into men's mouths... and non-existent feelings in their hearts.

This guy adds a caveat in his very first sentence "at least to some degree." It may not be to the degree you want, though.

 

[sweetvi]

I just read something from one of his articles that was very interesting.....

The important thing to recognize is that you cannot expect (much less make) a man gradually fall in love with you in the same way that you might fall in love with a man. It doesn't work that way for us. Male romantic love is something that either starts early and continues, or else doesn't start at all.

here is the link:

http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/03/men-dont-fall-in-love-same-way-women-do.html

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Define "talks to you." A conversation? A good morning? A watch out for that bus?

Rofl!

I think it basically just means a guy starts a conversation, or goes out of his way to talk to you. That's basically it.

In other words, if a guy is talking to you, he has noticed you.

OP, I used to be skeptical of this saying also, but the older I get and the more experience I attain, the more I'm realizing that this saying is most definitely true.

Now how MUCH interest a man has is always up for debate.

Don't put too much stock into it, but just realize that if a guy is approaching you for whatever reason (making jokes, complimenting something about you, asking for directions, striking up a conversation) 9 times out of 10 he probably finds you attractive.

 

[Mai Tai]

This is silly.

A man that can't have a conversation with a woman outside of flirtation is a man that needs therapy. This is how women set themselves up for failure. Like do people realy think this?

What about men who are simply very social in nature, what about gentlemen who appreciate a good conversation?

 

[MzLady78]

This is a really silly generalization, IMO.

I've been at the bar by myself, had guys strike up convos, even buy me drinks and leave without so much as asking my name. I've even had guys stop me on the street, tell me I'm beautiful and keep it moving.

It's not always that serious.

 

[Ayesha81]

Agreed. When a man initiates convo he is attracted to you but it doesnt always mean he wants to be with you. He could be in a rltshp or not it still means he is attracted to you in some kinda way.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

This is a really silly generalization, IMO.

I've been at the bar by myself, had guys strike up convos, even buy me drinks and leave without so much as asking my name. I've even had guys stop me on the street, tell me I'm beautiful and keep it moving.

It's not always that serious.

EXACTLY!!! HE thought you were beautiful!

I don't think the OP (or even men in general) are claiming that if a guy talks to you one day then that automatically means that he wants to ask you out, get down on one knee and propose marriage or anything!

I think it just basically means that he has noticed you, and probably (9 times out of 10) finds you ATTRACTIVE, interesting, or appealing in SOME way.

It's not something to write home about....and I don't think anyone was trying to imply that....

This is silly.

A man that can't have a conversation with a woman outside of flirtation is a man that needs therapy. This is how women set themselves up for failure. Like do people realy think this?

What about men who are simply very social in nature, what about gentlemen who appreciate a good conversation?

These types of men DO exist, but honestly...if a guy is going to be talking his head off, why would he do so with a woman (whom he probably doesn't have as much in common with as he does a man) UNLESS he finds her engaging, ATTRACTIVE or appealing in some way?

Imo it's not like he wants to wife you... He just finds you attractive probably.

I'm talking about strangers or men you don't know very well. Now co-workers, family members, or FRIENDS....this rule probably doesn't apply. They're talking to you because they know you and don't want to be rude probably lol.

But a STRANGER (man) who doesn't know you from Adam coming up to strike up a conversation with you?? Ummm....yeah....he probably finds you attractive.

 

[MzLady78]

EXACTLY!!! HE thought you were beautiful!

I don't think the OP (or even men in general) are claiming that if a guy talks to you one day then that automatically means that he wants to ask you out, get down on one knee and propose marriage or anything!

I think it just basically means that he has noticed you, and probably (9 times out of 10) finds you ATTRACTIVE, interesting, or appealing in SOME way.

It's not something to write home about....and I don't think anyone was trying to imply that....





These types of men DO exist, but honestly...if a guy is going to be talking his head off, why would he do so with a woman (whom he probably doesn't have as much in common with as he does a man) UNLESS he finds her engaging, ATTRACTIVE or appealing in some way?

