I don't know what to do........

[snugglez41685]

Ok I have posted here before about my abusive relationship. Well my ex has been trying to get back into my good graces and make things right. Well yesterday he had a confession to make to me. Supposedly his ex is pregnant and he could be the father. But that is not the only thing. She was about five and a half months pregnant and they had to deliver the baby. The baby has lots of issues that might make him either mentally challenged or a vegetable. So he comes to me for sympathy. I have all the sympathy in the world for the baby but not him or her. Am I wrong? This girl has harrassed me from day one and created fake emails in my name and had herself emailed and tried to make me look bad. She even went in my emails took pics that I sent him created fake guy accounts to make it look as though I was cheating. The worst part is that with the emails she was pregnant at the time and had it said in my emails that I wish her baby would die. I would never! And guess what? That same week she had a sono and he went and the baby had no heart beat at around 20 or so weeks pregnant. And he is the supposed to be the father of both of theses children. Most people say he is coming to me for sympathy because he knows I have a good heart. And on top of this his friend is in the hospital on a ventilator with a 50/50 chance of survival. I feel bad but I don't know what to do. I had an appointment recently because I am pregnant with his child. I told him two weeks in advance to be there and he dropped me off and left to the hospital to see the friend and the baby. I don't know how to feel. Every appointment I had he hasn't showed up. I guess I am being penalized because I am not in a life r death situation and I get that. Just with all of this now and everything else from being nearly homless is alot for me. Several time I wanted to admit myself into a hospital because of the stress and depression. I am what they call a cutter or self injurer so it is hard sometimes. I just don't want to feel like I am doing the wrong thing towards this situatuation by not being supportive.Sorry for the long post. I just had to let all of theses feelings out.

 

[Almaz]

Would not be me.



Let them out and sorry to be so coldhearted the hell with all of them SKIP them for real. And WHY do you even STILL have contact with these people. Cut them out and move one. It is just and open door to more abuse. Sorry about the baby but such as life

 

[LilMissRed]

Honey ur allowing urself to deal with wayyy too much drama at this point in ur life/pregnancy.

sorry I have to agree with the above ^^ U need to cut ur losses and focus on urself and ur unborn baby. Stress is NOT a good thing

Why are u so concerned with HIM when hes not concerned about u or HIS baby? RETORICAL question of course.. I just meant hes not worried about u 1/2 as much as ur worried about him and what he is/isnt doing. After the baby.. he wont get any better.

Thats my $0.02

I hope things work out for u :hugs:

 

[OhmyKimB]

Stop trying. Stop caring. Pick up and leave all those people alone. You don't need them in your life and especially not in your child's life.

I agree with the above posters. He will not get better, don't count on him, just do what you need to do now and KIM

 

[spelmanlocks]

As the other ladies said let him and all that drama go. He doesn't sound very mature or responsible. You would do best to focus on creating a new and better life for you and your baby.

 

[Poohbear]

I would cut off all contact with your ex and have no sympathy for the baby either. Don't answer his calls or anything. You owe him nothing. He's been abusive to you and his so-called "ex-girlfriend" has harrassed you. You do not want any drama or emotional stress from these two crazy people.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

i rememba u...yeah, u da one who got da courage to leave him, and when u did, u found out u was pregnant... i thought he didn't know where u lived at n stuff.... why are u beggin him to be a part of ur life... i don't understand...cuz from what i rememba, he was kickin yo azzz like Ike did Tina....

why are u makin their issues ur issues? they phucked each other, so now their both phucked....baby n all.

u need to move on and stop lettin him drag u in his bullshyt. seriously. it ain't got nuffin to do witchu. dayum..da baby, momma, him...they all phucked up. leave it alone u'd be an idiot to take him back. why do u really give a dayum...seriously. u ain't got nuffin to do wif dat...let dem deal wif dat mess...

sit back cuz da shyt really gonna hit da fan now yall....

 

[awhyley]

This really should be the final straw for you. From his actions, he's already indicated that he's not going to be there for you and the child; so I'm wondering HOW exactly is he trying to get into your good graces? By complaining and whining about his OTHER child and ex/baby mama? You have your own problems, stop taking on everyone else's.

 

[Christelyn]

Hugs to you. It must be a very difficult time to resist the cutting/self-injuring with all the stress. Say a prayer for their baby, and move on, stay strong, so you can take care of you and yours.

 

[lesedi]

i think you need one of these

 

[itismehmmkay]

OMG sweetie ur prego w/ his baby too?
Does he work? All you need from him is child support. Focus on that.

 

[MissYocairis]

Girl, you are pregnant and you need to be resting and feeling at peace. You do not need all this drama and negative energy in your sphere....these people are going to suck the life out of you or could negatively impact your baby with their foolishness.

