Where is the Romance in My Relationship?!?!

[chicacanella]

Thanks MD! I do feel a little guilty for complaining though. I have mentioned it in a roundabout way. For instance I will say...I want to go on a DATE (movies, the park, downtown, etc.), not just out to dinner all the time. And he says okay, but next thing I know...we're sitting at another restaurant! But I haven't outright said...you need to be more romantic!

With some men, you have to be outright but with my SO you don't have to because his career requires constant analytical/critical thinking so it rolls over into real life.

But you may just have to say how you feel and see if he gets the message.

 

[CurliDiva]

The one thing I would recommend is that you talk to HIM before you make your decision.

Sometimes, we just assume that our partner values the same things that we do or should just "know" whats important to US if they really cared.

I'm not saying that you should settle for less, but just make sure that you've given him a fair CHANCE to set up to the plate! Telling him (not accusing) of what makes you happy and feel valued is not wrong. And reward every little gesture that he does - like a dog he will want to that instant approval.

Also, stress that it is not a money-thing - a bubble bath, foot rub, or back massage are all free. Maybe you can show him by being more romantic yourself! Like next time he comes over light some candles, have soft music playing, have a picnic on the living room floor or in the backyard.

If you two can't comprise, then maybe it would be better to move on. Good luck!

 

[Deszdamona]

Not necessarily true. Being older does not make a man know what to do---it should if this is a man with experiences--but not always the case. I myself don't like to tell a man how to treat me. It spoils all the fun! You don't have to spell it out for all men --like CC's with the analytical mind. You're not married to this man and people can change but only put in the work if you think you have a future with this man. No one's perfect--just choose what you can or cannot live with. A man in an apron---sexy, sexy, but if he doesn't make me feel sexy?????

Don't settle if this is what is important to you. Tell him flat out what you want and see what happens over the next few months. If nothing changes keep it moving. Since he is older, he should definitely know how to treat a lady.

 

[Cincysweetie]

So an update for you all. I told him a few nights ago that I felt like our relationship was lacking some things...one of which was romance. He admitted that he hasn't done the little romantic gestures that he actually likes to do, but blamed it on the fact that he has a lot of stuff going on in his life right now. To me, it sounded like an excuse but I figured I should allow him some (LIMITED) time to make some adjustments. I even went so far as to say that I'm not a fan of telling a man this, that I think it should come naturally...and he agreed. I told him that I would have to move on if things did not change. I even suggested some things to him like you all said. Somehow we ended up going out to dinner yet again!

Maybe I was being impatient, but when I saw that he wasn't trying to correct his behavior with the quickness I told him that our relationship wasn't really working out for me right now because I wasn't feeling fulfilled. He asked that I come over and "talk" two days ago which we did. Of course, the talking did nothing to fix the situation. He told me that he can't just be friends with me b/c he's falling in love with me blah blah blah...we're either together or we're not together, there is no in between. I said fine, we should NOT be together.

Over the last two days, it's been super up and down. I'm finding that it's pretty hard to break away from this relationship. I really do care about him and I enjoy his company but I am NOT happy in this relationship. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels here. I am trying to be patient but it's not working. I need space to breathe and think and it's like he doesn't understand that in addition to the fact that I very plainly explained to him how he can help get this relationship back on track. The least the dude could do is buy some damn flowers or a heartfelt card...goodness. I'm soooooooooo frustrated!

 

[The Princess]

Well not trying to sound all soft, but ask him straight out, if he is that type of guy. He might not be, if he say NO im not into that, then its your decision what to do, and it what YOU want. Older men tend to have that been there done that, I dated alot of them, and they don't feel a need to do that, NOT ALL, but some. Tell him that what you want, don't expect a 180 in one day. Then applaud him for trying. However if he not even attempting too. Its up to you to stay. Im pretty sure, if it was something that he wanted from you, you would try, you deserve the same in exchange.

 

[The Princess]

Move on, while you still have the strength.

 

[tarheelgurl]

Have you told him what you want? Sometimes men just don't know until you tell them. If he is cool on everything else then I wouldn't dump him for a bunch of flowers or candy. If he is a good guy then you should just talk to him.

 

[soulie]

It is entirely possible that he's out of the habit of doing things like what you want. My SO was divorced when I met him and had been married for about 20 years. His ex never seemed to appreciate flowers, romantic dinners, etc. so those were far from his mind. He knows that I treat him the way I want to be treated, so after I sent HIM flowers at work, he got the idea that I love to receive them. He has come along quite nicely; he has rented a cabin in the woods in the fall so we could walk in crunchy colorful leaves. He has surprised me by leaving a STACK of jewelry boxes on my nightstand where they would be the first thing I saw when I woke up. He called me and told me to keep Saturday (all day!) open and didn't tell me anything else. He had gotten tickets for a play, made dinner reservations and gotten a suite downtown. Am I spoiled? Damn right! But so is he - I have found I get what I give. I started it off by leaving a "thinking of you" card in his sun visor. I've sent him flowers at work. I have put notes in his gym bag. Everything I have done I have received back tenfold, because I showed him what I wanted.

In short - you can tell him or you can try "leading by example". I know it worked beautifully for me.

 

[Ms Red]

Been there, done that... and he can have the freaking t-shirt.

Dated this guy who is almost 32... a Grown *** Man. Didn't open car doors. Didn't pull out chairs. Barely held the door open. In 3 months, he sent one delivery of half-wilted roses. Couldn't spell foreplay if he tried... And he's Ivy-League Educated. Nope. Don't think so. I shouldn't have to raise you- that was your maw's job. Had no clue on how to resolve his 'Issues' with all of the 'stuff' going on in his life. Negro, please.

Called when he wanted to call. FUNK THAT. I am deserving of soooooo much more than him and his bullsh!t issues! I moved on. THANK GOD! NEXT!!!

Good luck, Cincy.