Imo it's not like he wants to wife you... He just finds you attractive probably.

I'm talking about strangers or men you don't know very well. Now co-workers, family members, or FRIENDS....this rule probably doesn't apply. They're talking to you because they know you and don't want to be rude probably lol.

But a STRANGER (man) who doesn't know you from Adam coming up to strike up a conversation with you?? Ummm....yeah....he probably finds you attractive.

Finding someone attractive and liking them isn't the same thing, though. At least not to me.

I've met guys that were attractive physically, but whose personalities left a lot to be desired.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Finding someone attractive and liking them isn't the same thing, though. At least not to me.

I've met guys that were attractive physically, but whose personalities left a lot to be desired.

Oh....

Well I wasn't taking the term "liking" too literally.

I just thought that was the title of the thread.....to entice readers.


Don't mind me, I didn't even read the article lol , but I DO know the general gist.

Just ask some guys... If they're going out of their way to talk to a strange woman/girl, they USUALLY find her attractive, or "cool".

I'm surprised this is such a foreign concept!

I thought that by a certain age it was pretty much common knowledge....

 

[Mai Tai]

]Finding someone attractive and liking them isn't the same thing[/B], though. At least not to me.

I've met guys that were attractive physically, but whose personalities left a lot to be desired.

Thank you!

One of my old college roomates thought any dude that spoke to her or talked to her liked her and it was the silliest thing I'd ever heard.

What happened to friendly conversation or small talk? Does no one do that nowadays?

 

[MzLady78]

Oh....

Well I wasn't taking the term "liking" too literally.

I just thought that was the title of the thread.....to entice readers.


Don't mind me, I didn't even read the article lol , but I DO know the general gist.

Just ask some guys... If they're going out of their way to talk to a strange woman/girl, they USUALLY find her attractive, or "cool".

I'm surprised this is such a foreign concept!

I thought that by a certain age it was pretty much common knowledge....

Oh, I agree, most dudes ain't just walking up to chicks they think are busted. Absolutely not. I just don't think striking up a convo necessarily means they're trying to get at you. I've had brothas start talking to me simply because there were only but so many of "us" in the room.

I'm not a fan of generalizations, so pretty much any time something is phrased like "all men do such and such for whatever reason", I'm probably gonna disagree.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh, I agree, most dudes ain't just walking up to chicks they think are busted. Absolutely not. I just don't think striking up a convo necessarily means they're trying to get at you. I've had brothas start talking to me simply because there were only but so many of "us" in the room.

I'm not a fan of generalizations, so pretty much any time something is phrased like "all men do such and such for whatever reason", I'm probably gonna disagree.

Yea me too, I usually don't agree with wide-sweeping generalizations either lol.


I didn't even think about the scenario of a guy talking to a woman simply because you two were the only "ones" in the room. LOL!

 

[CurlyMoo]

Finding someone attractive and liking them isn't the same thing, though. At least not to me.

I've met guys that were attractive physically, but whose personalities left a lot to be desired.

I will go further and say that finding someone attractive, and even liking them as a person and/or potential lover, does not mean they are interested in dating you. And even if they are interested in dating you they may not be in a position to pursue you. i.e. married, dating someone else, gay, living long distance, professional restrictions, etc.

This is a concept that stumps a lot of people. But I have to remind myself that if we are going to get together there has to be an effort made on his part to let me know he wants to take it further. If there is no effort made then I keep it moving.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I will go further and say that finding someone attractive, and even liking them as a person and/or potential lover, does not mean they are interested in dating you. And even if they are interested in dating you they may not be in a position to pursue you. i.e. married, dating someone else, gay, living long distance, professional restrictions, etc.

This is a concept that stumps a lot of people. But I have to remind myself that if we are going to get together there has to be an effort made on his part to let me know he wants to take it further. If there is no effort made then I keep it moving.

I agree....

If we're talking literally, then yes....you can never quite tell men's TRUE intentions until they've proven themselves.

