If a man talks to you, he likes you

[Dartagnan]

I understand.....and trust me, I've BEEN there!!

But time, experience, and the experience of others have helped me to realize that I can recognize a guy's flirtations for what they are (flirtation...nothing more, nothing less), and not run with it and ASSUME the guy wants to date me or have anything else to do with me.

I know it's hard, but we as women just have to learn to be more discerning and not put TOO much stock into a guy's attention.

YES, usually it means he's probably attracted to you in some way, but we as women need to realize that this is where it STOPS. Unless a man is showing OTHER signs of interest (they will be obvious), then he probably just thinks you're pretty.

Men can like a woman, but not want to date her. It's just like going to an art gallery. You can like LOOKING at a particular piece of art, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have the desire to buy it and take it home with you.

Wait for the man who wants to "buy", not just "window shop".

The other guys are just a nice ego boost. Don't pay them too much mind lol.





CurlyMoo

I completely agree!!!

I was basically encompassing that (pursuing) in Category #4, but your Category #6 drove the point home a little clearer.

The main point I was trying to get at was the STATUS of these men. Honestly, a guy can be PURSUING you simply because he's attracted to you....PERIOD. (Category #1)

But if he's not interested in you as a person, or he's not wanting to DATE you seriously, or if he's not FREE to be pursuing you (ie. he's married, still "with" his ex , he's taken), then it doesn't matter HOW much attention he's giving you.....He's STILL not a good eligible candidate, and things will probably eventually end up going south.


Haha...we should write a book lol! "The 6 Categories of Men" lol



Dartagnan
Thanks for your insight! I love hearing the insight of men on these subjects.

I assume you're a guy??







That's PRETTY much it in a nutshell!

Yeah Im a guy on here strange as it seems

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yeah Im a guy on here strange as it seems

Yay lol!

Nope, not strange at all! Tons of ladies all on one forum.......Talking about a VARIETY of subjects....... Makes perfect sense to me!!!

 

[Glib Gurl]

This is silly.

A man that can't have a conversation with a woman outside of flirtation is a man that needs therapy. This is how women set themselves up for failure. Like do people realy think this?

What about men who are simply very social in nature, what about gentlemen who appreciate a good conversation?

Honestly, in my (admittedly very limited) experience, most males are poor conversationalists anyway and aren't terribly social with strangers.

This is a really silly generalization, IMO.

I've been at the bar by myself, had guys strike up convos, even buy me drinks and leave without so much as asking my name. I've even had guys stop me on the street, tell me I'm beautiful and keep it moving.

It's not always that serious.

But, see that proves the point - they thought you were attractive enough to at least say hello!

What happened to friendly conversation or small talk? Does no one do that nowadays?

I agree with the previous poster who said no...

As someone who is overweight and, by some, would be considered plain, I'm here to tell you that outside of business and common courtesy, men only speak to you when they are interested in you sexually (or otherwise find you attractive).

 

[Dartagnan]

Yay lol!

Nope, not strange at all! Tons of ladies all on one forum.......Talking about a VARIETY of subjects....... Makes perfect sense to me!!!

Yeah that's how I found out about this site my sister is a member. It also gives a chance to hear how different women think on issues. Most of my female friends are moreso party friends even though we do talk about some of these same relationship male/female things other topics at times but not as often.

 

[Lucie]

I never assume this. I figure a man is being conversational. I speak to men often. Not because I like them (physically) but because I love to chat. Compliment when I see a genuine reason to. Et cetera.

That is why I am floored when I find out a particular man likes me. I assume conversation. LOL! However, this does not apply to everyone. It's a case-by-case thing.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I believe the attraction part, that doesn't mean he wantd to wife you And Lucie if anybody was to believe this theory it should be you. You're way too pretty for "conversation."

 

[Lucie]

I believe the attraction part, that doesn't mean he wantd to wife you And @Lucie if anybody was to believe this theory it should be you. You're way too pretty for "conversation."

BEAUTYU2U, thanks lovie. LOL! I don't assume unless something is said or done to make me think differently.

 

[tocktick]

I've only heard if a man continually goes out of his way to talk to you when he could be speaking to male friends/other guys instead, then he probably likes you beyond a platonic level.

