I fell in love with ...

[neyhla]

a married man.
I don't know what to do cause what's happening to me is really difficult to live with.. a year ago a new collegue joined us ...sweet with everyone and very sociable. I wasn't attracted by him at first cause i got some personnal and carreer problem(but he is really good looking . I was in very bad period psychologically speaking.And one day during a break he came to me and ask me why i feel so sad..I said that i ve got some problems in my life etc and he asked me what was i my religion, i said catholics and he answered : good me too. After that he talked to me about God etc during hours and i feel so good so quiet after that...Every time we met, he supported me talking about faith and telling me that i have to believe that God can make everything possible etc..Days after days i i realized that he made me open my mind spiritually speaking....but also that i was falling in love wiyh him ...not because of all he said about religion but because he was there for me and because i liked his manner, his mind and i liked being with him..but problem i knew he was married with a 18months year old daughter...So i didn't even try to seduce him.
And one day I was telling him something really touching about my life when he first hugged me and then he kissed me ...He apologised and said one million times he was sorry and we left....but few days after he confessed that he was in love with me ...and that he didn't know what to do cause he really had faith in god and he respect his marriage because it's for him the promise he made to his wife in front of God ...but said that since his daughter 's birth his wife changed radically, and he told me that she said that she didn't know if she 's still in love...she often sleep at her parents's house with their daughter etc ....and finally he cried ( i never saw a man cry , i was really ...i don't know how to say in english..he cried cause he said that he told her that he was loosing her because of the lack of love and because he could be in love with someone else and she said ok, she said :" i know that's my fault but i don't know why i m acting like that !"
So now i know that i really want him to be happy but i know that he is engaged (and not only with his ife) and he got a beautiful little girl !
I don't know what to do except crying and let him go cause i love him but ill never break a family.

 

[FluffyRed]

but few days after he confessed that he was in love with me ...and that he didn't know what to do cause he really had faith in god and he respect his marriage because it's for him the promise he made to his wife in front of God ...but said that since his daughter 's birth his wife changed radically, and he told me that she said that she didn't know if she 's still in love...she often sleep at her parents's house with their daughter etc ....and finally he cried ( i never saw a man cry , i was really ...i don't know how to say in english..he cried cause he said that he told her that he was loosing her because of the lack of love and because he could be in love with someone else and she said ok, she said :" i know that's my fault but i don't know why i m acting like that

I don't mean to be such a cynical bidge, but he will act differently once he gets the panties.

I guess some people have to experience it once to see that married men are to be kept at arm's length. They.all.say.the.same.ish.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

PLEASE, leave this man alone.

 

[Mik]

Letting him go is the right decision. Although the phrase "letting him go" is kind of dubious since he was never yours to begin with.

It may be painful, but don't be THAT girl. Exit stage left while you still have your heart and dignity intact.

 

[worthy2b]

Please take the advice of a WIFE who has been cheated on. If you and he get it on and get caught, you will be the bad guy evil:the ho, the homewrecker the temptress, all of this will come from his mouth.
When it's all said and done he will stay with his wife, his family, his future if she lets him stay.

Don't lower your standards for a Married Man, you deserve so much more, love that doesn't cause shame and doesn't have the potentail to hurt. Walk away while you have a chance and please repent.

 

[nikki2229]

There is so much going on in this post that I don't know where to start. Everyone is human and everyone can make a mistake. I suggest that you distance yourself from this man and work on your issues and loving yourself more. I understand that he may have helped you feel better during a difficult time in your life but I would be leery of a man who counsels you daily about God and your problems in life but would not turn to the same God for counsel about his problems in his own life/marriage.

You are the new person in this situation and if you and him both say that you don't want to disrespect his marriage then as much as it hurts, you should stay away. Marriage is hard work but I think his daughter/wife deserve a fair chance. Having a baby can change a relationship, he should use the energy he gives to you to trying to support his wife and changing their situation.

I hope you don't think I am coming down on you OP. In love triangles, someone will always get hurt. I always feel that it's better to let it go early on than to get your feelings hurt and hurt a family. In the end, if you end up with this man who would walk away from his wife and new child, will you be able to trust him?