I usually put men in either 1 of 5 categories:

1) Attracted to me
2) Attracted to me AND interested in me as a person (wants to know who I am, my likes, my dislikes, etc)
3) Attracted to me, interested in me as a person AND interested in having a REAL relationship with me (he wants to date me in other words)
4) Attracted to me, interested in me as a person, interested in dating me, AND AVAILABLE to do so (in other words....he's not taken, married, gay, etc....He's SINGLE, and AVAILABLE to date ME)
5) NOT INTERESTED

Category #4 is the category that I pay attention to. Those other categories (while flattering) are NOT going to get me in a relationship.

When I was younger, I erroneously would assume that a man who was attracted to me, or even interested in me as a person was also a man who wanted to DATE me. NOT NECESSARILY SO. I had to learn that the hard way, but I'm glad I finally learned that lesson.

I don't even pay attention to guys in categories 1, 2, 3, or 5...(DEFINITELY not those in Category 5 ). I only pay attention to/or give guys the time of day if they fall into Category #4.

It might be my own little quirky rule, but it has steered me pretty well thus far.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Um...no. And this sounds like a good way to hurt your own feelings.

 

[NGraceO]

That's a no for me. I know too many friendly, pleasant guys that simply can hold a convo. If he's interested, he will do a lot more than just "talk." I low-key take "he's just not that into you as Bible," cause most of the time it's true.

NGraceO

 

[NGraceO]

EXACTLY!!! HE thought you were beautiful! I don't think the OP (or even men in general) are claiming that if a guy talks to you one day then that automatically means that he wants to ask you out, get down on one knee and propose marriage or anything! I think it just basically means that he has noticed you, and probably (9 times out of 10) finds you ATTRACTIVE, interesting, or appealing in SOME way. It's not something to write home about....and I don't think anyone was trying to imply that.... These types of men DO exist, but honestly...if a guy is going to be talking his head off, why would he do so with a woman (whom he probably doesn't have as much in common with as he does a man) UNLESS he finds her engaging, ATTRACTIVE or appealing in some way? Imo it's not like he wants to wife you... He just finds you attractive probably. I'm talking about strangers or men you don't know very well. Now co-workers, family members, or FRIENDS....this rule probably doesn't apply. They're talking to you because they know you and don't want to be rude probably lol. But a STRANGER (man) who doesn't know you from Adam coming up to strike up a conversation with you?? Ummm....yeah....he probably finds you attractive.

That's the thing though. Us women, (well, let me speak for ME) are known for (heck, I'm speaking for everyone) NOT being able to stop at "like" (Especially if he is FINE ). What the heck is "like" good for if that man isn't going to ask me out! Ain't nobody got time for that. LOL. Just sayin.

NGraceO

 

[SincerelyJane]

I believe this. It does lead me to assume that a lot of men are attracted to me, but I don't think that's a big deal. Sometimes guys just like talking to pretty ladies and it's that simple. It doesn't mean he's in love with me.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I agree....

If we're talking literally, then yes....you can never quite tell men's TRUE intentions until they've proven themselves.

I usually put men in either 1 of 5 categories:

1) Attracted to me
2) Attracted to me AND interested in me as a person (wants to know who I am, my likes, my dislikes, etc)
3) Attracted to me, interested in me as a person AND interested in having a REAL relationship with me (he wants to date me in other words)
4) Attracted to me, interested in me as a person, interested in dating me, AND AVAILABLE to do so (in other words....he's not taken, married, gay, etc....He's SINGLE, and AVAILABLE to date ME)
5) NOT INTERESTED

Category #4 is the category that I pay attention to. Those other categories (while flattering) are NOT going to get me in a relationship.

When I was younger, I erroneously would assume that a man who was attracted to me, or even interested in me as a person was also a man who wanted to DATE me. NOT NECESSARILY SO. I had to learn that the hard way, but I'm glad I finally learned that lesson.

I don't even pay attention to guys in categories 1, 2, 3, or 5...(DEFINITELY not those in Category 5 ). I only pay attention to/or give guys the time of day if they fall into Category #4.