I'm skeptical about this because it doesn't take into account some people strike up conversations with others for various reasons. Yet, I would say that it's a more likely indicator than a guy simply speaking to you at all. For me personally, lack of a real action doesn't mean much.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I never assume this. I figure a man is being conversational. I speak to men often. Not because I like them (physically) but because I love to chat. Compliment when I see a genuine reason to. Et cetera.

That is why I am floored when I find out a particular man likes me. I assume conversation. LOL! However, this does not apply to everyone. It's a case-by-case thing.

Yea I used to be confused too!! I would just figure the guy was being "nice" or conversational. But then when I got older I started picking up more on little things lol....

I think that we ladies need to always remember that the way men think is not the same way we women think. If we could just remember this one little piece of knowledge, I think that a lot of the questions we have about men would pretty much be answered. While WE can carry on a conversation and think nothing of it, most red blooded heterosexual males have already probably sized you up and have asked themselves if they would sleep with you or not. ESPECIALLY if you happen to be attractive.

It may sound crazy, but a LOT of men have confirmed this.

Men do not think like women....

In fact, imagine yourself as a man, and ask yourself if that same strange man who is going out of his way to chat you up would be doing that if you were a man lol...

 

[caribeandiva]

[/B]

Rofl!

I think it basically just means a guy starts a conversation, or goes out of his way to talk to you. That's basically it.

In other words, if a guy is talking to you, he has noticed you.

OP, I used to be skeptical of this saying also, but the older I get and the more experience I attain, the more I'm realizing that this saying is most definitely true.

Now how MUCH interest a man has is always up for debate.

Don't put too much stock into it, but just realize that if a guy is approaching you for whatever reason (making jokes, complimenting something about you, asking for directions, striking up a conversation) 9 times out of 10 he probably finds you attractive.

That's what I'm saying.

 

[caribeandiva]

Crystalicequeen123 Thank you. I agree with everything you had to say. I'm not surprised about the replies at all. I expected them. After all that was my reaction too at first.

Ladies, I never said that because a guy is talking to you that he wants to wife you up, have his babies, and grow old together. Guys do not make conversation just to be friendly or because they're outgoing. Emergencies aside, if he is starting a convo with you for any reason then there's a level of interest there. It could be very small but it's still there. If he wants to pursue it then he will.

 

[caribeandiva]

Honestly, in my (admittedly very limited) experience, most males are poor conversationalists anyway and aren't terribly social with strangers.



But, see that proves the point - they thought you were attractive enough to at least say hello!



I agree with the previous poster who said no...

As someone who is overweight and, by some, would be considered plain, I'm here to tell you that outside of business and common courtesy, men only speak to you when they are interested in you sexually (or otherwise find you attractive).

Glib Gurl Exactly! I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123 Thank you. I agree with everything you had to say. I'm not surprised about the replies at all. I expected them. After all that was my reaction too at first.

Ladies, I never said that because a guy is talking to you that he wants to wife you up, have his babies, and grow old together. Guys do not make conversation just to be friendly or because they're outgoing. Emergencies aside, if he is starting a convo with you for any reason then there's a level of interest there. It could be very small but it's still there. If he wants to pursue it then he will.

caribeandiva

Exactly.... That's what I was thinking when you made this post. I knew exactly what you were talking about. I didn't think this knowledge was meant to be a way to jump to conclusions about a man and his INTENTIONS.

Attraction and intentions are two totally different things imo.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@Crystalicequeen123 Thank you. I agree with everything you had to say. I'm not surprised about the replies at all. I expected them. After all that was my reaction too at first.

Ladies, I never said that because a guy is talking to you that he wants to wife you up, have his babies, and grow old together. Guys do not make conversation just to be friendly or because they're outgoing. Emergencies aside, if he is starting a convo with you for any reason then there's a level of interest there. It could be very small but it's still there. If he wants to pursue it then he will.

I understand that they MAY have an interest but how do you KNOW unless he states that he has an interest?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I understand that they MAY have an interest but how do you KNOW unless he states that he has an interest?

Well first of all it's good to determine what you mean by "interest". An interest in what? An interest in dating you? An interest in sleeping with you?

Look, men are not complicated. 9 times out of 10 if he's chatting you up and barely know him, then there's SOMETHING about you he finds interesting.