 

[TayMac]

Sounds like a very messy situation. I'd run for the hills if I was you. As a married man, his main focus should be helping his wife and healing their relationship. Maybe they are having problems in the home..but you don't want to add to them.

As for his wife..she may have postpartum depression and he is just content to let her go. Is that the kind of man you want?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Fall out quick!

 

[LBoogie]

This is going to be verrrrrrrrrry interesting.

 

[ThickHair]

Everything he said is in the "Slimebag man who is trying to get into the panties" handbook. Girl all he said was game, pure D GAME. Don't fall for it. He will not leave his wife, his life isn't that bad, and you certainly not DIFFERENT. Not being harsh, but please get over yourself he don't want you. If he did, he would say "Hold that thought", let me take care of this business with the wife and kid and if you are still interested after I am divorced we can try. Again, he is kickin straight GAME to you and you are falling for hit hook, line and sinker.

Don't strive to be a sideline peice. You should want to be "The One" and you won't be with him. If he is telling the truth and you end up with him, you will have to be Miss Suzie sunshine daily because he has already proved that when his mate isn't his ray of sunshine he will bounce. Again you are not different.

 

[20Pearls_Girl]

Let me tell you how this is going to go down (because I've been there).

You'll be involved for a while. It will feel like bliss. Then you will be ALONE on holidays, birthdays and any important days in between. His wife and life aren't that bad, if it was, he would leave period. Once he gets caught, and he will, you will be the bad guy and he will ask you, "where did you think this was going, I told you I was married". Your feelings will be hurt and he will work it out with the wife.

Don't do it because you wouldn't want it done to you.

 

[foxxymami]

So what's your question?

From your post, its pretty obvious what you should do

 

[CandiceC]

Their marriage is none of your business. He's married. Leave him alone.

 

[lexi84]

Fall back, son. You dont want no part of that.

Sorry to sound brash, but I just dont get why you would allow yourself to fall in love with someone you cant have. Forget all that emotional nonesense yall talking about. Think with your mind here honey. Fall back now before anything sexual happens. Once he gets the booty, he's going to be emotionally detatched and you're going to be stuck like glue.

Get out now!!

 

[lexi84]

Their marriage is none of your business. He's married. Leave him alone.

Simple and plain. None of your business.

 

[1Aleeesha]

He is off-limits. MOST women are different after having a baby... It takes 2yrs to get back to normal, mentally, emotionally, physically etc. He is off limits. His WIFE even said, "She doesn't even know why she is acting like that" Clear sign. Women go through many different changes after having a baby and sometimes we don't even know until after we have snapped out of it. He is off limits. No if's, and's or buts about it... He hasn't been getting any since he wife has been sleeping elsewhere and he needs to turn somewhere... Don't let it be you, he is off limits.

 

[biancaelyse]

This man sounds like a predator, preying on you because he can see that you are open and vulnerable. He even started by using your common religion so what does that say about him!!

Get away and distance yourself. This will not end well for you otherwise.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

He is saying that so you will sleep with him.
Oldest trick in the book.
I am glad you have decided to leave him alone.
The second worse thing than a cheating man is a home wrecker.

 

[TriniStarr]

LEAVE THAT MARRIED MAN ALONE. HE IS JUST TALKING GAME. IF HE WAS REALLY HAVING PROBLEMS WITH HIS WIFE, HE WOULD HAVE LEFT HIS WIFE A LONG TIME AGO. HE IS JUST TALKING THAT BS TOO YOU BECAUSE HE SEE YOUR OPEN. I AM REALLY SURE HE IS NOT HAVING THAT MUCH PROBLEMS AT HOME. LORDS KNOW WHAT HE IS REALLY TELLING HIS WIFE WHEN HE GETS HOME ABOUT YOU. STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

FURTHERMORE, WHY DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO IS MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT.

I AM NOT TRYING SOUNDING MEAN OR HEARD, BUT I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPENED WITH BOTH OF MY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS AND THE OUTCOME WAS VERY SAD THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS HAD TO SEEK PROF HELP.

PLEASE STAY WAY FROM THIS MAN!

I WISH YOU THE BEST!

 

[tocktick]

If he's really having issues at home, that is none of your business nor is it justification for your relationship to continue. If things were so dead in his marriage, he would have started divorce proceedings. But alas, he's focusing that energy on trying to hook up with you.