It might be my own little quirky rule, but it has steered me pretty well thus far.

Yes, men need to be put in categories or we will knock our heads against a wall trying to figure out why we are not getting the men we want.

In addition to category #4 I will add Category #6. Attraction and Pursuit: ACTIVELY PURSUING a relationship with you. Very very important. If he's not making moves to let you know where you stand in his life then what do you have? Nothing!

I'm going through this right NOW. Met a guy I am doing business with, he appeared attracted from the first meeting. Have seen him since and he has shown physical signs of attraction. But nada!!!! I am strongly attracted to him and make an effort to smile. But Nada! My mind has gone through the typical working over in my head as to why he's not following through and how I can make more of an effort to strategize a conversation or "chance" meeting. I caught myself over-thinking. Moving on, nothing to see here. He's not into me or he's not available to pursue me! Whatever the reason, I ain't getting that booty. So frustrating. But dayum it's a hot booty.

I remind myself of the examples of men who actually want to be with me.

#6 Attraction and Pursuit. Example
Was recently at a gun show, chatted up a gun vendor. Right then and there he asked to take me to dinner and gave me his card with his cell number on it!!!! And it never fails; I meet a guy whom I am attracted to and interested in who doesn't pursue me then another guy will actually ask me out.

The universe is teaching me a lesson. And I am listening.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I believe this. It does lead me to assume that a lot of men are attracted to me, but I don't think that's a big deal. Sometimes guys just like talking to pretty ladies and it's that simple. It doesn't mean he's in love with me.

Yes some men like being around and talking to pretty women.
A lot of guys could be attracted to you. But if his feet and mouth aren't moving in the direction of pursuit then attraction is where it ends. You may feel the same way. Thinking a guy is attractive but that attraction does not translate to a strong enough interest to pursue.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

This is silly.

A man that can't have a conversation with a woman outside of flirtation is a man that needs therapy. This is how women set themselves up for failure. Like do people realy think this?

What about men who are simply very social in nature, what about gentlemen who appreciate a good conversation?

Exactly. When I was involved in the young adult ministry at a church I attended during college, the young men were really nice. That's just how a lot of us Christian people are. I can see how people could take our niceness to mean something else.

 

[DarkJoy]

I just read something from one of his articles that was very interesting.....

The important thing to recognize is that you cannot expect (much less make) a man gradually fall in love with you in the same way that you might fall in love with a man. It doesn't work that way for us. Male romantic love is something that either starts early and continues, or else doesn't start at all.

here is the link:

http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/03/men-dont-fall-in-love-same-way-women-do.html

I always believed that men fall first. However, if I dont have some kind of spark nothing is gonna happen here either.

As far as the OP, yeah...I know some real social types so I dont put too much stock into it.

Actually, what most my male friends say is that theyre imagining screwing you while you're talking. Brings the fantasy to life for them .

I'm the same way with 98% of the men I chit chat with. Dont see why there should be any difference.

 

[Dartagnan]

Oh....

Well I wasn't taking the term "liking" too literally.

I just thought that was the title of the thread.....to entice readers.


Don't mind me, I didn't even read the article lol , but I DO know the general gist.

Just ask some guys... If they're going out of their way to talk to a strange woman/girl, they USUALLY find her attractive, or "cool".

I'm surprised this is such a foreign concept!

I thought that by a certain age it was pretty much common knowledge....

Definitely true for myself and a lot of guys I know.

I always believed that men fall first. However, if I dont have some kind of spark nothing is gonna happen here either.

As far as the OP, yeah...I know some real social types so I dont put too much stock into it.

Actually, what most my male friends say is that theyre imagining screwing you while you're talking. Brings the fantasy to life for them .

I'm the same way with 98% of the men I chit chat with. Dont see why there should be any difference.

Bold is definitely definitely true for me but I also hope/pray that its more to the female than sex so I want to be with her for something long term.