I think we women start getting too caught up and "confused" when we over think things and put TOO much stock into that initial attraction. Instead of trying to determine or "figure out" how much interest a man has for you, or if he even has an interest at all, you should take it with a grain of salt, while at the same time recognizing it for what it is. The only thing you need to do is smile sweetly, be pleasant, and conversational. He will take it from there if he's interested enough.

Trust me, if a man has an interest in dating you (which is what I'm assuming you would be trying to figure out), you WILL know. You can't tell me that a man can climb all the way up mount Everest but can't manage to ask a girl out or make his romantic intentions known.

 

[Lenee925]

On the phone with Guy #3 right now, asking him this....

Ok so this turned into a 30 min long speech from him which basically boiled down to: "there is a very fine line between a guy having casual convo and showing interest in a girl...pay attention to subtle cues like, do his eyes look "soft" vs normal polite eye contact (wth?), and "sometimes guys will act like d**** and not ask for a girls number after talking to her because he has been walked on and thinks the girl will be more interested of he acts like a ****."

 

[LiftedUp]

Noooooooooooo

I have/had a crazy friend who was of this opinion. They could just be being nice, friendly, cordial etc. I think that he has to give more direct signs (body language, him asking you out or to meet up etc.) if he's interested. A person talking to you does not being that they're romantically interested in you.

What is sad is that my friend met many, many disappointments because of this view.

This goes for men too. Just because a woman speaks to you or is nice to you, doesn't mean that she's interested romantically in you. I have this problem and it's sad because I want to have genuine conversations with persons and I'm a genuinely nice person so I will help you out but some men often get the wrong message

 

[CurlyMoo]

Well first of all it's good to determine what you mean by "interest". An interest in what? An interest in dating you? An interest in sleeping with you?

Look, men are not complicated. 9 times out of 10 if he's chatting you up and barely know him, then there's SOMETHING about you he finds interesting.

I think we women start getting too caught up and "confused" when we over think things and put TOO much stock into that initial attraction. Instead of trying to determine or "figure out" how much interest a man has for you, or if he even has an interest at all, you should take it with a grain of salt, while at the same time recognizing it for what it is. The only thing you need to do is smile sweetly, be pleasant, and conversational. He will take it from there if he's interested enough.

Trust me, if a man has an interest in dating you (which is what I'm assuming you would be trying to figure out), you WILL know. You can't tell me that a man can climb all the way up mount Everest but can't manage to ask a girl out or make his romantic intentions known.

This is pretty much what I am saying. Not to get caught up in creating what you think his intentions are when you don't really know what they are.

 

[Kindheart]

This is silly.

A man that can't have a conversation with a woman outside of flirtation is a man that needs therapy. This is how women set themselves up for failure. Like do people realy think this?

What about men who are simply very social in nature, what about gentlemen who appreciate a good conversation?

Exactly . Some people ,both men and women are just sociable and chatty . I m one of them . I talk to everyone without a problem ,I m a people person . The only difference between being chatty/polite and interested is your persistence in focusing on one particular person ,Body language and eye contact . A man that likes you has a certain "look " in his eyes.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I remember from a communications class the difference between women and men reasons for communicating. Women communicate to build relationships. Men communicate because there's something they want. Now don't go crazy with that information but yea....

 

[moneychaser]

My male coworker was just telling me this the other day. He said men typically do not text/call a female daily or throughout the day unless they really like you. He was talking from a dating perspective tho.

 

[Dartagnan]

Noooooooooooo

I have/had a crazy friend who was of this opinion. They could just be being nice, friendly, cordial etc. I think that he has to give more direct signs (body language, him asking you out or to meet up etc.) if he's interested. A person talking to you does not being that they're romantically interested in you.

What is sad is that my friend met many, many disappointments because of this view.

This goes for men too. Just because a woman speaks to you or is nice to you, doesn't mean that she's interested romantically in you. I have this problem and it's sad because I want to have genuine conversations with persons and I'm a genuinely nice person so I will help you out but some men often get the wrong message

Bold is true but how often do you just have random extended convos with strangers? Most people don't do that honestly from what I see or else there wouldnt be don't tell me not to smile campaigns

My male coworker was just telling me this the other day. He said men typically do not text/call a female daily or throughout the day unless they really like you. He was talking from a dating perspective tho.