With that said, his story is straight from the "Low-Down and Dirty Married Man's Handbook to Cheating". Broken marriage story? Check. No love in the marriage? Check. Pointing blame on wife? Check. Acting the "good guy"? Check. I call this the "long-con" - he's spent time buidling up a relationship with you from a seemingly innocent starting point instead of coming hard at you from the get go. He's running a smooth albeit old game.

If you stay with him, be prepared to get your heart trampled all over on. In the rare scenario that he sticks with you, don't act surprised if you're suddenly finding out that he's comforting some impressionable chick at his work place and saying you guys have issues at home .

It disgusts me that this man has just become a father and he's acting like this. What a fine example of a dad . This is the kind of morals your "dream guy" has, huh? Not worth it. Instead degrading yourself further, stay away from this guy.

 

[envybeauty]

Yeah....he didn't say or see anything in you as relationship worthy. As in he is not talking about a future with you, not talking about building a life with you, not talking about completing future goals with you. A kiss and a 'I THINK I love you' is not a relationship or even a desire for a relationship. That fluffy stuff is for tv/movies because real life relationships don't thrive on a kiss and love alone. You need committment, responsibilities, and goals in every relationship. If he can't give those three things to his wife and daughter with her, then he won't give it to some chick he just met. Not you or others like you bc he is testing the waters with more than just you. He told his wife he may be in love with someone else, he didn't name you specifically.

Do more than leave him alone. Give him a cold shoulder for trying to play on your intelligence and emotions.

 

[kandake]

Move on and use this as a learning experience so that you/your heart won't fall prey again. Steer clear of emotional relationships with married men.

 

[Highly Favored8]

The ladies here are giving you some very up front and personal advice. What I like about the posts b/c it is not comming from a judgemental standpoint the advice giving is comming out of love with that being said.

Married men is really off limits and yes, they're women who do not care they still **** with him anyways- However, you do not be one of them. He is using mad game and sorry to say once he gets in your draws he will start to distance himself with you. If he is not truly happy with his wife then he needs to sit down with his WIFE and go to another level. All that is really going to be mess and YOU WILL BE the one HURT in the end. However, it is really your choice overall and I personally would not do it b/c I really would not like this to happen to me ONCE I am MARRIED!

 

[neyhla]

The ladies here are giving you some very up front and personal advice. What I like about the posts b/c it is not comming from a judgemental standpoint the advice giving is comming out of love with that being said.

Married men is really off limits and yes, they're women who do not care they still **** with him anyways- However, you do not be one of them. He is using mad game and sorry to say once he gets in your draws he will start to distance himself with you. If he is not truly happy with his wife then he needs to sit down with his WIFE and go to another level. All that is really going to be mess and YOU WILL BE the one HURT in the end. However, it is really your choice overall and I personally would not do it b/c I really would not like this to happen to me ONCE I am MARRIED!

First of all thank you(everyone who posted) for all, for your advice. I know that I will be hurt, I know that he won't leave his wife even if i think he doesn't love her but Im not different and i don't want to be with a man who cheats his wife and also because that's not my buissness...I really suffered in the past because of that (Iwasn't married but it's nearly the same).
Anyway, we see each other yesterday to talk about it (only to talk) and I told him to try to save his marriage instead of trying to do something really bad for EVERYONE. he said he will try and said that I deserve better he apologised etc...
Someone on the forum said to me : 'how could i allow myself to fall in love with a married man....??!!" Sorry but I couldn't prevent myself from falling in love and i can not in general. But I Ill try to struggle, I won't try , I'll do it.
I wasn't attracted at first so it wasn't a seduction game.I saw him first ONLY like a friend and I didn't even think he could fall in love too cause he never ever show me that kind of feelling before the DAY and because he never mentioned his marriag problems.
So thank you everyone. Iknow Im not a O ..Im so much better than that. And I really want to be the ONE not the second or the other for a man. That's why It's impossible for me to continue with him.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I hate to be rude but honey, he saw you coming a mile away. If he was as good a man as you think he is, he would try to work out the problems with his wife, that IF there really are any problems, which I seriously doubt. He is preying on you because of your professional and emotional state.