 

[ladysaraii]

I agree with pretty much everything you are saying. heck, it's even true for me. Unless I have a need (like work or other) I'm not talking randomly to strangers unless I like something about them. That doesn't have to mean romantic or sexual interest, it could just be that they seem friendly, they said something interesting, etc. I don't seek out people that seem unfriendly or unlikable unless I have to.

I think the key in this is not reading too much into it and assuming that he wants you to have his babies

Oh....

Well I wasn't taking the term "liking" too literally.

I just thought that was the title of the thread.....to entice readers.


Don't mind me, I didn't even read the article lol , but I DO know the general gist.

Just ask some guys... If they're going out of their way to talk to a strange woman/girl, they USUALLY find her attractive, or "cool".

I'm surprised this is such a foreign concept!

I thought that by a certain age it was pretty much common knowledge....

 

[ryanshope]

Thank you!

One of my old college roomates thought any dude that spoke to her or talked to her liked her and it was the silliest thing I'd ever heard.

What happened to friendly conversation or small talk? Does no one do that nowadays?

No not really. My ex was pretty firm about that belief--he didn't talk to women outside of work to be 'friendly". I used to feel like most men aren't like that..just because a man talks to you--he isn't flirting(IMO). His reply was "Don't be so naive...most men aren't nice to you cuz they are nice guys. Why would they talk to you unless they are trying to get some...."

I poo-pooed him off.

 

[gn1g]

Define "talks to you." A conversation? A good morning? A watch out for that bus?

Chris Rock did a stand up comedy in which he said the same thing. he said if a man even offers to get the door for you it was equivalent to saying have some_____ today

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

That's the thing though. Us women, (well, let me speak for ME) are known for (heck, I'm speaking for everyone) NOT being able to stop at "like" (Especially if he is FINE ). What the heck is "like" good for if that man isn't going to ask me out! Ain't nobody got time for that. LOL. Just sayin.

NGraceO

I understand.....and trust me, I've BEEN there!!

But time, experience, and the experience of others have helped me to realize that I can recognize a guy's flirtations for what they are (flirtation...nothing more, nothing less), and not run with it and ASSUME the guy wants to date me or have anything else to do with me.

I know it's hard, but we as women just have to learn to be more discerning and not put TOO much stock into a guy's attention.

YES, usually it means he's probably attracted to you in some way, but we as women need to realize that this is where it STOPS. Unless a man is showing OTHER signs of interest (they will be obvious), then he probably just thinks you're pretty.

Men can like a woman, but not want to date her. It's just like going to an art gallery. You can like LOOKING at a particular piece of art, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have the desire to buy it and take it home with you.

Wait for the man who wants to "buy", not just "window shop".

The other guys are just a nice ego boost. Don't pay them too much mind lol.

Yes, men need to be put in categories or we will knock our heads against a wall trying to figure out why we are not getting the men we want.

In addition to category #4 I will add Category #6. Attraction and Pursuit: ACTIVELY PURSUING a relationship with you. Very very important. If he's not making moves to let you know where you stand in his life then what do you have? Nothing!

CurlyMoo

I completely agree!!!

I was basically encompassing that (pursuing) in Category #4, but your Category #6 drove the point home a little clearer.

The main point I was trying to get at was the STATUS of these men. Honestly, a guy can be PURSUING you simply because he's attracted to you....PERIOD. (Category #1)

But if he's not interested in you as a person, or he's not wanting to DATE you seriously, or if he's not FREE to be pursuing you (ie. he's married, still "with" his ex , he's taken), then it doesn't matter HOW much attention he's giving you.....He's STILL not a good eligible candidate, and things will probably eventually end up going south.


Haha...we should write a book lol! "The 6 Categories of Men" lol

Definitely true for myself and a lot of guys I know.

Bold is definitely definitely true for me but I also hope/pray that its more to the female than sex so I want to be with her for something long term.

Dartagnan
Thanks for your insight! I love hearing the insight of men on these subjects.

I assume you're a guy??

I think the key in this is not reading too much into it and assuming that he wants you to have his babies

That's PRETTY much it in a nutshell!