The girl may be harassing you but check it, your ex is the one who was dealing with such a certified chick in the first place. I think that's a reflection on him too.

Take all of his indifference and unreliability as a blessing. Maybe the baby is better off without having people close to him who carry drama and evil and negative energy with them.

Think of his absence as a chance to have a healthy, happy, well-adjusted baby who will grow to be a great person someday....and consider the chances of your child's health and happiness could be threatened by allowing unstable people around him...father included.

 

[Jazzlyric]

I have 5 words....

RUN and dont look back !

 

[OrangeMoon]

Right now you need to worry about you and your child. Forget about all that other madness.

 

[Mai Tai]

*** a good heart! A good heart ain't gon save you when your ex and this crazy chick find out where you live and try to harm you and your baby. He's harmed you before and believe me he will do it again if given the chance.

You continual sense of emotional obligation to this man that beat you senseless coninues to baffle hell out of me. Your attatchement to him has nothing to do with you having a good heart, and everything to do with your codependence that many abuse victims have with their abuser.

You say you don't know what to do, but sweetie you do! You are allowing him into your life and now have this sick sense of obligation to him, and his baby. You DON'T have to care, and you DON'T have to be friends with him.

I know it easier said than done but sweetie...you have to 100% disconnect yourself from this man and all the other sick people in his life. For the safety of you and your baby, please change your telephone number, e-mail address, physical address, and name (if you have to).

Having a good heart does not equal being stupid...Girl WAKE UP and GET OUT...STAT!

 

[ladylibra_30]

Bless you and your baby.

 

[panamoni]

I would cut off all contact with your ex and have no sympathy for the baby either. Don't answer his calls or anything. You owe him nothing. He's been abusive to you and his so-called "ex-girlfriend" has harrassed you. You do not want any drama or emotional stress from these two crazy people.

^^This

*** a good heart! A good heart ain't gon save you when your ex and this crazy chick find out where you live and try to harm you and your baby. He's harmed you before and believe me he will do it again if given the chance.

Having a good heart does not equal being stupid...Girl WAKE UP and GET OUT...STAT!

and ^^^This

If you have a good heart, then you'd use it to be good to yourself, first and foremost. Then, your baby. Prove to yourself that you love yourself.

Good luck.

 

[Spiffy]

Dear, you answered your own question as to why he's coming to you; because you've more than likely let his complicated stories tug at your heart strings in the past. He's only doing what is familiar to him and to be frank it's all about him and the support he can get, pretty selfish if you ask me. Why give him something that he can't even reciprocate.

Toughen up hun, get those boundaries up and focus on your own responsibilities b/c you'll soon have a little one to look after and you have to set a good example for him or her and I mean that with nothing but care.

 

[Crystal]

Wow. Good Luck to you. I really, truly hope everything works out and you can find peace for you and your new baby. What I think you should do and what you’ll probably end up doing are probably two totally different things. What I’ve learned is that some women eventually “get it” and some don’t. I hope you find the strength to find peace. It’s not an easy journey but one that is well worth it.

 

[kmn1980]

Ok I have posted here before about my abusive relationship. Well my ex has been trying to get back into my good graces and make things right. Well yesterday he had a confession to make to me. Supposedly his ex is pregnant and he could be the father. But that is not the only thing. She was about five and a half months pregnant and they had to deliver the baby. The baby has lots of issues that might make him either mentally challenged or a vegetable. So he comes to me for sympathy. I have all the sympathy in the world for the baby but not him or her. Am I wrong?

No.

I feel bad but I don't know what to do.

Nothing.

I had an appointment recently because I am pregnant with his child. I told him two weeks in advance to be there and he dropped me off and left to the hospital to see the friend and the baby. I don't know how to feel. Every appointment I had he hasn't showed up. I guess I am being penalized because I am not in a life r death situation and I get that. Just with all of this now and everything else from being nearly homless is alot for me. Several time I wanted to admit myself into a hospital because of the stress and depression. I am what they call a cutter or self injurer so it is hard sometimes. I just don't want to feel like I am doing the wrong thing towards this situatuation by not being supportive.Sorry for the long post. I just had to let all of theses feelings out.

Succinctly...you impose your own penalties.

 

[nappystorm]

>>>hugs<<<

I'm sorry OP.

Let me just point out that all abusers have a sob story. While these stories are usually true, they use your sympathy as a way to manipulate you. That's how they draw you and keep you in. Trust me, I know.

I would seek counseling. Since you are pregnant, you may be eligible for Medicaid. Medicaid will usually pay for it.

 

[frizzy]

Wow, I don't "see" anything remotely appealing here that would make me want to deal with this guy and all of his garbage. What do you see in this situation that would be good for you and your baby?

 

[QueenTiffany]

*** a good heart! A good heart ain't gon save you when your ex and this crazy chick find out where you live and try to harm you and your baby. He's harmed you before and believe me he will do it again if given the chance.