There is no future with a married man. Run, while your head is still clear and not jaded by the good loving and good feelings.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

First of all thank you(everyone who posted) for all, for your advice. I know that I will be hurt, I know that he won't leave his wife even if i think he doesn't love her but Im not different and i don't want to be with a man who cheats his wife and also because that's not my buissness...I really suffered in the past because of that (Iwasn't married but it's nearly the same).
Anyway, we see each other yesterday to talk about it (onlty to talk) and I told him to try to save his marriage instead of trying to do something really bad for EVERYONE. he said he will try and said that I deserve better he apologised etc...
Someone on the forum said to me : 'how could i allow myself to fall in love with a married man....??!!" Sorry but I couldn't prevent myself from falling in love and i can not in general. But I Ill tro to struggle, I won't try , I'll do it.
I wasn't attracted at first so it wasn't a seduction game.I saw him first ONLY like a friend and I didn't even think he could fall in love too cause he never ever show me that kind of feelling before the DAY and because he never mentioned his marriag problems.
So thank you everyone. Iknow Im not a O ..Im so much better than that. And I really want to be the ONE not the second or the other for a man. That's why It's impossible for me to continue with him.

You need to stop contact with this man...ALL CONTACT....of course it wasn't a seduction game...he seems to be too smooth for that..I am not trying to judge you but I am just telling you....Your heart wants what it wants and even if you try to remain "friends" with him you will end up way deeper than you bargained for...If you don't believe this and continue to "talk" to this "non-seductive" man...bump this thread six months to a year from now when you have gotten your feelings thoroughly hurt. Again I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am just saying this because I know THAT game. Good luck and I hope you do the right thing.

 

[RockCreak]

I'm sorry, IMHO a married man is off limits. First of all - I wouldn't even deal with a man who was going thru a divorce. That thing would have to be finalized before any such thoughts ran thru my head. (it's a good thing I'm already married- whoo)

Second - have some respect for yourself... not saying that you don't but obviously it's something there to make you even want to have thoughts in getting with a married man. Honey he's just that sweet thang that came into your life at your most weakest hour. He found your soft spot and preyed on it.

Third - What in the hamm sammich would make you think that he wouldn't do it to you. His wife is going thru something with him now....And you want to be with him. I truly do not understand.

Is whatever going on in your life that bad to cause you to want to be with someone who's already spoken for. Girl, you need a reality check to find out what's really going on.

I guess this is why I lack female friends! It's always something.

Nothing personal but I tell ya!

 

[Sosoothing]

I understand that sometimes you can't help who you fall in love in with.
But like someone else said, there is no need for you to keep talking to him. There is nothing for you to explain to him. You dont owe him any explanaition. Just stop talking to him and stop all contact.
Good luck.

 

[neyhla]

You need to stop contact with this man...ALL CONTACT....of course it wasn't a seduction game...he seems to be too smooth for that..I am not trying to judge you but I am just telling you....Your heart wants what it wants and even if you try to remain "friends" with him you will end up way deeper than you bargained for...If you don't believe this and continue to "talk" to this "non-seductive" man...bump this thread six months to a year from now when you have gotten your feelings thoroughly hurt. Again I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am just saying this because I know THAT game. Good luck and I hope you do the right thing.

I decided to stop all the contact also..I know that i can not try to forget and see him too ! Im in love but not completely dumb (even if i acted like i was)

 

[msdeevee]

This man is using the crutch of religion and using that same old "my wife is a horrible person and doesn't understand me" to make himself feel good and to get in your panties.

He's the horrible person, because all that he's telling you he should be confiding in his wife and trying to repair his marriage if indeed there is a problem besides him and now you.

You probably don't want to hear anything that anyone is going to post to you because our hearts are treacherous and make us believe that what we want is Ok and he wouldn't do this if his wife wasn't such a shrew and I am a blessing to him so I must save him.

So all I have to say is what goes around comes around. He will never leave his wife and you will be left alone to suffer the consequences of this situation.

Like Dr.Phil says if he will do it with you he'll do it to you.

ETA: examine yourself and determine if you are truly in love or are you infatuated with a conniving man that paid you some attention.