Yeah esp after a certain age because most of the guys I know feel there is no need to have woman "friends". Yes they all have women they are cool with but chilling with them for no reason, talking on the phone all that stuff is for girls they really like. Dude could be a lying snake type that just wants sex and hasn't had you yet so he putting in time.

I want to just ask y'all how many random guys just have extended convos with you and did it for gp and vice versa? Im not talking about coworkers, friends, people like that either. Also not at settings like a club where its easier and more acceptable? Just regualr everyday day to day activities. Most people aren't doing this or else there probably wouldn't be all these help books on the subject.

Extended = 5 or more minutes for clarity sake.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

On the phone with Guy #3 right now, asking him this....

Ok so this turned into a 30 min long speech from him which basically boiled down to: "there is a very fine line between a guy having casual convo and showing interest in a girl...pay attention to subtle cues like, do his eyes look "soft" vs normal polite eye contact (wth?), and "sometimes guys will act like d**** and not ask for a girls number after talking to her because he has been walked on and thinks the girl will be more interested of he acts like a ****."

It sounds funny, but I know "the look" he's talking about lol.

I remember from a communications class the difference between women and men reasons for communicating. Women communicate to build relationships. Men communicate because there's something they want. Now don't go crazy with that information but yea....

Well there you go! lol!

Exactly . Some people ,both men and women are just sociable and chatty . I m one of them . I talk to everyone without a problem ,I m a people person . The only difference between being chatty/polite and interested is your persistence in focusing on one particular person ,Body language and eye contact . A man that likes you has a certain "look " in his eyes.

Yup! I know "the look" you're talking about.

But we also have to remember that we as women cannot compare ourselves to men and think that just because WE can INITIATE or STRIKE UP conversations all day everyday with people of the opposite sex and think nothing of it that this automatically means that men do the same. I'm not saying that men CAN'T, I'm just saying that a LOT of times their thinking process is different than women's.

Just go on Askmen.com and ask this question...see which response you get

Most men don't waste time talking to strange women (unless maybe they're "taken" already) just because.... I'm not saying they all wanna date you, but usually there's SOMETHING that drew them to you.

Noooooooooooo

I have/had a crazy friend who was of this opinion. They could just be being nice, friendly, cordial etc. I think that he has to give more direct signs (body language, him asking you out or to meet up etc.) if he's interested. A person talking to you does not being that they're romantically interested in you.

What is sad is that my friend met many, many disappointments because of this view.

This goes for men too. Just because a woman speaks to you or is nice to you, doesn't mean that she's interested romantically in you. I have this problem and it's sad because I want to have genuine conversations with persons and I'm a genuinely nice person so I will help you out but some men often get the wrong message

Well, Idk if it's just me or not, but I think that attraction is a little different from romantic interest. I can be ATTRACTED to a guy, but that doesn't mean I want to DATE him... It could be his personality that turns me off, or maybe even the circumstances (I know we wouldn't be a good match), but that doesn't mean that I don't find him attractive.

I DO think it's funny however that you mentioned in the first bolded quote that you can have conversations just fine and just because a guy is talking to you doesn't mean he has romantic intentions....but in the second part you admit that when YOU'RE nice and friendly and conversational with guys, they often get the wrong impression lol!

I think that's proof right there that if a GUY gets the wrong impression when you're striking up a conversation with him, then that more than likely means that when HE does it, his thought process definitely means that he's attracted or "interested" in some way lol.

If guys didn't think this way, they would never get the "wrong impression" when you're just being "friendly" or "conversational" with them!! lol.....

Bold is true but how often do you just have random extended convos with strangers? Most people don't do that honestly from what I see or else there wouldn't be don't tell me not to smile campaigns

Yeah esp after a certain age because most of the guys I know feel there is no need to have woman "friends". Yes they all have women they are cool with but chilling with them for no reason, talking on the phone all that stuff is for girls they really like. Dude could be a lying snake type that just wants sex and hasn't had you yet so he putting in time.

I want to just ask y'all how many random guys just have extended convos with you and did it for gp and vice versa? Im not talking about coworkers, friends, people like that either. Also not at settings like a club where its easier and more acceptable? Just regualr everyday day to day activities. Most people aren't doing this or else there probably wouldn't be all these help books on the subject.