You continual sense of emotional obligation to this man that beat you senseless coninues to baffle hell out of me. Your attatchement to him has nothing to do with you having a good heart, and everything to do with your codependence that many abuse victims have with their abuser.

You say you don't know what to do, but sweetie you do! You are allowing him into your life and now have this sick sense of obligation to him, and his baby. You DON'T have to care, and you DON'T have to be friends with him.

I know it easier said than done but sweetie...you have to 100% disconnect yourself from this man and all the other sick people in his life. For the safety of you and your baby, please change your telephone number, e-mail address, physical address, and name (if you have to).

Having a good heart does not equal being stupid...Girl WAKE UP and GET OUT...STAT!

Because thanks isn't enough - OP, have you undergone counseling? You HAVE to know that you deserve more than this situation. Folks can tell you that until the cows come home but if YOU don't believe it, you will repeat this cycle over and over, drag your child into this mess and then have them repeat this cycle...please get some help!

 

[loved]

The purpose of the doc. appt. is to make sure that you and the baby are healthy.

Dealing with him leaves you stressed and draws you into his drama. He does not need to be at your doc appts. period. He is the child's biological father, but he demonstrated that he is not a healthy support for you & now is not the time to shut your eyes to the real person.

The only person in this equation who can't make any decisions to help him/herself is your baby. Only you can do that by letting go of this drama that's not yours to carry in the first place.

My relative ended up on strict bed rest for the last two months of her pg. because of the stress & high blood pressure she suffered dealing with her in-laws. She had to go to the hospital 4xs a week, sometimes staying all day & she delivered a month early. Baby was healthy, but the stress took a heavy toll on her pregnancy.

Because of what she shared, there have been some things & some people that I've stepped away from during my pg. & it's p-ssed a few people off to be shut out, but my baby is top priority right now. I'll deal with the foolishness when she's safely in my arms.

Please, for the sake of your baby, stop the madness today!

 

[TayMac]

Worry about you and your baby..that's it. I know it's hard. ((HUGS))! HIS PROBLEMS ARE NOT YOURS!

 

[phynestone]

*** a good heart! A good heart ain't gon save you when your ex and this crazy chick find out where you live and try to harm you and your baby. He's harmed you before and believe me he will do it again if given the chance.

You continual sense of emotional obligation to this man that beat you senseless coninues to baffle hell out of me. Your attatchement to him has nothing to do with you having a good heart, and everything to do with your codependence that many abuse victims have with their abuser.

You say you don't know what to do, but sweetie you do! You are allowing him into your life and now have this sick sense of obligation to him, and his baby. You DON'T have to care, and you DON'T have to be friends with him.

I know it easier said than done but sweetie...you have to 100% disconnect yourself from this man and all the other sick people in his life. For the safety of you and your baby, please change your telephone number, e-mail address, physical address, and name (if you have to).

Having a good heart does not equal being stupid...Girl WAKE UP and GET OUT...STAT!

Bolded, because it bothers repeating.

 

[SelahOco]

Imagine your baby asking you the same questions in 18 years. What would you tell him/her to do? Treat yourself with the same love and respect that you'd treat your own child with.

This man wants sympathy from you about his child, but he shows you no support for YOUR child. OP, be logical. Be logical.

I know there must be some good things about him. Maybe he's funny, or has a real soft side that he only shows you. But that is not enough to negate the pain he's caused you. He's accessible, so I can see why you might just be dealing with him because he's there. But you need to stop "cutting" yourself. Your soul bleeds just like your flesh and what a joy it is to be healed and whole.

Lift your head precious heart. You're not in the wrong.

 

[Farida]

After I got to the word "abusive," I wondered why you still talk to him.

You need to cut them all off. It is one thing to make these choices for yourself, but another to let him be in your child's life. Give that child a chance.

 

[snugglez41685]

Thanks everyone for all of your responses. Even the harsh ones i needed that. i talked to my mom and told her how I felt. I just don"t want him in my life or my child's life. Ever! So thank you again. and i know I might have seem stupid or foolish in the past but i guess I let a good heart get the best of me. I am officially done.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Thanks everyone for all of your responses. Even the harsh ones i needed that. i talked to my mom and told her how I felt. I just don"t want him in my life or my child's life. Ever! So thank you again. and i know I might have seem stupid or foolish in the past but i guess I let a good heart get the best of me. I am officially done.

Thanks for the update. I really wish you the best...your story is so sad.

Also, since you say you are officially done with him, you may wanna weigh your options about child support (IF you are thinking about it). The monetary support would definitely help you but just keep in mind that he would then have equal rights to the baby and have visitation as well. Sometimes in really effed up situations it may not even be worth the money. Just food for thought. take care.