Extended = 5 or more minutes for clarity sake.

I don't think I understand your question.... ?? What's GP???

 

[caribeandiva]

Dartagnan Thank you! I'm so happy to have a male perspective in this thread. You sound just like my brothers.

 

[DarkJoy]

I remember from a communications class the difference between women and men reasons for communicating. Women communicate to build relationships. Men communicate because there's something they want. Now don't go crazy with that information but yea....

This is true though. Their communication always has a purpose, goal or end game in mind.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

 

[*CherryPie*]

I agree. I talk to EVERYBODY. I hope they don't think I like them.

Noooooooooooo

I have/had a crazy friend who was of this opinion. They could just be being nice, friendly, cordial etc. I think that he has to give more direct signs (body language, him asking you out or to meet up etc.) if he's interested. A person talking to you does not being that they're romantically interested in you.

What is sad is that my friend met many, many disappointments because of this view.

This goes for men too. Just because a woman speaks to you or is nice to you, doesn't mean that she's interested romantically in you. I have this problem and it's sad because I want to have genuine conversations with persons and I'm a genuinely nice person so I will help you out but some men often get the wrong message

 

[Kindheart]

one thing is for sure ,if he s not communicating he s not interested .We women always like to daydream about being intimidating or think men are scared to fall in love.Trust its the opposite .

 

[CarLiTa]

caribeandiva

Exactly.... That's what I was thinking when you made this post. I knew exactly what you were talking about. I didn't think this knowledge was meant to be a way to jump to conclusions about a man and his INTENTIONS.

Attraction and intentions are two totally different things imo.

Well, see, that's the thing though. A man will talk to a woman, she'll assume he's interested, and then she'll obsess over why he didn't ask for her number, didn't continue the conversation, so on and so forth.

How many times have we read on this very board: "he kept looking at me, but he didn't bite" or "he bought me a drink but didn't ask for my number at the end of the night."

Sometimes ALL they're looking for is the opportunity to enjoy a pretty lady's company for a little short while. That is all. It boosts their ego and makes them feel good. Nothing about them "liking" you, per se.

Until they articulate such feeling, and then back it up with actions, I'm assuming friendliness. They could think I'm attractive, but I don't think that's the substantial part of the equation here.

 

[Dartagnan]

It sounds funny, but I know "the look" he's talking about lol.





Well there you go! lol!





Yup! I know "the look" you're talking about.

But we also have to remember that we as women cannot compare ourselves to men and think that just because WE can INITIATE or STRIKE UP conversations all day everyday with people of the opposite sex and think nothing of it that this automatically means that men do the same. I'm not saying that men CAN'T, I'm just saying that a LOT of times their thinking process is different than women's.

Just go on Askmen.com and ask this question...see which response you get

Most men don't waste time talking to strange women (unless maybe they're "taken" already) just because.... I'm not saying they all wanna date you, but usually there's SOMETHING that drew them to you.





Well, Idk if it's just me or not, but I think that attraction is a little different from romantic interest. I can be ATTRACTED to a guy, but that doesn't mean I want to DATE him... It could be his personality that turns me off, or maybe even the circumstances (I know we wouldn't be a good match), but that doesn't mean that I don't find him attractive.

I DO think it's funny however that you mentioned in the first bolded quote that you can have conversations just fine and just because a guy is talking to you doesn't mean he has romantic intentions....but in the second part you admit that when YOU'RE nice and friendly and conversational with guys, they often get the wrong impression lol!

I think that's proof right there that if a GUY gets the wrong impression when you're striking up a conversation with him, then that more than likely means that when HE does it, his thought process definitely means that he's attracted or "interested" in some way lol.

If guys didn't think this way, they would never get the "wrong impression" when you're just being "friendly" or "conversational" with them!! lol.....



I don't think I understand your question.... ?? What's GP???

GP basically another way of saying just because. Sorry about that thought a lot of people used that term.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I remember from a communications class the difference between women and men reasons for communicating. Women communicate to build relationships. Men communicate because there's something they want. Now don't go crazy with that information but yea....

I believe it.

My sister just informed me that her son, my 30 year old nephew is interested in an older woman but has never asked her out. We are trying to figure out why. He has always been a bit shy but damn. Grow a pair.